บท 8: New Beginnings (3)
Joon-woo lied on the stiff mattress, hair wet and phone over head. Reggie wasn't replying. Joon-woo had messaged him just twice, scared to triple text Reggie as if it would drive him away, but truthfully, he was concerned.
Producer Kang-soo stared down at Reggie with a frown, Reggie who needed Joon-woo to repeat what was said, as he had spoken too fast for Reggie to understand. Reggie who seemed to struggle with honorifics and was ridden with a fear of judgment.
Joon-woo suspected the reason with a frown, would they scold him for having imperfect Korean? He had seen cases like that as Ha-rin frequently. The headlines were biased towards the idols who spoke and understood perfect Korean, they were praised and less likely to be picked apart. But the foreign idols, Ha-rin never wanted to be. Even when word got out that she was 'selling herself' and the tabloids set her name alight, she didn't want to be a foreign idol.
Foreign idols got bashed for everything they couldn't control, especially if they were people of color. Their 'exotic' features and too-fair or not skin, the way they had accents different from the Korean and American that was plastered all over the televisions. Ha-rin always felt lucky in that sense, as she imagined if she were in the same shoes, her career would've never taken off the same.
But Reggie wasn't mixed or any other race. Reggie was Korean with a Korean-American dad. Reggie was Korean with a full Korean mother and it was just his speaking that was flawed. Joon-woo ran his fingers through his hair anxiously, would Reggie be okay?
"Worrying won't get you anywhere…" Kite said, looking down at Joon-woo with a stern tone.
"Well I don't know what else to do, it's not like he's replying." Joon-woo replied.
Kite shrugged, "Then call him if you're so worried."
Joon-woo quickly shook his head, "I can't, Kite. I already double-texted him, it's extra to text him again, let alone call him." He reasoned, shrinking into himself.
Kite stared Joon-woo down with a raised brow, "Okay Joon-woo." It replied sarcastically, "Humans weird me out… I'm gonna sleep." It finished, perching upon the dresser and placing it's head into itself.
Joon-woo scoffed, "I think sleeping through the night is a pretty human thing…" He said, watching his phone screen sputter off. He frowned at the sight, this phone really really sucked.
–+–
The next time after practice ended, Ha-rin tried to hide. She snuck out first, bandmates eyeing her suspiciously as she shoved passed them through the door with soft "sorrys"'s.
"Ha-rin~" Her teacher playfully cooed, catching her trying to slip out of the room.
Her bandmates sent her confused glances as she tried to hide between them, pushing to the front of the group with a nervous smile. "Hi Teacher…" Ha-rin replied, looking at the ground anxiously.
Her bandmates began to speed ahead of her, casting jealous glances her way. Ha-rin shrunk under the stares.
During that day's practice, her Teacher had been extra harsh on Ha-rin. Even though Ha-rin, as a trainee, was always at the top of monthly evaluations and was the trainee, many people were looking forward to her debut. He had given her pointers on where to thrust her hips harder, when her bandmates were the ones straggling behind. Ha-rin couldn't help but feel ostracized.
"Why're you trying to run away, Ha-rin-ssi?" He asked, eyeing her with sad eyes.
Ha-rin gulped, "I–I wasn't, Teacher." She insisted.
"I tried my best to give you pointers today… I know expectations for you are high, and I just wanted to help. If I bothered you I'm really sorry, I just thought I was helping…" He began, reaching for her shoulder. "If I'm bothering you, you can tell me." He said, squeezing Ha-rin's shoulder comfortingly.
Ha-rin shook her head, brows furrowing, "No– no! You're nice, you're really nice and I greatly appreciate your pointers. It's just the others seemed to be having a hard time…" She admitted quietly.
The Teacher's face twisted a bit, "Were they? They seemed prepared enough to me…" He started, "I don't know, maybe I'm not a good teacher after all." He joked.
Ha-rin's face was bright red now. She hadn't meant for him to get down on himself, she felt terrible, looking him dead in the eyes and saying, "You're a good teacher… to me. I just want you to be a good teacher for them too."
She carefully eyed The Teacher, who sadly nodded with an even sadder smile.
"I see," He replied, "I'll be sure to look out for them more then, Leader."
With that he gave her a light shove towards the door. Ha-rin slightly bowed at the man, but he just shrugged her off, turning away from her and beginning towards the back of the practice room.
–+–
"F*ck…" Joon-woo muttered as his alarm rang rigorously from his phone. He looked up at the popcorn ceiling above him. The spots of mold in the corners and the stained puddles of water dyed into the white were all too familiar at this point.
Ha-rin was too young when she debuted. She was 17 and at the time, one of the younger idols. She was 17 and the leader of Cheerleader. She was 17 when her teacher took interest in her.
Joon-woo sat up, rubbing his neck at the memories. Some people tended to black out their most traumatizing moments, but Ha-rin wasn't one to forget and Joon-woo wasn't either. She hated how she fell for his manipulation so easily, how gullible she was to think of her Teacher so high and mighty. Ha-rin was the biggest idiot Joon-woo knew, and Ha-rin thought the same.
Kite chirped from above, eyes stalking Joon-woo with ease. "Good morning, Kite." He said, pushing himself off the bed with his legs pained and shaky. "Kite?" He asked, noticing Kite had just continued to stare.
"Jung Ha-rin, did she ever get help?" Kite suddenly asked.
Joon-woo stiffened, "No…"
"Did she ever think of it?" Kite continued.
"I mean… Cheerleader's schedule was always too packed to have time for something like that." Joon-woo explained.
"Oh." Kite said, looking away from Joon-woo and flying out of the small bedroom.
Joon-woo tilted his head, why was Kite so concerned with Jung Ha-rin's life? Sure her life wasn't the easiest, but it wasn't original. There had been many idol suicides, many reports of sexual harassment, and many cases of overworking before Ha-rin had even become an idol.
"Has the Grim Reaper never dealt with idols before?" Joon-woo jokes, trying to lighten the dark cloud forming at Kite's bird body.
"I never knew it was like that, being an idol." Kite quietly admitted.
Joon-woo shrugged. He too, found the system flawed, but he had no power. At the top were money hungry CEOs that had lost their humanity as soon as their bank accounts filled with familial old money, idols were just the pawns they played with.
Joon-woo cleared his mind as he stepped out of the apartment. With his eyes plastered to the filling bus station, Joon-woo made his way.
—+—
When Joon-woo pushed through the metal double doors, the grand ranking seats and stage welcomed him. He also appeared to be early, as only he and around 11 other contestants had arrived. Among the contestants that had arrived was Mi Yong.
Mi Yong seemed to be chatting with a few lower ranked contestants and said contestants seemed to be gushing over him. Joon-woo overheard the group and couldn't help but raising an eyebrow to the words.
"Mi Yong hyung, your face… glows." One said, eyes lighting up as he got quite close to Mi Yong, examining his features.
"Thank you…" Mi Yong said, taking a slight unsteady step back. His face held a fake idol-like smile and Joon-woo recognized it right away.
"Right, right! I was a really big fan when you were in Winner!" Another chimed in, and Joon-woo almost laughed.
Winner, as a group, never made it far. Their debut song went well, as it was broadly advertised and they went on many variety shows, showcasing their personalities well. It was after their first single released, they disappeared from public light. Suddenly they stopped doing interviews and stopped doing promo, suddenly they posted on SNS less and less. And suddenly, members began to leave.
The group was involved in many dating scandals, as in they were produced from a large company with many popular girl groups. In fact, one of the members was even in a large drug scandal. So in the later of Winner's career, it was rare to find a fan.
So Joon-woo laughed at the contestant's words, and Mi Yong seemed to want to laugh too.
"Thank you…" Mi Yong replied, lips pursing with anxiety.
Joon-woo watched the scene amused, but just as he began to peel his eyes away, Mi Yong returned Joon-woo's eye contact with an odd look.
Joon-woo quickly nodded at Mi Yong with an awkward smile, looking the other direction while awkwardly trying to pretend to pay attention to something else. But even as Joon-woo looked away, Mi Yong kept his sun-like gaze on Joon-woo.
And Joon-woo, despite turning away, saw light shine from Mi Yong's face onto his. And uncomfortable gut feeling crept up in Joon-woo's stomach and suddenly he really wished for Reggie to be by his side…
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