บท 4: 4
Xing Fei rammed the car door into place as she eagerly marched towards the house, uncaring and unnoticed of her parents and Da Wei seated patiently by the garage, hoping for her to come back home.
"Behave like a woman? You are roaming at night in these clothes. Learn from your cousin, who is younger than you but behaving like a noble woman. What sin have I done to have a daughter like you?" Her mother continued ranting but stopped as soon as Da Wei came to her view.
His one glare is enough to put everyone on hold if they raise their voice against his 'would be wife'. Xing Fei belongs to Da Wei, only Da Wei.
She ignored both these maniacs and headed towards the main door. Her mother is right, she never behaved like a 'woman'. She plays video games, wears black, has a tattoo on her arm, drinks and has parties. Everytime her mother belittled her she would pick up some of these habbits, like recently hooking up with a guy at a bar. She wanted to prove herself that she is free and nobody can stop her.
"Xing Fei", her father called out in a weary tone.
The amount of worry in her tone was difficult to miss, but Xing Fei couldn't quite wait to converse with them or smoothen things over when there was something else she would rather be doing. She brushed past them and raced up the stairs, humming happily and excitedly to herself. The bizarre feeling almost caused her a fall down the stairs, but she veered ahead, determined to pick her art tools once again for the night.
Barging into her room, Xing Fei paused momentarily at the sight of her room looking organized, or at least, in proper shape than it had been when she left.
"Papa', he whispered in acknowledgement of the man's caring nature with a bead of tears slowly forming in the corner of her right eye.
Without further ado, she cast off her shirt, tossed it into the wardrobe and armed herself with her drawing tools within seconds. Applying a new canvass to the drawing board, Xing Fei took a rather long and odd pause as she glared at the empty canvas. She could swear she could see the drawing on the empty canvas already, with all touch of perfection on it.
Obviously driven and triggered in a manner she had not experienced for a while, Xing Fei slowly placed her drawing pen to the blank page and felt herself slowly, yet, majestically, burst forth. Copious amount of energy swelled through from within and without taking note of her actions, she moved across and beyond for the next few minutes.
Taking a step back to observe what she had managed to accomplish, he shook her head and mumbled, "Not anywhere close".
She needed the drawing to be perfect, just like the real thing. She needed the innocence she had seen in those eyes the moment the figure turned around and nothing short of replicating the real thing would do.
"You can do it. I know you can do it", she said to herself without ceasing.
It was undoubtedly the first time she felt that moved and gingered to get a drawing done. This particular drawing was her choice and she wanted to see it through. She wanted to see the perfection burst to life and nothing would hinder or halt it.
"Xing Fei", her father's voice called as he neared from the hallway.
Worried about being distracted with talks she wanted nothing to do with, or at least not in the moment, she hurried to the door and slammed it shut before bolting it on the inside.
"Xing Fei?" her father's voice echoed once again from the other side of the door with three subtle taps.
"This is not the time, papa", she replied as respectfully as she could.
She needed the space to create her masterpiece. She needed the lone time to bring it to life and she didn't need or want anyone disturbing her creative process.
"Too much shade", she whispered as she tore off the page she was currently working on.
It was the third canvass already and her stash was thinning no doubt. More errors would render her desire to get her drawing done, futile and she was becoming aware as time tickled by.
Somewhat frustrated on her fourth attempt, Xing Fei paced around her room, mumbling to herself and momentarily running her fingers through her hair.
"Why can't I get it right!?" she asked herself before kicking the stool in her path.
She could swear the images were right there before her eyes. She could swear they existed in her frame of mind and she could almost feel them in her fingertips. She had seen "his" face and those overwhelmingly drowning eyes. She had felt the innocence from a distance away and all she wanted was to replicate it into her canvass.
"Again!" she fumed and turned around to tend to her drawing at whatever time cost it would be for her.
Unwilling to give into the narrative her mother had shared and constantly aired, Xing Fei needed to get this one drawing done. She wanted nothing more than to create the perfect pictorial representation of the figure on the bridge. She didn't care for the hoodie, or for the frame. She didn't care for the clothes or for anything else.
The things she wanted were clear and yet vague. They were right at her fingertips and yet so far away. Her mind could conceive them, but her hands weren't. Xing Fei grew frustrated but vowed not to give up regardless. She needed this one win and he needed to get it done accordingly.
"Again!" she yelled as her frustrations continued with her sixth attempt.
She wasn't about to give into quitting. She wasn't about to let her mother's words manifest.
"You always quit when things get tough! You never see things through because you are a quitter! Learn to often finish what you started!" were the words ringing through her head and she penned herself to work.
Two hours trickled by and Xing Fei had still not gotten or found what she wanted. It was taking longer than she would have anticipated but she knew it would be worth the time. Like a butterfly horning its flying skills across a field, she danced beautifully across her drawing board with guise. Her entire body felt lighter and her mind slowly began to empty.
Three hours into her drawing, Xing Fei suddenly felt lighter. She felt unburdened and unwilling to relent. The time she'd spend didn't matter, and as morning snuck up on her, the early morning crow from a rooster not far away prompted Xing Fei to take her first break in about an hour.
She stepped backwards and gawked at the board one more time. Her hazy eyes denied her proper vision. Her bones ached and her knees threatened to fail her. She was spent and with little strength left to continue, her body did what it had to; it prompted Xing Fei to rest.
***
"Xing Fei", a more soothing and rather calm tone called out to her from the edge of her bed. "Wake up, daughter. Wake up".
Xing Fei slowly parted her eyelids to reveal the safety of her room. She let out a sigh in relief, seeing she had managed to get some much needed rest, albeit unknowingly. It made it three counts for the week and she wasn't sure of when it would stop. The little sleep she had managed to amass was in response to the stressors and indicators of what she had gone through and a part of her which had existed for a while, continued to haunt her mind.
"Papa", Xing Fei managed to whisper as she stared into the loving and quite soothing eyes of her dear father.
he beamed back at her with a smile and somewhat tired expression. he wondered if she had had any sleep through the night. He wondered if she had taken the time to rest while she was having her tantrum. Nothing about her frail look suggested it and it made his heart feel sore. The petite framed woman continued to smile back while she pinned her head into his chest.
Xing Fei's father, Xing Hui finally pulled her head away and stared into her eyes one more time. "I know your mother gave you a hard time last night, but I need you to understand that she loves you and wants the best for you".
Xing Fei wished she could believe those words well enough. Whatever form of love the woman had for her was a tough one and she was fast forgetting the last time they actually had peace.
She cocked her head, managed a faint grin and subtly replied, "I know papa".
She wanted some more sleep and would appreciate the caring man granting her some space. After all, it was the weekend and there was hardly anything to do other than goof around and work on her art piece. The thought of her art piece struck her hard and caused her to look towards the board. A covering had been placed atop the board, which made her father chuckle oddly.
"Papa… what did you do?" Xing Fei asked with a curious tone and flattened eyes.
Hui slowly got up from his daughter's side and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know who that is, but I'm sure your mother wouldn't give you the sticks if she saw what I saw".
He leaned over and planted a kiss into her forehead before slowly exiting her room. His giggles could still be heard along the hallway before it slowly faded into the distance. Xing Fei rushed out of bed and hurried to the drawing board with raging heartbeats. She couldn't quite remember what she had drawn the night before or if it came out right.
"What did I do?" Xing Fei asked herself before taking off the covering her father had placed over the drawing.
Her eyes widened almost immediately, jaw dropped and her fists clenched in disbelief as she stared right back at the work of art. The strokes were perfect. The lines held little to no blemish and she managed to capture the eyes just as she had seen it.
"Wow!" she screamed atop her voice while she could barely get her eyes off of the board.
It was the first ever inspiration she had managed to summon since she joined Beijing School of Art and feeling the rush threaten to overwhelm her even in that moment, was unexplainable. She cast her gaze on her utensils and other drawing kits she had used through the night and they had been neatly arranged. She had made a really good drawing without having to mess her room up in the process and that in itself was also inspiring.
Fueled by pride and joy, Xing Fei kicked against thin air, danced around the room and thanked her stars for going out the night before. Above all, she thanked the unknown boy she had seen and wished there was a way they could have spoken before he disappeared into the night. His innocence, mixed with the look of pain and anguish on his face had been perfectly caught on the drawing board.
In fact, Xing Fei was certain her new drawing would bring her reviews from friends and anyone alike. Yet, she didn't care for her mother seeing it. She wasn't about to give the woman the impression that she was dearly seeking some form of validation. She had done the drawing for herself and that was all that mattered to the young woman.
A loud blaring noise distracted Xing Fei away from the drawing for a moment; she had a phone call.
"Hello", she muttered into the receiver upon clamping her thumb on the green button and lifting the phone to her ear.
Silence ensued for a moment, before the familiar voice came through. "You owe us a drink tonight, girl. No stories, just get your ass down to the pub".
There was just one person in Beijing who could be that way on the phone and it prompted a thin-lipped smile from Xing Fei. The die had been cast since she informed her friends about her decision to go to Beijing School of Art.
"That sounds fine by me", she muttered, before tossing her cellphone back on the bed.
The sight of her damaged game console tore through her heart and she made a mental note to get another one on her way back. It would be the perfect punishment to spend her mother's money buying another one, since she was responsible for damaging the one she had in the first place.
Xing Fei fell back into bed, closed her eyes and stretched as the beautiful Beijing morning air caressed her face dearly. She figured she needed some more sleep and without further ado, turned on her side and sniggled her pillows. Few minutes afterwards, she would be snoring deeply.
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