บท 539: I’ve Only Ever Wanted You
Qiu Ling's lips twitched. So he still ranked behind Madam Zhong in his beloved's heart …
Seeing his gaze, Jing Yi couldn't help but laugh. "You're looking so down. Don't tell me you really mind it so much?"
Qiu Ling's expression blanked. "Did you … Did you just tease me?"
Jing Yi stopped laughing and looked away as if he suddenly felt uncomfortable. Qiu Ling's gaze flickered. Could it be … Was this Jing Yi warming up to him again? Was he already reconsidering his decision even though he didn't know the whole truth yet?
Qiu Ling reached out and gently took his hand. Jing Yi wanted to draw back but when Qiu Ling didn't let go, he paused and looked up at him.
"Qiu Ling …"
"That … That you broke up with me, that didn't really have to do with that Yu Jin, had it?"
Jing Yi stared at him in a daze. How had he suddenly …
"It is something else. Something that happened in the secret realm but it wasn't related to him."
"I —"
"You don't have to say it." Qiu Ling rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb and smiled. "I told you I wouldn't pressure you. If you don't want to be with me, then I won't bother you. I will just … quietly stay at your side. I'm alright with that. In case you ever reconsider … I'll be there. And I'll still be there if you don't. Even if you don't think that way, in my opinion, us being together is fate."
"Qiu Ling." Jing Yi's gaze grew gentler.
Qiu Ling didn't wait for his answer though. He patted his hand and slid closer. "Alright, let's not talk about this for now. Let's take a look at your soul first. Making sure that you're alright is the most important."
"Mn. Thank you."
"Don't mention it." Qiu Ling brushed his hair back with a smile. "Then … Could I … hold you?"
"Ah?"
"I mean …" Qiu Ling looked up at the sky. "Dragons are quite good at this but … it's still difficult to do. I can't guarantee that you won't feel any pain at all and we can't let you recoil or I might accidentally injure you so … It would be best if you could just …" He stopped talking and tightened his lips.
Alright, this totally sounded as if he wanted to take advantage of Jing Yi. Mn, maybe he actually wanted to take advantage of him but it wasn't like his words weren't true. Holding him in his arms would make this easier.
Jing Yi examined Qiu Ling's face. It seemed … he was serious about this? "Well, if it's better that way …" He slid closer, his heart speeding up. He couldn't help but look up at those dark eyes and his breath caught. Was this really alright? Wouldn't that make things even more difficult? But this was something that had to be done. He couldn't refuse …
He reached out and his fingertips touched Qiu Ling's chest, feeling the smooth surface of his robe. They both gulped. Qiu Ling gently took his wrist and pulled him closer, their breath mixing while they still held each other's gaze.
The closer he got, the faster his heart beat and Jing Yi's cheeks couldn't help but flush. He had thought he understood what love was after remembering Tian but right now, he felt that maybe the difference between him in this life and him in his past life had simply been their age.
When Qiu Ling approached him back then he had merely been fifteen, hardly old enough to understand what was going on. The year after that had been spent getting to know each other and then there had been the time in the Hei Dian Sect where he felt like things were moving faster, going in another direction, a direction he didn't know and was still a little hesitant to explore.
He certainly had never felt this kind of feeling in proximity to Qiu Ling while his previous self seemed to have felt it a lot of times when he was with Tian. But then again his past self had been older than him. And now, after five years had passed while he was in the secret realm, he suddenly felt that he could comprehend very well what had been happening with him in his past life. This kind of attraction … was a little different from the one he had felt for Qiu Ling before.
Qiu Ling waited. He wanted to see what Jing Yi would do. Whether he would decide for him here and now. Unfortunately, Jing Yi just stared at him, his gaze torn between confusion and longing.
Qiu Ling finally couldn't take it any longer. He leaned over, his warm breath caressing Jing Yi's skin. He raised a hand, cupped his cheek and finally, their lips met in a short kiss. They broke apart a few moments later, both of them lowering their gazes, unable to look each other in the eye for now.
"We shouldn't do this."
"You make it sound as if we were hurting somebody. There's just us."
"No, I —"
"Sh." Qiu Ling pressed a finger against Jing Yi's lips when he wanted to bring up the person he loved. At this moment, he definitely didn't want to hear it. "It's alright. Just treat it … as me being unruly and not respecting your boundaries if you feel the need to justify."
Jing Yi looked up at him, his gaze flickering. "You've lived for so long. Have you never felt unsure about how to proceed? Was there never a time when you didn't know what you wanted?"
Qiu Ling shook his head. "I've only ever wanted you." He pulled Jing Yi into his arms and hushed him when he wanted to speak up. "Don't. I know you're unsure. Even if you don't say it, I can feel that. I've known you long enough, after all. So just take your time and find out what you truly want. I'll be here until that moment and even afterward. For now, let's really take care of your soul."
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