บท 31: chapter 31
Chapter 31: Pork Part 2
– Haru –
Naruko and I finally reached the end of the first exam stage. A small crowd had already gathered, made up of participants who'd arrived ahead of us. Most of them looked exhausted, sprawled on the ground or leaning against trees, trying to catch their breath.
Naruko glanced around, frowning. "Tanya's not here yet."
"She'll be fine," I said, leaning casually against a tree. "She'll probably show up at the last second after maybe killing that creepy clown guy."
Naruko blinked and then nodded. "That probably makes sense." She paused for a moment, her frown fading into something more thoughtful. "Still… I can't believe Tanya has such a high body count. Even my old man only killed, like, two or three thousand people..."
I gaped at her, completely thrown by how casually she said that. A few of the other participants nearby overheard her and immediately took several steps back, giving us a wide berth. I caught a glance from one guy who was covered in needles—he looked way too interested in Naruko all of a sudden. I made a mental note to keep an eye on him.
Naruko didn't seem to notice the commotion she'd caused. She just plopped down under a shady tree and grabbed one of my tails to use as a cushion. I sighed but let her. At least she wasn't yanking on it like Kunou usually did.
While we waited, the silver-haired kid from earlier showed up, walking out of the forest like it was no big deal. I waved him over.
"Hey, where's Tanya? And that other kid… Gon, right?"
Killua—yeah, I remembered his name now—shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "They stayed behind to fight Hisoka."
"Is Hisoka the clown guy?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
Killua nodded, looking entirely too nonchalant about it.
I turned to Naruko with a smug look. "Told you. She'll be here right at the end."
Naruko giggled, leaning back against my tail. "You must really know Tanya well."
I shrugged. "She's almost part of the family at this point. She even has the hair blonde for it."
Surprisingly, Hisoka showed up first, carrying another contestant who looked like they'd gone ten rounds with a bear and lost. The guy was out cold, head lolling against Hisoka's shoulder. But what really caught everyone's attention was Hisoka himself. His outfit was half shredded, scorched, and smeared with soot. Parts of his skin were raw and blistered. The sight made the whole crowd go quiet.
People started whispering, their voices blending into a confused hum. "Who could've done that to Hisoka?" one of them murmured.
The clown's eyes scanned the group, lingering on me and Naruko. I couldn't help it—I smirked. Hisoka's face twisted into a pout, and he quickly looked away. It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened. The guy had obviously bitten off more than he could chew when it came to Tanya's explosive magic. He was lucky to still be breathing.
A few minutes later, Tanya showed up with Gon and some other blonde guy in tow. Gon immediately bolted off to join Killua, while Tanya stomped toward me, her small frame radiating fury. Naruko was still curled up on my tail, making herself comfortable.
I nudged her. "C'mon, Naruko. Time to be social."
She pouted at me as I pulled her to her feet. "You're no fun, Haru."
"Hey there, Tanya," I said, then immediately recoiled, covering my nose. "Ugh—what the hell happened to you? You stink!"
Her glare was deadly, and before I could react, a sharp pain shot through my shin.
"OW!" I yelped, hopping on one foot. "Did you reinforce that kick with magic?"
"I got eaten by a freaking frog!" Tanya snapped, crossing her arms. "A frog the size of your entire restaurant, Haru! And in case you're wondering, I blew its head clean off."
Naruko doubled over laughing. "You got eaten by a frog? That's priceless!"
Tanya spun toward her, aiming another kick, but Naruko was faster, darting behind me for cover. I couldn't help laughing, even as Tanya fumed.
Turning my attention to the blonde guy, I held out a hand. "Name's Haru. You must be one of Tanya's new friends?"
He hesitated, then shook my hand. "I'm Kurapika. Are you her big brother? She really saved us from Hisoka back there, but…" He paused, frowning. "Her gun is terrifying. Should a little girl really be walking around with something more powerful than a cannon?"
I grinned at him. "If you're so worried about it, you can try taking her weapons away."
Kurapika blinked. "Wait—weapons? As in more than one?"
"Oh, yeah," I said with a laugh. "She's probably got two or three sidearms under her clothes right now. Tanya's always strapped head to toe." I chuckled to myself. Watching people realize how much of a walking arsenal Tanya never got old.
Kurapika gave Tanya a wary glance, like he wasn't sure if he should thank her again or start running. Tanya just rolled her eyes.
"Don't worry," she said flatly. "I only use them on idiots who deserve it…"
That didn't seem to reassure him much.
A sudden commotion drew everyone's attention to the front of the group. A woman stood there with a confident stance, her strange hairstyle making her stand out. But it wasn't just her—there was a guy next to her who looked even stranger.
"Wow… he makes members of the Akimichi Clan look healthy," Naruko said with a chuckle.
I nodded in agreement. That guy was big.
The woman cleared her throat, her voice cutting through the murmurs. "Listen up, everyone! My name is Menchi, and this is my partner Buhara! We're the proctors for the second stage of the Hunter Exam!" She paused, letting her words sink in before delivering the kicker. "This portion of the exam will be… COOKING!"
The crowd erupted into mutters and groans.
"What kind of test is this?" someone grumbled.
"Cooking? That's a woman's job!" another yelled. "No real man who wants to be a Hunter would waste his time with garbage like that!"
Menchi's eyes narrowed, her glare promising pain. But before she could act, I felt one of my tails lash out on instinct. It smashed the loudmouth so hard into the ground that a small crater formed under him. Dust and debris puffed into the air, and everyone nearby backed away like I'd just sprouted an extra head.
I let my tails sway behind me menacingly. "I'll have you all know I'm a professional chef! I even own my own restaurant. Does anyone else feel like insulting cooking in my presence?" My voice was calm, but the menace was impossible to miss.
Naruko leaned toward Tanya and whispered loud enough for me to hear. "What a bunch of morons."
Tanya nodded in agreement.
Menchi glanced at me, a spark of approval in her eyes. "Well said… guy with all the tails. Cooking is a noble profession. And in case any of you didn't know, some of the ingredients in this world are so dangerous they'll kill you before you even get them into a pot!" She folded her arms and smirked at the group. "With that said, we're wasting time. Buhara and I are hungry!"
"Uh-huh!" Buhara chimed in, his deep voice rumbling. "The thing I want to eat most is… pork!"
Menchi grinned. "You heard him! Go out into the forest, hunt some pigs, bring them back, and start cooking!"
A few contestants looked like they were about to complain, but then their eyes flicked to my still-swaying tails. They wisely kept their mouths shut and started moving.
"Pork, huh?" Naruko said, tilting her head. "Now that's a coincidence!"
"This is perfect!" Tanya added. "We can save a few pigs for Kunou's party tomorrow. If these pigs are anything like that giant frog, they're going to be huge!"
"That's true," I said, nodding. Then I looked at them. "How about you two go hunting for the three of us? I want to have a word with Menchi. I need to see if she's got the qualifications to judge my cooking!"
Naruko raised an eyebrow. "You're really going to check the proctor? That's bold, Haru…"
"My pride as a chef won't allow for anything less," I said with a grin.
Tanya rolled her eyes but nodded. "Fine. We'll bag the best pigs out there. Don't take too long, though. We'll need you to cook them!"
The two of them disappeared into the forest, leaving me with Buhara, and Menchi. I strode up to her, folding my arms.
"So, Menchi," I began, "you're a chef?"
She raised an eyebrow. "One of the best. Why?"
"Because I'm not about to take culinary criticism from someone who doesn't know their way around a kitchen. Cooking is my life. If you're going to judge my food, you'd better have the skills to back it up!" I said challengingly.
"I like your attitude," Menchi said, her eyes locking onto mine. "You want to test me? Fine. While everyone else is out getting their pigs, you and I will have a little showdown. Let's see who can make the best sushi."
"Uh, Menchi…" Buhara said, looking confused. "We don't have any fish for sushi."
Menchi let out a frustrated sigh, crossing her arms.
"No problem," I said. I opened a portal beside me, reaching in without hesitation. When I pulled my hand back out, I was holding two large yellowfin tuna. I handed one to Menchi, keeping the other for myself.
Menchi stared at the fish in surprise. "What kind of Nen ability is this?" she asked. "This fish is fresh, and it's still cold!"
"Nen?" I repeated, tilting my head. "I don't know what that is."
Menchi frowned but didn't press the issue. "Whatever it is, it's impressive," she said, holding the tuna tightly.
The cooking stations nearby were set up with everything we needed. Menchi and I each took a station and got to work. I pulled out one of my best knives and started preparing the tuna. The blade moved smoothly through the fish as I cut away the head, fins, and tail. I carefully removed the skin, revealing the deep red meat underneath. I worked quickly but carefully, slicing the tuna into perfect portions for sushi.
While I focused on the tuna, one of my tails detached and transformed into a clone of me. The clone immediately began preparing the rice, rinsing it in a bowl until the water ran clear.
Menchi stopped mid-slice to stare at the clone. "What is that? That's not fair!"
I glanced at her. "All's fair in cooking," I said simply.
My clone finished washing the rice and placed it in a pot to cook. It measured the water and added just the right amount of seasoning before setting it to steam. Meanwhile, I continued working on the fish, seasoning the tuna lightly with sea salt, soy sauce, and a touch of lemon. Once the rice was ready, my clone started folding the seaweed wraps, making sure each sheet was smooth and unbroken.
Menchi was working hard, but it was clear that she was struggling to keep up. Her movements were sharp, but she wasn't as fast or as precise.
"Having trouble?" I asked teasingly.
She shot me a glare but didn't answer.
I finished plating my sushi first, arranging the pieces neatly on the plate. The vibrant colors of the tuna, rice, and seaweed made it look beyond appetizing! I made enough for Menchi and Buhara, making sure to give Buhara an extra-large portion.
Menchi finished her sushi a couple of minutes later. She placed her plate next to mine, looking tense.
Buhara's eyes lit up as he looked at the food. "This looks amazing!" he said, leaning closer to my plate.
Menchi frowned at him. "At least act like you're excited for my cooking too," she muttered.
We started the tasting with my sushi. Menchi picked up a piece and took a bite. Her expression changed immediately. She closed her eyes and chewed slowly, her shoulders relaxing.
"This is… really good," she admitted quietly.
Buhara grabbed a piece and stuffed it into his mouth. His face lit up, and tears started running down his cheeks as he continued eating.
I tasted her sushi in return. It was good—better than most—but it wasn't on the same level as mine. I smiled at her, letting my tails sway behind me as I waited for her to admit it.
Menchi put her chopsticks down and sighed. "Satotz was right. You're a monster. A monster of a chef," she said. She looked at me seriously. "I am not worthy to judge someone of your skill. You immediately pass the second exam, Master."
"Oh, right," I said, realizing I'd almost forgotten this was part of the Hunter Exam.
Menchi groaned. "I thought this test would intimidate people, not make me look bad. Thanks for that."
I shrugged. "Maybe don't challenge a professional chef next time."
"I'm a professional chef too…" she grumbled before asking me if I wanted to be a judge for the second exam as well?
I couldn't keep the mischievous grin off of my face. That sounded fun…
…
The other contestants started returning from the forest, all carrying pigs. And not just any pigs—massive pigs. Each of these animals had to weigh at least a ton, but these humans carried them over their heads like it was nothing.
I couldn't help but grin. Kunou was going to lose her mind when she saw how much meat we were bringing back for her birthday feast.
Then I noticed Naruko's clones. At least ten of them were making their way toward me, each carrying a pig. The moment they reached my feet, they dropped the carcasses in a neat pile and vanished in a puff of smoke.
"More clones!" Menchi exclaimed. She turned to me with an incredulous look. "Why didn't I think of that for my Nen ability? That would be so useful in the kitchen!"
Buhara patted her head with his massive hand. "There, there, Menchi," he said gently.
The real Naruko strolled over with Tanya, a smirk plastered on her face. "Alright, Haru. Get to cooking!"
"Nope," I said casually, leaning back in my seat.
Naruko blinked. "Huh? What do you mean, no?"
Menchi answered before I could. She stood up, raised her voice, and declared loudly, "Haru has already passed the second stage of the Hunter Exam. He's going to help judge the rest of you instead!"
A chorus of complaints erupted from the contestants.
"That's favoritism!"
"He didn't even do the pig-hunting part!"
"The pretty fox boy is cheating!"
I turned toward the complainers, letting a small amount of my youki leak out. It wasn't much, just enough to get their attention. Their hair stood on end, their eyes went wide, and I could hear some of them gulping audibly.
"Any other issues?" I asked, keeping my tone even.
They all immediately shook their heads, apologized, and hurried back to their cooking stations.
Naruko frowned, crossing her arms. "I suck at cooking, Haru! I always left that stuff to Naruto or Sakura on missions."
Tanya shrugged. "Who cares if we pass the exam or not? We already got the pigs. That's what we came here for."
Menchi turned to us, her mouth slightly open in shock. "Wait… you three came to the Hunter Exam for the pigs? You don't even want to be Hunters?"
I shrugged. "I'm not even really sure what a Hunter is at this point," I admitted. "And yeah, it's my little sister's birthday tomorrow, so I can't stick around after tonight. We came here to get pork for her party."
Menchi lowered her finger, clearly at a loss for words. She opened her mouth like she wanted to argue but then closed it again, apparently deciding against it. "I can't believe this," she muttered under her breath, sitting back down.
The contestants began bringing over their cooked pork dishes one by one. I was sitting at the judging table next to Menchi and Buhara, ready to see what they'd come up with. I wasn't expecting much.
Still, this part might be entertaining if nothing else…
Naruko was the first to step up. She set her plate down with a grin, looking way too proud of herself.
"What'd you make?" I asked, eyeing the dish suspiciously.
"A pork sandwich!" she announced.
I leaned closer, sniffing it. My nose wrinkled immediately. The bread smelled fine, but the meat… I grabbed the sandwich, ripped it in half, and saw the blackened chunks of pork inside.
"You torched the meat," I said flatly. Then, without hesitation, I tossed the entire thing into the garbage can beside me.
Naruko's jaw dropped. "Hey! That took me forever!"
"And you still burned it," I said, shaking my head. "Fail."
She stormed off, muttering something about how she wasn't a chef. Tanya stepped up next, carrying a small tray in both hands.
I looked at the grayish cube on her tray and frowned. "What the hell is this, Tanya?"
She sighed. "Emergency field rations. I'm not a cook, Haru. I made do with what I had."
I picked up the cube, inspecting it. It smelled like pork, but there were other ingredients mixed in that I couldn't quite identify. The texture felt dense and unappetizing, but I took a bite anyway.
It tasted awful.
Sure, it was probably nutritious, but it had the consistency of rubber and the flavor of disappointment. I chewed slowly, trying not to laugh, but I couldn't hold it in. "This is terrible," I said, shaking my head as I set the rest of the cube down. "Fail."
Tanya just shrugged and walked over to sit next to Naruko, who was already sulking.
The next group of contestants came up together—Gon, Killua, and Kurapika. Each of them carried a massive whole roasted pig on a platter.
I stared at the pigs as they set them down in front of me. "You roasted the entire thing?"
"Yeah!" Gon said with a big smile. "It's how they do it in the wild!"
I poked at the seared skin with my fork, then cut into the meat underneath. As I suspected, it was raw. "You know this kind of thing takes hours, right? You've only had thirty minutes," I said, looking at all three of them.
Killua shrugged. "It looked cool, though."
"Cool isn't edible," I said.
Kurapika sighed. "So we fail?"
"Obviously," I said, tossing my fork onto the plate.
Despite their failure, Buhara didn't hesitate to dig into the massive pigs. He tore chunks of meat from the bones and ate them raw, skin, bones, and all. I couldn't help but watch in a mix of awe and horror.
Menchi leaned over and whispered, "Yeah, Buhara will literally eat anything."
"That much is obvious," I muttered, shaking my head.
Kurapika, Gon, and Killua went to join Naruko and Tanya in the loser's corner. I could hear them all grumbling with each other...
One by one, the rest of the contestants brought up their dishes. The pattern was clear—burnt, undercooked, overseasoned, or just plain bad. Menchi and I shot down dish after dish, while Buhara happily stuffed his face with whatever he could get his hands on.
"This is even worse than I expected," I said after the 50th fail in a row…
XXX
I have a patreo n. My subs can read advanced updates of my stories ahead of standard release.
Link:
Patreo n .com (slash) Starwaves
Here is the list of Current Advanced Chapters:
The Fallen Gamer ch 305-309
The Titan 18
The Fox Hole 35
The Fox Hole 34
The Blood Queen 23
The Fox Hole 33
The Titan 17
The Blood Queen 22
The Fox Hole 32
The Supe Devil 14
The Blood Queen 21
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