บท 191: [Chapter 191] The One Who Desires Her Happiness
It started with the back of her hand.
Neris's delicate wrist was held by Cledwin's large hand on both sides. She felt completely trapped. Because of her wrist, and because of his persistent and intense gaze.
His warm breath first traced the back of her right hand, then slowly moved to the left. The faint warmth of his lips, almost touching, made her hairs stand on end.
Slowly, his lips engulfed the ring-clad ring finger of her left hand, from the knuckle to the base, sucking it in.
"Ah...!"
They had done various things every night, but this action was new. This... suggestive behavior.
The marriage vow embedded in that finger was an unparalleled truth, irrevocable, declaring that we would become one.
An act of engraving.
Having lived for years and being in a palace where such antics were common, Neris had some understanding of the peculiar play between lovers, regardless of her own experience.
People said that touching each other and exchanging breaths was the ultimate pleasure, an irresistible joy, an instinctual attraction. They talked about the intimate pleasure brought by common physical affection to rare and unique preferences.
However, she only half-believed their words. Yes, it was amusing to see people so excited about physical intimacy. But the palace was a place of deceit and self-aggrandizement. At least, the nights she spent with Abellus had never been enjoyable. No matter how much he complained, it couldn't be helped.
Was it because of the lack of love? Initially, she speculated so. Megara and Abellus seemed to be having a great time. She couldn't bring herself to love Abellus, but she envied the affectionate atmosphere they shared. Yet, even in such an environment, there were couples who enjoyed playful antics for a night without love.
"Perhaps it's my body that's the problem. During her miserable marriage, she eventually thought so. Aren't there people with sensitive senses and those without? She believed that, in addition to many other flaws, she was making her husband bored.
She believed that.
It felt like the whole world was shaking. Any intimate contact she had heard and seen before was not as intense as this act of rolling her fingers in his mouth, something that could be done without revealing a single piece of underwear. It felt like her whole body was awakening and screaming.
Wanting more.
His beautifully shaped gray eyes narrowed. The intense desire and the overwhelming gaze. The kiss they had shared came to mind, and her breath involuntarily quickened. The movement of his throat, like a beast tearing into a small animal, was vividly visible.
Her hands were still held in his grip. His lips licked and sucked her fingers several times, half pulling them out, then moved to the inside of her wrist. Slowly, they trailed down her slender arm.
Tender, wet kisses descended like flower petals falling lightly but soaked deeply like a swamp. Red marks gradually appeared on her white arms. They would disappear in an instant, but he lifted her arm above her head, smiling contentedly.
As his lips fell from her forearm, Cledwin released her arm raised above her head and warned gently.
"Stay still like this."
"Why, why?"
"You think too much. If you can't focus because you're thinking about where to put your arms, it might be awkward."
"It was true. There had been moments on other nights when she had fallen asleep in his arms and definitely had such thoughts. But Neris, who already had a flushed face, closed her eyes tightly.
A laughter like the wind was faintly heard. His large and firm hands roamed and grasped the damp and soft skin freely.
Rub, rub. The sound of friction between fabrics increased gradually. Amidst this, the rough breathing of the two intermittently mingled.
A hot restlessness and a strange ecstasy never felt before surged wherever his touch landed. A burning sensation seemed to dissipate when touched in one place, only to be ignited in the next.
She was amazed by the fact that such a sensation existed within her. Was this acceptable?
Would she not be humiliated? Would she dare to truly accept the other's play?
"Uh, that's... "
"Don't like it?"
"No, not dis... like, but...! Embarrassed..."
"Cute... It would be nice if you could see your expression right now. Seems like you're enjoying it..."
"Ah...!"
Neris gasped for breath. Even with her eyes closed, she felt dizzy. The heavy weight of his solid body, lips sucking on her skin, hands moving like a ferocious beast but never rushing. Everything felt unfamiliar. Strange and distant.
But she didn't want it to stop. The fire deep within her, which usually arose when she was with him, grew larger, devouring her shyness. In place of the fire, there was enlightenment.
This was it, indeed.
This was the pleasure and joy they spoke of.
And what she actually experienced was being with someone who desired her happiness so much.
More than just empty words.
The clothes were pushed up. Her stomach felt tight. Not out of dissatisfaction, but out of wanting more. Yet, the last fear still lingered in her chest.
She remembered the pain of the wedding night. It wasn't unbearable pain, but it was an unpleasant memory. The forced first night together, arranged by the elders of both families long after the wedding day. The uncomfortable sensation of her ex-husband hastily embracing her as if to get it over with, the days that followed with lingering discomfort from the marks on her skin...
This time, it wouldn't be uncomfortable. But can the pain be avoided?
His hand, which was inching up her thigh, either sensed her tension or slowed down. Neris slowly opened her eyes. And she was shocked by what she saw. Was this... something a person could do...?
Seeing her eyes widen like a rabbit, Cledwin chuckled. He was beautiful like a sculpture. His tall stature and well-proportioned body might have drawn attention to his broad chest and strong arms at first glance, but up close, without distracting embellishments, his body was as robust as a beast's.
"Don't like it? Still scared?"
Gently, Neris shook her head. Her arms naturally came down and reached out towards him. Cledwin slowly lowered his body so she could embrace his neck.
Their wet lips eagerly explored each other. The kiss deepened fervently, and their bodies pressed against each other with rough movements. The heat of their bodies colliding was comforting, like pressing against each other as if to eliminate any gap. The world exploded with their breaths and movements.
It wasn't enough. She wanted more. Neris finally urged.
"Faster..."
Even if it hurt, it didn't matter. She was certain. She needed him.
She wanted to know what was behind this.
"Not yet..."
Slipping his lips down her neck, he whispered like a sigh. It was a cruel statement. No matter how much Neris protested like a child, it was futile.
He literally made her melt slowly. He never rushed from one step to the next, providing sensations much larger and more intense than she had anticipated. It was as if he wanted to savor every pleasure she could experience.
She realized that, contrary to what she had always thought, men could also exhibit great patience. Especially if they believed that the other person's pleasure was better than their own.
Moaning like a scream, when her throat felt dry, he brought water to her lips and moistened them. He did whatever she said was good. He awakened sensations she had never considered to exist in her body, urging her desires to cry out.
And finally, hanging onto his neck, she realized there was no need to be afraid.
That night, she never once said she didn't want it.
Originally, Neris was accustomed to waking up at dawn. She enjoyed taking walks at dawn and felt it was a waste of time to stay in bed, a remnant of her past life where she constantly struggled to reduce sleep.
But this morning, she could tell from the sunlight around her that the sun had risen long ago.
Her whole body screamed in pain. Neris thought it was not surprising. She didn't know how long she had been tormented until what time.
"Are you up?"
As she groggily got up, fresh water was offered to her. Neris drank it and let out a tired sigh.
"What time is it...?"
"It's breakfast time."
"It didn't seem like a typical breakfast time. But she was indeed hungry.
Cledwin kept bringing her water, towels, and food. It was almost absurd how he tried to feed her oatmeal spoon by spoon when she wasn't even sick.
Still, Neris didn't refuse. She didn't have the energy to refuse. And she appreciated his care.
After finishing the meal, Cledwin kissed her lips and grinned.
"Good morning."
"It seems a bit late for that kind of greeting, but yes, good morning."
"Would you like to lie down more?"
Neris seriously assessed her physical condition. Then she shook her head.
"I've had enough sleep. Have you finished your meal first?"
"No."
"Why not? You woke up before me, so you should eat first."
"Just seeing you sleep makes me full."
She didn't expect such an answer. Neris blushed bright red.
Again, light kisses were planted on her lips. After a while, Cledwin stopped the kiss as if reluctantly and pulled Neris's upper body close, burying his face in her shoulder.
Uncharacteristically, he apologized in a soft voice.
"Sorry."
"Why?"
"Last night, it ended ambiguously without a clear conversation. You thought I wanted you, so you were excited. I've been confused. Do you also want me a little, or are you just tolerating me because you can't stand me and want to pass me on to another woman whenever you get the chance?"
"That's not true."
"But you kept pushing me away. I said I didn't care about things like being childish. From Maindland to here, it's been the same."
There was nothing to say about that part. Neris looked into Cledwin's eyes. This handsome man was unsure because of her difficult-to-understand behavior.
She asked slowly, "Cledwin Maindland, do you want me? Only me?"
"I do."
Before she could finish her sentence, the answer came. Neris smiled. It wasn't intentional. It was just... a feeling of something swelling and filling her chest. Pushing away all the clutter that was originally inside.
Like a man who doesn't look back.
"I deeply regret deceiving you."
"I was wrong."
Cledwin answered very quietly.
"But I haven't done anything right by being stubborn. I prioritized my desires over your opinions to decide what's best for you."
The successor... will somehow work out. Since it's come to this, designating Hilbrin's daughter, Giverta...
"It's as you think. There are things I don't tell you. From important matters to less important ones."
"If you're not ready, you don't have to say anything."
"No, I want to talk. I've been thinking about it for a while. If I were to tell someone, you would be the first."
She didn't intend to reveal everything from the past. Neris planned to inform him about the abilities within the gem. Since there were times when it was almost revealed, and it would make things easier for her future dealings with Cledwin.
"Oh, but I was actually planning to go out right now. You said you had something to show me, right? How about we talk while looking at that?"
As he spoke, he pulled back the curtains around the bed.
Neris nodded unknowingly, captivated by his boyish, pure smile. She didn't know what he wanted to show her, but... it wouldn't hurt to get some fresh air.
"Yes."
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