บท 4: ‘The questions’
I had never dared to talk to girls in person. It’s not like I was not adequate in appearance; it was a kind of phobia or fear to get rejected by a girl that had always forbidden me to had conversations with them. I was doing my engineering in the Mechanical field, and most of the students in my class were only boys, so it was kind of a first opportunity for me to talk to or be a friend of a girl, but I guessed I had lost that chance too.
After having dinner, I came back into my room and picked my phone; no message was there. I lay down on my bed and started thinking about the answer to the question asked by her. What was my sole purpose behind trying to know her? Why did I want to continue that conversation? I couldn’t say because I liked her voice as that could be a very lame reason to talk to a girl, and she might have heard that compliment many times. I was thinking quite hard. Why talking to girls can’t be as easy as that to boys? Why it creates discomfort in the former case? We all are human beings with the same sensory organs; merely because our genitals are dissimilar, does that mean there should be dissimilarity in thoughts too. What is the harm if there can be some harmony between both the genders? There was just a simple fact behind that conversation; opposite-sex attracts each other; what was the rocket science in that which she wanted to know? Why couldn’t she understand such a simple logic? I am not going to answer any of her questions, I thought, turned my phone to silent mode, and went to sleep.
The next morning I woke up with the phone alarm. I picked my phone to dismiss it when I saw one text flashing on it; it was the Good morning text from the ‘wrong number’. Oh, so now she wants to talk to me, I thought and wished her good morning too.
“Have you come to an answer?” she texted back. I ignored her question and asked in return,” What is your name?”
“Just answer me of my question, then you will get to know of your,” she replied. I was letting myself be submissive; what kind of desperation was that?
“Okay, give me some time. I will answer you shortly,” I sighed and texted.
“Okay, I will wait for your text. Until then, goodbye," she said. I put my phone away and again started thinking of an answer. I was sure that she was not going to give up, so I had to invent some idea, any answer, honest or made up; it did not matter anymore. After thinking for a while, I texted her,” So this is the answer to your question, I want to continue our conversation, or you can say I am very much interested in it because I don't have any female friend or a female acquaintance. The only woman who is there in my life is my mother. Sometimes my aunt calls me to help her son in his studies, but I will not likely consider that a special bond. I am seeking something particular. I want to have a girl in my life with whom I can talk to, with whom I can share my deepest thoughts.”
“What kind of deepest thoughts?” her text came with another question. I sat tightly on my bed. I was kind of ready to do that combat of words with her. I was an engineer; I thought if I could fix a machine, I could effortlessly answer her question too. But I was wrong; I guessed to repair a gadget was a much easier task than to know what was going on in the mind of a female. Why didn’t someone tell me this at that time?
I took my time to think and replied,” The thoughts which I can’t disclose to or share with my mother or my friends who are boys. And before you direct my words into another path, let me be understandable, I can have a discussion on sex and any topic related to sex with my friends, so I am not looking for that kind of bond. Of course, I am a guy, and I do have urges, but I am not a jerk who is just seeking a girl for the fulfillment of these impulses, and most importantly, I don’t have any intention of sharing those desires with you.” I was feeling proud of my answer, but she didn’t let me stay in that state for long when she blasted one another question.
“Why you don’t want to share those desires with me? Didn’t you say you want a special bond with some girl, doesn’t that special bond includes every conversation, every embarrassing thought which you can’t share with others?” Her every question was leaving me in bewilderment. It was like she was trying to baffle me, trying to manipulate me through her words. I couldn’t understand what exactly she wanted me to say. Was she examining me? Was she characterizing me? I had never thought so hard even during my exams, but I was doing to answer her every question.
“What exactly you want me to say?” I asked her at last.
“I want you to speak your heart,” she replied.
“My heart doesn’t know anything, and why are you the only one who is allowed to ask the questions? I had asked you one simple question not once, not twice, but thrice but you didn’t answer me that. I don’t even know your name, and still, I am trying to give you an answer to each question, is it not discrimination? Are not you taking advantage of being a girl?” it was my turn to ask her questions. She didn’t reply for some time, and I thought I had used some harsh words. I shouldn’t have talked to her like this; it is merely our first conversation, I thought. I was ready to send her an apology text, but her message came before I could send one from my end.
“I will call you tonight, and then we will discuss whatever you have in your mind, till then bye,” she replied. That was going to be a long day.
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