บท 79: I'm the Shogun!
"I don't know how to feel about this" muttered Makoto, who was now piloting the puppet. "I fought for-"
"You mean Ei fought while you hid" noted Kenshin with a pointed look, grabbing a piece of cake in front of him.
"I fought-"
"You hid" Kenshin said with a frown.
"Okay!! I hid while Ei fought, and we did that for years to establish Inazuma" Makoto sighed. "And now it's not our nation anymore".
"What are you talking about?" asked Kenshin licking his fingers. "I will only stay in power for a while, you deal with this shit".
"I don't think Kenshin has the patience nor the motivation to rule a country" said Yae wryly from one side, serving herself a piece of cake.
After that destructive battle and the following 'revival', they went to the Shrine while Sara returned to her house after telling Ayato that Kenshin survived.
Kenshin used one of Albedo's balls to craft a new body, a process his soul guided. So he had no idea if his body was special or not, but he needed to use the toilet and he could bleed, so his expectations of having an indestructible body were buried pretty quickly.
After a long talk, in which Makoto listened horrified at the situation Inazuma was in, it was determined that Kenshin would rule for a while as Makoto was 'out of the wave', so to speak.
"Also, you still need to listen to everything your sister did" said casually Kenshin, making Ei sweat inside the puppet.
She knew that Makoto was horrified by the current situation, what would she think when she learned that her sister was responsible for it?
"My sister wouldn't harm Inazuma" said Makoto with a frown, ready to defend her sister to the end. "Right, Ei?".
But Ei was looking at the inexistent horizon of the Plane of Euthymia.
"Ei?"
But Ei didn't answer.
"Please Ei, tell me you didn't do something bad to our nation"
"Bad?" asked Kenshin with raised eyebrows. "She didn't do anything bad per se".
"I see" Makoto nodded in relief, while Ei thought for the first time that Kenshin wasn't so annoying anymore.
"She only bisected anyone who complained about her orders".
Ei thought for the first time that she was stupid, thinking that Kenshin was a nice person was the biggest of mistakes you could make.
While Makoto froze.
"She chose some people 500 years ago in some duels, and even now the descendants of those people are still ruling. Of course, that led to their ego increasing exponentially, and right now the ruling caste has more corrupt people than the population of Narukami City" added Yae casually, picking another piece of cake.
"Or how she decided to close the country when we had been buying food since your time" Kenshin said looking at the terrified Makoto.
"Or how she decided to let people control the army, the economy and the police, not leaving any power to herself" added Yae once again. "Of course, all this without knowing anything herself, so she couldn't discern when was she being fooled".
"Or how she decided to cut ties with Liyue and hug Sneznhaya's tight. If you don't know it, they are criminals now" said Kenshin to the quickly paling Makoto.
"Or how she decided that not listening even to her familiar and closest friend was a good idea, while she hid in her mechanical puppet for 500 years" said Yae with a vicious look. She had been pretty lonely after all.
"Or how she decided to steal everyone's Visions" Kenshin dug the last nail in the coffin.
Makoto didn't know what to think. She didn't think Ei had done all that to destroy Inazuma, but she also found it hard to believe. After all, you couldn't do it so badly even if you tried on purpose.
"Did I mention we are in a civil war now?" said Kenshin with a smirk. "And also, Makoto" Kenshin made a gesture for Makoto to approach a bit, leaving Yae with a frown.
Kenshin touched Makoto's hand, making Ei rage inside the puppet, but she couldn't exit because Kenshin had 'blocked' the way for her to control the body.
"What are you doing over there Kenshin?" Yae approached, suspicious of Kenshin's intentions, but all she got was Kenshin's hand touching hers, and it made her fall to the ground, having lost control of her body. Again.
"Look at this" Kenshin said in a conspirational tone, and showed Makoto a book. Yes, that book.
"W-What is this?" asked Makoto with a red face, peeking at the book through the gap of her fingers. "H-How lewd!"
"Indeed. Yae here always liked stories, and she decided to publish this book, which I know for a fact was based on a diary she kept of her, you know, 'heated' encounters with your sister" Kenshin lied like a scoundrel. "And this is the first book, there are another 2 volumes".
"H-How could Ei do this?!" asked a red-faced Makoto. "How is she going to have kids?"
"That's an old way of thinking" Kenshin said in a casual tone. "Nowadays everybody fucks with whoever they want, and if you try to say something you are the bad one. Anyway, I know that your sister felt excited by people reading about their encounters, so guess what happened next?".
Yae was looking murderously at Kenshin, and Ei was doing the same inside the puppet.
"W-What happened?" asked a red-faced Makoto.
"Ei decided to sell these books all around the world" Kenshin revealed with a serious voice. "Even people from Mondstadt, being the lovely stupid bunch of monkeys they are have this book, and it was a best seller. Ah!, my Radiant Knight is different. She is smart. And a pervert".
"S-So everyone in Teyvat knows about everything my sister has done with Miko?" asked Makoto, squirming in her seat.
"Yes, and gue- oi, tell me that I'm imagining things" said Kenshin with a disbelieving look. "You are excited about this!?"
"N-No" replied weakly Makoto, looking to the side.
"Lie" muttered Kenshin, knowing now how wide the world was. "Here we have a sister with an exhibition fetish, and what's even worse, about her own sister with a furball".
"I-I-"
"Don't lie, I can detect lies. Makoto, you already have been discovered, don't make it worse. Just shut up, okay?" Kenshin gently said.
Makoto decided to retreat into the puppet, too ashamed to show her face. But what she found was the dumbfounded look Ei was giving her.
"Sister" Ei could only say that, looking agape at her sister.
"E-Ei, i-it isn't like that!" Makoto shouted desperately, but Ei couldn't believe her. How could she? She knew her sister the most out of everyone else in the world.
"Those books are all lies" Ei revealed, making Makoto blush again, this time from shame. She had been exposed because of a lie. "But the fact that you find exciting knowing that my hypothetical sexual encounters with my friend are being exposed to the whole world exciting, it's honestly disgusting".
"E-Ei, we still need to talk about everything you did to my country!" Makoto remembered mid-way that she also had a reason to be angry.
And indeed, Ei could only lower her head.
"Now that you know it" Kenshin said, having heard their exchange with his ability. "I wrote those books".
"It was you?!" asked Ei in indignation. "And you were in the meeting to decide what to do about it! You were fooling me from the start, you even proposed talking about it with Yae!"
"I did, and I had fun" Kenshin honestly admitted. "But we need to focus, or people will get anxious about our disappearance".
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Kenshin entered the meeting room that same day, after telling everyone involved that they would have a meeting today.
Everyone was already seated when Kenshin entered and sat on his seat under the incredulous look of everyone else. They knew that Kenshin had survived, but he was unscathed.
There was only one explanation, and everyone thought of it, except for Sara.
"How did you run away from the duel?" asked Takayuki with a dark face.
"With my 3 legs"
"What do you me-"
"Hiiragi-dono" interrupted Sara with an exasperated sigh. "It's the usual Kenshin fooling around".
The Shogun entered, and everyone fell silent, anxious to hear what she needed to say.
"I lost the duel" Ei honestly said. At least, that's what she thought. "So now Kenshin will be the Shogun"
""".....""" even Sara didn't expect this.
"What is your Excellency talking about?" asked a dumbfounded Takayuiki. The Shogun had been ruling for 2000 years, and she just left her position? In just a sentence?
"I won't repeat myself. I lost the duel, and the consequences are clear" Ei looked calmly at the leaders of the few Commissions who were looking at her in disbelief and stood up.
Kenshin did the same, and they exchanged seats.
"Now" said Kenshin with a small smile. "It's my turn".
"H-How can this....." Takayuki was still stunned.
Imagine that one day someone told you that the sun was green. What are you on? would be your first reaction.
The presence of the Shogun was exactly the same, it was something integral to the life of people in Inazuma. Everyone grew up listening to stories about her, how she fought in ancient times with enemy gods, how she fought for their people....
And now, without anyone expecting it, in a single sentence, she destroyed that constant presence.
"Now I'm the Shogun" said Kenshin with an evil smirk rubbing his hands. "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want".
"Kenshin" Ei warned him with a frown.
"Something to say assistant?" asked calmly Kenshin, mimicking her usual tone. "Please share it with the rest of the class. I'm sure everyone is very interested in what you have to say".
Ei gritted her teeth, but she couldn't say anything, Kenshin was in power now, and she would respect the results of the duel.
"Hmm, I see with my blind eyes that you are feeling embarrassed. Don't worry, your boss understands" Kenshin magnanimously nodded. "Anyway, I have my first order. Ei, you are my bodyguard. You are used to it right?"
"I....am" Ei reluctantly said. She used to protect Makoto, but she was her sister. She didn't want to protect this annoying man.
"Also we need to decide your punishment, you messed up really, really bad. Fortunately for you, your pet with foxy habits knew that this situation would happen, so she convinced me to do damage control. Even I wouldn't have any other choice but to imprison you or kick you out of Inazuma had you killed someone" Kenshin's face turned dark talking about the few thing that could have happened.
"You can't do that!" Ei's face showed desperation at the mention of being kicked out, Inazuma was all she had after all.
"You are lucky no one died, no one starved and no one had to suffer because they lost their Vision. That's the only saving grace you have right now. The only consequences of your actions are depressed people and a few people escaping. You won't be allowed to rule Inazuma ever again, no matter what happens to me or..... you know, the other ruler. If anything happens and you are the only one left, you will change the ruling system based on what Yae teaches you to do. Also, a public apology is a must" Kenshin sternly said, and Ei nodded sadly.
"Also, you are going to be pranked every single day by either me, Yae, or both for as long as I live. You will model for my books, stop Sara! Your Shogun commands you! Anyway, no more dangos".
"....." Ei's face was turning darker, but nodded.
Poor woman, who didn't know how severe Kenshin's punishment was.
"Hmm, if I think of something else, I will tell you" Kenshin hummed, imitating this time the Boss of the Lands. "Then you are my bodyguard and my assistant. Now Sara"
"What do you want?" tiredly said Sara.
Kenshin raised his eyebrow.
"What do you want, your Excellency?" repeated Sara, hiding her anger.
Even if Kenshin had the same position as her it was only because of his special ability, she had been the one to work hard to reach her position. And now, she didn't know how Kenshin had the only position where he could order her around. It was humiliating, she felt all her efforts being thrown into the trash-can.
"Hmm. Make the army retreat. After today, there will be no more war" Kenshin said waving his hand in an arrogant gesture.
"What are you saying?" muttered Sara, angered beyond belief. "I have been working in the front for years. We have the advantage in numbers, but they are better qualitatively speaking, and the fact that we are the attacking ones leaves our supply lines weak....to...ambushes" Sara looked at Kenshin dumbfounded.
Because Kenshin was pointing at Ei.
"Honestly, for a general, you are still stupid" Kenshin mocked her with a smirk. "I, and only I, have the ultimate weapon. Those pesky rebels will only see a white flash, and they will be food for the fishes they love so much".
"I am not going to murder Inazuman citizens" said Ei with a frown, making Kenshin look at her awkwardly.
"Umm, yeah, like you haven't been doing that for centuries" Kenshin said in a wry voice.
"That was different. They were duels" Ei confidently argued, making Makoto scream inside of pure desperation.
She just learned that her sister was killing her own citizens using her stupid 'duels'.
"Well, then go and challenge them. And be sure to kill them after" Kenshin shooed her with his hands.
"That's not a duel. A duel is-"
"I don't care. If you are not going to have that duel with them, I will just go there and insult them. Then you, as a bodyguard, will kill them all" Kenshin casually said. "No matter what, you are not escaping your fate, and your destiny dictates that you will give me an empty island. Now Sara, you will come with me, they will only take me seriously if someone they still think is important comes with me. They know me, but not my new-found power".
"What?! You know the rebels?" asked a shocked Sara.
"Of course, how did you think I got all the citizens to escape?" Kenshin was looking at her, questioning her intelligence.
"It was you!!" shouted the leader of the Kanjou Commission. "You are a traitor!!".
"I can't be a traitor" said Kenshin with a calm face. "I'm the boss here. If I am the traitor, it means you all are the traitors instead. I am the law!"
"Kenshin" asked Ei with a dark face. "Are you telling me that all our problems with food came to be because you decided to let people run?"
"Are you saying that you wanted to incarcerate people here?" asked Kenshin, knowing that Makoto wouldn't like it. "And the food problem came to be because YOU decided to cut ties with Liyue. Sooner or later, we would have starved, people or not".
Indeed, Makoto didn't like it, but she decided to wait until all of this was over to speak with her 'dear' sister.
"And what did you give them in exchange for them carrying those people?" asked Sara with a grim expression.
"Food"
"Kenshin!! I had been counting on them to starve, so I stopped pushing at a certain point! You made all the work I did these last years useless!" Sara shouted in indignation.
"The fact that you assumed something wrong is not my fault. And be more respectful I'm the Shogun after all" Kenshin smugly said.
Sara could only shut up and sit down, brimming with anger.
"I remember how much of a simp you are, and I expect the same degree of adoration. Praise the Shogun!" Kenshin mockingly said, and Sara bit her lips.
"Next order, those stupid Decrees are obviously out, and no Fatuis will be allowed to enter Inazuma. Except for Arlecchino, I want her to be Snezhnaya's ambassador here" Kenshin sagely nodded.
"You can't do that!" shouted Takayuki standing up.
"Your turn will come later you old fogey" Kenshin said with a light smile. "I have been wanting to smack you for years, and now you will have to say thanks after it. But anyway, the Commissions are dissolved!".
"You can't-"
"Ohoho, believe me, I can. It was a stupid idea only someone brainless could have thought of" Kenshin said, not hiding his pointed stare at Ei, who ignored it.
She still didn't know what was so bad about the system. Maybe she should have renewed the members a bit, but it was a good system.
"A week ago, we spoke and Ei decided" explained Kenshin. "Now I speak and I decide. It's a great system".
"That's tyranny!" shouted Takayuki.
"It was, it is, and it will" Kenshin nodded with a bright smile. "Tyranny is bad only when you are not the one with all the power. Also, in a few months, after we get every single bit of information, you will be deported to Sumeru. Knowing how arrogant and dumb you all are, you will starve there, or be made to participate in a colonoscopy for bread."
"That's-"
"True of course. I don't lie, I only joke" replied Kenshin. "And the only joke here now is you. Now, as the Shogun, I command my Head Priestess to give me a foot massage!".
Yae entered the room with a cold face.
The Shrine always served the Shogun and only the Shogun. Nobody expected the Shogun to change, but here they were.
"Kenshin, this wasn't supposed to happen" Yae said in a sharp voice.
They agreed to let Kenshin rule for a while, at least until Makoto was up to the task again, and they didn't think much of it. Kenshin stabilizes the situation, and then he leaves like the dung beetle he is, always looking for a different shit to get his hands on.
But Kenshin was using all the details they hadn't cared to think about. They overestimated Kenshin as a human being.
"Shut up. I have been oppressed under your fist of tyranny for years. But know this furball, I am your superior now. So bow" Kenshin said with an ear-wide smile.
Yae bit her teeth but complied.
"Lower" smirked Kenshin. "Thank you for your cooperation. Now, I'm sure you have a very important announcement to make. Please tell us".
Yae was surprised to hear this. She only came to show 'allegiance' to the new Shogun, what was Kenshin talking about?
"You don't?" asked a disappointed Kenshin. "Then I will have to make one myself. This book will be an obligatory lecture"
That book came out again.
"Why are you still going on with that?!" asked an indignant Ei, forgetting her calm persona.
"Because it's funny, and it's selling quite well" Kenshin explained. "It's just sad. The 'Radiant Knight' is a book every single critic has praised to the heavens, and still this trash is selling more.
Yae could only agree, she owned a publishing house after all.
"So yes, obligatory book. Next, we open relations with Liyue. They are better than us in every sense. And Mondstadt too, they are way better than us. We trade, and Inazuma will be known for its talent to shamelessly steal and copy their inventions and culture" Kenshin sagely nodded.
The guy next to you is a hard-working genius, while you are a lazy bum. And yet, the moment the exhausted genius had finally done his job, you steal it. That's the direct road to progress.
"Are you looking for a fight with Liyue?" asked Sara rubbing her eyebrows in exasperation.
"Their god is a tired grandpa, and quite weak. Even my assistant can beat him" Kenshin said with a smile. Of course, he wasn't going to annoy Morax. But Barbatos.....
"And lastly, we are going to have a party. One that will show the world how much Inazuma has changed, and I will invite everyone I know" Kenshin said while thinking about the invitations.
"Kenshin, we have no food" commented Ayato.
"I will use your drinks, there will be enough for everybody" Kenshin looked at Ayato's drink with a confused face. He didn't bring any of those from Liyue, and he was sure the Kanjou Commission didn't buy those. So where the hell had Ayato been obtaining so many from? "The merchants and those stuck-ups will bring food to congratulate us, we will use that".
"So our first festival to show how different Inazuma is won't even have our own food" muttered Sara with a dead look in her eyes.
"You say that like it's a bad thing" countered Kenshin. "It's called being smart. Using the enemy's resources is 4 times as effective, or something like that".
"I can't believe you butchered like that such a famous sentence" muttered Sara again, not wanting to work here anymore.
"To summarize. I rule. My assistant is strong but dumb, my General is smart and a simp, my Head Priestess is a furball and Ayato is Ayato. I like it".
ความคิดของผู้สร้าง 
ARandomMob
ARandomMob Before you get your panties in a knot.
I thought of the exchange between Kenshin and Yae as 'friendly banter' that got traduced into a 'heavy prank' due to the nature of the relationship. Yae had also been using her power all these years to basically prank Kenshin, it's only now Kenshin can take some revenge.
Kenshin's intention is not to humiliate Yae in any way, only to get some revenge.
Lastly, this is the last chapter of the mass release, thanks to everyone who gave the PS, we reached top 1 even if it was for a moment, that's enough for me.
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