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96.55% Private Dump / Chapter 28: 7 prongs

บท 28: 7 prongs

Cat Prong Fever 

The first part of Edwards plan was simple. Everyone in town knew that Harry and Demetri were staying with Charlie because their mother had died, and the police chief was helping the pair find their feet. It was a sad story that compelled everyone to feel sorry for the brothers and watch out for them. After all, losing a parent and orphaned wasn't easy was it? No one liked to ask how their mother died, they didn't want to be seen as insensitive or nosey, but they were all curious. That made it easy for Edward to start his plan.

Bella, while not as popular as she once was, still had a few friends or people who liked to pretend to be her friends. Edward knew this, so with a little coaching, Bella was prepared to finally spread the news of how the brother's mother died.

"She was a druggie. Sold her body and everything to get a quick fix, but not just her own. Demetri would sleep around too. He wanted her high so that he could do whatever he wanted without her caring. I think he also dealt drugs. He has that shady dealer look about him," Bella quietly told her 'friends' at lunch one day. The girls gasped in horror at the thought.

"If that were true why would your father take them in then?" Jessica asked, the only one at the table not infatuated with his mate.

"He only wanted Harry, thinking he could save the little boy but Demetri wouldn't let him. He forced his way into the house and refuses to leave," Bella tried.

"Wasn't Demetri just holding a fundraiser to raise money to send Harry to some special school in Seattle?" Jessica pressed.

Bella glared at her. "He is using the money for drugs."

Jessica rolled her eyes and stood up. "Right… Swan, I know you don't like them but this is going too far. Not even I would make up something like this."

Edward watched her walk out of the cafeteria and followed. He needed his plan to work and for the school's biggest gossip queen to believe them. Jessica had the special ability to spread gossip fast- to students and adults alike. If she were on board then there was no way that these rumors would get covered up.

"Jessica…" Edward whispered as he approached her from behind. They were in an empty hallway, no one to see their meeting which suited Edward just fine.

"E-edward?" Jessica stuttered and blushed as she turned around. It was nice knowing that he still had an effect on the girl. He was counting on it.

"You don't seem to believe Bella's story, why not?" He asked. He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space. The girl blushed even harder at the action but she didn't back away. Her thoughts told him she was enjoying having him so close.

"I-it's just that the story is so unbelievable. Demetri looks like a gentleman. He wouldn't be a prostitute or a drug dealer," She explained.

"Ah… but don't they say 'Don't judge a book by its cover'?" Jessica nodded. "So, he may look like that, but he could be hiding such a dark secret," Edward whispered as he bent down a little. His words brushed against her ear and he could smell the arousal coming off the human girl.

"I guess."

"Jessica, I need you to do me a favor… can you do me a favor?" The girl's heartbeat picked up and she was squirming against him. He could tell she wanted to press into him, kiss him and steal what was rightfully Bella's. He was disgusted with her but he wouldn't let it show. Instead he moved forward, trapping her between his chest and a set of lockers. "Can you help me Jessica?" he asked again.

"W-what do you need help with?" She asked her voice breathy.

"I need you to tell everyone you believe Bella's story. I need you to spread it around so everyone hears it," He whispered slowly. "If you do that I will give you a gift."

Jessica's eyes went wide, a hopeful look entering them. Reading her thoughts he could hear several things she hoped he would give her. Money, expensive gifts, a pony… but the one thought, stronger that the others was hope for sex. She wanted Edward to take her virginity. Edward was surprised she hadn't already given it up, but he couldn't judge. He was still a virgin and he had been around for 118 years.

He brushed his lips softly against her cheek. "Just a sample."

Jessica's thoughts stuttered to a halt. Her mind was a mess of happiness and disbelief that Edward was willing to cheat on Bella with her. A small part of her was vindictively proud that she managed to steal Edward away from Bella, a victory she would covet the rest of her pathetic life no doubt.

"I'll do it."

"Thank you." Edward smirked and pulled away. Lunch would be done soon and he had no desire for others to see him in such an intimate situation with Jessica. "You better get to work Jessica."

He hoped this worked… but then again… this was only the backup plan.

o.O.o

The Night Before…

Felix and Demetri ran through the forest in search of their prey. Neither liked the fact that a werewolf was so close. Felix had dragged Demetri from the house as soon as Charlie went to bed. They left Harry back at the house to watch Charlie and see if the beast returned. They figured they would catch him before he tried to backtrack to the Swan residence.

They didn't know what a werewolf was doing watching them. They knew that the shape shifters nearby wouldn't come so close. They were still having an internal battle and kept to their borders while the sorted it out. Felix hoped that it was only a newly shifted shape shifter, the internal battle distracting the pack from the new addition to their ranks and letting him slip through. But Demetri told him that the beasts mind wasn't the same. It worried them.

Arriving in a clearing, the two Volturi guards readied themselves for attack. They could see the beast they followed standing in the middle, clearly waiting for them with a smug look on his face. He was a large man with a vicious feral look around him.

"Only two? I was hoping to lure all three of you," He said. His voice had a husky growl to it.

"And why would you want the three of us? One is more than enough to kill you," Felix responded with a snarl.

"See someone went and advertised here you guys were. Even put a bounty on your heads… well me and the boys couldn't say no could we?" The werewolf said.

"Bounty?" "Boys?" The two guards spoke over one another.

The werewolf threw back his head and laughed. "Yes boys…"

Suddenly on the edge of their senses, Demetri and Felix could feel 10 other werewolves rapidly approaching them. Snarling, the two guards turned so they were back to back, wishing Harry was there to at least stand guard and provide air support.

"An ambush… cute," Felix growled. "But we can still kill you all."

The head wolf looked very smug with himself. "Maybe you can kill us… but we weren't the only ones that heard where you are. I hear some powerful people in England would just love to get their hands on that little one you have."

Demetri snarled loudly at the statement. "Let's kill them quickly."

Felix laughed and as the first werewolf tried jumping them, the lashed out and dug his claws into the beasts neck, tearing through the animals windpipe.

o.O.o

Harry was worried. He hadn't heard from Felix and Demetri since they left and as the sun broke over the horizon he feared something terrible may have happened. Charlie was at work. He left early which meant he didn't check on the boys, so that he wouldn't disturb their sleep. Harry appreciated that he wouldn't need to lie to the man and tell him Demetri and Felix went somewhere leaving him alone. The human man probably would have worried and stayed home which would have prevented Harry from leaving to investigate.

His first and only lead was Edward. He knew the mind reader wouldn't just lie down and take it and at some point he would try to lash out and fight them. Well… fight them harder than he was already. He would check in with the mind reader and his family first before he called Volterra.

He entered the school grounds and walked towards the office. It was between periods after lunch, so most students were walking to the next class or hanging around. He got some curious looks, some adoring looks from the female population, but oddly enough he got some weird looks. Something was going on around here, he could feel it,

Entering the office he looked up at receptionist and gave her his best angelic look.

"Oh you're back again sweetie? How can I help you today?" She asked.

"I'm sorry to bother you but…" Harry bit his lip and looked down, looking shy. "Well… my cousin…"

"Miss Swan."

"Yeah… Bella… well she ran away from home and said she was moving in with her boyfriend…"

Mrs. Cope gasped and leaned forward in her chair. "Did she now?"

"Yes…but I'm worried about her. I know that the Cullens have lots of money and can buy her stuff but I thought she might like some of her own things…" Harry trailed off and then took off the backpack he was carrying. "I brought her bag and packed her some things. I grabbed what I thought was important."

Mrs. Cope looked misty eyed as she regarded him. "That was very kind of you."

Harry looked away again, acting even shier than before. Mrs. Cope was lapping it up. "Do you think I could deliver it to her… or maybe you could call her to the office so I can hand it to her?"

The old woman sniffled before nodding. "Of course dear. I'll just give an announcement asking her to come to the office. No worries."

Harry smiled at her and went to sit in one of the hard plastic chairs. Step one of his plan was done. Sure enough, Mrs. Cope made a school wide announcement asking Bella Swan to come to the office. Harry guessed it would take a few minutes to get to the office, so fiddling with one of the zippers, Harry stood a minute later and approached the desk. "Mrs. Cope?" Harry danced from one foot to the other. "Could I use the washroom?"

"Of course dear. It's just down the hall and on the left. I'll watch that backpack for you while you go," she offered.

Harry smiled at her and threw the bag on the desk before running out the door. He peeked around the corner to watch the next event unfold. Mrs. Cope, readjusted the bag, jostling it a just enough for the open pocket to drop something on the desk. The woman reached to retrieve it and when she brought it back she gasped again to find herself holding a positive pregnancy test. Looking from the test to the bag, the woman quickly shoved the test into the pocket of her cardigan and stood up. "Cheryl will love hearing about this!" she exclaimed before shuffling into the vice-principal's office.

Harry grinned. That would give him some time with his lovely cousin. He turned around to see his cousin turning the corner, making him grin wider. Not giving her time to react, Harry ran to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Hello cousin," He said quietly. "It's wonderful seeing you again, but enough pleasantries. What did Edward do?"

 

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Bad Joke Of The Day

Q: Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?

A: The girl necks door.

Prong This Way 

The Cullen household was as silent as ever to normal human ears, but the vampires inside were quite active. Emmett and Rosalie had arrived home from school and was quietly discussing the new rumors floating around. Someone had told the student population that Demetri was a drug load and sold his little brother out to perverts for some extra cash on the side. They said he got into trouble back in New York and was hiding out in forks until the heat died down. Another rumors was that Bella was pregnant and was planning to run way with Edward so they could have their bastard child.

"I'm not saying that its true but… Bella has been looking a bit plumper than usual…" Emmett trailed off.

Rosalie scoffed. "And how did she get pregnant? A vampire can't impregnate a human and even if they could, Edward and Bella haven't had sex yet. If they did do you think Edward would still look like there's a giant oak tree sized stick up his ass?"

Emmett chuckled. "True… if he ever got laid I think he would smile for the first time in 100 years. His lips only know how to go straight or down."

"But if Edward didn't get her pregnant… who did?" Rosalie asked.

"I could smell the Mike kid on her the other day. It was heavy too, like she was rolling around in a bathtub full of him. She showered before Edward got him though. You don't think…"

"They will have one ugly baby if that's true."

Jasper let out a small laugh from the other side of the room and the couple was quick to send him smirks. "Would you care to join the conversation Jasper?" Rosalie asked.

"I wouldn't have much to add I'm afraid," He replied.

"Nonsense. Who do you think started the rumors against Demetri?" Rosalie tried to engage him.

Jasper shook his head. "It's pretty obvious isn't it? Edward and Bella. Bella was at Jessica's table during lunch, spinning quite the tale. I heard some of it, but the drama club was near us and they were rehearsing. After, Jessica didn't seem to believe whatever Bella was saying, but I saw Edward waiting in the wings. I followed Jessica out and watched Edward convince Jessica to spread the story."

"Oh, and how did he convince her?" Rosalie was suddenly interested.

"He kissed her."

"No!" Rosalie gasped. "He actually kissed her?"

"He did."

Rosalie blinked a few times before turning towards her husband. "This is some modern soap opera isn't it? I knew Bella was a rotten little snake but now Edward is showing his true colors too. What do we do?"

Emmett frowned. "I don't know, but… we need to tell Carlisle. He's still on the fence about changing Bella, and this may finally convince him to deny Edwards request."

Rosalie's face practically lit up at his words. "Finally!"

Before the three could continue talking, Esme entered the room. "Do any of you know when Edward and Bella will be home? I wanted to start on Bella's dinner, but I don't want to cook something that will be done before she's home."

"Just serve her garbage. I'm sure she won't notice the difference," Rosalie said cattily.

"Rosalie…" Esme trailed off.

Rosalie was set to defend her comment when Alice gasped from upstairs and ran down quickly to share her latest vision.

"They're leaving!" she cried.

"What? Whose leaving?" Emmett asked.

"The Volturi!" Alice was jumping happily in place as she shared the news. "I just saw them boarding the Volturi private jet three days from now. They're finally leaving us."

Rosalie snorted. "Are you sure they weren't just going abroad to retrieve something? You didn't see the plane actually take off did you?"

Alice glared at her. "It doesn't matter. They are finally leaving and we can live in peace again. With them gone, Edward and Bella can finally be happy again."

Rosalie stood up, her pose aggressive. "Look, you have been saying that you can't get a clear vision on them since you were in Italy. Suddenly a crystal clear vision comes through of them boarding a plane and you assume it's them leaving? I don't trust it. Why would they leave? Why now? They said they weren't leaving until Bella was either turned or dead. So does that mean in the next three days Bella will die? Carlisle promised he wouldn't turn her until the whole family was in agreement and I refuse to accept her. If she's turned it means I have left this family for good, or I die. You are treating this like some great celebration but have you thought for one second about the implications of the Volturi leaving?"

Alice hissed at the blonde. "Why does it have to be bad like you say? Why can't you accept Bella, accept the Edward is happy, just accept that this family will finally be complete? Instead of being mad at me, be mad at the right people. Be mad at Demetri, Felix and Harry for ruining our lives. If they weren't here we would have none of these problems."

Rosalie scoffed. "If they weren't here then we would still being living in a world where the only vampire's that Carlisle cares about is Esme and Edward. We were always second best to his first son, his first child. I was a disappointment because I wouldn't mate with him. He didn't want to turn Emmett, he didn't even turn you or Jasper, he just accepted you because I told him too. I was the one who told him that you deserved a spot among our family… did you vision show you that when you joined? Instead of blaming the Volturi for doing their jobs, maybe step out of your delusions and look at the world around you."

Alice looked mutinous. "You don't care about this family, you only care about yourself. Maybe you do leave for good in three days. Maybe you board that plane with them and then we can finally live without your bitchy attitude. You're only jealous of Bella. If she's changed than she's guaranteed to have a special power, then you will be the only one without a gift. Beauty? What a stupid thing to claim."

"Girls!" Esme screamed, hoping to stop them. She was ignored though.

"Jealous? As if I would be jealous of such a plain idiot girl like her. I hate her because she has a family that cares about her and she doesn't care. I hate her because she wants to be a vampire and throw her life away when instead she can live and have children. I hate her because she's a parasite."

Alice as getting ready to start spewing more nonsense but Emmett stepped forward and took his wife into his arms. "Rose, calm down please. Is Bella really worth getting this upset over?"

Looking back at her husband, Rosalie shook her head and turned away from Alice. "Maybe I should leave this family. Clearly I've been unwanted for a while now."

Emmett frowned. "Hey, why don't we go stay at the cottage for a bit? It will give everyone's temper time to cool down and we won't have to see Bella. Does that sound good?" He asked gently.

"Fine. I'll go pack." Rosalie didn't look at anyone else as she left the room.

"Sorry everyone, but I think it's best for Rose and I stayed somewhere else for a few days," Emmett said sadly as he started packing a few things to keep him and Rosalie entertained while they were away.

"Oh honey, you two don't need to leave," Esme tried.

Emmett gave her a sad smile and shook his head. "I think we do. Rose doesn't want to be near Bella, and I won't let her go anywhere alone."

"I.. I'll go call Carlisle…" Esme said slowly.

Watching everything unfold, jasper couldn't help but shake his head in disgust. Esme didn't even try to convince to of her children to stay and Alice was so caught up in Bella Fever that she just threw her own family out. The whole situation was getting out of control and Jasper couldn't help but blame Edward and Bella for it. Yes the Volturi came, but it was their job to see that the law was carried out.

This family was falling apart.

o.O.o

Harry floated above the Cullen house taking notes. He got a call from Demetri earlier telling him everything that happened. He planned to call Volterra and tell them about the hit out for them now, which wasn't good. Harry then proceeded to tell him what he heard at school when he threatened Bella. The girl was vicious in re-telling all the lies she spewed hoping to finally knock them down a peg. It was kind of cute how she thought she was on par with them, but it was also annoying.

If they were just attacking Bella, she would have cracked a long time ago, but with Edward supporting her and Alice supporting them both it was taking longer. The three were annoying little bugs. But, the Cullen's were breaking apart and Alice's vision of them leaving in three days was interesting.

Rosalie and Emmett also gave him a good idea to keep trolling Bella. But if they only had three days left then they needed to think of one last big prank to pull on the sickening couple before they took off for good. Of course if they were leaving then they had to make sure Bella wasn't going to be around any longer. Whether they killed the pathetic human girl or changed her and hid her away while she passed through the newborn stage didn't matter. What did was that the vampire law was being upheld.

Putting his book away, Harry floated away, ready to plant some evidence around town and let the whispers fly as they talked about Bella getting pregnant after cheating on Edward with Mike Newton and maybe more.

o.O.o

Mike Newton was an okay kid. He knew he wasn't the smartest or the best looking. It was hard to be proud of your looks when the Cullen's attended the same school as you and were the object of all the girls wet dreams. Honestly, looking in the mirror was difficult after spending the day at school with them.

He was working in his parents shop when the bell over the door rang causing him to look up and see two very upset parents storming towards him. He didn't get to question him before his father grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the building. His mother was quick to flip the closed sign and lock the door.

"What's going on?" Mike asked.

"You young man, are in big trouble. What have we told you about being responsible?" His mother asked.

"Um… to be responsible?" he answered.

"Exactly! And what do you do? You go get that Swan girl pregnant!" She hissed.

"What Pregnant? I didn't get anyone pregnant!" Mike argued. His father shoved him in the back of their van and closed the door. "Mom, Dad… I didn't get Bella pregnant. I haven't even had sex yet. Plus she's dating Edward Cullen!" He told them earnestly.

"Don't lie to me young man! She just called the house and left a voicemail telling you that she's pregnant but not to worry because she plans to terminate it before Edward finds out. We are going to the police station right now and you will apologize to her father and tell him you plan to take care of your child when he or she is born. You will not allow your child to be killed." His mother was very mad.

"But... I never had sex with her. It couldn't possibly be mine!" He yelled, trying to make his parents understand.

"She said you would try to deny it," his father piped in.

"But I never had sex with her!"

When the family arrived at the station they were greeted with several other families all crowding around Chief Swan's desk. They were yelling at him and the poor police chief looked over-whelmed.

"How can you say that?" one mother yelled. "When I searched Jordan's room I found some of Bella's homework and dirty panties. Panties! In my son's room!"

"I don't care what your daughter says, that child does not belong to my son! He is a good Christian boy!" The local priests yelled.

The whole room was chaotic and Mike's mom looked god-smacked at everything.

"Everyone, please!" Charlie yelled. "I understand you are all upset as am I, but I can't answer one or all of you if you keep yelling." The crowd settled down a little after that but there was still some angry murmurs going around.

"Look, I don't know why my daughter called all your homes and told you your sons were going to be a father's soon, or why she said she would terminate the baby. Honestly, I haven't spoken to my daughter since she decided to move out and live with the Cullen's. But I can assure you that there is no way all your sons are the father!"

Some parents seemed to calm down but others just got angrier.

"So you're saying your daughter has slept around so much that she doesn't know who the father is and is blaming every boy in town?" The priest asked.

"I… I don't know. Clearly I haven't been a good father and that failing is all my own. I tried my best but it wasn't good enough. I will try to talk to her, and see what she has to say," Charlie admitted.

Mike looked over and saw his mom's face soften.

"Oh it can't be your fault," she called out. "Bella did live with her mother for a number of years and everyone in Forks knows how Renee acts. It's only logical that she has taken after her mother."

"Mom!" Mike hissed, horrified that his mom would say something like that in a room full of people.

"Hush dear. You're still in trouble. I thought I taught you better when growing up. I always said it will be sweeter if you protect your peter, but you didn't and now we are in this situation!"

"But I didn't sleep with her!" Mike denied again. That comment started a great protest from all the other teen males in the room as they also denied sleeping with the same girl.

Mike could feel his eyes filling with tears as his mother loudly declared she was taking her son down to the clinic to get tested, since it couldn't be good if he slept with a girl who clearly had gotten around.

Charlie just wished for the floor to open up and swallow him so he wouldn't have to deal with this mess at all. What was Bella thinking?

o.O.o

At home, Harry carefully saved the voice file he complied. He recorded Bella several times while she was around, and cut sound clips together until they have a recording of her that they played with every household they called.

It was a little sloppy but none of the parents seemed to have noticed in their indignation.

Demetri went out and bought Charlie a case of beer and nice steak in apology though. They did feel a little bad that the man was the one to deal with the aftermath. 

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Bad Joke Of The Day

Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?

A: Because they make themselves cross !

Carry On My Prongward Son 

There was no peace for Carlisle as he let out another deep human sigh as the couple across from him stared accusingly at him. The clinic had been overrun with upset parents demanding their sons be tested. All available doctor and nurses were called to service, and as Carlisle sat down with his third couple, he could see a repeat of his first two meetings. The parents were blaming him for their son's predicament.

"We want a new Doctor," Mrs. Newton said. "We don't like or trust you anymore."

"I understand that you are going through a difficult situation at the moment, but-"

"No! We want a new Doctor."

"I will go see who is available," he told the couple. He wanted to help, he really did, but no one wanted him to treat their son when it was his son's girlfriend that apparently got them all into this mess. It's not like he wanted teenaged boys dropping their pants so he could stare at their privates, but he wanted to be trusted and treated like a Doctor and that no longer seemed possible. He couldn't help people when everyone was requesting other doctors to look after them. Maybe it was time to pack his family up and move on.

Standing, he exited the door to see Nurse Jane standing nearby. "Another one then doctor?" she asked.

"Yes, this couple would prefer a new doctor as well," He answered.

"Doctor Chang is almost finished with the family he is with now. I'll send him this way," she assured the doctor.

"Maybe I should just go home. I don't seem to be of any help at the moment." Jane looked sad for him. It was a bit embarrassing that the nurses had to keep covering for him because he couldn't do his job properly. "Nurse, please apologize to the other doctors for me, I will be going now."

"Of course Doctor Cullen, I think they will understand considering the situation," she responded. He handed the chart off to Jane and gave her a nod in thanks.

When Carlisle got home, he called for everyone to gather in the dining room to talk. Esme flitters around looking upset over something, Alice had a grin on her face, Jasper looked to be thinking deeply over something, and Edward… was busy with Bella. "Where are Rosalie and Emmett?" He asked.

Esme started to wring her hands but she answered right away. "They left to spend a few days at the cottage. Rosalie got into a fight with Alice and Emmett thought they needed some time away," she explained.

"What was this fight about?" Carlisle asked.

"Alice had a vision of the Volturi leaving in three days. Rosalie voiced her concerns and Alice told her she should leave the family," Jasper spoke up before anyone else could. "They are still torn over changing Bella."

Carlisle sat down as he absorbed the explanation. "Right… we'll talk about that later. Right now we have two important things to discuss, first being the Volturi leaving, and the second… why did I hear that you, Bella, are pregnant?"

"Pregnant?" Edward yelped. "Bella's not pregnant!"

"From what I overheard in the waiting room… every parent with a teenaged boy in Forks believes Bella is going to make them grandparents," Carlisle told them.

Edward was on his feet in a second growling at the news. "Those dirty lying little bastards. How dare they claim such things about my Bella!"

A twinkling giggle filled the room. The family turned as one as Harry floated down outside their window. Edward dug his nails into the wood of the table as he spotted the little guard. None of them had even known they were being spied on, they couldn't see, hear, or smell the little vampire. 

"They didn't say they slept with Bella, Bella did," The little guy said. He pulled out a recorder and pressed play, allowing the whole family to listen as Bella's.

'Look, this is Bella Swan. We need to talk. No, we don't need to talk. I'm pregnant and you're the father. I'm not keeping it. I don't want to carry your child. What we did was fun, but it was only for fun. I'll tell you how much you owe me for the abortion later.'

*Click*

Edward flung himself at the window, he was almost completely feral after hearing the recording. Carlisle grabbed his son before he could break the glass, while Jasper was on his feet, ready to help restrain Edward if needed.

"Let me go!" Edward yelled. "They destroyed Bella's reputation!"

The giggling stopped as Harry looked Edward dead in the eye. "You set werewolves onto my kin!" He hissed.

"What?" Jasper asked. "Did the Quileute tribe attack?"

"No, but Edward did send up a flare telling every creature who hates the Volturi where we are. They came into Forks to attack us. Demetri and Felix had to chase them away."

"Edward you didn't," Esme whispered.

"What? What's wrong with that? We wanted them gone and now they have to leave. So what if they die in the process, they deserve it!" Edward hissed.

"You also doomed us! What do you think those monsters are going to do when they kill the Volturi? Do you think they are just going to pack up and leave? They will see us, see that we're vampires and try to kill us. Why wouldn't they? You put us in danger too," Jasper yelled. It was rare for the family to ever see him get upset to the point he raised his voice.

"Why would they? We're not Part of the Volturi!" Edward yelled back.

"But we're vampires! Do you think there's some giant billboard out there with all the Volturi members faces on it, telling the world who is in the guard and who isn't? They don't know that we're not part of the Volturi. They will see that we're vampires and attack us."

"You should hit him. It will make for a great shot," Harry called out. Looking over, Carlisle felt like pulling out his hair at the sight of the vampire, floating outside the window filming the whole fight. "Bella could you try to give the camera a little love? A little expression? You make for a very boring shot like that."

It felt like his arms were going to be ripped out when Edward tried to lunge for the child again, but Carlisle kept a firm grip on his son. "Harry, why are you here?"

Harry pouted. "I needed somewhere safe to stay. Demetri and Felix caught another enemy scent. They left to take care of it, so while they are dealing with this new threat –brought on because of your son- I was set the task to watch you lot. Oh, and Esme, your nose is a little shiny. You might want to touch up."

"Will you stop filming!" Edward yelled.

"Passion, love the passion, Edward. Maybe you could share some with your supposed mate?" Harry encouraged.

"Bella has expressions!"

"Well that's a wrap. It's going to need some editing, a little movie magic, and a title song by some mediocre alternative rock pop band and it's good to go," Harry announced. "Might win some crappy teen awards… Edward has the whole angst thing down that drives tweens crazy… and Jaspers a good looking bloke… lots of fans to reel in." Despite what he said, Carlisle was sure that the boy was still filming them.

"I never understand what goes through your head!" Edward screamed.

"Demetri, Felix… Alex… right now I have an Oscar on my mind."

"That's it, we're leaving," Carlisle announced. He had enough of this. He left the Volturi because he didn't like feeding from humans and how they treated the human people they did interact with. This right here, they were doing exactly the type of thing that turned Carlisle away.

They thought they were entitled to everything and that what they say, goes. The Volturi could make your life hell or wipe you out, it was just the way they were. Currently, they settled on ruining the life Carlisle and his family built but soon the entertainment they derived from this would wane and then it would be time for Plan B. It was better to do what they said now than fight them later. "This family is falling apart. Rosalie and Emmett are already gone, I can no longer do my job at the hospital, and every day I come home there is another issue to deal with. We're done, Harry. The Volturi won. Edward, you're going to change Bella and we're going to lay low in Alaska."

"Yes!" Alice cheered. The girl was so happy and was bouncing around the room.

"Are you sure Carlisle? Rosalie and Emmett haven't agreed to this and I'm not on board with Bella becoming one of us either," Jasper spoke up. "You promised us that you wouldn't allow Bella to change until everyone in the family agreed."

"Jasper, I think this is one time that we can do something-"

"No!" Jasper stopped him. "You promised us. You promised your family, including a child that you turned personally, and you're going to break that promise for one human?"

"Jasper," Carlisle started. "We are in a desperate situation here."

"Kill her. Kill Bella Swan and be done with it," Jasper said. "I'm going to go stay with Rosalie and Emmett." Carlisle couldn't respond since after announcing that he left the room. Didn't Jasper understand that he couldn't kill Bella- a human. He spent so long working hard to save human lives and to protect them from other vampires and now one of his children expected him to take a life.

What the hell happened to his family? It seemed he was asking himself that a lot.

o.O.o

Aro chuckled as he watched the live feed Harry was sending him. It seemed his little minions were doing a better job than he expected. He didn't think they would actually manage to tear the family apart. The Cullens always seemed to be such a strong unit but it wasn't true. They were falling away like pieces and all over one little pathetic human girl.

"Harry darling, close up on Miss Swan's face please," he asked.

The camera zoomed in and the screen was filled with Bella's profile. The girl really didn't understand what she started when she decided to interact with the Cullen clan.

"Will they be home soon?" Alex asked.

"Yes, the wizards almost got them in Seattle, this announcement of Edward's is sure to reach them soon. I want you and Jane on that plane to bring them back."

"Yes, Aro," Jane responded. 

"We should prepare room for three new recruits," Aro decided as he contemplated the situation. "And that car we ordered. Let's put it somewhere that it's sure to be seen. Also, who do we have in England? I want an update."

"Yes, Aro," Alex said before he turned to leave.

"And Harry dear… you're school acceptance will be in the mall tomorrow. Be sure that Charlie sees it. We all want a nice clean break."

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Bad Joke of The Day

Q: What is Transylvania?

A: Dracula's terror-tory 

You Are My Prongshine 

Charlie was happy. Blessed may be a better word actually. When he had taken in Harry and Demetri, he didn't know what to think of them, but over time he came to see them as sons. And like any father, when your son does something amazing, you are proud. Charlie was very proud at the moment.

He had been at home to receive the mail and on top of a couple of bills sat a letter for Harry. It was a thick envelope, a school crest, and gave the impression that it contained some very important information. He wanted to wait for the boys to return from wherever they were but… he was curious and so he opened the letter. Inside was an acceptance letter. Harry had gotten into a very exclusive school for gifted children.

He may not have helped conceive the little boy, but he was prouder than he had ever been before.

 The further he read, it seemed like the school was willing to allow Harry to sit in a few classes and explore its facilities before he officially enrolled for the new school year. They even offered moving and job assistance for Demetri so that his brother may stay close and watch over him. It was all a very generous offer. He would be sad to see them move out but in his heart he knew it was the right thing to do. It was his honor to have helped them in their time of need, and to watch them grow to stand on their own again.

Now if only his own daughter could grow up…

"Charlie, we're home!" Harry called as the front door opened.

The police chief turned to greet them when he saw all three covered in mud. Demetri and Felix were the worst, looking beaten up, while Harry looked like he just went for a little roll in the dirt. "And what did you boys get up to?" He asked.

Harry giggled as he answered. "I wanted to go bird watching!"

"Bird watching?" The boys got this beat up from watching birds? He really hoped Harry meant actual birds that could fly and not women. But if they did go watch women, it could explain the two roughed up looking boys in his front hallway. If they looked at the wrong girl, their boyfriends may have taken offense.

"Harry really wanted to see what birds were native to the area so we took him on a hike through the forest. We ended up finding a couple Goldfinches. Harry tried giving them seeds and well…" Demetri trailed off.

Felix laughed loudly. "The little tyke got so excited he ended tried throwing the whole bag of seeds in the air to get them to the birds faster but gravity took hold and they fell on Demetri and I. We ended up being chased and pecked by the blighters. Harry thought it was hilarious and got to watch from the sidelines."

Charlie was relieved. It was all so innocent and sweet… it should be something that Bella did too. Why his daughter insisted on living in her own little world of Edward Cullen he didn't know. The boy was gloomy and never seemed to smile. Every time he had seen the boy she was wearing black and looking like his life revolved around being miserable. Bella deserved better but his daughter… she was determined to be with him and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

"I see. It sounds like you boys had fun," Charlie responded. "Actually, while you were out I got a letter for Harry. Sorry I opened it but I couldn't wait to see what it said. Here you go," Charlie said as he handed the envelope to the little boy.

Harry went from a bright giggling child to a small ball of anxiousness. It would be alright though. He would be a great adult one day- a person with the whole world open and waiting for him to explore.

"Congratulations Harry. I knew you would get in." Demetri had read the letter over his brother's shoulder and reached the bottom before the boy did. Charlie smiled as he watched the two brothers hug and cheer. 

"Well, if you're moving to Seattle, should I live with you?" Felix asked.

Charlie was surprised. He knew they were close but to drop everything and just move in with your friend was… very dedicated. Wasn't Felix a model or something? Didn't he have work?

"Felix, we couldn't ask that of you," Demetri argued.

"Nonsense. I have a fair amount of money saved up from work. I can help pay rent, the bills, and Harry's school supplies until you're on your feet. Also, won't it be good for someone to be home to greet Harry after school? You won't always be there when you start working."

Charlie had to agree with the man. Unless Demetri was going to hire a babysitter then Harry would be returning home after school by himself. Felix would be a big help and it wasn't like models worked 9 to 5 like a regular office worker.

"You boy's will be just fine in Seattle. I'll be sad to see you go but I'm happy for you. Should we get some steak and have a celebration?"

Harry cheered, always happy to have his steak. Demetri tried to calm toe excited child down, while Felix offered to go buy the food and drinks. Charlie was truly blessed to have the family he had right now. It wasn't perfect, far from it, but that didn't mean he didn't love them all anyways. After all, family wasn't about perfection. It was about being happy and loved. He could happily send this lot into the world, knowing that he did what he could to prepare them.

"Calm down now, before we get started on anything you boys need to clean up. No one eats or gets allowed into stores until you're all showered," Charlie cut through the fun.

The boys all laughed and Harry happily declared that he got first bath. Demetri objected saying that Harry takes way to long in the bath and to let Felix go first, as the man was supposed to go buy them steaks. It took some arguing but Harry finally relented.

Walking into the kitchen, Charlie grabbed the phone and dialed his daughter's number. Maybe he should try with her one more time. Hopefully they could talk things out, because Charlie wasn't ready to give up all his family just yet.

o.O.o

Demetri briefly acknowledged the vampire that had climbed into his shared bedroom with Harry. They knew that one of them would show up. They had thought perhaps, Emmett since the bug guy really liked Harry, but instead they got Jasper.

They left the shower running to keep away Charlie so that they could talk in peace with the empath. Felix had already left and while Harry wanted a bath, he decided to forego the luxury. How very kind of him.

"What have we done to earn the pleasure of your company today, Jasper?" he asked.

Jasper was an interesting one. He had a hidden killer instinct that he constantly suppressed. The Volturi knew about his past. They liked to keep taps on potential threats after all and it was surprising that the former soldier had been able to last thing long without killing. They thought for sure that some annoying human pest would have enraged him at some point forcing him to rip out their throat… but he held on.

"You are leaving soon. I have spoken with Rosalie and Emmett… Carlisle has always taught us that we are a family and that we will always support and listen to each other. Lately… it has not been like that. We have tried to support Edward but we disapprove of his choices. We cannot in good conscious stay with the Cullen's when we are treated as secondary family members." 

"What are you saying actually?" Demetri pushed. He knew where he was going. Aro had wanted them actively recruit the three after the falling out but it seems like that effort was no longer needed.

"We would like to go to Italy with you when you leave. We are willing and hoping to join the Volturi. We always thought you a cruel society but… seeing how you interact and take care of Harry, we have realized that there is more to you than we thought. Please accept us."

The soldier was very stoic. He made his way through his prepared speech at a well maintained speed without any fanfare or exaggerations. It was a simple and direct request. Demetri would be a terrible person if he rejected it…

"Why should we accept you? You are one of Carlisle's children. We should kill you where you stand for what your brother has done. You don't offer any active gifts. You can read emotions but how does that help us kill? Strength and beauty? We hardly need any more of that"

He was terrible person…

Jasper didn't look shocked or start begging like some vampires might. It was probably why he was chosen for this mission. Rosalie was sure to be a spit-fire and start yelling and raging at them for being rejected. Emmett would flounder, try to appeal to them emotionally, and might even try to bribe Harry. Not Jasper though. He remained calm in the face of a fight and took the logical route.

"We may not have the gift you seek, like Edward's, but we are like trained dogs. If you treat us right, we will be loyal to you. I don't just feel emotions, I can manipulate them. Rosalie is exceedingly beautiful, even in vampire terms. You can gather quite the male crowd if you use her right. You don't have many female vampires, her beauty will be a boost. Emmett is strong, he can kill double the amount of enemies than a normal vampire. He is also quite taken with Harry and will no doubt offer his babysitting services when you need to leave Harry alone. We may not be what you are seeking, but we can be useful."

"I guess we could give you a test…" He was a really cruel person. "If you pass this… you and your siblings can come to Volterra with us in two days," he proposed. They already had a spot on the plane, but he really couldn't let an opportunity pass. Besides, it was all in good fun.

"What do we need to do?" Jasper asked.

Demetri smirked. "Harry, get the Edward box." Harry giggled as he happily started floating around the room, pulling a box down from the bookcase. "In this box we have various ideas… that we planned to use against Edward. Although, now that it seems our timeline has been shortened, we will need your help to accomplish one last one. You can even help us decided which prank." It was a generous offer.

Harry started pulling things out of that box and throwing them towards him. He caught them, and showed the pictures to Jasper. "One idea we had was 'Eddie-C'. Edward was going to start on a rap career and use 'Eddie-C' as his street name. We even recorded some on his playing on the piano and made a few mixtapes. We tweaked a few things so that it would appeal to the younger generation more. We even thought of handing out his mix tapes with a fire extinguisher in case they started setting things on fire."

Jasper's face didn't move at all. It was a little disappointing. They had even photo shopped pictures of Edward in some Hello Kitty street wear.

"Next, we thought about using Edward and Alice to steal blood from the clinic. We would collect 'security' footage of them and turn it into the police thus resulting in another arrest for Edward. But they never really kept their word to get us blood, forcing us to feed from the next town over." This one was still a sore point. It had been perfect and the cameras had been in place for weeks, but the lazy duo never went.

"Or, we have this one idea where Edward gets a flat tire in the middle of town and when he opens his trunk to get the spare, his secret love of cross dressing is exposed. Dresses, make-up, even some photo's he has taken of himself wearing heels and a sexy cocktail dress. The wind would of course cooperate and blow the pictures into the crowds, helping to support the new rumors that would appear."

Jaspers eye twitched.

"Our last idea was to put a 'Shoot Me' sign on his back and give the kindergarten classes paintball guns. We would then bribe them with candy to follow him around the High School." The last one involved working with the schools to organize a field trip for the kids. They thought about doing a reading buddy program where the kids got to walk down the road to the high school where there would be snacks and juice waiting for them in library… then they would get guns, candy, and their target.

Jasper took a moment to think. "I will bring this to my brother and sister. We will discuss what we would like to do. Although… I feel like if you allow us permission, Rosalie may already have an idea in mind."

Demetri smirked. "Permission granted. We can't wait to see what you."

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Bad Joke Of The Day

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?

A grave problem.

Uptown Prong 

Charlie missed the days that his quiet little town was just that, quiet. He fondly remembered the days that he could go into the office and complete his minimal paperwork. He used to be able to spend the whole day checking out minor disturbances or helping Crazy Old Elaine when she thought the fire hydrant outside her house was a man trying peep on her. Now he secretly dreaded going into the office for fear that he would face another Cullen or Bella centered incident.

He was still getting calls from concerned parents about the father of Bella's baby. He had tried calling her, he wanted to try again. She was his only daughter and he didn't want to lose that. Only, when he called, she never answered. In all of this mess, he really just wanted to know that she was okay. From the outside it looked like her life was spiraling out of control. As a father, he wanted to be there to hold his little girl and tell her everything would be okay. If she was pregnant or not, he wanted her to know that he would support her. But how do you support someone who won't talk to you?

Before Charlie could sit at his desk, he had a deep unsettling feeling exploded in his stomach. Something was going to happen. It wasn't going to be anything good. The phone started to ring, and Charlie sent a look towards one of his deputies, hoping they will answer it and really some good news to him. Of course how often do you get good news at a police station?

"Forks Police Station, Deputy Smith speaking, how can I assist you?" Charlie watched as the Deputy went through confusion, humor, and then disbelief. "We will send someone to check that out right away."

"What happened?" Charlie asked as soon as the phone was put down.

Poor Smith floundered for a minute as he tried to answer. "There is a report of a vulgar display in the middle of downtown."

"Vulgar how?"

"A board… of girls…. underwear on display… with ranks…"

It was a reach, but Charlie felt that there was more to this. "Anything else?"

Smith looked uncomfortable but soldiered on. "The board says 'Edward Cullen's Panty Board'."

There it was.

"I'll drive out there now and see if we can't get it taken down. I'll need you to go the Cullen residence and ask Edward to come to the station for questioning. He will need parent supervision so get one of them to come." Charlie grabbed his coffee, sad that he didn't get the chance to sit down and enjoy a single sip before he was called out. Where did the good old days go?

Arriving downtown, he slowed down as he approached the rather large display in the center of town. The board was clearly labeled and under each unmentionable, there was a girl's name, and how their panties ranked on a scale from 1-10 with categories such as smell, design, and cleanliness. There crowd was growing with angry parents, and Charlie just felt like maybe it was time he retired. He was getting old. He had some strong and energetic Deputies at the station that would surely love to further their careers.

He could spend his time fishing. It was such a relaxing activity. The water was so peaceful and relaxing, especially in the morning when the world was waking up. He could buy a boat. Nothing too fancy, but a nice little row boat that he could tow on the back of truck and would fit him and a cooler full of beer. It sounded wonderful in his head but in practice he might be bored. Maybe he should get Billy to join him.

Stepping out of this car, Charlie quickly got to work while ignoring the screaming mob around him. He sectioned off the area, took pictures, and asked if there were any witnesses to the event. From what he found out, no one had seen Edward put it up, and when the local business owners started opening their shops, they barely glanced at the board. They had assumed it was merely a new advertisement and decided not to look too deeply into it. It was only when the first offended resident stormed into one of their stores did they finally decide to check it out.

The board was firmly secured in the ground and Charlie would need a couple of tools and a few guys to remove it. Until then, he threw a tarp over the board, blocking the vulgar sight from the eyes of the Fork citizens. No matter how you looked at it, Edward went too far this time.

o.O.o

Rosalie leaned back and smiled at the officer sitting across from her. "Like I was saying, Edward has always had some weird perversions. We have tried to help him but it seems he has really relapsed this time. I'm hoping that maybe this time we can finally get through to him."

The poor officer was sweating and fumbling with his pen as he took down her statement. "So you're saying this isn't the first time he's done this…"

"In our last town, his box of stolen goods was found in his school locker and not too long ago he was found peeping outside the Chief daughter's bedroom window. It seems he is getting worse." Rosalie looked sad. It was truly a tragic thing that had happened. To think that Edward's long hidden perverted behavior was finally exposed. He was a sick person to break into those poor girls homes and steal their underwear. It was her duty as his sister to report his gross actions to the local authorities so that he may be punished… and get help of course.

"I-I see… and you say you personally saw him steal t-the…. Stolen goods…"

"No, I didn't see him steal anything. But one day I did walk in on him smelling a pair of underwear. He claimed that Alice's laundry got mixed with his and that he was just separating them… but today when I saw that board and there in the middle of the pair of panties I saw him sniffing… well, II knew I had a duty to come down here and report it." Rosalie let out a dry sob as she covered her face. "I just want him to get the help he deserves!"

The officer scrambled to find a tissue as he gave her some platitudes. Honestly, men were so easy. Well her work here was almost done. Edward was sure to be charged for this. He would be labeled as pervert, and who knows what will happens after wards? Not like it mattered to her. Her family had made their choice a long time ago it seemed.

She had tried the Cullen lifestyle. She followed the rules Carlisle set down, and she tried to pursue a relationship with Edward no matter how much it disgusted her. The only thing she ever asked for was for Emmett and they made her mate feel and sound like an idiot every chance they got. Emmett was better than all of them. He was a caring and gentle giant that always found the blue sky through the stormy clouds.

After all that they still sided and chose to support a human girl than her and her husband… then she didn't need them. They would find their place in this world with another group. Her first choice wouldn't have been the Volturi but… they offered and she needed a way out.

"I just need you to sign this, conforming that this is your statement," The officer said.

Rosalie took the report and looked it over carefully. She grabbed a pen and added and few more lines before she signed it with a flourish. "You understand why I had to do this right?" She asked. "He needs help. I think he even wears them… they looked so… stretched."

The officer was flustered, his face was red and he kept fidgeting with things on his desk. "Of course Miss. I will be sure to give this to the Chief. It's a very brave and noble thing you did."

That was the end then. Rosalie stood and give the officer another sad look. She was leaving when the door to the station opened and in walked another officer, escorting her brother and Carlisle.

"Rosalie, what are you doing here?" Carlisle asked.

"Just taking care of some business," she answered. Looking towards Edward she sent her former brother a smirk. "Edward, I heard about your display in town. How indecent."

Edward didn't look like he was in a playing mood though. She recounted how had snuck into each girls room and stole their underwear. She made sure to spray a little of Edwards special cologne in case some girls might be able to recognize it. She made the board and while she was writing out the stats in Edward's handwriting, Emmett had been mounting the display in town, making sure it was be difficult to take down. Jasper was patrolling the area to make sure there were no witnesses and in the end they managed to pull off the Biggest Panty Raid in Forks history. Of course it was probably the only panty raid in Forks, but it was still the biggest. She thought about all of this so Edward could read her mind and know exactly what she did and why.

"I must be off. Goodbye Carlisle, Edward." She was officially done with them now. Tomorrow there was a plane that she was getting on. Upside to all this, she would no longer have to go to high school. She wouldn't be stuck retaking all those silly classes and having to mingle with humans.

It was going to be wonderful.

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Bad Joke Of The Day

Q - What type of dog does every vampire have?

A - Bloodhound!

Let The Prongs Hit The Floor 

When everything at the station finally calmed down, and Carlisle had posted bail for his son, Charlie went home. It was a tiring day and he didn't think he had ever dealt with such a strange case. Edward had said he didn't do it and that it was his siblings who framed him. He said they broke into each girl's home the night before and did all this to humiliate him. Since he needed to check everything so his case was air tight, he sent some deputies around but, not a single house showed any signs of forced entry. Even the families with security camera's had shown nothing out of the ordinary. Although one house did show a family of skunks living under a porch, it wasn't something he could arrest anyone for. Next, Edward had tried to tell him that his siblings weren't normal and they knew how to not get caught, but he wouldn't explain further. Thus that lead was dead. How would he justify such an accusation in court. As much as they tried, you couldn't judge someone on a vague statement that would lead to their innocence.

In the end, with all the half formed excuses and stories, no evidence against the siblings, and some damning evidence against Edward, Charlie had no choice but to book him and charge him with several crimes. No sweet talking from the good doctor could convince him otherwise. He had a duty to get justice for those girls and he was going to do it. Even if Bella would never speak to him again afterwards.

It was with a happy sigh that he entered his home. He was looking forward to sitting down with a nice cold one and relaxing. He knew he needed some down time, because despite his efforts to try and reconnect with Bella, this instance was sure to drive her further away, but what was he supposed to do? It was his job. Before he could get to that much needed down time he desired, he spotted Felix sitting on the couch with a serious look on his face.

"Felix, what seems to be troubling you son?" He asked. He may be tired but he was always willing to lend an ear.

The man looked up and then sighed heavily. "You know that Harry got his acceptance to the smart school right?"

"I do." He was quite proud of the boy. He was getting the chance to put his brain to use and reach its full potential.

"And you remember how I'm a model and have tons of money right?"

"I suppose." He wasn't aware of Felix's financials. He wasn't a person who looked into that type of thing. He did remember the expensive car the young man drove, and the fancy clothes he liked to wear, but he never looked further than that. 

"Demetri and Harry have gone through so much lately, and well… I wanted to give them a gift. I got us tickets to go visit Disneyland. Harry has always wanted to go and well, when he starts school, I don't see him having much time to enjoy with his brother."

Charlie was stumped. He knew the boys were good friends, and Felix frankly adored Harry. His own friendship with Billy Black showed that good friends did good things for each other. After all, it was Charlie who found and bought Billy his first truck after the accident, already upgraded to accommodate his friend's new disability. He didn't use the truck much these days as Jacob drove him around, but he had been very grateful at the time. It was a very generous gesture that Charlie felt himself understanding. "That's very kind of you."

Felix shrugged his shoulders. "It's the least I can do. We're leaving tomorrow. We will spend two weeks there and then fly to Seattle where I have another friend of mine currently looking at apartments. I want to take care of them. But I also wanted you to know. When the brothers get settled, we want to invite you around for dinner to thank you for everything you have done for them."

"I would like that." He would miss them. He enjoyed the energetic group in his house but he knew the boys had to move on. Harry needed his school, Demetri wanted to independent, and although it was just an inkling, he thought that Felix needed to be near the man he loved. He had nothing against it. He thought Felix was good for Demetri and he already adored Harry so there would be no resistance there. Maybe after living together Demetri would finally open his eyes and see his friend's affection for him. It was just a small feeling Charlie got but then again, he didn't think he was wrong. They were too close and familiar around each other to just be simple friends. You didn't look like you spent a hundred years with someone and not have some underlying love.

"Good, I'm glad. Demetri is out picking up dinner, and Harry is taking a short nap. All the excitement over Disneyland tired him out. We'll be leaving very early in the morning so Demetri made me promise to keep you around long enough to have one last family dinner before all this happens."

Charlie smiled at the young man. They were such a good bunch. "I won't wander off. I'll just get a beer and wait then shall I?" Felix grinned so Charlie did just that. He let the boys do what they needed, and twenty minutes later when Harry was awake and Demetri had some burgers and fries on the table, they sat down. Harry was slathering every food in sight with his special ketchup and Demetri was humoring him by pointing out pieces of food he missed. Felix was laughing and stealing some of the now soggy fries, and Charlie just shook his head and kept his meal a safe distance away. God, he would miss these boys.

o.O.o

Sam was tired. For the past few days their land had been overrun with all manner of beasts. He smelled some other shape shifters, ones not native to their area. They ripped through the reservation, leaving scars on the land. Sam and his pack had been tracking them, chasing them away as best they could. Some would just suddenly stop taunting them and took off, like he had a new purpose. He didn't care since those ones never returned.

He knew what was happening. One wolf had been happy to tell him all about their mission to kill the Volturi. Sam was all for it. He encouraged them but only if they left his land and the people in Forks alone. Some were agreeable and others were too blood thirsty to care. Sam and his pack needed to take them out.

He cursed the Volturi and the Cullen's. If those nasty leeches hadn't come to his home none of this would have happened. He wouldn't need to run his pack mates to exhaustion every night. He wouldn't fight with Jacob constantly as the younger wolf refused to admit he was wrong about Bella. Honestly, he wanted to smack Jacob around until he finally got a clue.

"Sam!" Seth's voice happily cried. "I smell something delicious!"

"Seth no!" Sam cried as the excitable started running off. He could smell it too. It was food. Very delicious food, but you couldn't just trust anything out in these woods. It could be a trap. It probably was a trap.

He chased after Seth, him and everyone else on patrol. They followed the small wolf until they reached the boundary and found a long line of dog bowls waiting for them. Some one of them had water and the rest food, but all of them had a name on them. Every member of his pack had a bowl.

He growled at the sight. Who dared mock his family like this! Transforming he walked forward and kicked a bowl that said Paul. He found a letter hanging from a tree and ripped it off.

Sam,

Thanks for having us. It's been a lovely experience spending time with you and yours in America. Unfortunately, we the Volturi, will be returning to Italy tomorrow. We have left this gift as a token of our appreciation. Also, as a hand of friendship, we would like to warn you that tomorrow morning, should Bella swan not be a vampire, we will be killing her. Toodles!

Eternally yours,

Volturi.

"What's it say?" Paul asked. He had switched back to human was poking at his bowl of overturned food sadly.

"They are leaving tomorrow and warn us that if Bella is still human, they will kill her. The food is a gift…" he sneered. He was happy to see them finally leaving. Maybe once they were gone his peaceful life would finally return.

"So it's safe to eat?" Seth asked.

Sam snarled at him. "Do you want to risk it after last time? I can't afford to have you all stuck on a toilet when our woods are full of deadly creatures. You can't protect anyone when you're shitting yourself!"

"But it doesn't taste bad…" Seth mumbled through full cheeks.

Sam could only growl as he saw that the young wolf had already started eating. Honestly, how could you be a big strong shape shifting wolf when you had absolutely no survival instinct. "I said no Seth!" Sam cried.

"But, my tummy said yes…." The boy trailed off. "And it does taste good. I think this is the high grade expensive food you buy your dogs. Like the ones that are packed fll fo nutrients to help them lead a long and healthy life."

"Are you a fucking commercial?" Paul asked.

"No… but it's thoughtful right? That they got us the good stuff."

"It's still dog food idiot," Paul answered. "We're not dogs."

"We kinda are… wolves and dogs are closely related," Seth pointed.

"Still doesn't make us dogs!"

"But-"

"No buts. We are humans… that turn into wolves," Paul argued.

"If our ancestors were a little less connected to the wildlife and a bit more modern we could turn into dogs."

"We would never turn into dogs. Dogs are not one of the clans. If not a wolf we could be an eagle or a turtle. Do you want to be a turtle Seth? Should I go find you turtle food? Should I tell your mother to only feed you lettuce?"

"Why would we turn into turtles? They can't protect against vampires," Seth said with a confused look.

Sam was tired of the whole conversation. He knew he wasn't the smartest but how did he get stuck with two idiots like this? Why couldn't the wolf gene give them some intelligence. "Will you two shut up!" He yelled. "It doesn't matter what we are, the point is we are not eating that food, good shit or not it's still a slap in the face. Second, Bella Swan will die tomorrow end of story. Either she is turned and we kill the Cullens for breaking the treaty or the Volturi kill her for not being a vampire and then we need to kill them. We need to speak to the elders right now."

"Right, we should. But… can I bring the food?" Seth asked. "I am a growing boy after all…"

Sam stared at the young wolf. The vampires needed to leave because there was no way this idiot was going to survive. "Eat it. Eat it all then go home and tell your sister she's in patrol now. When we find you dead tomorrow covered in your own shit, I'm telling them why at your funeral."

Seth hesitated but then he shrugged his shoulders and dove right back in.

o.O.o

Bella sighed as he stared at the window. She was in Edward's room waiting for him to return. Carlisle had already told the whole family what happened at the Police Station. She knew everything would be alright though. Edward wasn't guilty of stealing underwear. Her Edward was a perfect man. He already had her and despite the rumors flying around, she was all he needed. He waited 100 years for her after all, they were meant to be together.

Sighing again as he was carefully thrown mournfully across the chaise lounge, she contemplated on how she could relate the trees to her situation. It was would be a wonderful metaphor and when she went to talk to the Cullen's later she could use it to properly express her sadness at the situation. Without Edward or Jasper around, no one knew how she was feeling, and she needed sympathy right now. The love of life and future husband for eternity was in trouble. Sure they had their own problems and were anxious about the whole Volturi thing, but she needed all their attention and support right now.

Soon she would be turned and life forever young as a beautiful supernatural being, but it would be terrible if her first few days as a vampire was spent away from Edward. They told her she wouldn't remember much and would be near crazy with blood lust, but she knew she was special. Edward couldn't read her mind after all, so naturally that meant that she would bypass thousands of years of proven vampire fact and not go through that terrible time where she would embarrass herself. Sure she may be plain face, dull brown hair, dull brown eyes and not the smartest crayon in the bin, but she was special and would surely be the most perfect vampire ever turned in the history of vampire life- all because Edward loved her.

Knowing that they could hear her, Bella sighed again, hoping that they would know that she as in a terrible place right now.

But back to the trees.

They were tall like Edward, strong like Edward. They were big and leafy on top which was like Edward's hair was perfectly wavy golden locks. They were cold and rough like Edward, but she liked that. Edwards cold lips were soothing to her lonely and misunderstood mind. His strong arms made her feel like no one could ever touch or hurt her because he was there to protect her from the outside world. Tree branches were so wide and over bearing, like how Edward would follow and watch her wherever she went, because he knew that she would need him and he was always ready to be there for her. Trees were so perfect. Without them the world would be covered in pollution and ugly. Like her life without Edward. There it was. The very thing she would say to the Cullen's when she saw them later.

She was thinking about going down and telling them now, just in case she forgot later, when there was a loud commotion and in front of her very eyes, the Cullen's, the Volturi, and the Wolves were all gathered on the Cullen's front lawn. It warmed her soon to be very dead and stone cold heart that all these big strong and good looking men were fighting over her. Except Harry. That little brat of a vampire needed to die. Maybe one of the wolves would kill him.

Needing to know what was happening, Bella quickly left her spot to investigate.

o.O.o

"Alec just called, our plane will land in an hour and we plan to meet it there. Which gives you exactly 65 minutes to turn Bella Swan, or we kill her," Demetri spoke as all the invited parties arrived. He couldn't wait to go home.

"You can't put us on a time limit like this. Bella needs to finish school. We planned for her to get accepted to a school far away so that no one would notice when she transforms. You didn't give us enough time," Carlisle argued.

"we gave you enough. We wanted to kill her but only Alice's vision that she would be a vampire stayed our hand. Turn her or she dies." Demetri wanted this whole affair done with. It was bad enough that he spent the very early hours of the morning posting signs everywhere to all creatures that they were leaving the area and that if they wanted a real fight to meet them in Italy. He much preferred fighting in Italy where his nice hot shower was only seconds away when he wanted to wash the blood of the fallen off him. Blood just didn't wash out of vintage clothes well.

"She will be turned but just not yet."

"See this is where we have a problem as laws are such tedious things but without them we would be nothing but mindless animals. Our laws, as you know, state that a human cannot know of our existence. If one finds out, they are to be killed. We made an exception for you but that is as much leeway we are willing to give."

The wolf leader stepped forward then. "If Bella Swan dies, then you will all be killed. Our treaty-"

"Has no place here." Demetri cut him off. "That treaty was made between you and the Cullen Clan. It does not include the Volturi and has no influence on our laws. As a nation, we have lived by these laws for centuries. An insignificant piece of paper between you and the Cullen's will not stop us from killing her. Had you made this treaty with the Volturi then we would be obligated to adhere to its conditions, but as no Volturi representative was present at its signing, we do not need to listen."

The Alpha puffed up and looked ready to retaliate, but Demetri didn't care. The pack was only invited her for one reason, and so far they were doing their part fine. "But if, the Cullen's do turn Swan, we will not stop you from killing them. There is a treaty stopping them from biting humans after all. We wouldn't want to break such a thing. It should be an easier task now that three of their members have left them for good." He couldn't help but take that jab. It was a nice victory having three members leave the once great Clan.

"What do you expect us to do? If we don't turn Bella you kill her. If we do, then you are allowing the Quileute tribe to kill us," Carlisle pointed out.

"What a pickle you are in." Demetri emphasized each word as he causally leaned against a tree.

Carlisle was desperately looking between the Volturi and the wolves when his eyes got wide. "There's only two of you," he announced. Demetri grinned cruelly. "Why are there only two of you?"

He finally noticed. It was a shame the man was so distracted by all the hostile forces around him that he didn't see it earlier. If he had he might have been able to better protect his favorite child's mate.

"Ah you see, Harry is taking care of our guest of honor. We wouldn't want her to get lost would we?" Demetri helpfully pointed to the sky above them where there floated Harry and Bella. The girl was gagged and struggling but it was futile. Harry was happily sitting on her head with her arms raised and trapped against his chest, keeping her in the air with him. It was for the best really. Imagine if Carlisle had the time to get her somewhere safe? That would only extend their stay and it seemed no one wanted that. "It's hard to hear one single frantic heartbeat when you have men with such rapid heartbeats nearby," he said as he pointed to the pack. "It doesn't help if their Alpha is a short-tempered man who likes to yell, thus muffling any noise Bella could have made when she was captured."

The three god smacked looks on the remaining three Cullen faces were well worth the month he had to stay in this awful town.

"Now it would truly be awful if Harry were to… drop her."

There was no hesitation as Harry grinned evilly and completely let go of the girl that wasfloating two stories above the ground. It was sure to be a lovely picture when she hit the ground.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Joke Of The Day

Did you hear about the sick vampire?

He went from bat to worse.


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