บท 94: A greater perspective
Hello
My name is Gan Sul Fal and I am a follower of the queen of words and master of information I follow and preach for the great and holy Minerva goddess of knowledge.
Now you may be wondering where the other guy went you know the one that usually talks in this form about my world and the lives within it but let's not worry about that.
I'm sure just talking about my time won't be too big of a disruption to whatever this is and I know it is strange but it doesn't mean we can't enjoy and learn while we're here.
Let's talk about me and me and guess what more of me as I said before my name is Gan Sul Fal a name that was given to me by my goddess. I must admit I have no idea what the meaning behind the name is or why she named me of all the rixis to choose from.
But my life started in the wild and dangerous forests of a now-destroyed tribe that wished to stick more to the primal side of our race.
The tribe didn't use weapons or wear basic clothes or even use fire they lived simple lives with it all going wrong when I was born. A great storm covered the sky as blue wisps of babbling energy flew across the forest whispering deadly knowledge not meant for mortals.
My mother died giving birth to me and my father was all I had he fed and raised me with what was left of the tribe as many entire left or went insane. Those who stayed treated me like I was a walking plague that would rip out the light from their eyes and feast on the souls of their children.
By the time I reached adulthood, my father had died he went out to hunt and never came back but I always found it odd considering the other 3 rixis who went with him came back just fine.
As for that time as a child, I could say I was one of the first of my kind to experience bullying I don't know how I know that word it must be because of the goddess.
Anyway, I got chased after and beaten with the occasional rock thrown at me or dirt shoved in my face so it wasn't the best of times. But I was still alive and once I came of age that is when the goddess started to speak to me in hints and whispers.
I didn't know why she chose me but the first thing I learned of was my name and that I was going to help the goddess with something. Even though I was an adult I was still naive so I was grateful and wished to do my best for her so I found one of her many shrines scattered throughout the wildlands and tribes.
I started to learn and preach to others about the goddess and some would listen and maybe even convert but most ignored me and went on with their life.
Many Jackrixis respected the gods and understood that they existed but that didn't mean they had to follow them and wished to be their person. Many didn't want to be constrained or locked into the beliefs of one being who they probably wouldn't see or gain anything from.
My life went on with some who I preached to fighting me whether it be for annoying them or for them believing in another god or having different views on the goddess. I must admit most if not all regions at this time and still are fragmented and constantly arguing and fighting over the rules and history.
I found as I aged that the voices in my head from the goddesses would change from kind and soothing to vile and shrewd. And it caused me a great amount of stress for me as I didn't know what she wanted or why and I started to spiral.
My life seems to crash from there as I was kicked out of the chrome I preached at and my eyes started to fail to the point that I could no longer see anything.
My other sense started to fail me one after the other and now all I could do was think while still somehow hearing the voices multiple and scream and claw at my mind.
I can't remember how many times I cried myself to sleep or smashed my head on a tree hoping to end my existence but was halted by the voices. I was a prisoner in my own body and mind as I was told that I must finish my purpose which as I grew older I realized was this.
I'm probably in my last week of life I can't say I've had much of one as it seems all I've known is pain and misery with it all coming with a bounty of incredible knowledge I had no use of and couldn't tell anyone about it. Many times in my life I wondered why the goddess did this to me and why I must suffer for merely being born but she did not answer.
I don't know if I'm talking to myself or am writing this down in a book or maybe I'm even preaching to a crowd right now but all I know is that I must speak to you.
I don't know my purpose or why I'm doing this it's just something I've been told all my life I must do by my goddess and the voices.
I'm not sure where I am or if I'm even still alive.
Will I go to heaven or hell if I'm not already in the latter.
Why give me all this information if I can't tell anyone about it why must it be trapped in this cage I call a body.
Why am I doing this who are you why must I talk to you are you going this to me or can you help me?
Was my entire life just one big experiment for her?
I'm so scared I don't know if I want to keep going or if it's better for it to all be over.
Why am I doing this what is this that I'm doing where am I who am I can anybody help me, please?
Is anyone even there or am I talking to myself?
Hello?
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MRgold1
MRgold1 I don't know why I wrote this but I thought I'd give a more eerie chapter about a life of a rixis and how not all of them live a happy life and they aren't always in control.
Thanks for reading.
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