บท 4: HIM and HIS friend
I took the bus to school . At first it seemed crowded , and there was a lot of bulging and googly eyes around , looking at me . I can see intense brightness coming from their iris ,i can see flames and fire getting closer and closer to me .They were like hungry , starving animals standing right away , in front of me . I was their prey which they waited for , from a long time . I am scared , i can't get back , neither step forward . I am blocked , and my heart is pumping hot blood in my veins . I can feel tension running so fast through my chest , crossing my eyes , until they reach my head . It's going to explode now , right here , my blood will cover their frightening faces . I am scared , i can't breathe , but all my tension is plucked up in my brain . And if you're having this condition , then you will have high functional senses that detects every single threat that can surrender you . I am drowning i am falling , NO !!! . I can't see clearly , i am passing away , i am screwed up . Demons inside of my head start to scream so loudly . NO !!! . They are going to kill me , i am going to kill myself . My brain is just driving me insane .
- STOP IT NOW ! i was yelling , and shouting inside of the bus .
Suddenly , everything stops . I saw all of them staring at me curiously , others were laughing . My father used to say that i am killing my pleasure , and pushing away my joy , whenever it comes and knock my door . I think his right , because there was no savage animals , or hungry zombies but , innocent and coy faces , having some great time with themselves before starting a fresh day . Unless a strange girl comes and starts screaming at them for no reason .
So , i crossed all the intrigued expressions , and find the easiest way for the closest chair . I sat on it , it felt like a huge enormous mountain has collapsed in one brief second , letting go all the pain , all the surprises , and all the anger at once . I can feel eyes in my back , beside me and everywhere . I can feel them looking at me , laughing and mocking me , like everyone used to do . They are talking about me , i can hear it without really listening to them . And i am feeling all the sorrow , the grief and the same ache , as it was the first time that happen to me . I am hurt , and none notice that , none saw what's between my eyes , none read between the lines and none can feel what felt . For me , everyday is just a struggle , and people are always judging me for what i wear , what i eat , what i fucking do every single fucking day . People can just leave you alone even when they see you in pain . They like to be powerful in front of the weak ones . But all they do is widening your injuries and making your heart bleed even faster , they touch the right place where it hurts , press it so damn hard , until all the tears that you're piling up in your red eyes waiting for a good cry in the bathroom tub , just flood , running in your checks . Like a big sudden explosion in the middle of sea . Finally , when they see those worthless drops on your face , they feel triumphant, they are happy . They are feeding from your pain , and your tears like vampires pulling blood from your veins , merciless . At that moment i cried , and let them go the way they are , couldn't hide it . My self-esteem i am so sorry but i can't . After some seconds i realized that none was there to wipe my tears . Even paper towel has cheated on me and left my bag . So i waited for my tears to dry as i opened the window and let the cold air touch my face . Well yes i am alone and none was by my side . For everyone who don't know , but is a terrible feeling to be empty-hearted . The fear is doubled when you know that none is going to save you by the end of the day . It's always the beating of your heart , the rythme of your breath , and the hallows of your thoughts .
- Who's this , HE said -Oh , it's Lucy . The drama queen of the school . You know what , i 've known a lot of girls and i've never seen such a clod , iced girl . OMG !!!! i can feel ice . - Come one let's have some fun , it's getting a boring morning today . HE answered - what???... And they get up coming to me , directly to me and none else
Somewhere , somehow , sometime , in a complete different universe from mine , in a world where " la vie en rose " . Where , people love each other , where people consider each other . "WHERE LIFE IS FAIR " . HIS friend achieved his sentence , HIS friend stopped him from getting up , HIS friend said to HIM "leave her alone ". Eventhough , HIS friend hates me and thinks that i am drama queen . But , in the reality he didn't save my day . HIS friend left me knocking at his door without responding .
And even the piece of drapes , which was covering my face , was some kind of person holding me , and protecting me from THE MONSTER , it betrayed me , and i felt it leaving my skin , denuding me , without saying "Goodbye " Lucy .
I noticed HIM standing in front of me ....
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