บท 14: The Queen & The Hand
To read early:
Chapter 15 : 'The Shadow of Arthur Stark
Chapter 16 : 'The Nastiest Viper'
Chapter 17 : ' A Game of Pain & Passion'
Chapter 18 : 'A Tale of Waters and Snow'
Chapter 19 : 'The Northern Fist'
Chapter 20: 'Double Dual'
Chapter 21: 'Dragon against Wolf'
Chapter 22: 'The Tournament of Pretenders'
Chapter 23: "The divided Pack"
Chapter 24: "Too far, too late"
Chapter 25: "The Ghosts of Guilt"
Chapter 26 : "How time and blood flow"
Chapter 27: "Those who rule over Winter"
Chapter 28: "Clinging to hope"
Chapter 29: "The Barn owl"
Chapter 30: "Legends"
Chapter 31: "The Starks of Winterfell"
Support me on=
w w w . p a t r(e)on (slash) MonsieurLAH
Enjoy reading!
Chapter XIV: The Queen & the Hand
Alicent Hightower was feeling as if the Red Keep had collapsed on her body, for her heart felt like it had been crushed and her breath was stuck in her lungs. Grand Maester Runciter had just informed her that she was with child, once again. Helaena had not even turned one yet, Aegon was almost three, and the people expected her to raise another child while she was having such a hard time raising her two firsts.
Once she had been alone, Alicent had cried, releasing all the pressure she's been burying inside her since Aegon's birth.
Waterfalls flowed down her cheeks for an hour, until a handmaiden knocked on her door to remind her that she was still the Queen and needed to act like it. Whatever happened to her, she was the Queen, a Targaryen through marriage, and she had no right to complain or feel sorry for herself. It was the greatest honor for a lady to birth the future of the Targaryen dynasty. There was no greater honor… but there was no joy more bittersweet.
(-)(-)(-)
The Small Council meetings had changed since Arthur's nomination as Hand. The Stark made sure every session was as productive as possible. If Lord Lyonel Strong had welcomed the change, Viserys had found ruling harder than it ever was before, for he had never realized that his council needed to take care of smaller matters that Otto had always disregarded as unworthy of their attention, Arthur had a different opinion.
Rhaenyra always did her best to remain focused during those sessions, but she always ended up yawning and famished once they were done.
However, this meeting ended with a great news from Runciter; The Queen was with child once again. An while the men were too busy congratulating her Father, Rhaenyra remembered the state Alicent had been when she had returned from her tour, and wondered if she was all right.
Those thoughts kept twirling in her head during the afternoon, so much so that when she ended up in Arthur's office to work by his side, her head had been so up in the clouds that her adviser snapped his fingers in front of her face to get her attention.
She frowned in displeasure.
"That was extremely rude, Arthur."
"I've been talking to a statue for the past ten minutes." He justified himself as he crossed his arms. "What's on your mind?"
Rhaenyra bit her lower lip, and sighed:
"Well… I'm worried about Alicent."
"Why? Because she's pregnant?"
Arthur's casual tone made his Princess glare at him, he raised his hands in defense.
"I don't know what I have said to anger you, but it is expected for a Queen to breed."
"We're not broodmares, Arthur! Pregnancy killed my mother!"
A Sept-like silence followed her outburst, the Stark man froze for a few seconds, before releasing a sigh.
"I did not mean it like that, Rhaenyra, and I'm sorry if I offended you. I just… I fail to see the problem. The Queen has already delivered two healthy children without complications, why would her third pregnancy be worse?"
The Northerner knew he had said the wrong thing, for his Princess' glare returned tenfold.
"Do you have the slightest idea what it's like, to be pressured to breed again, and again, and again? To squeeze out brat after brat until your last fertile day?"
"No, and neither do you." Arthur answered bluntly.
His words lit an inferno in Rhaenyra's purple pupils that actually send shivers down the Stark's spine.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked before she snapped at him. "That it is awful? I don't believe that pregnancy is awful. It is undoubtedly difficult, but such is life, I can't change that. And her pregnancies are more than likely among the easiest in the entire World. She is the damn Queen of Westeros. She has countless handmaidens focused on her every needs, what else does she need?"
"Support!" Rhaenyra shouted, finally done with Arthur's naivety. "Those handmaidens are all focused on her babes! No one focuses on her like no one focused on my mother! Alicent is alone, in despair, she can't take care of all of her children by herself!"
"The door is right there." The northerner's replied motioning to it. "If it is support she needs, why aren't you by her side?"
Silence followed his question, until he groaned in dismay.
"You expect me to support her." He understood.
The Princess simply nodded.
"Why in the World would she want my support instead of yours?"
"Alicent is not one to show her emotions easily." She explained. "If I were to approach her, she would pretend that everything was all right, your bluntness and honesty could break her shell."
Truth be told, Arthur was very reluctant to accede to her request. He hated to deal with Southern ladies and as Hand of the King, he had far more important things to do than comforting a woman he had barely spoken to.
"Again, why would I do that?She is my Queen, not my friend, I owe her nothing."
"Yes, you do, Arthur." Rhaenyra replied with a mischievous smile. "Since it was her idea to use septas to prove your innocence at your trial."
The Stark froze, his eyes wide. He took a few seconds to process what his Princess had said and frowned.
"Why, by the Old Gods, did she do that?" He asked flabbergasted. " Her father lost his position as Hand because of her, what was she hoping to gain from this? It makes no bloody sense."
"Well, why don't you go to her and ask her?" Rhaenyra said, still smiling. "And while you are it, be a gallant man and take some time to comfort her. You owe her that much."
Arthur tried to protest, he tried to find a way out of his Princess' trap and an actual reason that would explain Alicent Hightower's decision to help him. Yet, he found none. And if he was honest with himself, he could not get the fact that she had saved his life out of his head. He wanted to know why she had done this, what her agenda was and what she had been hoping for in return. He hated being indebted to anyone, so for him to be indebted to a southern lady he knew nothing about, calling it 'confusing' would be an understatement.
Finally, he sighed to concede his defeat, and rolled his eyes when he saw Rhaenyra's smile extend itself.
"I don't even know what to tell her…"
His Princess laughed.
"The truth." She said, her tone mocking. "Just your blunt honest northern truth."
He groaned and she laughed, for the Valyrian girl loved to embarrass her Northerner.
Arthur rose from his seat, grabbed a very large book and put it on his desk.
"Well, since I'll be busy for an indefinite period, I suppose you don't mind taking care of all the urging matters we've discussed during today's meeting, by yourself?"
If he had hoped to frighten Rhaenyra with the amount of work, his failure was absolute, for the Princess never stopped smiling as she got up to sat in his chair.
"As a matter of fact, I don't." She declared as she dipped a quill in an inkwell. "Now shoo."
She had a hard controlling her laughter at Arthur's look of dismay.
"Did you just…?"
"Shoo." She said again, as she bit her lower lip to not burst out laughing.
Her resistance broke when her adviser rolled his eyes and groaned, his pouting face was far too hilarious for her self-control.
He exited his own office with Shadow behind him and without a look back, Rhaenyra's laughter was so loud that Ser Criston took a look inside the room to make sure she was all right. She motioned for him to close the door so she could enjoy this moment in privacy, however, she never noticed her swornshield's awestruck face after he had been mesmerized by her laughing figure.
(-)(-)(-)
'Awful' would have been an excellent adjective to describe Alicent's first day of her third pregnancy. Feeling herself suffocating in her chambers, she had decided to take a stroll in the gardens with her children. Her children were now being cared for by her handmaidens, while she had found a quiet spot to sit and desperately try to relax. She failed to do so, her heart was beating too fast, her eyes were on the verge of tears again. It was as if she could feel this new child growing inside her womb, gnawing her flesh, expecting all the love and attention that a good mother would give to a child, as well as a perfect education worthy of a Targaryen. Her breath became erratic, and she struggled as hard as she could to maintain her queenly figure, but it was so hard she felt like crumbling. She wished her mother was here, so she could teach her, help her, console her and take her pain away. But she was alone, alone with a duty she felt unable to do.
"Lord Hand."
It was Ser Harold's voice that had pulled her out of her nightmare, she turned her head to notice that her kingsguards had greeted Arthur Stark and his giant wolf. She felt her heart skip a beat when her eyes crossed the beast's glowing yellow pupils.
"I'm afraid we cannot let your wolf anywhere near the Queen, the Prince and the Princess." The Lord Commander warned.
Arthur simply nodded, motioned for Shadow to take a nap under a tree, and walked past the Kingsguards straight to his Queen, who felt her body shiver.
"Your Grace." He greeted her. "I am sorry to bother you."
"Don't be, Lord Hand, I always welcome company." She lied as the images of bruised necks appeared in her mind. "Please, take a seat."
Arthur thanked her with a nod, and sat on one of the many hassocks that had been placed on the grass, he stretched his neck and spoke:
"You are probably wondering why I have come to speak with you, Your Grace."
Alicent was about to answer, but he did not let her voice escape her mouth as he continued.
"Well, if you must know, it was the Princess Rhaenyra who almost commanded me to come and see if you were all right, after we've heard news of your pregnancy." He paused, and realized he should have said something earlier. "Congratulations."
Alicent looked at him from head to toes, trying to process what he had said.
"Why would Rhaenyra ask you to do this instead of doing it herself?"
"That is exactly what I told her, yet she assumed that you would hide your feelings from her and pretend that you were all right. She believe that you would be more honest with me, because of my…" he cleared his throat,"… blunt nature."
Alicent would have rolled her eyes had it been proper to do so, such a farfetched idea could only come from Rhaenyra.
"I thank you for your concern, Lord Hand." She answered politely. "But I assure you that I am perfectly fine."
"I deeply apologize, Your Grace, but I don't believe you for a second. I fear you are not a very good liar."
Alicent was flabbergasted by the audacity and the bluntness of those words, no one had ever spoken to her like this since her wedding to Viserys.
"You see…" Arthur continued. "When the Princess expressed her worries, I had believed that she was overreacting, for I could not possibly understood what was so bad about a Queen being pregnant for the third time. I can now clearly see that I was mistaken, for you looked miserable before Ser Harold announced my presence."
Alicent turned scarlet red in shame, horrified that her facade had been discovered. She opened her mouth, trying to find angry words to curse that rude Northerner's bluntness for seeing right through her, but her tears almost flowed down her cheeks as she tried, and she chose to control herself instead of defending herself.
However, the Hand saw right through her once again.
"Perhaps we should have this conversation in private?" He offered. "I believe…"
"No." She cut with a sharper tongue than she had ever used, yet her voice low. "You carry a filthy reputation among ladies despite your innocence, Lord Hand, I cannot be seen following a man like you in a closed room."
Arthur gritted his teeth, it was not her fault, of course, yet her words stung deeper than he'd be willing to admit, those damn southerners and their gossip…
"Then I ask that you dismiss your handmaidens and kingsguards, otherwise they will see you crumble."
The Queen let out a bitter and nervous laugh.
"You ask me to send my children and my guards away so I can be alone with… you?"
Arthur's face had turned serious, as if it had been carved in stone with two shiny grey orbs built-in a head made of marble.
"Your other choice is to send me away, and crumble under your pain. For we both know Rhaenyra was right; you would hide your pain from her, and you have no other confident."
His words stroke Alicent like thunder on a mountain, she gulped as her eyes widened in terror. She did not want to be alone, she could not do this alone, she would not survive. Of that she was sure for she felt it in her bones.
She swallowed her tears back and turned to the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.
"I wish to speak to the Hand of the King in private, Ser Harold. Please give us some privacy."
The bald knight and Ser Willis Fell bowed, and moved a few dozen feet away while the servants took the children a little further into the gardens. Arthur and Alicent were now alone.
"So tell me." The Northerner spoke softly. "How could a third pregnancy make you this miserable?"
Alicent frowned at him, despite her current state, she did not trust him.
"You will excuse me if I find it hard to confide in the man who strangled my father." She said, her tone cold.
Arthur raised an eyebrow.
"Your father has been conspiring to put Aegon on the Iron Throne since your firstborn's birth and questioned Rhaenyra's virtue, such treasons are usually punished by a beheading, he got off very easy and we both know it. I only warned him that should he continue down the path of excessive ambition, he would meet a very painful death, and I would rather have my warnings taken seriously, if you know what I mean."
Alicent let out a long and heavy sigh, she knew he was right, she had come to the same conclusions herself. Yet, for someone to attack her father… it had been dark fantasy until recently, could she be blamed for being terrified by the brutal changes in her life?
Arthur read her like an open book.
"I did not hear you complain about the punches I gave Daemon after he had tried to trick Rhaenyra." He said.
Alicent's nearly popped out of her sockets.
"You punched Daemon?"
"Multiple times, for crimes similar to your father's, yet I doubt you are as scandalized as you've been for him."
And he was right; she wasn't. She was simply shocked that someone had punched the Rogue Prince and lived to tell her the tale.
"You know it is my duty to protect Rhaenyra." He reasoned. "And in order to do that properly, I sometimes have to get my hands dirty. I am not sorry for this, but I hope you understand that I do not seek violence out for pleasure, I simply use it when I find it necessary. And your father had to be reminded of who he was and what he could not do without facing consequences."
Alicent lowered her head, she could not refute the Hand's arguments, she did not even disagree with him; she knew her father had gone too far.
"I understand, Lord Hand." She answered, her tone still far more polite than it should be for a heart to heart conversation.
"Please, call me Arthur, all this decorum is exhausting and you look like you are about to collapse. Do not hide what you think, Your Grace, I feel like you have far too much on your heart to keep pretending that you feel nothing."
Alicent felt as if she was a child being consoled by an adult, she was so tired.
"Your Grace." The northman added with a gentle tone." Rhaenyra told me that her little performance with septas was your idea. Which means I owe you my life and I am indebted to you."
She blushed as he kept talking.
"I swear, by the Old Gods and the New, that what you wish to share will stay between us, even from Rhaenyra's morbid curiosity."
Alicent actually laughed at that, and tears shone from the corner of her eyes as she gasped from all the emotions she had bottled in for years.
"Take it easy." Arthur whispered. "One thing at a time."
The Queen took a deep breath, but as she did, she burst into tears and hid her face behind her hands. She cried, and cried for as long as she could, with no one watching but the Hand who kept watch. Through her tears, she expelled all the pressure, all the sorrow, all the unhappiness and despair that she had accumulated over the past years. And as she got rid of all the bad emotions she had accumulated, she felt relief infiltrate her body little by little. Like a long breath of oxygen that filled her lungs after she had been underwater for too long. After long minutes, her tears dried, her breathing slowed, and Arthur Stark handed her a handkerchief which she hastened to use.
"Feeling better?" He asked, and she answered with a shy nod as she returned his handkerchief.
"Thank you…"
"Don't mention it, your Grace. Rhaenyra's ire was motivation enough."
She laughed as she felt a wave of relief, and sighed deeply.
A few moments of silence followed, before Alicent mustered the courage to finally say what had been pressuring her since the Grand Maester Runciter's visit.
"It's…" She took a deeper breath. "It is not the pregnancy itself that has caused my distemper…"
Her voice was low, barely above a whisper, as if she was about to reveal her deepest secret and greatest shame.
"I love my children… I truly do… It's just…"
New tears flowed down her cheeks, her shame was gnawing at her heart as her words escaped her throat.
"I… I don't know… how to raise them properly." She burst into tears once more and kept atoning for her sins. "You're right about my father; he wishes for me to make a king out of Aegon in order to usurp Rhaenyra. But I do not wish for that to happen, my children are my only joy, I just want them to grow happy, but I don't even know what to do to make sure they do… I… I'm trying so hard to be a good mother… I want to be a good mother. But I don't know how to be one! Aegon does not listen to me, Helaena… I've always wanted to have a daughter, yet I cannot make her smile, or laugh. She either cries or stays quiet. Now… I'm expected to raise another child while I already struggle to raise the first two… I can't do it… I don't know what I'm doing… And Viserys keeps asking for my presence in his bed… I hate it… I know it is my duty but I hate it. It's so cold and… disgusting… and… how many children does he expect me to have? I cannot even handle two, how can I possibly handle three, or four, or five? I cannot… I… I am not strong enough…"
And she cried in her hands once again, as her anxiety shook her body, under Arthur's astonished and guilty look. The Northerner felt out of place next to his crying Queen. He had always seen her as a Southern lady who had achieved her dream of being chosen by the King. He tried to understand how he could have shown so much apathy regarding Alicent's condition, and thought about his own mother's disinterest toward him. Perhaps Rhaenyra had been right to be so angry with him, he should have noticed what she did, he simply hadn't cared enough. Which was probably his biggest mistake since he had arrived in this bloody Viper's nest. Rhaenyra' siblings could be her greatest allies or her worst ennemies, her relationship with them was crucial for the future of the Realm, the future of the North.
Arthur did not know what to say as he watched Alicent's crying figure, for he knew he was responsible for part of her despair.
So he did the only thing he could think of:
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
Alicent rose her head, her face wet, yet her look slightly confused.
"I told the King that House Targaryen was too weak, that most of the Dragon riders were Velaryons, and that he and Rhaenyra needed to multiply in order to make the House of the Dragon strong again. I… failed to realize the impact it would have on you, and since raising your children was not my responsibility…"
He sighed deeply in embarrassment.
"I did not care about their education… and I realize now this was a terrible mistake on my part… I am… truly sorry, Your Grace."
Alicent wiped her tears, stunned that Arthur Stark had apologized to her for something that had never been his responsibility. It actually felt good, it was relieving, and it filled her with hope that things could be changing.
"I'll speak to the King." The Northerner said in a tone that sounded sincere. "I'll tell him that sleeping with you could be stressful, and that it would be better to focus on the education of your children instead of making too many. I will also speak to Rhaenyra. I'm sure she can scold her siblings as well as she scolds me."
Alicent actually laughed at that, imagining her tiny friend reprimanding this big Northerner and his gigantic wolf with her authoritative voice, pointing a figure at his embarrassing face. Then she let out another sigh to relax herself, and smiled at the Stark.
"I thank you." She whispered. "I'm thankful for your words…I… I don't know how to repay you…"
"Repay me?Your Grace, you seem to have forgotten that I owe you my life." He said with a smile. "This actually brings me to the way Rhaenyra used to bait me; why?"
Alicent tilted her head to the side, not understanding what he was asking.
"Why did you give Rhaenyra the mean to prove my innocence?" Arthur clarified. "I suspect you knew it would cost your father dearly, you knew and yet you still did it. I have to admit… I cannot possibly understand what you gained from doing this."
Alicent took a moment for herself, first, to dry her remaining tears and recompose herself, and second, to think while her gaze lost itself in the gardens. Deep down, she knew exactly why she had helped them.
"For two reasons." She spoke quietly. "The first being the help you've offered to provide today."
The Stark frowned, confused.
"Your Grace, you and I are not friends, I can't understand why you would have thought that I would help, or be useful for that matter."
"Because, believe me or not, Lord Arthur, you are the only person, other than my handmaidens, who has ever helped me with my children.I had hoped you would do it again."
Arthur stayed silent, finding his Queen's declaration sadder than he'd thought he'd feel.
"The second reason… was because I wanted to help Rhaenyra, and I believed in your innocence. I did not wish to see an innocent man punished for a crime he never committed."
The Northerner rose his eyebrows in disbelief, he knew she was telling the truth, he had learned how to tell the difference between liars and honest persons a long time ago. He simply had a hard time believing what he had heard.
"You sacrificed your father's position as Hand of the King… To see justice rightfully served?"
Alicent turned to look at him, with a sad smile on her face.
"It… it is what I did… isn't it?"
The Stark was… dumbfounded to say the least. Never did he ever expect his Queen to show such honesty and conviction in her believes. All the Southern Ladies he had met since he had arrived in this damn city had been dishonest, rude, stupid or arrogant. For Alicent Hightower to show so much virtue despite the obvious pain it caused her… Arthur simply never expected such a lady existed. The pain she had exposed in front of him earlier was also a testament of her dedication and virtue. She was trying hard, really hard to be what everyone expected her to be. No matter how hard it was or how much she suffered.
What was truly unexpected was that his Queen's sadness and honesty had touched him. Arthur did not want her to drown in her sorrow, crushed by the pression applied by people who were not able to try as hard as she was. Arthur owed her far more than he had expected, and he was no ungrateful bastard.
"If people were half as virtuous as you, Your Grace, we would live in a perfect World." He murmured genuinely while observing her with his deep grey eyes.
Alicent blushed like she's never blushed before. A sudden rush of pride invaded her body and washed away her worries and sorrow. She felt light, free, proud of what she did and who she was for the very first time in her life. She tried to speak, to thank Arthur Stark for his words, but her emotions were too strong and her body failed her. The Hand of the King simply smiled at her and turned his head to look at Aegon and Helaena, who were being taken care of by their handmaidens.
With Otto out of the capital and someone like Alicent Hightower as their mother, perhaps they had far more potential than he had expected.
To read early:
Chapter 15 : 'The Shadow of Arthur Stark
Chapter 16 : 'The Nastiest Viper'
Chapter 17 : ' A Game of Pain & Passion'
Chapter 18 : 'A Tale of Waters and Snow'
Chapter 19 : 'The Northern Fist'
Chapter 20: 'Double Dual'
Chapter 21: 'Dragon against Wolf'
Chapter 22: 'The Tournament of Pretenders'
Chapter 23: "The divided Pack"
Chapter 24: "Too far, too late"
Chapter 25: "The Ghosts of Guilt"
Chapter 26 : "How time and blood flow"
Chapter 27: "Those who rule over Winter"
Chapter 28: "Clinging to hope"
Chapter 29: "The Barn owl"
Chapter 30: "Legends"
Chapter 31: "The Starks of Winterfell"
Support me on=
w w w . p a t r(e)on (slash) MonsieurLAH
Hope you guys have enjoyed the chapter!
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