บท 1: I look like a whore
Ben
This time, I'm going to reach him. He is in pain, I can hear it in his painful and sorrowful howls. I've never seen a wolf before. I'm running as fast as I can. The distant howling is getting closer. I can feel it in my heart that it's calling for me. I know when you hear a wolf howl, you run the other way. But I can't help myself from running towards it. The forest trees pass in a blur as I run as fast as I can. The forest is so large, I can't see the beginning nor the end.
When the howls get even closer , I feel an overwhelming warm feeling instead of fear. . Any normal person would be scared shitless. I trip and fall facedown on the ground.
"Fuck." I ground out as i sit on my ass. I listen to the howls but somehow they have stopped. Looking around the forest, I spot bloodshot red eyes looking straight at me. I flinch, my heart is pounding so hard. Then I feel an intense burning sensation on the back of my neck. I scream at the top of my lungs. It hurts so bad.
I wake up, my whole body Is drenched with sweat. I sit up taking deep breaths to calm my beating heart. Fuck, this one was more intense. I can still feel heat on my neck. These dreams feel so real. I'm tired of this honestly.
They started on my 23rd birthday and now 2 weeks have passed. My sister, Bianca, suggests I go to therapy. She has come to the conclusion that the howls I hear in my dreams are from a version of me that's telling me to heal and get helped. The most annoying thing is I think she is right, but I don't want to go talk to a stranger or anybody for that matter about my past. Damn I need coffee. Dragging myself to the bathroom is a lot harder than I thought.
The person looking at me in the mirror is tired, has bags under his eyes. His blond hair is sticking in every direction except for where I want it to go. The cute twink look guys always praise me on is gone. I look like a zombie. I brush my teeth and wash my face.
After coffee i feel better than I did. The door opens and in strides my best friend like he owns the place. I groan.
"What do you want now?" I look at him annoyed but amused. He knows I'm not a morning person. Liam just rolls his eyes and places shopping bags on the table.
"Ooh look what I got you for the party tonight." He starts pulling out clothes. Wait did he just say party?
"What fucking party now? I don't want to go." I whine and pout at him.
"God Ben, i wish you could see yourself right now. You are so cute. If I was a top, I would definitely fuck you." I chuckle. He sits down next to me and takes my hand. He gives the look he gives me everytime he wants me to say yes to something. " and please don't say no. My boyfriend already bought us VIP tickets and you really need to get fucked."
I burst out laughing. "Fine fine, I will go but no fucking for me." I look down at our hands and say, "I'm not ready for that yet"
Liam hugs me and whispers, " I understand and if you wanna talk. I'm right here."
I don't like feeling vulnerable and talking about my ex is one of those topics I usually avoid.
"I know and thank you, for everything." Liam is one of those friends you can lean on. He is loyal and protective. He used to tell me he is inlove with me and that the only problem is that we are both bottoms. He is someone who gets me and understands what I've been through. He relates in some ways.
I know by taking me out to a party is a way of trying to get me out of the house. I've been here for 2 weeks. After what happened on my birthday, I didn't feel like going out.
When it's 8pm. We start dressing up. I wear the tight leather pants and cute top that's very revealing that Liam bought.
"I look like a whore." I say looking at myself in the mirror.
"That's the idea, you look fucking hot. Everyman there is gonna want that piece of ass." He spanks my ass. I laugh. I examine Liam.
" wow, does your boyfriend know you are looking so hot right now? If I were him I wouldn't let you out the house." And I mean it, he really does look hot.
"Anthony loves parading me around, he knows nobody but him can have me." He winks at me and I laugh.
We request a cab to take us there.
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