Reincarnated as Shikamaru

LV 4

KhadaFourJhin

I would've liked to say that I enjoyed this story but in all honestly, it was just hard for me to get through this. I don't wish to be an idiot and blatantly hate on the story so I shall list why I didn't like it all that much. The way you write is a whole mess in the kindest way possible, you are better than 70%+ of people here but it still is a massive criticism that you should fix as a writer. The pacing is my main issue though, it feels out of place and weird to read about (It might just be me though). I suggest you slow things down a bit and stretch it out instead of cramping it into one small chapter for every situation and have some interactions rather than just MC monologuing 24/7 because it just feels wrong to read. The grammar is fine even if it isn't the best, the only noticeable and constant error is your use of commas. Your usage of commas is very extra and is used way too much for a single paragraph and it leads to a lot of mumbo jumbos (Not a big mistake just one to look out for). Your chapters are short and rushed which also doesn't help so I hope it gets better after this. You should seriously take your time with this stuff as it affects the reader's interest and enjoyment of this story. If you're doing this for fun then by all means just ignore me but if you're seriously trying to improve then this is a big message to you. I normally wouldn't care but I've been quite hungry for a decent fanfiction and this didn't really live up to that which it could've had you thought this story out more. The premise you chose is of course interesting and unique enough to get my attention adding to the fact that the first few chapters, while poorly executed, were also enough to get me to continue. When continuing it led me to realize something, it seriously feels like the MC doesn't behave naturally and his motivations are odd. This then leads to your MC's reasoning becoming... wholeheartedly dumb. The whole Danzo thing felt so off and made me question if he knew what Danzo's intentions were and if he seriously knew his stuff. It isn't a prominent thing in the story but it is still a criticism worth mentioning. Now I am no professional critique or anything, nor am I trying to tell you how to write your story but this is my honest opinion about it from what I've read (10 Chapters) and my thoughts of it so far are that of Disappointment. You should take your time with your story and try making it different and more planned out rather than making it generic and cliche like 97% of all the other Naruto FF. This might be a wish-fulfillment and I'm all in for that but as a story, it fails massively. I am a picky reader and I'll admit it because I don't want to sound hypocritical but my standards have lowered over time and I can handle some pretty bad stories and Fanfics so it shouldn't take much improvement to keep me into this.. I will of course continue reading in hopes you improve and better the story, Good luck author-san.

LV 2

Oden_490

Please please dont make him overpowered until shippuden that a big mistake people make man id say you can do want ever you want but thats my major concern and you concidering anbu or hunter-nin for him if so with his skills it sounds like something for him to do during the tim eskip and a resonable powerup method

LV 4

SleepingForestKing

Havent read yet but i saw a tag that says Op eventually but i couldnt imagine shikamaru being op no matter what until i had a great idea what if you make shikamaru able to Steal a tailed beast shadow And Make it be a shadowed tailed beast that would be RAW ASF

LV 4

Hgoma

Shikamaru the Shadow Monarch, I mean it would be so cool to see Shikamaru raise a shadow army out of his shadow instead of shadow clones technique make him create his own shadow army

LV 1

DaoistzuVmua

Thanks for the chapter, your fanfic I like a lot. I like the fanfic because there are not many like Shikamaru as the main one or at least I just read it. the usual is an oc or reload as Naruto or Kakashi. and that of the nara clan as a clan specialized only in murders is great it would be something like hitman in short your fanfic is great

LV 5

Tupan

This story is great so far. The writing quality is top notch and the explanation of the basic techniques are simple and interesting and above all make sense. I really like the interactions so far especially Shikamaru and his family. I just wish the chapters were longer and the updates more frequent. I want to read more haha. Keep up the good work author🤘

LV 1

taigakuroko39

COOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

LV 3

Daoist453d

I’m giving 5 stars right now, but please slow his progress down a bit. At this rate, he’ll be S-Rank at 10. It’s ridiculous. Even Itachi and Kakashi pale in comparison to his learning capability.

LV 3

TheLaotzu

🤔🤔👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿

LV 4

HotChairsLover

nice work

LV 3

ReMormius

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

LV 4

Rhys_Gray

good story finally not a uchiha and a Nara as I always thought that they should be more powerful than they looked

LV 4

The_great_father

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LV 4

HotChairsLover

nice work

LV 1

DaoistgD2KUM

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LV 2

Luci90

Moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

LV 4

Hgoma

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

LV 3

H3zyjb

Hey author I reaLly think your book Has potential and thank you for the update. Just please i bef of you dont make it into a power fantasy. A slow burn would be nice like if you got into the politics of the ninja world and focused on the aspects of being a ninja. like you dont need to do continuous tImeskips and thinGs like that later on if you focus on the characters and their mindsets. Furthermore just a personal preference but it would be cool if Shika was more into genjutsu which would suit his shadows and assasination bias. Like at first he could learn genjutsu that mess with the opponents hearing making them think hes behing them the catch them with the shadow Possession. Little things like that could bolster fights a large degree because we’be all seen the typical power fantasy and this could be something different. TLDR: the story is good but the Author needs to focus on a plot such as danzo wanting shikamaru for root but Shika trying his best to avoid him. Because danzo has nija everywhere so hes definitely keeping an eye on the Young clan members. There should also be more stakes to keep the reader invested instead of contantly just telling us what hes doing for training.

LV 14

GhostAKilla

keep it up love The fanfic 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃🙂😃🙂😃😃😃😃😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

LV 3

TheLaotzu

👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿