บท 25: Parenting 101 - ft. Ureirika & Kuuderika

(A/N: Before you ask, I'm still on my holiday. This was just a pre-written chapter I got to make. I didn't want to leave you guys hanging, lol. Anyways, the time for school is nearing for me. So, after September, chapter releases might not be consistent! Anyways, take care!)

[Timeskip - ??? Hours]

[Narrator's POV]

A pair of twins looked up at the night sky from their room. Their hands touched the glass window as the full moon's light gently illuminated their faces. If it weren't for the different coloured dresses the twins wore, it would've been nigh-impossible to tell one apart by looks alone.

"Do you know when big sister will be returning home?" Asked the twin who was wearing a pink dress. She turned her head right to face her sibling who wore a similar blue dress. Their names were Ureirika and Kuuderika, respectively.

"Soon," Kuuderika replied back, turning her head to face Ureirika. "We're gonna live with big sister when she comes back?" Ureirika asked her sister again, to which she replied with another quick answer. "That's right!" The twin in blue said cheerily.

"I wonder what's taking big sister so long?" Ureirika questioned, putting her hands back on the window as she swayed her tiny body left and right. Kuuderika copied her sister's movements, also asking the same question. "I wonder too, sis." She also said.

"But when she does come home, I want her to read me a story!" Exclaimed Kuuderika. Ureirika gave a heartwarming giggle at her twin's reply. "You always want big sis Arche to read you a story!" She said in a sweet and cute tone. "I want her to give me hugs and cuddles!" Kuuderika also giggled.

"I hope she comes back soon…" Ureirika trailed off as the pair turned their attention to the night sky out their window once more…

[Timeskip - 1 Day]

"As per the deal, here's the 100 gold coins as promised. Oh, and here's the receipt too." He looked at the contents of the pouch filled with gold and gave sly smile. Nodding in satisfaction, Arche's father signed the contract handed to him previously by the loan shark without a moment's delay.

Handing the contract back to the man, the loan shark looked at it, making sure everything was properly signed before tucking it away in a side pocket on his pants. "Good, everything is signed properly." The loan shark said, making Arche's father smile once more.

"Now, Sir Furt," The loan shark adjusted himself on the couch he sat on. "This will have to be the last time we make a deal like this. If you can't pay your debts within the timeframe given on the contract, I'll have to resort to liquidating your assets." Arche's father shrugged nonchalantly.

"No worries, dear friend," Sir Furt started in a rather chill tone that had no right to be there. "If push comes to shove, I'll just sell those useless twin bitches off to the slave trade here in Arwintar, hahaha!" The loan shark gave a chuckle.

"Looking at the pictures you have of them around your house," The loan shark looked around the living room as he observed the framed portraits of the family. More specifically, the pictures that included the twins. "They'd cover quite a bit of your debt. I know some people that would love to get their hands on them and have those girls used as sex slaves, punchbags and everything in between!"

The loan shark's words made Sir Furt smile. As long as he could continue to live a lavish lifestyle, he couldn't care less about what he'll have to do to achieve it.

"In that case," Arche's father took a slight pause before speaking. "I'm glad the brat still hasn't returned home. She was 'supposed' to arrive here last night and 'run away' with the twins, but I guess she decided to go without them, hahahahaha!" Sir Furt put emphasis on 'supposed' by saying it in a mocking tone whilst doing jazz hands.

The loan shark huffed. "That's unfortunate…" He muttered, displeased with what Sir Furt said. After all, only Arche was paying the debts of her fallen noble family. "Anyhow, I best be going as I have other clients to deal with." The loan shark got off the couch as he fixed his clothing from sitting down.

Before heading out of the Furt manor, the loan shark made sure to say one more thing. "Make sure to not forget about the repayments. If you don't, I'll either acquire all the assets I originally lent, or you could sell your twins into slavery and pay me the resulting capital."

Sir Furt seriously nodded as the loan shark exited the manor, closing the door behind him. Once the loan shark left, he raised the pouch of gold coins to eye level, admiring it like it was the most important thing in the world.

"Hmph, this gold should last us a while. I'll be able to afford good quality meat with my wife for dinner tonight. Those brats could starve for all I care." Arche's father said to himself. "Honey!" He called out to his wife in a loud voice.

He waited for a few moments but was met with silence.

"Huh?" Sir Furt muttered to himself. "That's… odd." And odd it was. Usually, his wife would quickly reply or he'd hear the clattering of footsteps. Yet, none of that happened. Arche's father got off his couch before shouting once more.

"James?!" The fallen noble shouted his butler's name that should have been nearby to come to his call.

Again, no response.

Sir Furt thought that he was being messed with by his family for some unknown reason. Little did he know that in the shadows of the grand living room he was in, a certain plague doctor draped in all black attire silently watched him. '[Perfect Unknowable] really does its charm well, huh?' Citrinitas thought to himself, looking at the fallen noble with his sac of gold coins in his hands.

'After hearing that little conversation between that loan shark and Arche's father, I'll be sure to send him to the Happy Farm where his wife currently is. Perhaps I should send him to that place where Hekkeran and Imina were sent? The Large Hole? Eh, either is fine by me…' The alchemist concluded.

'Now then, with all those thoughts sorted out…' Citrinitas deactivated [Perfect Unknowable] as he slowly walked towards the fallen noble who he was currently behind.

"Hello, Sir Furt. It's not so much of an honour to meet you." Arche's father quickly turned around in surprise, only to be met with an ominous sight. "W-W-Who are you?! What have you done with my family?!" The fallen noble frantically asked the plague doctor, who was slowly walking towards him.

"If you're talking about your wife, she's currently having a splendid time with some trolls far away. Your butler James? I just used a sleeping spell on him. He's a good person, unlike your wife and yourself. Finally, the twins are still in their rooms playing. I'll be taking them from you shortly."

Before Arche's father could say anything else, Citrinitas swiped his hand right whilst casting a spell. Sir Furt was about to shout profanities when he found himself unable to speak. He tried to shout, then scream, but no sound came out of his mouth.

Scared shitless, Arche's father attempted to run away. However, the moment he did, the alchemist cast another spell that made the fallen noble drop to the floor, paralysed.

'[Silence], such a useful 2nd Tier spell. This would have been so helpful back in the Old World. I could've shut up so many annoying assholes. [Paralysis] at this point is just a cheat against low levelled beings that don't have any magical items or immunities to resist it.' Citrinitas thought to himself, before focusing on the fallen noble in front of him.

"Good, I don't want your screams alerting the twins. [Adulterated Acrimony], [Contagious Spread]." At the muttering of two 5th Tier spells, Sir Furt felt an odd taste on his tongue. It was bitter but simultaneously sour. Almost akin to the aftertaste you'd feel when digesting certain medicine. If Arche's father was able to make noise, he'd be shouting for the horrid feeling to exit his mouth.

Sadly, that didn't happen as that bitter/sour feeling only got more potent before it swiftly spread to other areas around his body.

As taste was only limited to the tongue, the bitter and sour feeling turned into a sharp and unbearable sting wherever it reached. Areas such as the stomach, liver, and intestines were quickly affected by the horrible pain. This was all thanks to [Contagious Spread] that allowed any toxin, disease, or corrosion-related spells to extend beyond its original limitations.

In this case, [Adulterated Acrimony] was able to affect the viscera instead of only the head. Citrinitas could've used Metamagic [Widen Magic], but it wasn't as efficient compared to [Contagious Spread]. He could've also used both in synergy, but there wasn't really a need to.

Sir Furt could do nothing as his tongue, after being overloaded with the horrid aftertaste of flavour, began to rot, degrade, and melt until nothing was there. The surrounding areas affected by the painful sting followed in a similar manner such as the eyes and nose. Like a virus branching out throughout the body, so too did affect regions both inside and out until all of his face and organs were rotting.

The pain was simply excruciating. Have you ever seen what necrosis looked like? Well, his entire face and organs looked like that. And just before Sir Furt's suffering ended by the cold embrace of death…

"[Heal]."

All the pain he felt instantly vanished as his face and internal organs were restored to normal.

"While I would let your body rot in agonizing pain, I have a job to do. I can't spend all my time here making you beg for your suffering to end. So, have fun on the Happy Farm with your wife. [Greater Teleportation]." Sir Furt suddenly vanished from thin air as Citrinitas put his hand down. After that, the alchemist grabbed the pouch of coins, planning to give it to James before heading to the 2nd floor.

'With that done, all that's left is to collect those twins. That spell I cast on James should wear off soon. I've already given Ainz a proper and convincing reason to bring the two to Nazarick. All I have left is to talk to Esdeath and Shalltear…' He concluded as he reached the 2nd floor of the manor.

It didn't take long until Citrinitas reached Ureirika and Kuuderika's bedroom door. Funnily enough, it was quite easy to identify. There were cardboard paper cutouts of flowers and butterflies that were messily coloured in with paint and crayons.

But what caught Citrinitas' eye wasn't that. No, it was a drawing on a piece of paper at the centre of it all. The drawing, which could have only been made by two 5-year-olds, depicted three stick figures with shoulder-length hair. At the centre was an older girl holding the hands of two smaller girls on either side of her. These people were, of course, Arche and her sisters.

Citrinitas couldn't help but smile behind the plague doctor mask of his. There was something about the drawing that almost had an innocent essence or aura surrounding it. "Well, at least the twins won't be sold into slavery and worked to death." The alchemist muttered under his breath.

Before knocking on the door, Citrinitas made sure to take off his plague doctor mask and put it in his inventory to not potentially scare Ureirika and Kuuderika. Once that was done, the alchemist knocked on the door.

"Coming!" Two childish, yet cute and adorable voices shouted in unison from within the room. The door slightly creaked open before it was gently pushed outward, revealing two small children. "Arch- huh?" The twin wearing a pink dress, Ureirika, tilted her head in confusion before raising her head to get a proper look at who was knocking at their door.

"You're not Arche or James. Who are you?" The twin wearing a blue dress, Kuuderika, questioned innocently. Citrinitas knelt on one knee before speaking to the twins. "Yeah! Where's big sister Arche?" Ureirika added on in a curious tone.

"My name is Citrinitas, a… close friend of your sister, Arche. I'm here to take you both to your new home. A place that's far away from this one, Ureirika and Kuuderika." The plague doctor said kindly. Due to having his mask off, the echo-like effect on his voice disappeared.

The twin's eyes lit up like fireworks on the 4th of July. "Take us to our new home?! Is Arche there?!" Kuuderika asked, almost not believing the words the man in front of her was saying. "You're right for both questions. You're so smart, Kuuderika!" Kuuderika smiled from the praise as Ureirika slightly pouted. "I'm smart too, Syptus!" She argued.

Citrinitas put a hand on her head before patting it. "You're very smart too, Ureirika. But considering your age, my name is quite hard to say. It's pronounced 'Citrinitas' as in 'sit-trin-e-tes.'" Kuuderika giggled like a school girl at her sister's mispronunciation of Citrinitas' name.

"Now," To Ureirika's dismay, Citrinitas moved his hand away from her head. "Before I take you to your new home, I will have to inform you both about some things." The twins simultaneously nodded before the alchemist continued to speak.

"Firstly, you won't be able to meet your big sister all the time. Nothing is set in stone, but you might see her a few times per week." Ureirika and Kuuderika's mouths became slightly agape. "Why is that, Citrinitas?" Ureirika asked, pronouncing the plague doctor's name correctly this time.

'That's because Arche is currently being used as a test subject to try out the effects of some different splash potions. And to see the effects of some potions first, you have to be injured to a certain extent.' Citrinitas obviously didn't say that in front of the twins, so he said it to himself internally before.

"Well, you're sister is a very hardworking and busy young lady. But because of this, she can't take care of you all the time. If she did, she wouldn't be able to do her work. That's why there will be two lovely women who will take care of you in her place." The alchemist did his best to sugarcoat things for the twins to understand.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh… ok."

Thankfully, those words seemed to convince the twins. While they did seem disappointed, Citrinitas at least expected some tears, but that didn't happen. Maybe it was the fact that they already knew Arche was a busy girl or that Citrinitas said they could still visit her. He didn't really know. Either way, the alchemist internally sighed in relief as he didn't want to deal with crying children.

"Are these women nice? Will they cuddle me at night and read sister stories?" Ureirika asked innocently, giving Citrinitas adorable puppy eyes. "Yes, they will read you bedtime stories and give you cuddles while you sleep," Citrinitas reassured Ureirika in a sweet tone, making her smile happily.

"Now, before you ask, you don't have to worry about your toys or clothes. Your new home will have everything you could possibly dream of. And even if it didn't, I'm quite the powerful magic caster and can make whatever you want with some magic!"

"Whatever we want?!" Ureirika and Kuuderika exclaimed in unison. Citrinitas only nodded as the twins hopped with joy. "That's right. Want me to prove it?" The twins furiously nodded. Holding out the palm of his hand, a warm, luminescent light started to glow before it dissipated. In its place…

Two chocolate bars.

"What are these?" Ureirika asked, pointing to what was on Citrinitas' gloved palm. "Why don't you try them?" Curious, the twins reached out and took one chocolate bar each before taking a bite. It was as if Ureirika and Kuuderika's tastebuds melted from the sheer flavour. Thankfully, these chocolate bars weren't designed to have your tongue rot and decompose.

"Thewse… are… amazhmmghhing!" Kuuderika declared, trying to talk with her mouth full. "It's not good to talk with your mouth open," Citrinitas warned as a parent would to their child. "Sowwry…" Kuuderika trailed off as she and Ureirika finished the chocolate bar, wiping their mouths with the sleeves of their dress.

"Can we please have more of that later?" Ureirika asked, having her hands held together. "[Clean]." Citrinitas quickly cleaned the mess on their dress before speaking. "You can have more treats once we go to your new home. Speaking of, we should get going now."

Standing back up, Citrinitas turned around to cast a [Gate] back to Nazarick. "[Gate]." A purple portal quickly formed in front of the twins as they became mesmerized by the rifts swirls. "What's that?" Kuuderika asked, pointing at the swirl with Ureirika nodding. "This is a spell that's called [Gate]. With it, you can go wherever you want. Isn't that cool?"

The twins were absolutely dazzled by what Citrinitas said. "So cool!" They both exclaimed in awe, making the alchemist chuckle. The twins, standing behind Citrinitas, then grabbed one hand each. They did their best to wrap their tiny hands around Citrinitas' gloved hands but they were too small.

"Cmon now, let's go to your new home, Ureirika and Kuuderika." Soon enough, the trio stepped through the portal as the scene around them changed from the hallway within Sir Furts manor to the exterior of one of the many restaurants on the 9th Floor in the Great Tomb.

The twins were quick to point out two women sitting opposite one another in one of the seats in the restaurant. "Her blue hair is so gorgeous!" Said Kuuderika in wonder, pointing at the woman in a white general's appeal sipping a cup of coffee.

"But Kuuderika, the lady with pink hair is also cool!" Ureirika pointed out to her twin. These women were obviously Esdeath and Shalltear that for once, weren't in a shouting contest. "Greetings, Esdeath and Shalltear," Citrinitas called out, alerting the two as they looked in his direction.

"My darling!" Shalltear blushed. "You look absolutely dashing toda- huh?" The vampire, in the middle of complimenting Citrinitas, noticed the two children holding her lover's hands. The ice general was equally confused before the both of them became wide-eyed.

"Citrinitas, may I ask why you have children, and human children at that…. holding your hands?" Esdeath asked with a tint of jealousy in her voice. "The reason is quite simple," Citrinitas spoke ominously as Shalltear gasped. "Are you giving me these children to me as se-"

"No." The vampire, having got her question shut down, looked to the ground in despair. "As I was saying, the reason is quite simple. Since the both of you have been… eager… to have kids with me, I wanted to put your skills to the test to see if you're actually ready to raise children."

The pair of thirsty women grew a wide smile. "With that in mind, these two are Ureirika and Kuuderika and it's your job to take care of them." Citrinitas let go of both their hands as he gestured for the twins to go towards the woman which they did without hesitation. Kuuderika hugged the leg of Esdeath while Ureirika held the hand of Shalltear.

As the alchemist gave an explanation about the test and its rules, Esdeath and Shalltear were only thinking about one thing.

'I'll prove to Citrinitas that I'm the best mother! That way, once we marry and make love, he'll give me a child of my own! I see this as an absolute win! I won't fail your test, my love!'

[Timeskip - ??? Hours]

[Scene Change]

Esdeath and Kuuderika were currently walking around the icy plains of the 5th Floor. Well, walking around as in Esdeath was walking and Kuuderika was on her shoulders, fidgeting with her general's hat. The demoness figured that it was important to give her test child a rundown of each floor within the Great Tomb, starting with the 1st Floor and working their way down. So, that's what she did.

"Miss Esdeath," Kuuderika started in a nice, sweet tone. "What is it you do in Nazarick?" She asked. The ice queen hummed before speaking. "Well, I'm Nazaricks top general. I lead the armies of the Supreme One to victory, defeating any vermin that dare oppose us!" She said proudly.

"Why?"

"Because it was the wish of my creator, Lord Blue Planet."

"Why?"

The ice queen internally sighed but was equally as determined to answer Kuuderika's questions as she wanted to prove to her lover that she was a better mother than Shalltear. "That's because…"

[Scene Change]

"Hehehehehehehe! Shallchair! Shallchair! I have conquered the final Demon God! I'm the best hero in the world!" Ureirika exclaimed with passion as she sat on Shalltear who was hunched over on her back in her room. The vampire did her best to hold her tongue and let the twin continue to have fun.

'That damn icy bitch…' She cursed in her mind. 'How DARE she tell Ureirika about this! Mark my words, I'll humiliate that whore!' The gothic lolita did her best to calm herself down and not rip Ureirika to shreds. After all, she wanted to prove herself to Citrinitas that she was the better mother.

[Scene Change]

"Cocytus, I'm curious as to why you brought me to the bar. Is there something of significance you need to inform me about?" A calm and collected arch-devil asked. Dressed in a devilishly striking orange suit, Demiurge stirred the drink in his hand by moving it in a slow circular motion.

"Yes. It. Is. Of. Absolute. Importance." Cocytus said in between huffs of cold mist. Nodding, Demiurge gestured for the insectoid to continue speaking, which he did. "How. Does. One. Become. The. Best. Uncle. For. Someones. Child? What. Do. I. Do?"

'That's right!' The arch-devil thought to himself. 'Citrinitas provided a test for Shalltear and Esdeath to master. Honestly, what a brilliant play on his part. To prepare his lovers for when they actually have his child… I wonder what their offspring would look like…' "I have a few ideas in mind…"

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(A/N: It has brought me great joy that THE PICTURE has reached 200 likes as of typing this. It seems that plenty of people love my fashion sense, hahaha!

Putting that aside, one of the future chapters I have in store involves Talents and Talent experimentation. So, if you have any theories or ideas on how Talents work or how to take a talent (minus Super-Tier magic), I'll gladly use them to improve the next chapter!

Furthermore, how was this chapter? Good? Bad? Somewhere in the middle? Please, let me know with a comment and a review as that always helps!)