บท 13: Heart To Heart
"Guys give me a minute with my son, yea?" Gamma Asher says to the king and Beta who nod and walk away.
"Make what worth it? Why do you need to be the best so badly?" He asks once we are alone. I shake my head unwilling to answer and he sighs.
"Something happened to you. Something more than the drugs. You mentioned your Beta... called yourself damaged goods because of him. I could only guess what he did to make you feel that way... you don't have to tell me but know I'm here for you if you need me." He goes to walk away but I call out.
"He trained me." I tell him. "I became one of the strongest. Aside from those of Alpha and Beta blood I was the best. The Alpha and Bets's sons still liked to call me runt but to anyone else I am strong... It almost made the other stuff... no okay but I guess... (sigh)... the price to be paid? My father was proud. How could I tell him anything that would make him look at me differently?" I rant. I know it's screwed up but I just feel like being the best somehow justifies it, cleanses me of the dirty feelings. I am strong.
"You are probably the strongest young man I've seen in years... and if it makes you feel any better I am of Alpha blood. I gave up my Alpha to become Gamma to the King." He tells me and my jaw drops.
"Who would give up being an Alpha?" I ask and he chuckles.
"Well I did and so did Malakai. He was set to be Alpha of half of the royal pack... of course back then it was Red Rivers and Midnight Moon packs. You should read up on pack history... Anyway we're the only two I know of." He shrugs. (Shameless plug for my other books that precede this one; Alpha Lilly, Orphan Wolf, Raised by Wolves, Titan/ The First Princess. Know your pack history, pups!)
"So you are saying the top three positions in this pack are essentially held by Alphas?" No wonder this pack is so strong!
"Well top four technically Luna Queen Bella is an Alpha too. Her pack was destroyed when she was a pup. Her father was Alpha... oh and Malakai's mate Ruby is a true Beta which are just as strong as an Alpha... you know it sounds crazy when you lay it out like that. I guess someone was stacking the deck when they picked our mates... funny how it all works out." He chuckles thinking about his family.
"And you are all family... that's alot! How can you all keep it together with so many powerful wolves?" I ask. This line of discussion is a happy distraction from our previous topic.
"Respect. Malakai and I devoted our lives to Alic. When an Alpha gives their power to another and takes a subservient position to them it ties their life to their new Alpha. You won't find a more loyal wolf than one who has given up their power to serve... plus were family. Sure we fight but Alic will always be my Dad. Malakai is like a brother or uncle. My mate's brothers Matthias and Addicus are my brothers now too... we love each other, support each other, forgive each other, and slap some sence into each other when we need it." He explains.
"That sounds amazing. I've never heard anyone talk about family like that. In my family you had to work and fight for any kind of approval or love... I wish I had what you do." I sigh. If only...
"You don't get it do you pup?" He asks and I look at him with a raised eyebrow. "What did I call you just a few minutes ago?... son... you are my son now Faolan. You are a part of this family if you want to be." Gamma Asher tells me.
"I... I'd like that." I whisper.
"Good! Well you remember that 'slap some sence into each other' part?" He asks and I nod. "you know your reaction to losing in training is not healthy right?"
"Yes sir." I answer looking down.
"And you know you need to work through your past before you can move on." He adds.
"I guess but..."
"And you know the doc, Alic and I are all looking out for your best interests..." he cuts me off.
"Do you guys tell each other everything!?" I yell.
"Not in detail but I agree that therapy will help." He finally gets to the point.
"Going to therapy is admiting defeat! It means I'm weak! I won't let anyone else see me like that!" I argue.
"Then I must be weak." He says and I stop.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"After Emily, my mate, died I was not in a good place. I was on the brink of suicide before she was killed and without her I really wanted to end it all. Alic talked me off the metaphorical ledge then set me up with a psychologist. Thought he was a quack at first. Didn't want to talk to him but eventually I knew I needed to get better so I could be the father my daughter deserves...." he pauses before looking me in the eye and saying. "Here's where I slap some sence into you. I'm not as nice as Alic. You have an appointment tomorrow morning at 10. You are going if I have to drag you and you will continue to go every morning at 10:00 until you talk to Dr. Barnes and he says you are mentally stable enough to come less often. It's not an option son. I care about you, and I care about my Willow too much to let you destroy yourself with destructive thoughts and behaviors."
"I won't talk to him." I grumble.
"Then you are going to have a long hour of awkward silence every day for the foreseeable future." He shrugs and turns to walk away. "Night pup, see ya tomorrow."
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