บท 10: 010

I found Buddy sitting on a bench outside a cafe, near the entrance to Kmart. Smart move, I thought, seeing the almost constant flow of people around him. He looked up at me while I was still ten metres away. I smiled and waved, trying to ignore the feeling in my stomach when his eyes met mine. He stood up and walked towards me.

"Hey," I said as the distance between us closed. "How's your day been?"

"Good. Productive, I think." He smiled. "How about yours?"

"Good," I said, then echoed with a chuckle, "Productive."

Buddy laughed. I realised it was the first time I'd heard him laugh, and the sound was infectious.

"Want to go shopping?" I asked with a mischievous grin.

"Sure," he said, although he looked mildly suspicious of me.

I laughed. "Don't worry, it won't hurt."

We walked together into a clothing store and started browsing the racks.

"So what did you learn today?" I asked. I could already tell he'd changed even more. His movements and speech were less robotic, and to any passer-by, he would've liked like any other normal guy, flicking through t-shirts on the sale rack.

"A lot. You were right about being in a busy place." He held up a t-shirt, examining it for a moment before putting it back. "Mostly though, that every human thinks differently. The basic, instinctual stuff is mostly similar. But people have so many opinions and ideas and theories and feelings and they're all different. It's overwhelming."

I looked at him, wondering for a moment what it would be like in his shoes. What it would feel like to begin to comprehend the vast, throbbing, mass of humanity in just three days.

"What kind of differences did you find the most interesting or confusing?" I asked, probing.

"Fashion styles, for one," he said with a chuckle. "Everyone had their own ideas about what looked good on them, and on others. And some people just didn't care."

"So what's your style, then?" I asked with a laugh.

"Whatever you want me to wear." He looked me dead in the eyes when he spoke, sending all sorts of confusing messages to my stomach. He was entirely serious.

"Ok, well, try this," I said, handing him a plain grey and black tee and trying to avoid his gaze. Then I looked at him again. "Hang on, where did you get the clothes you're wearing now?"

He looked down at his jeans, white t-shirt and plain black sneakers.

"Ah, these," he started, looking puzzled. "They're sort of, well, part of me, I suppose. When I first morph, I morph into something like the average of your species. And the average human is always clothed, so I suppose the clothes were just a natural part of the process." He scratched his head. "I've only ever morphed into animals before, so I've never really had... accessories... I don't really understand it..." He trailed off, still looking thoughtful.

I noticed the sales person looking at us dubiously, and decided to change the topic quickly.

"That's really weird," I said, trying to motion to him. "Anyway, try this on. The change rooms are over here." I pushed him gently in the direction of the change rooms. His time outside Kmart must have served him well, because he went straight in as if he'd done it a million times. He emerged with the new t-shirt on, and I nodded approvingly.

We left the store a few minutes later with a couple of changes of clothes for him. In typical small town fashion, most of the shops were closing at half past five, so we left the shopping centre and started walking down the main street. We talked about our days, what we'd done, what Buddy had been learning. I bought us both a coffee, which Buddy said he liked, even if he didn't need it. We strolled side by side, chatting like old friends, and eventually sitting down on a bench at a park, sipping our coffees and watching cars drive by.

"So, Buddy of the strange alien family, how do you like being human?" I asked playfully.

He didn't answer at first, taking another sip of his coffee and then frowning down at it.

"I don't really know," he finally answered. "It is a much richer experience than anything I've ever had before, but..." he seemed to be weighing up his words. "It's confusing, and strange, and sometimes painful, and for the first time in my life I don't know what to do next."

He looked really heavy, weighed down by something. I felt for him, wondered what was going on in that three day old brain of his.

"You know," I said softly, "You've basically just described the human experience. Its like that for all of us, to some degree. Being human is rich and exciting, but it's also confusing and strange and sometimes painful. That's what makes us human. I think you're already more human than you realise."

Before I could stop myself, I had reached my hand out to his, placing it on top of his larger, darker hand in a gesture of comfort. But I realised what I'd done at the exact moment that Buddy's head snapped up and his eyes locked with mine, wide open. I pulled my hand back, but I knew it was too late. We sat frozen for a whole three seconds that passed agonisingly slowly before I found my voice again.

"Did you..." I stuttered. "Was that..."

He only nodded, then looked away.

I didn't know what to say, didn't know how to process what had just happened. This near stranger, who already knew a lot more about me than I knew about him, had just seen the entire contents of my soul in a split second. I stared down at my empty coffee cup, knuckles turning white against it. I felt violated, scared, excited, ashamed, vulnerable. He knew now everything I'd ever thought about him, all the times I'd felt drawn to him, lusted for him. My face was bright red, I could feel it burning. I stood up and walked over to a nearby rubbish bin, tossing my coffee cup in before taking a deep breath and turning back to Buddy.

He stood up too, meeting me halfway. I mustered all my pride and looked up at him, searching his face for something to say he didn't despise me, wasn't disgusted in me.

He reached out and put his hand on my arm, sending tiny shivers down to my fingertips.

"Let's go to the beach," was all he said, smiling gently.

I nodded, still feeling foolish. We walked back to my car in silence, then drove the ten minutes down to the main beach. Buddy pointed toward the beach that stretched for miles, white sand speckled with shells and seaweed.

"This is your favourite place to walk and think," he said. "Let's walk together."

I looked at him, wondering what his endgame was, but I agreed, and we took off our shoes.

The sand squeaked lightly beneath our feet, and a faint breeze was blowing in across the water, kicking up seaspray from the low, frothy waves that tumbled playfully onto the shore. We walked in silence for five minutes, listening to the gentle rumbling and hissing of the ocean and the squawk of seagulls drifting in the air above us.

"Bea."

I stopped, hearing him say my name for the first time. Was it really the first time? It sounded so natural on his tongue, so comfortable.

He'd stopped just behind me, so I turned to face him. He was staring down at the sand, his brow furrowed as if wrestling with something. My heart seemed to be beating too fast, my lungs couldn't get enough air. I felt like I was standing on the high springboard at the pool, about to dive into the deep end, but I didn't know how to swim. It was a terrible idea. I shouldn't even be there. But why couldn't I quell the urge to jump?

"You know how I said that being human is overwhelming and confusing, and I don't know what to do next?"

He stared out over the sea, where the sun was beginning to lower, throwing a brilliant glowing orange light over everything, making the evening look like it had been covered with a film of molten gold. I saw a muscle twitch in his jaw, felt the now familiar desires screaming inside of me. He looked like some kind of demi-god, standing there bathed in gold, jaw sharp, eyes bright and wild.

"I've always known what to do next. I've always worked on instinct alone, always just done the next necessary thing. But now, being human..." he ran a hand through his hair. "Now it's not so simple. Now it isn't just about what I need. Now it's about what I want, too."

He turned back to me, blue eyes searching mine with an urgency I hadn't expected.

"And I want you, Bea. I want to be with you. I want to be..." he paused, rolling the words over his tongue, uncomfortable with their foreign shapes. "I want to be your boyfriend."