บท 218: Ch.49 – For Me and Only Me (2/4)
Mari's Perspective
After Ayumi confirmed my suspicions, she didn't want to continue our chat. Instead, she asked me to stop for a bit. I decided it would be best because I had to pick up Hana from their Christmas party anyway. But that would just be pushing things out further.
"I can't let this go on anymore."
I touched my bracelet, the gift that opened up my heart enough to push me forward. Even though Ayumi rejected her daughter, pushed her away to the side… Madoka-san was still thinking of other people. And if Madoka-san can keep moving forward, why can't we?
Hana and Madoka don't deserve to suffer anymore because of their parents' selfish choices.
"Finally, home…"
I whispered as I stepped out of the car. Snow was covering the sidewalk making it difficult to step up to the porch. When I finally stepped through the door, the home was cold and dark. I took off my shoes and made my way towards our room.
With every step, my determination peaked further. I knocked on the room door, separating me from… Ayumi.
"Ayumi, Hana is staying at Auburn-san's tonight. We… we can't leave things how it is. We need to talk this out tonight."
After a long period of silence, I could hear her roll over and stand on her feet. The creek of her feet tapping the wood echoed in the quiet home.
What Ayumi told me earlier was the breaking point already for me. How… she already knew the feelings between Madoka and me before that accident. I needed to go further to clear up all the confusion though.
What happened that night in the car… and what was going through her head, lying about all of this to the both of us?
The door opened, revealing Ayumi in sleepwear. Her eyes were tired and red, flushed from crying. In a groggy voice, Ayumi complained.
"I figured this would happen…"
Weakly, she replied as she opened the door, allowing me to walk inside.
"Did Madoka convince you to come back and continue our conversation or something, Mari?"
I sat on the bed and crossed my legs.
"Indirectly, I guess. Madoka-san didn't ask me about it… but seeing her and Hana… urged me to settle things instead of putting them off again, Ayumi."
She scoffed.
"Figures…"
Through these years that I set my heart aside, I did my best to take my lies and accept them as sins only I committed. But looking at things objectively, I figured that Ayumi knew more than she was telling me. But it still hurt to know how easily she could hide everything… even from me.
"You must think I'm a terrible person…"
Ayumi started by crossing her arms.
"B-But you don't understand, Mari. I-I did it to help you and Madoka. I-I lied about knowing what was happening between you… to help you dear."
"Help? A-Ayumi… you knew our feelings and s-still… you still… manipulated me to be with you? How… how is that helping?"
Ayumi stood in front with her arms crossed, towering over me. But despite her dominating stance, Ayumi looked away, shaking her head. I had to calm down or else I risked her shutting down like before. I closed my eyes, adjusted myself on the bed, and looked out the frosty window.
"How did things get so complicated, Ayumi? Weren't we just friends at work who decided to help each other? How did it lead to this?"
I asked… then turned back to her. Those azure eyes gazed into my soul… and I stared back, not backing down.
"When I first met you, we struggled with our two daughters, Ayumi. We used to eat out after big projects. We would stay out late drinking and confiding in each other about how life took our husbands away too soon."
I paused to reminisce about a simpler time. I put my head in the palms of my hands and pleaded for answers.
"How did such a simple and wonderful friendship… turn to something so ugly? Was it always that easy for us to hurt each other, Ayumi?"
Ayumi sat next to me on the bed. Likely exhausted, she fell onto the bed and laid down on her back. Motionless, my lover gazed above us as if the pieces to this complex puzzle resided above.
"I-I don't know, Mari."
I followed Ayumi's lead and fell on my back also. Together, we searched the ceiling above.
"Ayumi… talk to me."
Her lips parted and hiccups escaped her mouth.
"Y-You know, Madoka changed when she met you, Mari. And at first, I thought that was a good thing, Mari. She became so much more closed off since her father passed away."
She reached her hand out into the void above as if her answers were there.
"You reminded me of my husband, Mari. Able to connect with Madoka in a way I never could."
Ayumi looked away.
"Truth be told... I didn't have feelings for you at first, Mari."
She confessed.
"That was until you got sick on the couch... then everything just clicked."
She closed her eyes as if imagining the time in her thoughts.
"It was the night you got a fever and fell asleep on the couch..."
I thought about that day… when I was overworked and stressed. Madoka-san took charge and helped me.
"I stepped in to see Madoka caressing your head when you were sick… like she'd do to me when I was sick."
Ayumi reached out and touched my hand gently.
"As I watched Madoka tend to you.."
Ayumi's voice cracked but she pressed on.
"I thought to myself, Mari, how nice it would be that fate brought us together in such a tragic way. As if my husband's death was only the catalyst for you to… protect me in the future, Mari-san."
"Protect you, Ayumi?"
I looked deep into Ayumi's blue eyes.
"Yes… think about it. What are the odds that we'd come together through tragedy? Everything was perfect in my head."
She bit her lip.
"But there was only one problem…."
She said, and I answered…
"And that was Madoka's feelings?"
She glanced away, but I drew her back to me by tightening my grip on her hand. Our eyes met again…
"No… that's not it, is it Ayumi?"
I opened my mouth realizing something else. I wasn't sure… but I explored it.
"Ayumi… that night Madoka was taking care of me, what went through your head?"
I pushed her to tell me the truth. After a bit of resistance, she broke.
"I was scared, Mari."
"You were scared because Madoka was taking care of me, Ayumi?"
Ayumi's eyes widened, as if the gears in her head were spinning. Suddenly, she shot up from the bed and got to her feet. I did the same, following her to the other side of the room.
"Ayumi, tell me the truth. You weren't scared because Madoka might have had feelings for me, were you?"
"Nnng…"
Ayumi glared at me.
"You don't understand!"
She shouted. Annoyed, Ayumi tried to walk away but I grabbed her hand, stopping her in place.
"Ayumi, were you scared because Madoka, wouldn't be there to take care of you anymore?"
At my accusation, my lover flew in a rage.
"N-No! That's not why I wanted Madoka away from you!"
She shook her head, but it was futile. Clearly, this was the lie that she hid from all of us. Ayumi's need to be loved, protected… scared her the most.
"You're making me sound like a monster, Mari… Think logically. It would be better and more proper if you and I got together, Mari. And Madoka must have been confused. She was clearly warping admiration, appreciation, and affection with romance."
Ayumi freed herself from my grasp.
"And the fact that you were leading her on only showed me that you… must be doing the same. You both… clearly didn't see things the right way."
I crossed my arms, confronting her feelings.
"No, Ayumi, we didn't see things your way. We saw it our way. And if we got together… our relationship would be about us, not you!"
The pit in my stomach grew deeper as I followed how far Ayumi's lies really went.
"Ayumi, what did you say to Madoka in the car that day? The day you both got into that accident. What… what really happened?"
She stood tall, crossed her arms, and admitted the truth…
"I told Madoka to stay away from you, Mari."
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