บท 1: Reincarnation
In the vast and silent abyss at the end of the universe, where the light of the stars had dimmed and time seemed to have stopped, floated a humanoid figure made entirely of light. Its radiant form contrasted sharply with the darkness of the void surrounding it. This figure, known as God, observed with tired and bored eyes as multiple floating screens aligned in a chaotic order before him. The screens displayed scenes of people in different worlds, living their lives, but God's interest in them had faded.
With a gesture of indifference, God spoke, his voice a mix of boredom and disinterest.
"I'm tired, boss," he murmured, not addressing anyone in particular because he's God and, as such, has no boss.
"I'm also getting tired of the narrator," said God, in a false display of power, but deep down, he knew he couldn't just ignore his narrator. Without him, he'd be left with his anime and Mountain Dew, a rather pathetic combination. What a loser.
"Look, I've explained this before," God sighed, tired of having this conversation. "It's not anime. They're humans I send to different worlds with some special power."
"Really?" I asked, intrigued. "And how does that work?"
"It's simple. I pick humans from an ordinary world and transfer them to a completely different dimension. There, I grant them amazing abilities and throw them into a universe full of adventures. In this new place, they have to adapt, use their new powers, and face unexpected challenges. Thus, they begin an epic odyssey that will transform their lives as they explore a vast and unknown world."
"Sounds like anime with extra steps," I said, incredulous at God's stupidity.
"No, no. It's like anime, but with extra steps and much more fun!" God replied with an ironic smile.
The narrator, now reluctant to continue, huffed and changed the subject.
"Anyway, what do you need from me?" No need to ask, it's always the same. "Are you already tired of your latest toy?"
"Yes, this reincarnated one has already bored me," he knew.
"Alright. How do you want it this time? With light powers? Darkness? A system that devours other abilities? A system to copy abilities? Something technological? Based on video games? Smithing skills to forge Excalibur in the first minutes? A system with a clear flaw that can be exploited? Or would you prefer I grant three wishes to some random guy?"
God leaned back in his chair, lost in contemplation. His mind wandered, evaluating the options before responding.
"Hmm, you know what? Today I want to screw with someone." It's always surprising how indifferent he can be toward life.
"How screwed, sir?" Well, not that I care more than he does.
"I want it screwed, but screwed in a fun way, not screwed tragically." Said God with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
I shrugged. "Alright."
And so, the orb also known as the narrator began searching for his next victim. God, however, paid him no more attention, opened another bottle of Mountain Dew; his gaze remained fixed on the screen, waiting for the next reincarnated to offer him something that could entertain him and break the monotony of eternity.
/-/
In some lost corner of the universe, a soul floats peacefully, waiting to find out what will happen to it. This, dear viewers, is a reincarnated, although he doesn't know it yet. Generally, they are arrogant fools who believe they'll be granted three wishes because they couldn't get laid while they were alive. Come closer, let's see what profound thoughts this insignificant being has.
«Point of view of ???»
"I think I'm dead." Or at least that's the best guess I can make. Currently, I'm floating in the void without a physical body to move, without a mouth to curse, just me and my deepest thoughts...
This is going to drive me crazy. "SOMEONE, GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"JESUS!"
"BUDDHA!"
"THOR!"
"RA!"
"AMATERASU!"
"HARUHI SUZUMIYA!"
*No response*
Well, those were all the gods I knew. And now what?...
What was the last thing I did?
"Hmmm... Oh, yes, I was on my way to plant some magnificent turnips. Not to brag, I'm not a farmer or anything, I'm a programming student... or at least I was. And like any programming student, there comes a time when you wish you were a farmer. And suddenly, the world goes POOF! And here I am."
"I don't remember slipping or being struck by lightning, and I wasn't near the road, so Truck-kun can't be it. Divine punishment, maybe?" In conclusion, I have no idea how I got here.
*Noises of a Cosmic Entity*
Suddenly, while I was still lost in my thoughts about how long it would take to go insane, a massive figure emerged from a portal before me, wrapped in a majestic golden glow. Terrified and expecting to see its divine figure, the image of perfection, the face for which hundreds of religions have started wars, I opened my nonexistent eyes as wide as I could to be dazzled by a LARGE AND MAJESTIC orb... that was it, a large golden orb shining intensely and floating in the void. I'm not sure what's more overwhelming at this moment, my fear or my disappointment.
"You know I hear you, right?" said the orb in an annoyed tone, floating in the void and blinding my nonexistent eyes with its shine.
"Oops!" Should I apologize? It seems I offended the orb God.
"And if I'm God, I don't think that's the best way to treat me. You're either very brave or very stupid to worry about repercussions. I'm glad, that'll make the job easier."
Great, God is an idiot. Wait, job? "What job could God have with me?"
"First of all, I'm not a God, I'm just in charge of his entertainment."
This is moving too fast. If I could hyperventilate, I'd have passed out a few times by now.
"Calm down, take your time," said the floating talking orb sent by God.
I'm going to need some explanations. "First of all, why am I here?"
"You're here to entertain God," said the orb. "What an honor, right?" it added, making an ironic grimace.
How can a light orb make grimaces? I don't know, but it's doing it and it's pissing me off.
"Are you mocking me?"
"Nope," replied the orb in a sarcastic tone.
I need an out, I don't want this. "Maybe you have the wrong person. I don't think I have any entertainment value," I said, trying to avoid becoming God's clown.
"Nobody who ends up here has, so don't worry about that," it replied, cutting me off before I could finish speaking.
Nobody? You mean there are more people here? What use is more people to me? None, but if I'm going down, I'd like to take someone with me.
"Maybe I should give you some explanations. Remember all those isekai stories where the fool dies and is sent to a fantasy world to live exciting adventures?"
... OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TURNING ME INTO AN ISEKAI!
"More or less," it replied with a tone that didn't offer much certainty.
This must be punishment for reading fanfics. I knew reading them would lead me to ruin sooner or later. "There has to be something I can do to get you to send me back. I have family and friends waiting for me at home."
The floating orb tilted slightly, as if considering my request. "First of all, you distanced yourself from your family a long time ago, and as far as I know, you have no friends."
"Ow! You didn't need to put it that way, even if it's true."
Aha! Time to play my last card. "I have a cat, Mr. Fluffy, waiting for me at home. What will he do without me?"
The orb emitted a soft buzzing sound, as if trying to hold back laughter. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but Mr. Fluffy has a secret family, so don't worry about him. Besides, you've already signed the contract."
"FUCKING TRAITOR CAT! I knew I should have gotten a dog. Wait, WHEN DID I SIGN A CONTRACT? I don't even have hands to sign anything."
"It's not a contract per se, it's more of a verbal agreement."
"Explain yourself, orb," I said with growing anger and concern.
"Five years ago, precisely in May 2019, at 10:03 p.m., while you were reading a fanfic where the world is a matriarchy and gender roles are reversed, you said, and I quote: 'I wish I were in a world like that.'"
"And there it is, you wished it and God delivered. A completely valid agreement." The orb seemed visibly pleased, as if waiting for my reaction.
"THAT MAKES NO SENSE!" I shouted, feeling frustration consume me. I knew it was the fanfics' fault.
"Sense or not, the deal is done, so with that resolved, let's move on to the fun part, your advantages, obviously. You're going to love what I have planned for you: I'll give you combat skills and a template system..." The orb was visibly excited, its lights flashing with enthusiasm.
"Go to hell..." I whispered, with contained rage.
The orb turned toward me and its lights stopped blinking. "What did you say?"
"I SAID GO TO HELL, STUPID FLOATING ORB! You can't kidnap people and tell them they're going to another world to be the entertainment of a dumb god and think they'll be okay with whatever you say," I screamed with all the strength I had left.
...
...
...
The orb seemed to calm down, its glow softening as it cleared its imaginary throat. "I see, as I was saying, you'll get the Netoru System." Its voice was now calm, almost indifferent.
"WTF? What the hell is that? You said it was a template system."
"I have no idea what you're talking about. This is the system you have. Better luck next time, kid." The orb shrugged in a gesture that seemed mocking.
"I REFUSE!!"
"You can refuse, but you'll be sent to the new world anyway."
"Then I refuse to participate. I REFUSE TO USE YOUR SYSTEM and be part of this twisted game."
"Hmm, that would be a problem. Let me adjust it..."
*Sounds of machinery*
"...and done, problem solved." The orb seemed satisfied, as if it had solved a complicated puzzle.
"What did you do? I don't feel anything has changed."
"If you refuse to be a part, the system will activate the automatic punishment function 'Testicle Twisting,' and don't you dare die on purpose or I'll send you to progressively worse worlds until you cooperate." The orb smiled in a way that made me shiver.
"You're not a god, you're a MONSTER," I said, pointing my nonexistent hand at it.
"And just to confirm, the reincarnate says what..."
"What?"
"HA HA! I knew you'd agree, and with that confirmation, the deal is closed. SEE YOU IN ANOTHER LIFE, IDIOT! HA HA HA!" The orb burst into malicious laughter as it was dragged into a vortex of void.
"THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME!" I shouted as the vortex swallowed me, and the last thing I saw before disappearing was the orb laughing at me with cruel satisfaction.
I wake up with a splitting headache and an incessant noise. I lift my head to see a floating square with a cold glow.
[Netoru System Initialized]
[Please enter a name]
Damn it.
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