บท 39: Gigolo Hayama’s Rom-Com Pitter-Patter Heart-Pounding Operation!
An hour after Miss Hiratsuka disappeared into the sunset, becoming a single
star shining in the night sky, we were at Chiba station.
Komachi had gone home with the cat, Kamakura. My little sister was still
in middle school and too young to be going into central Chiba. Eating chips
at the Food Court in Yokado by Highway 14 with her friends suited her
better. Seriously, why did middle schoolers like Yokado so much? I couldn't
stand running into her and her friends when I went shopping with our mom.
Cut it out, Komachi. Go to Mother Farm or something.
Anyway, it was almost seven thirty, the perfect time for the city to show
off its vibrant night scene. "Apparently, there are only two establishments
with angel in their name open until morning," I said.
"So this is one of those places?" Yukinoshita gave the neon sign flashing
MAID CAFÉ ANGEL TALE a dubious look. There was even a sandwich board to
the side that said, WELCOMEOW BACK—WOOF! with a picture of a beckoning
girl with animal ears.
Yukinoshita's attitude blatantly conveyed her
impression of What the hell?
I felt the same way. What the hell.
"Welcomeow back—woof!"? Are you a
dog or a cat?
"So there's a maid café in Chiba, huh…?" Yuigahama made interested
noises and gazed at it curiously.
"You have no idea, Yuigahama," I said. "Chiba has everything. Getting a
mistakenimpression of some fad from somewhere or other and then adopting
it is what Chiba does. Feel this sad, disappointing vibe. This is Chiba
quality." Indeed, you could even say that Chiba prefecture has mastered the
art of disappointment. Be it the New Tokyo International Airport, the Tokyo
Game Show, the Tokyo German Village or the "Shibuya of Chiba,"
Kashiwa…despite Tokyo's constant influence, it's Chiba's thing to obsess
over being Chiba-ish in weird ways and to rework things in its own fashion.
And when you consider the existence of the high-class residential area
Chibarly Hills, it's apparent that this fixation has led Chiba to take on the
entire world.
And so in Chiba city, Animate and Tora no Ana and their ilk have
crowded together close to Chiba Central Station on the Keisei Line,
becoming the center of a certain type of Chiba subculture. Chiba's reaction to
Akiba. And so it was only natural that a maid café would pop up around here.
"I don't really know much about this sort of thing, but…um, what's a
maid café like?" Totsuka had been reading the signboard over and over, but
apparently, it was over his head. Well yeah, the sign said, WHY DON'T WE
SPEND SOME MOE MOE MAID TIME TOGETHER? Nobody would get that. What the
heck was "moe moe maid time"? Was I gonna be a maid, too?
"Well, I've never actually gone to one myself, so I don't really know…
So I called up someone who does know a lot about this stuff."
"Oh-ho-hem! Thou hast summoned me, Hachiman?" That was when
Yoshiteru Zaimokuza emerged from the ticket gate of Keisei Chiba Central
Station. Though it was early summer, he was sweating like a pig in his trench
coat, chuckling to himself. There were salt crystals forming on his collar.
Hey, if this were ancient China, you'd be executed for the illicit manufacture
of salt.
"Eugh…" Yuigahama's face twisted. It would have been harsh of me to
blame her for it, though. Why? Because my expression was even more
disgusted.
"Why do you look at me thusly? You're the one who asked me to come."
"Oh, I had to invite you, but dealing with you is kind of a pain in the ass."
"I am shocked. Indeed I am. But as your abilities rival mine, I find it
difficult to restrain my might when dealing with you. So I well understand
how you might be loathe to deal with me."
"Yeah, yeah, that. That's the part that's a pain in the ass," I said, but
Zaimokuza just burst into a weird, loud gwaba-ha-ha-ha! Get lost.
I didn't actually want to invite him, but the only people I knew well
versed in this stuff were Zaimokuza and Miss Hiratsuka. Plus, Miss
Hiratsuka's predilections were shonen manga and such, so naturally, my
options were reduced to one.
I'd already let Zaimokuza know what was going
on via e-mail. I'd told him what time Kawasaki went home, that the place we
thought she worked at had angel in the name, and stuff about Kawasaki
herself. From those details, one of the shops Zaimokuza had come up with
was this Angel Tale.
"Zaimokuza, are you sure this is the place?"
"Yes, there's no question about it." Zaimokuza's fingers danced across his
phone to bring up the information Professor Google had taught him. These
things are convenient, but I worry that using cell phones or smartphones too
much just wears out your fingers, and then you'll really have a problem on
your hands. "As you see here, there are two such shops in this city. And my
ghost is whispering to me that Saki Kawasaki would most certainly pick this
one."
"How do you know?"
Zaimokuza's reply was so abundantly ripe with confidence that my breath
caught in my throat. Perhaps he'd grasped something that eluded us. He gave
a throaty laugh.
I see… What he's got isn't confidence… It's conviction.
"Just keep your mouths shut and follow me… The maids will lavish you
with affection," he declared, making his coat flutter and rustle. It looked as if
a wind was rising from his feet.
Zaimokuza…
With those words, there was nothing for it but to follow him…to the
promised land, the golden world overflowing with ambrosia, the holy
kingdom where all men are loved. Feeling my heart throb as I wondered what
the maids would do, I took one small step for mankind but one large step for
me, and then it happened.
A tug on the bottom hem of my blazer. When I turned, there stood
Yuigahama pouting.
"What?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking, Oh, so Hikki goes to places like this, too.
It's kinda gross." Yuigahama kneaded my jacket with her fingertips, grinding
away at it, her expression sullen. Stop it. You're gonna give it lint balls.
"Uh, I don't know what you mean. I need a full subject, verb, and object,
okay?"
"I mean, like, isn't this a café for guys? What about us?"
Hmm? Oh. Now that she mentioned it, I wondered if girls did go to maid
cafés. Thinking, Teach me, O wise Zaimokuza, I cast him a glance, and
reliable old Zaimokuza positioned himself on a slightly raised bit of
pavement, crossed his arms, and spoke.
"Worry not, broa
"Are you calling me fat?"
Well, I think you do have certain large and round parts. I won't say
where, though.
"I thought perchance this might occur, so I brought maid outfits for
infiltration and investigation," he said, smoothly producing two maid
uniforms from behind his back. They were even in plastic clothing covers
from the cleaners and in perfect condition. Seriously, did he have a metal bat
or a frying pan hidden back there, too, or what? "Ga-hum, ga-hum. Now
then, Master Totsuka, shall we proceed…?"
Oh, so he was going for that one. Nice.
"Huh? Wh-why me…?"
Zaimokuza inched forward. Totsuka took one step back, then another in
an attempt to run. What was this, a Godzilla movie? Usually, I'd play the
hero and save Totsuka, even if it meant punching Zaimokuza in the gut, but
this time, I couldn't move at all.
I-I want to see it…
Finally, Totsuka was backed against a wall. Lit from behind as Zaimokuza
was at that moment, he really seemed like a monster. "Come, Master
Totsuka… Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!"
A creature with a maid uniform in one hand looming before him, Totsuka
shook his head vigorously, tears in his eyes. "N-no…no…" Though he knew
resistance was futile, Totsuka squeezed those large eyes brimming with tears
shut in an attempt to deny the reality before him. And then…
"Sure, sure, sure! I'd love to try one on! They're cute!" Yuigahama
squealed, yanking the costumes from Zaimokuza's hands.
Ptoo. Zaimokuza spat.
The gesture apparently annoyed Yuigahama, as she gave Zaimokuza a
look that said, What an obnoxious virgin. "Huh? What's with that attitude?
You're kinda pissing me off."
Normally, Zaimokuza'd have fled a situation like this by bursting into a
coughing fit, but ensnared in a maid transfixion now, he was bolder. "Hmph,
that is not what a maid is. The maid you speak of is just maid cosplay. It has
no soul."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Yuigahama looked to me for
assistance, but this was something I couldn't help her with. As for why?
Because I got it .
***
"You know, I get it. It's like, you can put on a maid outfit, but it's not
gonna be right. You'll just look like some irritating college student wearing it
on a whim." Seriously, most of the time, people like that look down on otaku,
maids, and people into that sort of thing, but then they'll turn around and
worship maid outfits just for some party. What's with that? It's not a pleasant
sight to see.
"When you cosplay, you must costume your soul as well! Come back
once you've read Shirley! People like you do Miku cosplay at Comiket and
then see nothing wrong with lighting up in the smoking area!" Zaimokuza's
fervent tirade drove Yuigahama back about three steps. Moaning as if pained,
she looked for an ally, eyes darting to and fro before taking cover behind
reliable Yukinoshita's back.
Yukinoshita, now a shield, huffed and pointed to the ANGEL TALE sign. "It
looks like this place welcomes women, too."
I looked at the line where Yukinoshita was pointing, and she was right. It
said, WOMEN ARE ALSO WELCOME! YOU CAN BE A MAID!
Hey, so the sign hadn't been lying. They really did have "maid time."
drinking his water. He hadn't said a single word since we came in.
"Hey, what's gotten into you?"
"Ngh… Though I am fond of places such as this, when I go in, I get so
nervous… It's hard for me to talk to the maids."
"Oh." I decided to ignore him.
Hands trembling, he continued wielding the glass in his hand like a
vibroweapon.
The third person at the table wasn't saying anything at all, so this time I
tried talking to him. "Totsuka, so about this maid café…"
No reply.
"T-Totsuka?"
Once again, nothing. My sun, who always smiled brightly at me whenever
I spoke to him, was ignoring me! Totsuka stubbornly stared in the opposite
direction without saying a single word.
"Are you mad?" I asked. Ready to die if he kept up the cold shoulder, I
picked up a fork as I spoke, ready to drive it into my own throat.
Finally, Totsuka broke the silence. "You didn't save me out there."
"Huh? Uh, well, that was because, like…"
"You tried to make me wear those cutesy clothes, even though I'm a boy."
Totsuka looked at me huffily.
He's so cute even when he's angry… Whoops. Bad. Stop right there.
Totsuka's a guy. Plus, the fact that he was mad probably meant he didn't like
being considered girlish. So if I said anything else along those lines, he'd
probably feel awkward. "That was, um, like…you know…a joke between
men. Like two wolves play-fighting. Sorta like that."
"Really?"
"Really. A real man never lies." Anyway, I had to emphasize the word
man here. I'd draw attention to his intense manliness by saying man over and
over.
"Th-then…okay…," Totsuka said, blushing and finally forgiving me.
"Sorry. Let me apologize by buying you a cappuccino. In Italy, all men
drink cappuccinos."
"Yeah, thanks." Perhaps my persistent man emphasis had paid off, as
Totsuka cheered up. As he showed me the greatest smile, I cheerfully rang
the bell on the table.
"I apologize for keeping you waiting, Masters."
"Yeah, two cappuccinos, please."
"If you would please, Master, we could put some art on your cappuccinos,
like a kitty. Would that be to your liking?"
"No, we're good."
The maid showed no signs of displeasure at my refusal. "Very well,
Master. Please wait just a bit ," she said, a brilliant grin on her face.
I guess that was something like the Sure, with pleasure! they say in an
izakaya. As expected of a pro. Her service was lively, brisk, and quite
delightful.
I don't think maid cafés are popular merely because of the superficial
pleasantness of words like moe moe or Master. They're popular because
they're overflowing with this sort of passion for service. They hew to the
principle of doing whatever it takes for the customer's enjoyment. Rock-
paper-scissors and drawing pictures on omelette rice in ketchup are merely
expressions that spirit of hospitality can take. Customers come precisely
because they can sense that enthusiasm in the maids.
Among these maids there was one who seemed particularly awkward. The
tray in her hand trembled, and her eyes were constantly fixed on the cups on
her tray, making her footsteps unsteady. She was bound to trip and show us
her panties… Just as that thought crossed my mind, I realized it was
Yuigahama.
"Th-thank you for waiting…M-Master." Embarrassed, Yuigahama put the
cups on the table, her face red. She was wearing a relatively plain,
mainstream maid outfit. It was the kind with a black-and-white theme and
frilly lace, and though the skirt was short, the outfit mainly emphasized her
chest.
Silence.
"D-do I look okay?"
Yuigahama laid the tray on the table and spun around slowly. The
decorative ribbons and frills fluttered.
"Wow, you look so cute, Yuigahama! Doesn't she, Hachiman?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I guess." My reply to Totsuka was halfhearted.
Apparently, though, that qualified as praise to Yuigahama, and she smiled
happily. "Really? That's a relief… Hee-hee… Thanks."
Frankly, I was surprised. Yuigahama looked ditzy, as usual, but her meek
attitude and mildly embarrassed expression combined to give her a different impression than she usually made.
"Man, but, like, this outfit has such a short skirt, and the knee-highs are so
tight! The people who wore this working back in the day must have had a
rough time. If you had to wear this cleaning, you'd get as dusty as an old
Swiffer."
I retract my previous remarks. Yup, this was Yui Yuigahama. "It's better
when you keep your mouth shut."
"What?! What's that supposed to mean?!" She clonked me on the head
with a tray. To think she'd raise a hand against her master…
"Enough fooling around." I heard a cold voice and turned. There stood a
maid from the era of the British Empire. Long skirt, long sleeves, dark moss
green and embroidered black ribbon. Her stately image gave the plain garb a
sort of extravagant air.
"Wow, Yukinon! Oh my gosh! It looks so good on you! You're so
pretty…" Yuigahama sighed in admiration.
Indeed, she was right. It really suited Yukinoshita. "You seem less like a
maid and more like Rottenmeier, though…"
Personally, I felt like that was an understandable reference, but
apparently, neither of the girls got it. Both of them looked puzzled, gaping at
me quizzically.
"I'm saying it suits you."
"Oh? Not that it's important, though," Yukinoshita replied as if she cared
not in the slightest.
By the way, Rottenmeier was the older housekeeper from Heidi. Was she
technically a maid? I suppose she was. A similar example would be the
female cast at the Haunted Mansion in Disney parks.
"It seems Kawasaki does not work at this cafe."
"So you were actually investigating…"
"Of course. That's why I'm wearing this outfit." Yukinoshita had been
following through with this undercover investigation by her lonesome. A
maid detective had been born.
And I'd had nothing on my mind beyond cheering up Totsuka…
"She's not just off today?" Yuigahama asked, but Yukinoshita shook her
head.
"Her name wasn't on the shift schedule. And since they've been calling
her at her house, I don't think she could be using a fake name, either."
To have deduced this much, she was less a maid and more a housekeeper.
And The Housekeeper Saw It!
"Then that means that we've just been manipulated by fake information."
I gave Zaimokuza next to me a long, hard look.
He tilted his head and began groaning. "This is strange… It cannot be
possible…"
"What can't be possible?"
"Ah-hum! It's simply preordained that a prickly girl should be secretly
working at a maid café! And then when you walk in, she greets you with
'Meow meow! Welcome back, Master… Wait, why are you here?!'"
"You're not making sense." I didn't give a damn about Zaimokuza's
fetishes. This guy had cost us an entire day. It was getting pretty late, so
going to another place probably wasn't gonna happen.
But, well, Yuigahama seemed happy about trying on the maid outfit, and
we'd found a nice café. So I was fine with just letting it go.
***
The day after we went to the maid café, there were more people in the
clubroom than there had ever been in its history. We'd been brought together
by Yukinoshita's assertion that if treating the symptoms failed, we should try
another tack and aim to treat the source of the problem.
Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I were basically members, so I got why we
were there. And Totsuka and Zaimokuza visited us regularly, so there wasn't
anything odd about their presence, either. Though anyone else being there
should have seemed unnatural, oddly enough, the last guy fit right in.
"Why are you here?" I asked Hayama. He was reading a book by the
window. Hey, you're supposed to be the sunny sports type. You can't be
reading books. Are you Perfect Cell?
"Hey." Hayama closed his book and waved. "Well, Yui invited me,
too…"
"She did?"
I turned to see Yuigahama proudly puffing out her chest for some reason.
"Well, I've been thinking that there's a reason Kawasaki changed, right? So I
think taking away whatever made her change is a good idea, too, but that'll
be hard if she won't listen to anybody, right?"
"Hmm, well, that's true." Miraculously, Yuigahama was attempting to
employ logic. Impressed by this tiny miracle, I commented to indicate I was
listening.
Perhaps this flattered her, because she threw her chest out even more,
leaning so far back she was practically looking at the ceiling. "Right?! So we
need an idea to turn things around. Since she changed and went bad, if she changes again, she should go back to good."
I guess this is what they mean by "The opposite of approval is approval."
Man, Fujio Akatsuki is so great.
"So why was it necessary to invite Hayama?" Perhaps Yukinoshita wasn't
so fond of him, as her tone was sharp. Hayama didn't seem to be particularly
bothered. His attention was focused on Yuigahama.
"Come on, Yukinon. There's only one reason a girl would change."
"The reason a girl would change… Do you mean the depreciation of her
assets?"
"You mean like getting old?! N-no! At the end of the day, a girl is always
a girl! Yukinon, you don't get the importance of thinking with your smexy
bits!"
"That again…" Yukinoshita sighed, exasperated.
But you know…I think girls who fail to notice that girls who use the word
smexy aren't overly smexy themselves lack smexiness.
"A girl would change because of…l-love." What an embarrassing thing to
blurt out. Plus, Yuigahama was more shamed for having said it than we were
for hearing it. "A-anyway! Lots of things change when you have a crush! So I
think maybe if we could just trigger that… And that's why I invited Hayato."
"U-um, but, I'm still not really following…," Hayama confessed with a
strained smile.
Come on, you jerk! If you really don't get it, I'm gonna lose it, I thought,
flaring my eyes wide and glaring at Hayama. At almost exactly the same
moment, Zaimokuza did the same.
"There's lots of other guys girls'd go for. Like, look at the guys here…
Lots of girls like Totsuka, right?"
Phew… So Hayama is aware he's a chick magnet… Wait, no—this is
absolutely unforgivable! My eyes popped, and I doubled down with the
glaring. Perfectly in sync, Zaimokuza did the same.
"I-I don't really understand that stuff, though…" Totsuka looked down,
blushing.
Seeing Totsuka like that, Yuigahama crossed her arms pensively. "Hmm,
I agree that lots of girls like him, too, but I don't think he's Kawasaki's type.
And the rest of these guys are like…well, Special Snowflake is a special
snowflake, so Hayato's the only one left."
"Hey, you can't just casually leave me out."
"Y-you're out of the question, Hikki!"
Hey, no need to turn beet red and get all mad about it… But still, it was a
bit of a shock that I was even more out of the question than Zaimokuza…
And was "Special Snowflake" his nickname?
"Yuigahama's assessment is sound," said Yukinoshita. "Do you think
anyone in our class who got to know you would be swayed?"
"You have a point." Well, I was convinced. I mean, if I were a girl, I
wouldn't be interested in a loner like me. It's because, you know, loners have
ninja talents. Ninjas can't afford to have people noticing them, so we can't
help but be ignored. Seriously, my ninja skills are awesome. Believe it.
"Oh, um, but I didn't go that far, like…you're not actually that bad, and,
uh…there's lots of reasons, so unfortunately…um, I want to ask Hayato to do
this." While I'd been busy wondering how best to make use of my ninja skills
and considering becoming Hokage, Yuigahama had been attempting to move
the conversation forward. "Could you do this for us?" Yuigahama pleaded,
putting her palms together as she bowed her head.
No boy could refuse after being asked like that. Boys are complicated
creatures. A boy is happy when someone relies on him, gets distracted by the
boob jiggle when a girl smacks her hands together, and this sort of request
stimulates his desire to save someone—to be a hero—that's he's fostered
since he was small. You know, so complicated.
Apparently, Hayama was no exception to this rule, as he gave a tiny shrug
and replied, "I understand. If that's the reason, then I have no choice. Though
I have my reservations, I'll give it a shot. You give it your best shot, too,
Yui," he said, and he patted Yuigahama on the head.
No, you're the one who's going to be giving it your best shot.
"Th-thanks…," said Yuigahama, rubbing the spot where he'd patted her.
And thus, the curtain rose on Yuigahama's proposal: the Gigolo
Hayama's Rom-Com Pitter-Patter Heart-Pounding Operation! Hey, what's
with this Showa-esque naming affinity?
The gist of the plan was simple.
Hayama would muster all his strength to
HeartCatch Kawasaki, no keyblade required. See what I did there?
We readied ourselves to head home and then went to the parking lot to
wait for Kawasaki to show up. Of course, it'd be weird for Hayama to be
seen with the rest of us, so we decided to keep an eye on the two of them
from a distance.
And then, finally, the time came. Just as she had the day before, Kawasaki
walked listlessly, sluggishly, as if dragging her feet. She swallowed a yawn,
and just as she unlocked her bike, Hayama appeared as if on cue.
"What's up? You look pretty tired." He greeted her casually. It was
supposedly acting, but he seemed so natural, just eavesdropping I felt the
urge to give him a Wh-what's up? in reply. "Do you have a job or something?
Don't work too hard, okay?"
What an amazing display of casual concern… Man, seriously, Hayama
was such a great guy.
While I was halfway to falling for him myself, Kawasaki just sighed in
annoyance. "Thanks for your concern. I'm going now. Bye," she said
brusquely, pushing her bicycle as if to leave.
But then, a kind, warm, heart-melting voice called out behind her.
"Hey…"
This was enough to bring even Kawasaki up short. She stopped in her
tracks and turned to face Hayama. The fresh early-summer wind blew
between the couple.
The suddenly blossoming rom-com atmosphere
prompted Yuigahama to lean forward, rapt, as she clenched her sweaty
palms. Zaimokuza burned with jealousy, hatred, and murderous rage, also
clenching his fists.
The invigorating wind stopped, and Hayama's voice rang out. He seemed
to be sparkling. It was as if he were radiating negative air ions or something.
"You don't have to put on that tough act, you know?"
"Yeah, whatever."
The wheels of her bicycle rattled as they spun out, but for Hayato
Hayama, time had stopped. He stood there for a full ten seconds, left in the
dust with a rather embarrassed smile on his face, before he returning to our
vantage from the shadows. "I think…I just got rejected."
Silence.
"Oh, well, thanks for…" I'd thought to thank him for his trouble, but the
rest of the words refused to come out. A strange feeling cascaded through the
muscles in my stomach.
Damn it! Calm down, abs! I tried to suppress the
mounting pressure somehow, but my sides split before I could manage it.
"Pft…pfffft! GWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Th-thou has been
SPURNED! She rejected you! You were trying so hard to look cool, and she
still rejected you! Pfffft-ha-ha-ha!"
"Stop that, Za…ah-ha-ha-ha…"
"B-both of you! Stop laughing!" Totsuka scolded, and I tried to restrain
myself. Zaimokuza's bellowing made it even funnier, though, and I couldn't
help it.
"O-oh, well, it doesn't really bother me. It's okay, Totsuka," Hayama
reassured, the awkward purse of his lips looking wry.
He was a good guy. He helped us out even though he wasn't into it, and
he got hurt doing it.
Perhaps even Zaimokuza was affected by Hayama's gentlemanly attitude.
He sucked in his laughter, coughed, and composed himself. "Whatever-your-
name-is…Hayama…you don't have to put on that…pfft…tough act, you
know! Ha-ha-ha!"
"You jerk! Stop that, Zaimokuza! Don't laugh at him!" Zaimokuza and I
were cracking up, but Yuigahama's face was twitching. "You guys are so
horrible."
"So this strategy has failed, too," Yukinoshita noted. "Oh well. Let's go to
that other place tonight."
"Yeah."
Phew, that was fun.
This was the first time I'd ever been glad I joined the Service Club.
Period.
***
The arms on my watch showed the time to be 8:20 PM. We were meeting up
in front of Kaihin-Makuhari Station, so there I was leaning against a
sculpture that, for some reason, was big, long, and pointy. Nickname: weird
pointy thing. The place we were heading was on the top floor of the Hotel
Royal Okura: the bar Angel's Ladder.
It was the only other business in Chiba
that operated until morning and had a name starting with angel. This was
probably the first and last time I'd ever go to such a fancy place.
I had a thin jacket with me that still felt unfamiliar, and I put it on again to
get used to it.
I'd liberated this gem from my father's closet without asking,
and I guess we had roughly the same build, because it fit me perfectly. With
the jacket, I wore a black shirt with a collar, jeans, and long-nose leather shoes on my feet. Usually, I'd never dress up like this. I just didn't really care
about clothes and stuff in general. All of it aside from the jeans was my
dad's. I'd even gelled up my hair.
Outfit coordinated by: Komachi Hikigaya. I'd asked Komachi to pick out
some stuff for me to try and make me look older, so she'd ransacked the
house and pulled together this outfit. "You've got this exhausted look in your
eyes like a salaryman who's tired of life, Bro, so if you just do something
about your clothes and hair, you'll look like a grown-up."
How was I supposed to react to a remark like that? Come on… Are my
eyes that bad?
The first one to show up at our rendezvous point was Saika Totsuka.
"Sorry, did I keep you waiting?"
"No, I just got here."
Totsuka's outfit was slightly sporty in a unisex sort of way. His cargo
pants were on the loose side, and his T-shirt was slightly on the tight side. He
had a fine-threaded beanie pulled back on his head, and there were
headphones around his neck. The dully shining wallet chain at his hip swung
every time his sneaker-clad feet moved. This was the first time I'd ever seen
Totsuka out of uniform, so I stared at him, dazed.
Totsuka pulled down the beanie as if he was embarrassed for some reason
in an attempt to hide his eyes. "D-don't stare at me like that… D-do I look
weird?"
"N-no, not at all! It suits you."
It kind of felt like we were on a date, somehow, but unfortunately, we
weren't. As proof of that, Zaimokuza materialized. For some reason, he was
wearing samue and had a white towel wrapped around his head like a
bandanna. I ignored him.
"Hmph. I believe this was where our party was supposed to meet… Oh-
ho! Is that not Hachiman?"
His obnoxious little act got on my nerves, but now that he'd found me,
there was nothing I could do. "What's with that outfit? Why are you wearing
a towel on your head? Are you gonna run a ramen shop?"
He sighed. "Oh, Hachiman. Was it not you who said we should dress like
adults? And so I chose the style of a working man: a samue and a towel."
Oh, so that's what he'd been thinking. Well, he already had it on, so there
was nothing that could be done about it now. Actually, we could just leave him behind, so whatever.
I think I'd reached that conclusion right around the time I heard the click,
click of Yuigahama approaching. Her eyes darting about, she pulled out her
phone. Oh, so she hadn't noticed us.
"Yuigahama." I called out to her, and she twitched before turning timidly
in my direction. Hey, wait. You were just looking at me a second ago, though.
"H-Hikki? Oh, it's you! I didn't recognize you for a second… Th-that
outfit…"
"What? Don't laugh."
"N-no, that's not it at all! Um, it's so different from what you usually
wear, it just startled me…" She ogled me, going "Whoa!" and "Ooh!" and
"Ahh!" before giving me a vigorous nod. "Komachi picked this out, didn't
she?"
"Oh, so you could tell."
"I knew it." Yuigahama came off as if she'd somehow been convinced of
something…but what? She was giving me a Piiko-esque fashion evaluation
for some reason, so I decided to do the same like Don Konishi.
Yuigahama wore a tube top with a plastic bra strap over the right side; the
left was off the shoulder. Apparently, she liked her heart-charm necklace a
lot, as she still had it dangling from her neck. Over her top, she sported a
short-sleeved denim jacket, and down below, she had on a pair of black short
shorts with metal buttons. Her feet were covered by some fairly high-heeled
mules with a bit that wrapped around her ankles like a vine. With every step,
her anklet rattled.
"You're kinda…not very adult-looking."
"What? Howso?!" Yuighama seemed flustered as she scrutinized her arms
and her legs. That made her look even more like a college student than her
style already did.
That accounted for almost our entire party. Now just one more…and with
that thought, a voice called out from behind us. "I apologize. Am I late?" Her
white summer dress was vivid in the darkness. The black leggings beneath it
made her slim legs look supple.
Her utterly simple, tiny mules complimented
her slender ankles. When she turned her wrist up to check the time, the pink
face of her smallish wristwatch shone cutely against her white skin.
The
metal strap wrapped around that smooth wrist looked like silverwork. "So
I'm right on time." Like edelweiss blooming at night, Yukino Yukinoshita radiated a composed charm.
"Y-yeah…" Nothing else came out of me. I remembered that first time I
stepped into the Service Club clubroom and how she'd overwhelmed me.
If only she had a decent personality…
"Have you ever heard of the no-waste ghost?"
"What nonsense. There's no such thing as ghosts." Yukinoshita
immediately waved my comment aside and looked our entire entourage up
and down. "Hmm…" Then, starting with Zaimokuza, she pointed to each of
us in order. "Fail."
"Muh?"
"Fail."
"Huh?"
"Fail."
"What?"
"Disqualified."
"Hey…" For some reason, she was grading pass/fail, and I'd gotten a
different mark from everybody else.
"I told you to wear mature clothing, didn't I?"
"Not to dress up like adults?"
"You can't get into the establishment we're visiting without appropriate
attire. It's common sense that a man would wear a collared shirt and a formal
jacket."
"R-really…?" Totsuka asked, and Yukinoshita nodded.
"It's a fairly standard policy at some of the more upscale restaurants and
hotels. You should keep that in mind."
"You sure know a lot about this." This didn't sound like the sort of intel
your average high schooler would have at their fingertips. I mean, the only
restaurants we went to were Saize and Bamiyan. The fanciest it got was
Roiyaho. Anyway, the only one of us wearing a formal jacket was me.
Totsuka was fairly casual, and Zaimokuza was dressed up like a ramen chef.
"M-my clothes are no good?" Yuigahama fretted, and Yukinoshita looked
slightly troubled.
"The dress code isn't so particular for women, but…if Hikigaya is the one
escorting you, that might be a little sketchy."
"Come on, come on! Lookit the jacket, the jacket!" I fluttered my jacket
like Hiromi Gou in an attempt to call attention to it, but Yukinoshita only
chuckled derisively.
"No matter how much you attempt to divert attention from them with your
clothing, your eyes are so rotten, I doubt your ability to get in."
Were they really that bad?
"I don't want to have to come back a second time because we were
refused service, so it might be a good idea for Yuigahama to come get
changed at my place."
"Huh? I can go to your place, Yukinon?! Let's go, let's go! Oh, but I'm
not being a bother, coming over this late?"
"You don't have to worry about it. I live alone."
"You're such a strong, independent woman!" Yuigahama's astonishment
was overdone.
Was that her standard, really? Was every woman who lived alone strong
and independent? But hearing that Yukinoshita lived alone, it did make sense.
She was an amazing cook, but more than anything, I couldn't imagine her
living with another human being.
"Then let's go. It's just over that way." Yukinoshita turned to the skyline
behind her, indicating an apartment building known for being expensive,
even within the region. Since I didn't watch TV much, I didn't really know,
but apparently, they sometimes shot commercials or TV shows there. (Fun
fact: Kaihin-Makuhari was often used as a location for superhero shows, too.)
Yukinoshita's gaze was fixed near the top of the skyscraper distinguished by
a pale orange light. It seemed her apartment was on one of the higher floors.
Wh-whoa, is she actually bourgeoisie? I guess if she wasn't, her parents
probably wouldn't have let their high school daughter live alon "I'm sorry you came all this way, Totsuka, but—"
"No, it's okay. I got to see everyone out of uniform, and that was fun,"
Totsuka said, smiling brightly. He was so cute, I didn't want him to go yet.
"Hey, so, Yuigahama, while you're getting changed, the three of us will
go get something to eat," I said. "When it's over, just give me a call
whenever."
"Yeah, I will!"
We split with the pair, and the three of us guys fell silent as if gauging
how hungry we were.
"So on what shall we dine?" Zaimokuza asked, rubbing his belly.
Totsuka and I looked at each other.
"Ramen, I guess."
"Yeah, ramen."
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