บท 179: Sweethaven
The tax evading cretins, as the taxman called them, ignored his distant cries of outrage and threats of 'dire consequences'.
Cabernet was eager to have something to eat after flying in her ship form for some long weeks, so they found themselves outside of one of the few restaurants available in the town of Sweethaven.
"Rough House Cafe." Cabernet read the signage out loud, her stomach grumbling at the smell of frying meat and little else.
"It doesn't sound like a lot of rough housing is going on inside, though?" Perona observed.
"Perhaps we just came too early, it's only mid afternoon after all." Robin said.
"We can always get the rough housing started early ourselves. Let's go inside." Cherry said, pushing open the door.
The cafe was only at about a quarter of capacity from the looks of the seating. An overweight, mustached man stood behind a long counter preparing food. The chef's outfit he wore looked a bit too professional for the quality of the restaurant and its clientele.
A fat, bald man in a bowler hat at the counter observed them with a glint in his eyes, before his expression shifted into the visage of a simpleton. If Cherry hadn't noticed that very brief look that sized them up, she wouldn't have been able to see through his well practiced acting.
"Can I get you ladies anything?" The cook asked when he noticed their entry.
"Do you have a menu?" Robin asked politely, settling down at the counter.
"Sure do." The cook handed her a menu that was only a little bit greasy. "The name's Rough House."
"That will explain the name of the cafe then." Robin said.
"Yes and no. It's mostly because at least one person leaves with a black eye every night." Rough House explained, turning back to his grill.
The other three sat at the counter as well, with Cherry on the end nearest to the fat man.
Looking through the menu, there were hardly any fruit or vegetables available. In fact, most of the items on the menu seemed to be variations of a hamburger, a kind of sandwich Cherry had only seen at the Foxy Pirates' Davy Back Fight and the Ballywood Kingdom.
"Excuse me? Might I ask a favor?" The fat man next to Cherry asked her.
"If I say no will you leave me to eat in peace?" Cherry asked with a glare that could give grown men nightmares.
Cherry knew this guy was up to no good, and while she was normally in the mood for diving headlong into the machinations of fools, she just wanted to eat in peace right now.
Sure enough the man was a bit cowed by the glare, but regardless he managed to push onwards.
"I apologize for any offense. I'm quite low on funds at the moment, so I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." He said.
Cherry's thoughts raced. 'What's his angle here? Or did he give up and make up something on the spot?'
However, no matter how she studied his face she could not see through the facade.
"Fine." Cherry assented and decided to ignore him for now..
Once they each figured out what they wanted from the menu and made their orders. As usual, both Cherry and Cabernet ordered quite a lot of food.
"Also, I'd like to try this Hellburger challenge." Cherry added at the end.
The chatter in the cafe stopped and the patrons turned to look at the poor fool who dared to order the Hellburger.
"Are you sure? It's made with a very special pepper sauce only found here in Sweethaven. It's not for the faint of heart… or tongue. Very few men have ever succeeded and even they were afraid to go to the toilet for a week." Rough House asked with genuine concern on his face.
"Just give me one. I'm paying for it aren't I?" Cherry waved away his concern.
"Suit yourself." Rough House shrugged as if he didn't care, though his expression betrayed that he felt sorry for her.
Rough House quickly grilled up the burgers and other dishes that they ordered. For the Hellburger, he grilled it last by itself so that it would not desecrate nearby patties with its evil. After Rough House served the dishes to them, he got to work thoroughly cleaning the grill and erasing all traces of the demonic sandwich.
The Hellburger surprisingly looked like a standard hamburger with ketchup. Perhaps that was intentional, to lull the unsuspecting victim into a false sense of security.
"Here. Don't worry about paying me back." Cherry passed a hamburger to the fat man.
"Oh, you're very generous, thank you! My friends call me Wimpy, by the way." Wimpy said, happily picking up his hamburger.
Cherry merely turned her gaze back to her food.
Wimpy took a large bite out of his hard won hamburger. He had never planned to actually pay her back of course, it was merely one of his classic scams to get free food from strangers. He was glad that she had said he didn't need to pay her back, as that meant he could scam her again with her being none the wiser to his true intentions.
Wimpy's chewing gradually slowed down. He'd eaten a great many hamburgers in his life, but something was off about this one.
Then a small detail popped into his head. Everyone who had ever challenged the Hellburger said the same thing, that the heat took its time before slamming into you all at once.
Horror filled his expression and he whipped his head around to look at the 'gullible' woman he had 'scammed'.
She was watching him from the sides of her eyes with the wicked amusement of the devil who watched a sinner damn themselves to hell.
Wimpy spit out the mouth full of chewed bread and meat as quickly as he could.
"Rough House, give me some milk! Quick! Hurry up!" Wimpy demanded in his desperation.
Rough House was confused at first, wondering if Wimpy was trying to scam him again. "I won't be fooled, Wimpy. You gotta pay up front for food."
Wimpy didn't even argue with him, hastily ripping his wallet free from his pants pocket and slamming down all the bills from within.
"It looks like you're not as short on cash as you claimed." Cherry spoke, chuckling darkly at his actions.
"Oh, Hahaha, I see. Serves you right, if you ask me." Rough House figured out what happened. "I'll get you your milk, Wimpy, but it won't help. It never does, not even with cream."
It was too late, though. Wimpy's face quickly turned beet red as steam started to waft off of his skin, not dissimilar to the way Luffy looks in Gear Second.
"AAAAAA-" Wimpy tilted his head back and screamed a jet of flames from his mouth.
He charged out of the cafe with a speed that was unexpected of a man of his size. Through the open door, Wimpy could be seen throwing himself into the ocean in some attempt to ease the pain from the heat.
"Bwahahahaha, did you see his face?!" One of the other patrons mocked
His laughter was quickly followed by the rest as they found the whole ordeal very entertaining.
"Looks like I handed him the wrong hamburger, Mr. Rough House. Can I get another Hellburger since that one has already half eaten?" Cherry requested.
Rough House gave her a confused look, as he had thought she had ordered the Hellburger purely to mess with Wimpy. He didn't question her though, and merely made the new Hellburger quietly. If she was still going to take the challenge after seeing that, then there was nothing he could say to change her mind.
Rough House served the new Hellburger to her and the other patrons were ctaning their necks to see her better.
Cherry ate the Hellburger like it was no different to the rest. She finished it neither too quickly nor too slow.
The patrons waited anxiously for the heat to kick in, but it never came.
"The sauce is quite tasty, actually. I thought it'd be gross given that the point is the spiciness and all." Cherry commented.
Rough House and the patrons were dumbfounded. 'Does this lady have a stomach made of steel?'
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