บท 208: 8. Time To Say Goodbye.
As I slowly woke up from my cozy spot on the sofa, I could sense even before opening my eyes that the pack was still present. My senses were fully intact - my sense of smell, hearing, and all the others were working perfectly. I could hear multiple heartbeats, some frantic and others slower, but none as slow as Jarod's. I could identify each one, which brought me a sense of reassurance, although not necessarily comfort. It was a silent reassurance that he was still there.
However, I couldn't fully trust the pack. It was obvious that they had some sort of idea or motive for being here, rather than just knowing that they had done something wrong. Had they even done anything wrong? I hadn't been myself lately, and perhaps they had done the right thing based on their limited knowledge of what was going on with me. I was uncertain about everything.
My paranoia flashed again. It would be so easy to try to get me to trust them by faking their apologies and then strike if I would lose my focus. I had to discover why they were here. Was Damon planning to take over the fleas, or had they come to see if there was any way to throw me back into captivity, maybe force me to breed or something?
As I fully woke myself up, I realized that my blissful period of feeling nothing was coming to an end. I could feel something again, and although it was tiring, I knew that a state of numbness was not meant for me. This realization only deepened my depression and darkness encroached on my mind even more.
I felt like pure shit and believed that I didn't deserve to be in that state. I had to feel every single shitty thing in my life. I was doomed to suffer for the rest of my fucking existence. No more paranoia, but now my mind plunged headfirst into deep depression.
My mood plummeted from crushing sadness to burning rage within seconds, adding to the difficulty of adapting and explaining my state to those around me. I was so fed up with all the bullshit that I just wanted to explode, even before opening my eyes.
Jarod's soft voice broke through the chaos, saying, "Come on, you're awake and pissed off. Get up, see your work, and stop being so bratty. Stop thinking about what is the next shitty thing that the universe has in store for you. You're being selfish. The universe gives a fuck about you. You are smaller than the shit of the fly when it comes to the big picture."
Fine, he was at it again with his cure for my mood swings. I snapped my eyes open, sat up, and glared at Magnum, who was staring at me as if I had horns on my head.
I lashed out at him, "I can feel, so stop fucking staring at me!"
He didn't avert his gaze, not until I exerted my alpha power enough for him to feel my authority. He moved his eyes away from me. Time to learn him to respect me one freaking time.
Number six coldly remarked, "Oh, you're in a fiery mood. Boo-hoo. It takes more than your pesky alpha power to scare me."
Oh, what a nerve. I did not think, but reacted. I got up and strode towards him in a few long steps. I grabbed his throat, lifting him into the air, although it wasn't easy since he was much taller than me. But I used my willpower, channeling it as telekinesis to lift myself into the air as well.
I sneered at him as he hung by his throat on the wall, held up by my grip.
"Is this enough?" I asked coldly. "I have work to do."
I released my grip, and he slumped slightly, still smirking.
Damon, the number one, remarked, almost lazily, "Well done, little girl. You've got guts. But do you have what it takes to get me in that state?"
I looked at him and replied, "I have no desire to decorate my office with Salvatores hanging from the walls. I prefer maps over men."
Mariella chuckled and commented, "That was a good quip, although I wouldn't mind a room with men hanging on the walls, especially if they were naked."
I rolled my eyes and walked over to sit behind my desk, feeling irritated. The feeling seemed to intensify, refusing to fade away. I realized that my own stupid brain had an idea of what it was like to feel irritated, and it wanted to keep experiencing it. Fine, I thought, let's be freaking irritated then.
It hadn't been long when my email beeped, indicating that the last of the results had arrived. This meant I could make arrangements for the remains. I referred to Bella's body as "remains" in my mind, unwilling to delve into that particular emotional rabbit hole. Time to wrap this up. I was also getting a few good tips about Sark and Krycheck as well. Oh lovely targets, my rage did not make me very careful.
I forwarded the results and then looked at Mariella. "I can release the remains, but if your witch friends want them for rites and burial, I won't be held responsible if contagion occurs."
Magnum nodded and said, "Sure, but come on, let's take a break. There must be others who can handle the work. You need to..."
I interrupted him, saying, "And how many times have you reminded me I started this? This is my responsibility, and I can't just give up whenever I feel like it. Tell me oh, dear friend, just how many freaking sermons you have given to me over the years that I have my fucking responsibility here.!"
Colin asked, drawing my attention to him, "Speaking of work, what the fuck was in medbay was that about? We had to practically force Johnny to show us your test results. I'm the fucking medical boss in this organization."
Dresden looked at me and added, "I hate to say it, but these methods of dealing with Sark and the situation in the medbay and elsewhere, they're things that the council should have a say in. Why have you become a tyrant, making decisions for yourself without consulting us?"
I took a deep breath, trying to control myself, but these arrogant accusations unleashed my anger.
I stood up and exclaimed, my voice loud and clear, I was shouting here at the top of my lungs, "When the council wanted nothing to do with me when they imprisoned me in a glass cube without even bothering to check on me. So yes, I make the decisions because I'm the only one I can rely on. None of you, not a single person, is there for me when times get tough. So don't come at me and accuse me of being a tyrant when I'm just doing my job without pay, without any reward, and at the cost of losing my friends and family. If I want to keep my medical records sealed, I have fucking reasons for it and despite you being a medical hotshot, were you here? No, you were gallivanting. God knows where, just like others. Someone has to be the leader, 24/7 not just then when it is fun and suits your lifestyle!!!"
Dresden fell silent, as did everyone else. I huffed and sat back down. I received all the results, but Bella's were sent to the NSA and they were disappointingly minimal. I realized just how many ways Sark could slip out of this. I wanted to throw the laptop against the wall, but that wouldn't help. It wasn't the laptop's fault. I realized how useless thing whole damn investigation was and everything seemed so meaningless, not colorless, but depression, sense or utter powerlessness was returning with vengeance.
Mariella looked at her phone and softly said, "The witches are here and they're prepared, but we'd like to say our goodbyes. No danger of contamination and she will get the place that she deserves. It is an honor to have given rites, to one of magical felines."
I nodded, pressed the intercom button, and said, "Johnny, please move the remains of 432-BS into the viewing area. No need for biohazard transport."
He replied, "Sure thing, flea leader. Consider it done."
Number two spoke up. His voice was accusing, snarky almost, "I know you had your issues with Bella, but why refer to her as 'BS'? She wasn't that bad."
I took a breath, looked him in the eye, not wanting to explode, and calmly explained, "It's not bullshit. BS stands for Bella Salvatore."
He swallowed, lowered his gaze, shook his head, and said, "My apologies. I didn't think. Thank you. It's an honor for us her to be Salvatore."
I simply nodded. Once I had completed everything, I stood up and declared, "Shall we go?"
Jarod stood up and walked beside me as we left the office. I snapped my fingers outside my office, and Lady, Luna, and Thera joined us. They understood that this would be the last time. I would have to identify Bella one more time, sign her off, and then it would all be over.
Damon walked on the other side of me and vowed, "Sark will pay for this, believe me. I'll use my contacts in the NSA as well."
I gently shook my head and replied, "It's not that simple. The law doesn't recognize magic, so the concept of Sarks multiplying through family cloning magic is not acknowledged. With so many lawyers on his side, they can easily argue that the individual responsible for the poisoning is no longer present, either dead or unknown. They can claim that one clone acted independently and the entire collective cannot be held accountable. He may be cunning with his lawyers, but I'm still making an effort here, even though I know it may not lead to much. This feels sometimes so useless, but at least all that I can do has been done as well as possible."
Damon pondered over my words, and I made sure to manage his expectations. No use for him to hope for a big case against Sarks from this. Bella's sacrifice, well, it was not in vain but then again no big impact, other than grief, a sense of loss, a sense of failure.
We soon arrived at the medbay, where I noticed a group of witches - Giselle, Tammy, Serena, and Fiona - standing nearby. I gestured for them to join us. They were holding black satchels and dressed in black and gold, the colors of magical mourning. There was also a somber-looking woman with short brown hair, who smiled at Mariella. Her clouded leopard, Di, had once been Bella's best friend, though I wasn't sure what their current relationship was. Bella had said nothing.
I said to everyone, "I have to go in first and officially identify remains, and sign the transfer order and then you can come in, pay your respects or whatever." Everyone was quiet, and I was hoping for that blissful numbness, but I did not get it. Maybe I could fake this. No need for them to see my feelings. Let them focus on their own.
We, or I entered the next room, a small white space with a table in the center. Bella lay on her side, resembling a stuffed snow leopard, almost like a little toy. I tried to view her clinically, as a set of remains, rather than as the creature who had lived inside me for decades.
However, I couldn't help but recognize her unique spots and markings, which belonged only to her and no other individual, not even her cubs. I walked past the table and picked up the electronic clipboard left next to her. It felt heavy and slightly awkward in my hands as I signed my name with the stylus. I sent the electronic order, officially identifying her remains one last time and authorizing their release. It was done.
I walked close to her. She looked pitiful. Her fur emitted a coldness, and her eyes appeared dull and slightly open, her belly sunken and still bearing the scar from the autopsy. Despite my efforts to perform a neat job, she resembled a stuffed doll. I had not shaved her but the scar, and my stitches were seen still. Her paws seemed disproportionately large compared to her emaciated body. I hadn't even noticed the rest of the pack entering the room until a faint sob escaped Mimosa's lips, capturing my attention.
Damon approached my side, his long-fingered hand appearing even larger as he reached over to touch her brittle, cold fur that had lost its sheen from Bella's fierce fight for her life. The shimmer that told normally about the magic feline was no longer there. I had done everything I could, but it was clear that it wasn't meant to be.
As I stood there, memories of her as a cub living in my mind and growing up, telling me so many things, and teaching me, flooded my mind. I had been unaware at the time that it would be her last life. Luna and others had told me about the nine lives of magical cats, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness as I remembered each one that I had cared for within me.
The knowledge that they would eventually die, perhaps falling into the wrong hands like Sark's, haunted me and caused me to try to shut myself down many times. Damon moved closer to Bella, his sadness emanating from him.
Damon pressed his head against hers, whispering softly, "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."
It was then that I realized he was speaking to Bella, not me. I moved slightly away as one by one, the Salvatores approached, touching her and muttering something in a somber tone. Mariella was rendered speechless, only finding solace in Charles' strong arm around her shoulder.
I kept my emotions in check. It wasn't my place to break down, and Jarod's silent closeness helped me maintain a neutral expression. It was easier for everyone if they perceived me as robotic, devoid of feelings. They had enough to deal with in their own grief.
However, I couldn't help but be taken aback by the depth of their sorrow. It was genuine, without a trace of pretense. Even Wulfe mourned Bella, despite never having known her. Or at least, I assumed he hadn't. I gave them the time and space they needed to pay their respects.
At this moment, I experienced something new: a pang of empathy, perhaps. Of course, it wouldn't make things any easier, but it was a step forward. I held on, maintaining my role.
Jarod whispered to me, "Let it out. Don't keep it in. Let them see."
But I refused. It wasn't the right time for me to break down.
After everyone had come by and said their goodbyes, something unexpected happened that I couldn't control. Damon transformed into a large, winged violet lion and approached the table. The immense feline appeared to be grieving, and the palpable sorrow filled the air. Despite its massive size, the lion moved with caution and gentleness, its wings slightly drooping.
It tenderly nudged and nuzzled Bella's lifeless figure, emitting soft purrs in an attempt to wake her. This wasn't Damon himself, but his shifter side, his alpha side, mourning the loss of its mate. Even though Bella hadn't been officially his alpha for a long time, it still remembered and was bidding farewell. As the lion extended one of its enormous wings, it carefully plucked a single, majestic feather and placed it gently on Bella's chest. The feather transformed into a golden hue as it gracefully settled on her cold, soft fur.
It was Damon's way of leaving one last gift for his mate, and this awakened something inside me - my alpha side. She had been dormant, inactive all this time. She felt Damon's pain, her mate's pain, and I allowed it to happen, even though it wasn't as painless as usual. I transformed into my black jaguar form and walked beside Damon, pushing against him to offer comfort, purring softly.
My alpha side wanted to show that she was still here, and she knew that her mate needed her. The massive lion rested its heavy head on Bella's body, and all I could do was press my body against his, purring, letting him know I was there. Eventually, the lion lifted its head and looked at me.
Feline faces can be expressive, and the raw pain and loss were still evident in his gaze. It wasn't easy for an alpha to lose their mate, especially without feeling their death, and then having to face it. Damon and his alpha side blamed themselves as well.
He began to lick me, my head sniff and nudge me, marking me as his. I didn't have time to react before he suddenly gripped the side of my neck, my alpha chakra, and bit into it, claiming me as his alpha. I could feel the shift, how I was once again part of the pack as the alpha female, and the overwhelming bonds that were formed flooded my senses.
There was so much emotion and sensation, and my flawed brain struggled to process it all, but I did my best. There was such sorrow, and Damon led me a little further.
One by one, the Salvatores transformed into their feline forms. Each of them came by, bidding their farewells to their alpha. They all left something by her side, whether it was a feather or a tuft of fur. Even Adam and Charles left something there. The wizards crafted white roses and placed them nearby. Wulfe created a rose that bore the colors of a snow leopard. Lepard and Demon, overcome with sadness, took on their animal forms. Mimosa and Shadow followed suit. Mariella approached as a lion, while Damon had assumed his human form and stood beside her.
Damon finally approached Bella one last time. He placed his hand over her and focused, a warm glow emanating from his palm. The ugly scar, evidence of the autopsy, gradually faded away. Though he couldn't make her look healthier, at least the brutality was no longer visible.
The witches then gathered around the table. Di's face was wet with tears, and even the typically composed Giselle mourned. They surrounded the table, holding each other's hands, and sprinkled herbs over Bella while chanting. Their voices murmured in a language I couldn't understand, but I could see Wulfe's lips moving. He knew what they were saying, and his face remained downcast.
Soon, a shimmering filled the air, and the witches' bodies and Bella's faded away. Only the cold steel table remained. The wolves remained in their animal forms, and Lepard, Demon, and Mimosa raised their snouts and howled. Shadow joined in, followed by Adam and Charles. Their howls carried pain, loss, and longing through the distance. It was a hauntingly beautiful expression of their emotions.
I stood a little further away now, and a thought crossed my mind: I should put Bella's name in Lake Lanier. She had been a part of me, and she had witnessed this work. She had been a part of it too.
Mariella's voice pulled me out of my thoughts as she said, "No, let's first record her name. We have a new system. Let's remember her, please. This is our loss, too."
I nodded, unable to trust my own voice. My mind was spinning, trying to process everything I was feeling, although it wasn't anything good.
Mariella continued, "We have a beautiful stream where we can place a stone with her name and a little message for the fallen one. Then, we throw the stone into the stream, and the magic will preserve the name and message."
I nodded, and Luna asked, "That's beautiful, but how do you make sure humans don't take those stones for themselves?"
Mariella replied, "Let them. We have left our goodbyes, and if someone wants to take them, the message will remain, and the stones cannot be destroyed."
We walked out of the viewing room and into the central hub. It was time to move on.
I said, "It's fine. We're done here now, so I still have things to do."
Damon approached me and said, "No, we've already made arrangements. Now, we will go see our castle. Here, you can see the new and improved order that makes me your guardian. I am a guardian for others too, so the castle is ours, and I want to see it. We'll help you get better. It won't be easy or fun, but your rage is inflamed, and we need to address that as well. There are other things too, but because of the Sark situation, Jarod will go to the other realm to be safe. We have protocols in place to ensure that the Sarks won't interfere, and they will be dealt with until they realize there are other targets besides those near us."
His voice was stern as I looked at the damn guardianship order. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Complications, and complications, they were always present in my life. I had little choice here.
I couldn't help but say, "Really?" when Charles walked next to me and said, "Honey, you're not the only one. I'm now Charles Cornick-Salvatore, as he is my guardian, too."
It seemed Mr. Salvatore was truly making an effort here, and maybe, just maybe, things would be easier here. At least for a while. Or maybe it was just possible that he would get fed up with my antics after a few weeks and walk out. In my life, anything is fucking possible.
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