บท 51: Chapter 50
Chen was on top of Goldie, looking downward. There was a huge fog covering a large area. He knew about this place. The fog of the lost souls. Usually, when a spirit was annoyed by a human, be it dark or light, would throw them into this fog. It was hard to kill a human soul if one doesn't know how. Unalaq does know.
The best way for spirits to get rid of a human for good was to throw them into this fog.
Chen, however, knew how to get out of this place.
One simply needed to accept their worse fear.
In Chen's case, what would that be?
Losing Asami maybe? Losing money, power?
He'd already come to accept that nothing last forever.
He'd learnt that the hard way.
Nothing intimidated him, he believed.
"I'll be watching you, human." The ancient dragon said. "I will mock your soul whenever I feel bored. You can be an example of stupidity for eternity."
"You better not forget about your part of the deal," Chen said. He then jumped off Goldie and headed down to the fog.
"Hohoho…" the huge dragon circled in the air and laughed happily, before heading away from the fog.
Flipping, Chen landed on his feet. He looked around him. There were many humans, and all of them were walking aimlessly. Their facial expression drew fear, sadness and regret. They were all muttering words, some had their eyes dried up.
They seemed to go through hell.
Hell? Hasn't he undergone that?
Chen noticed that a white fog was approaching him from every direction.
'Remember, all you have to do is to accept that shit happened to you?'
Smirking, he opened his arms. He welcomed the fog with an open chest.
Chen's vision soon was covered by an endless white. He could no longer see the humans.
At first, he felt a bit of a headache. Chen could see nothing, nor hear.
The headache became more intense, and Chen forgot what he was thinking.
'What was I thinking of?' he clenched his teeth. 'The fog is playing with my head. I'm having a brain fog… but seriously, what was thinking of?'
Chen closed his eyes.
Have you ever wondered what happened the moment you fall asleep?
At first, you close your eyes, and then you lose track.
You lose awareness. In what seems a blink like, you find yourself in another place. A dream, the land of nonsense. But you don't question it.
-x-X-x-
Chen didn't know what happen, or how he got into this place.
When he looked at his hands, he found himself in a different place, in a different body.
The scars that were on his wrists were no longer there.
'How the hell am I here? I was in the spirit world, right?'
He reached his pocket, and he found a smartphone. He opened it, and he saw his reflection. It was of Joseph, the one of his previous life.
He was standing at a door of an apartment he knew. He looked at his phone, and he checked the date. It was 12 mars.
His eyelids shook, and his heartbeat was stable.
He'd always hated this date.
Today, he'd decided to leave the mafia. He'd grown up tired of the jobs he'd done, and he wanted to wash his hands away.
Joseph was a scarred man. He'd been left at the store by his only relative, and he'd joined the gangs when he was very young.
Today, he'd collected enough savings.
He was planning to run away, to a new country, and start a new life.
Who supported him to take his decision was his girlfriend… rarely, the only person whom he was in a serious relationship with — it lasted for five years, a long five years they had experienced everything together in that time.
It had been almost ten years since Joseph hadn't seen her face.
Slowly, he pushed the door. Alice was taking a nap on the couch. When he entered, she woke up, stretched her arms up and yawned.
"Joseph, I thought you won't come until tomorrow."
"Plans changed." He replied, closing the door and putting the phone back in his pocket.
"Oh, don't tell me…" she blinked twice.
"Today was my last job." He replied, walking next to a painting on the wall. He reached his another pocket, took a cigarette, and lit it up.
Alice stared at his hand. She frowned and said. "I thought you said you would quit smoking."
"Today is the last day. Tomorrow, I'll be a changed man."
Chen, as Joseph now, felt that he was trapped inside this memory. His body and mouth were moving on their own. However, he stared long enough at the woman. He was appreciating every second. His heart pounded so fast.
'What are you doing, idiot! Just walk out of the fucking door.'
Joseph smiled, "Did you pack our things?"
"Yes." She walked to him, kissed him on the lips, and took the cigarette from him, before throwing it out of the window. He clicked his tongue. She'd always been taking care of him. When he'd gotten sick, she would treat him. When he'd gotten hungry, she would cook. And when he spoke, she would throw the cigarettes away.
"The tickets are bought already," he replied.
"Well," she yawned. "Guess I need to change to travel. But are you sure that your group won't go after us?"
"They won't find out until a week later."
Joseph turned toward the painting. He took it down, and a vault appeared. He opened it, and there
"So, you were keeping it there the whole time."
"Yes, the smaller, the better."
In the vault, there were some paper stocks. They were his ticket out of this world, to a new beginning of a new life.
Chen, internally, sighed. He wanted to close his eyes. Unfortunately, his brain won't allow him.
*Pew* *Pew*
Joseph felt severe pain coming from his back.
He turned, and he saw Alice smirking at him, a gun aimed forward. He leaned on the wall.
"How could—"
Before he could answer, she shot a few more shoots at his chest.
Joseph, who felt shocked, dropped slowly.
"Oh, thanks, Joseph." She reached his hand and grabbed the stocks. "I always knew that you are naive… people like you had always a way out. And I will get out alone."
Leaning on the wall, he lifted his head, unable to say any word.
The physical pain was nothing compared to what he felt right now.
He wanted to ask questions.
"Well, I will miss you." She replied. "I will never forget you. But don't worry, for your sake, I will live a good life."
"You told me you are pregnant," Joseph said, struggling.
He looked down, where the bullets had pierced his coat.
Before coming here, he'd attended a meeting.
During occasions like that, Joseph had always worn a bulletproof suit.
"It was just a way for me to motivate you to leave this shitty life." She squatted and slapped his cheek gently with the gun. "But for the sake of our love, I'll help you leave that shitty life."
A cold sensation took over Joseph. It was like when he aim at someone who was begging him.
His fast breaths started calming down.
She stood up, holding the stocks, and turned. "Luckily I prepared some acid bath for you."
Reaching his coat, he grabbed a gun and a silencer. After adjusting everything, he aimed forward. As much as Chen didn't want to see that, he didn't have a choice. This was the best lesson he'd ever learnt. Closing his eyes, he shot. Alice turned, eyes wide open at Chen. He coldly stared at her, and he grabbed the trigger a few more times until her body fell.
"It's not your fault," he said, "It's mine. I was stupid to think that things would go well for me. It was never going to work out for me." He looked upward.
'This should be a dream…' Joseph thought, and Chen, who was seeing this, shook his head internally.
His life sucks, and he was a fool to think things would go better for him.
He'd let his guard down, and here he was, leaning down on a wall with broken ribs and a broken heart. The woman he spent five years with and thought of as a family shoot him in the back.
He'd always doubted something was wrong. Life was too good to be true… The illusion was broken.
Lifting his head, he started laughing. "Hahaha…" the hysterical laugh soon turned into a hastened breathing. He could barely breathe. But he realised that he was the one at fault.
He had no family, and he has no one. The only one he could trust was himself.
Chen, who was trapped in this memory, saw how his old naive self was acting.
There had been a reason why he'd wanted to lose his memories when he was offered reincarnation.
But he kept them so that he could never forget that harsh memory.
Joseph, after calming himself, walked to the dead body of his ex… she'd said that she prepared a chemical bath so that she would get rid of his body. Look how the table has turned. His eyes red and lifeless dragged her with all of the blood, and he walked to the bathroom. A tube made of metal, with chemical acids in it.
Joseph closed the chemical bath and stared at the roof. He lit up another cigarette, and he muttered. "I can't believe I wanted to quit smoking for her." The chemicals from smoking started helping him relax.
Chen didn't want to see what happened next. But he'd no choice.
Joseph opened his eyes widely.
He realised that he melted the body with the stocks — his ticket for retirement.
Tears started streaming on his cheeks.
He'd lost everything, in one day.
No family, no money… and he went back to point zero.
He sighed, and he said. "It was never going to work out for me." He'd already accepted that.
Chen, his greatest regret was today. He regretted two things.
He'd regretted being too emotional. No. He regretted having any emotion.
In this current new life, he started developing some.
That is what he feared… because deep inside, he never believed it would end up well for him. That's why he always repeats that nothing last forever.
Chen blinked, and he found himself surrounded by white fog.
The memory started playing again.
He was back to point zero, and he would experience the thing he feared most, again.
Chen found himself in Joseph's body, in front of his room.
He would see it again.
The only person whom he considered family and his life-saving wealth vanished.
He would see how he'd been betrayed.
How he'd killed the person he had considered his family.
What was scarier, he would see himself losing everything.
He's nothing.
The same memory repeated over and over. For so many times.
Ten…hundreds, two hundred times. it was driving him to the mental break point.
Chen, who had practised emotion control his whole life, couldn't help but develop emotions again, emotions he'd been trying to avoid for so long.
He was in front of the mist, and he lowered his head. Seeing Alice's face again made him realise it. It was never about the money he'd lost, and neither it was about the girl.
He realised what he feared… Chen didn't want to admit it. He feared to have something again, to have trust, attachments… no wonder he'd been dislocating himself from everyone around and keeping minimal attachment. What if that happened again with Asami? No, she wasn't as trash as the person he'd been with. But again, people change with time. The person he'd loved for five years ended up changing at some point and shooting him in the back.
Mentally, he chuckled. He fears.
"Fine, I accept it." Chen felt his chest turn heavy. He didn't want to say it.
But whether he accepted it or not, it won't change anything, nor would it add.
"I have no control over my desire, nor my fate, nor other people around me. I can get foolish, but so what? I want to."
At any rate, he could accept his feelings, which he considered the biggest weakness.
Once he would get outside this fucking therapist fog, he could suppress those feelings and act like a robot again.
The fog started fading away. After accepting his worse fears, Chen was free from the effect of the fog.
The humans, who were lost here, appeared to Chen.
He could feel sympathy for them… feel? Chen looked at his hand, and he clenched it into his fist.
'This life is different. I have what I wanted, and If I don't want to lose it, I have to protect it."
Chen cracked his neck. 'Now I have to visit that dragon. I have to make him pay.'
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A/N: If you want to support the story and read advanced chapters ahead, go to:
www.patréon.com/Blazuki
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