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Seeing as how the only medic he'd trust to come within ten feet of him was the one that inflicted these injuries, he was stuck healing the old fashioned way for the most part.
Still he'd managed to write up and file his report before her rampage had thundered along to find him, having sent it off via summoned snake to deliver it to the proper archivists.
He'd have taken it himself if he hadn't made a point to avoid property damage Tsunade certainly wouldn't have half the mind to avoid given her anger if they'd met in the village proper.
And people said he wasn't considerate.
There was a knock on his door, and he tried to sense if it was Tsunade, Sarutobi or Anko, his usual visitors.
He couldn't tell. He blamed the cracked skull. "Its open." He called instead.
The door slammed open the knob cracking against the wall. Tsunade then. Back for round two already?
The voice that reached out to his consciousness was certainly not hers though and the words made him want to choke this person.
"Was this your idea the entire time!?"
He was sorely tempted to smother himself with the ice pack.
"What-" He croaked out. "-nefarious, twisted little scheme have I concocted in my mind this time? Am I guilty of poisoning the villages water supply? Consuming the souls of newborn children? Lining the villages flowershops with an over abundance of fertilizer creating giant green monstrosities that will consume us all? What else could I have done this week my dear Zae, that I am greeted by such sweet accusations?"
"You know damn well what you did!" The little woman stormed into his home, removing her scarf and her coat to stave off the late November chill. She was little above eye level even with him sitting down.
She threw down a piece of paper on the coffee table he was propping his feet on. Pointing at it as though it was a condemned criminal. "You gave them a test they couldn't pass just so you could fail them and pass Naruto all on his own."
Orochimaru made an effort to raise his head, glaring with a deadpan stare, all the fury of a sleep deprived, pained sannin in his gaze. "They should have acted as Ninja." He said simply "Naruto was dead weight and they had to leave him. The girl stubbornly refused and the boy let himself be cowed, neither one of them deserve to be gennin of Konoha."
"Yes. How convenient. And if they would have left him you'd be turning right around and saying that they should have been loyal to their teammate and tried to save him before abandoning him." She placed her hands on her hips, glaring at him with that ever present purse of her lips that vaguely resembled a scowl.
"Is mind reading one of your many talents Zae?"
"Oh please, I taught you for the first four years of your career and your reputation is hardly spotless. This stinks to high heaven." She scoffed bringing her hands up to an 'air quote' "Act as Shinobi should have. You love the word play and the games. You've always loved tricking people while telling them a half truth or a whole truth. You practically get off on it."
"Yes well its not your decision to make. Sarutobi is the one that ultimately decides and –
"Oh bollocks." She waved aside his statement. "He has to give deference to you because you were there and even if he didn't have to do that he'd go along with it because more than anything else he needs strong ninja, Anko speaks for your results as is so he wouldn't really object to you taking Naruto on as a private apprentice."
He let his head fall back with a sigh through his nostrils. "Don't you seem to be getting awfully angry about thi-"
"Damn right I am! They're my students and I'm not going to let you screw around with their futures! Futures that they've justly earned. Their only mistake here was getting assigned an up-jumped arrogant schmuck like you as their sensei with dreams of training the next God of ninja or whatever's going on in that head of yours."
He rolled his eyes, taking a breath. "Is there a point to this shouting match?"
"Yes there is. You're not failing Ryoko."
"Ryoko? Not the boy?"
"He left." She stated simply. "Another year at the academy will do good for his discipline. Ryoko did her very best and she deserves to pass. So you're passing her."
"You're giving me orders no-"
"I'm old, crazy and cranky dammit I get to give orders!"
He would argue that point but then he recalled the Konoha leadership. Sarutobi, Homura, Koharu, the Daimyo, the Hyuuga clan elders. Somehow he felt they might be a tad bit biased if he brought up the issue.
She took a breath. "You know I'm right. And you know somewhere in that little head of yours though god knows you'd stab yourself in the tongue before admitting it that she did what was right. So you'll pass her." She said as though his protests were inconsequential and he'd already agreed. "Now why exactly do you look little better than road kill? Was it Tsunade?"
"No, it was the other woman with a temper and enough strength in her finger to level a building."
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