บท 27: CHAPTER 27
OPHELIA'S POV
"Was that a UFO?"
Xavier slurred while pointing towards a bird in the sky. It was 11:30 and the beers finally got to him. I tried to reach the car while supporting him as well. I feared that if I let go, then he had to go tumbling down the street.
"No, Xavier. It's a bird."
He stopped walking and then looked at me. He pursed his lips like he wanted to say something but then just tapped my head and started walking forward.
I ran towards him and wrapped my arm around his shoulder so that he wouldn't trip.
"You know, a-aliens exist, right Lia? That w-was not a bird. But i-it's okay. I-I know that you're d-drunk. Al-alcohol makes people like that."
I couldn't help but snicker at what he'd just said. He was the one being half-carried to the car and I was the drunk one?
I shook my head and helped him sit in the car. I shut the car door and jumped into my seat. I turned the ignition on when Xavier chuckled.
"What's so funny?"
I turned the heater on as the chilly November winds had filled the car. Xavier laughed once again before speaking up.
"T-the guy that's gonna g-get you is going to be s-so lucky, you know that?"
I want that guy to be you.
Don't you see, Xavier?
I want it to be you.
"We'll see about that, later. You should rest. It's gonna take us at least 45 minutes to reach home."
My vision blurred slightly due to the beer I had chugged at the beginning of the party as Xavier started humming to the song we heard while coming to the party.
The silence that wrapped around us like a blanket was peaceful this time. No words begging to be voiced. His eyes shut calmly as his head rested against the seat.
He looked at peace. As if he had been running for too long and finally got a break.
"Stop s-staring at me, Lia. You won't find any answers." His voice husky. Like it had never been.
I didn't want his answers.
I wanted his trust.
All I wanted was for him to trust me and start living with his hand in mine.
"I don't want any answers from you, Xavier. You told me everything I needed to know that night."
His, once relaxed, forehead wrinkled as if he was thinking.
"But, did I-I?"
What did he mean by that?
What was he hiding?
Was he just playing with me?
Wait, he is drunk. I don't think he knows what he is saying. At least, I hope he didn't.
"Xavier, you're drunk. I think you should sleep it off. We'll talk tomorrow." For some reason my voice was tight. Almost dry.
It's like my throat was itching to ask him what he meant by that.
My fingers tightened around the steering wheel as my vision blurred once again. I should have known, driving back home was gonna be hard.
"Ophelia, I'm n-not the guy, you think I'm. I'm not the guy you w-want me to be."
I immediately applied the brakes to the car. I parked it at the side and turned towards him. I had to know what he was saying. He definitely wasn't going to open up when he's sober.
I knew my conscious was going to guilt me for the upcoming days but this was my chance.
A chance to know which tapes of his life replayed in his head.
What monsters of his past haunted him.
"What do you mean, Xavier?"
He opened his eyes and stared at me. I felt uncomfortable. All this time I was so invested him, I never thought about how he saw me.
Ugly?
Stupid?
Nah, probably ugly.
And stupid.
I folded my arms and looked back into his eyes.
They shone in the darkness. If anyone had to look at Xavier, then the first thing they would notice about him would be his eyes.
There was something spectacular about the golden specks that surrounded his iris. And how his eyes squinted every time he laughed or even chuckled.
"I'm a coward, Ophelia. I'm a cowardly murderer."
Even though his voice was quiet, I could hear the screams behind them.
The pain behind them.
A coward? Why would he call himself a coward?
He was one of the boldest people I'd met.
"Xavier, I don't know what made you think you were weak. You are a strong person. You went through a lot at such a young age. But you're still here, aren't you?"
His fingers rubbed his eyes and then massaged his forehead. He took in a shaky breath and looked out of the window.
He looked back at me and finally spoke.
"That's debatable, e-especially based on the fact that I know where my s-sister lives. I've known about her whereabouts for a y-year. And I didn't make any effort to meet her, Lia. I'm a c-coward. Why can't you see that?"
Xavier knew about Nicole's whereabouts. And he didn't visit her, even once. That's why he was calling himself a coward.
But, he wasn't a coward. He was doing something, that any other person would do if they were in his place.
He was running away from his past.
He was scared of Nicole's reaction.
He was scared that history might repeat itself and she would end up hating him again.
And he was running away.
I unbuckled my seat belt and gently wiped the tears that rolled down his cheeks. My heart hurt from seeing him cry.
He was one of the most innocent souls on this earth and he didn't deserve this pain. He had his faults but he deserved so much better. If only I could take away all his pain.
Then I would, without a second thought.
I rested my hand over his and smiled at him.
"You're not a coward. You hear me? You're scared and that's normal. But that doesn't make you a coward, Xavier. We will ge-"
"There's no 'we', Ophelia! This is my shit. And you don't need to help me carry it. I, either carry it on my own, or I fall. There is no in-between and there is definitely no need for you to entangle yourself in my mess."
His voice was hoarse. Almost pained.
I knew he was running away once again. But this time, I could run with him.
"Xavier, that's where you're wrong. There is always an in-between. You are not a fuck up and you are not going to ruin my life. I'm not entangling myself in your mess. I'm just here to help you carry it. And I'm going to be here, whether you like it or not."
Xavier closed his eyes once again and took a few deep breaths. Probably five and then looked back at me.
"Why do you not get it, Ophelia? Someone like me doesn't deserve to be in your life. I'm a loser. A fucked up murderer with no future. Why can't you just give up on me, as the others did?"
I didn't know what words would comfort him and what would trigger him. I was trying my best to bring him back to the edge, when I, myself was so close to falling.
"Listen Xavier, I don't know what or even who made you think so lowly of yourself. But you are not a murderer and definitely not a loser. There is no way in hell, that I'm giving up on you. So if you expect me to walk away, then you're wasting your time."
I held his hand tight to let him know I was right here. We sat there in complete silence with his hand in mine.
A few minutes had passed but it almost felt like an hour, when I began to drive again.
The ride back home was calming. It took us another half an hour to reach his street. I took the last turn and stopped in front of his house. By the time, I had pulled up, Xavier had sobered up enough to walk into his house.
He left but not before looking back at me once last time.
"Be careful, Ophelia. You are playing a losing game."
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