บท 5: 2 . Stale inside and thoughts in mind
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It was musty , dark and I could not breath . I didn't know where I was . What I was doing here , in the box .
Because that's what it had to be right ? It felt like a box , it had four corners but was really long . Which was good .
If it had been smaller or shorter I would have been uncomfortable , right ?
But how do I get out ? I asked myself . And out to where ? I couldn't remember anything .
But I knew I had to get out , before the air ran out . That would be bad , right ?
I started pushing the dark lid above me , using my arms to push hard . I heard creaking and felt happy .
Soon I would be out . I would be out there . Wherever out there was .
I pushed harder and the lid above cracked . I was closer now . Just one more strong push and-
The lid snapped open as layer upon layer of soil fell into the box .
It filled my nose ,my mouth and covered my whole body . I couldn't breathe ... but I was still there .
The soil was thick but not too thick , I could move my arms and slowly I started to move the soil bit by bit . I could get out of the box now .
But it was going to take time getting out of the soil . It slowed me down but it didn't stop me .
I was going to get out and go out there . Wherever there is .
Yuree
I was in pain , absolute agony . My Mom was smiling innocently as she tortured me . She was enjoying this , how cruel I thought .
" It tastes delicious " she said as she flipped another fish onto her mouth . I bought those fish , Me !
" Do you want a bite kid ? " Gus said on the other side of the table . He was not punishing me like my mother , he was just being himself . Which was not a nice guy .
" No , I'm good . I'm fine ." I said tightly . It wasn't a lie . I really was okay with it . Well not whole heatedly but mostly I saw this an opportunity to try being a vegetarian . Maybe then these punishments would be less soul breaking !
We sat in the dining room . It was relatively small and the dining table took most of the space . I never knew why Mom bought such a large table in the first place . We had only one living family member and that was my grandmother. She lived in a home . There were no guests who regularly came to house . My Mom didn't have a springing social life and neither did I . If anything the only time the table was full was when Gus brought his beer friends for a 'Big game ' . Often I would skip dinner when those nights happened .
" Mom " I tapped her shoulder to get her attention , " I'm full . Can I go to my room ? "
She raised a brow , asking a silent question .
" Yes I mom , I won't do it again . I have learnt my lesson ." I said and she smiled ...then she picked up a small sardine and ...put it in her mouth .
I got up and went up the stairs to my room . The last thing I heard was Gus saying ," Now that the kids gone let's get some booze !"
This was followed by my mom's excited cry of glee . They were going to get drunk and wasted , tommorow when I woke for school I would probably find them laid out on the sofa or snoozing at the dinner table .
I jumped and landed on my bed with a thump . What a dull end to a weekend , I thought sadly .
My name is Yuree Rasi , I am 18 years old , I live with my deaf mother and Gus , no Gus is not her boyfriend . He's my uncle , which makes it much worse . If he was a boyfriend I could just throw him out but I can't throw out family . I put an arm behind my head and looked up at the roof .
I was thinking about marriage .
I know it's something that should be thought of when your really old but I had been thinking about for a long time . Because of Dad .
My father passed away 10 years ago . He died from blood cancer , it was the most painful moments of my life . Me and mom had just watched him slip away , day by day and bit by bit .
Before that I used to spend all my time with Dad . He was everything , for me and mom . When he left alot of things changed . Mom got into drinking , HEAVY DRINKING . Gus came to live with us and mom's drinking became worse and worse . Now it's rare when I don't see her with a bottle near by .
But she did not change how she treated me . She stayed the same and raised me all by herself . Learning how to talk so I'd have someone to chat with and I learnt sign language so she would have someone to chat with . We were here for each other . But I knew she was still sad inside ... still missing dad .
I sighed and turned my head , towards the window . My room was high up on the top floor , so I could see far . Especially since our house ended on a single one way street and was on the top of a uphill . I could look out into town , and down at the other buildings . Sometimes I felt like a royal up in a tower , all alone .
Which was why I thought about marriage alot . Dad and mom used to tell me the story of how they fell in love and got married in a field filled with hundreds of flowers . I always loved hearing them and the look in their eyes . It was a look I wanted to have with someone but unfortunately I hadn't found the ' look ' yet with anyone .
" Brrrr!" I shivered feeling cold . I got up and went to close the window . It was a French window that only opened on one glass pane. The pane was atleast 4 feet tall and could fit a person . I liked to climb out star gaze sometimes ...not all the time . I'd get sad sitting up there ... just thinking .
" Bung!" I looked up sharply as lightning flashed in the sky . Where did this storm come from ? I thought , it had been clear skies when I rode home . I looked out into the distance and felt the wind beat my face . Then I heard it , barking and howling ... everywhere. It sounded like all the dogs in town had found a bone or saw an intruder . The wind howled along with them and I held my ears . I had sensitive hearing and too much loud noise caused me pain ! I shut the window with a soft bang !
Finally silence .
I flipped onto the bed and closed my eyes not even bothering to take of my clothes . I had alot to deal with tommorow ...I needed the sleep.
?????
I clawed my arm up , grabbing the soil above me . There was no soil above it . That meant I was almost out .
I shifted more frantically . I was close now . I just needed to get out and be ...be ...out there .
I finally drew the soil over my head and burst from the ground .
I tried to draw in a breath but there was still soil in my throat . I couldn't breathe but it didn't matter . I was out now .
But where was I ?
I turned my head around trying to see but it was dark . The sky full of grey and black clouds .
I pulled the rest of my body from the hole and crawled a few feet forward . My legs felt weak , I didn't think they could have moved .
I leaned on a big stone slab in the ground . There were alot of slabs , all around . I choose the one near my hole though .
I rested my head wearily on the surface . It didn't feel cold or hot . I didn't feel anything from it .
" So your finally here , hey ? " a voice said above me , " I thought I would have to wait forever until you got out from there . "
I looked up to see the source of this voice . It sounded familiar to me . I needed familiar .
I looked up and saw a bright woman . She was dressed in shiny clothing that moved in the wind . She was smiling at me but with her hands on her hips like she had caught me being lazy when I was supposed to be doing something important .
I didn't know who she was .
" H..Ho...H..." I tried to speak but my throat seemed to be clogged with soil still .
" Don't talk , or whatever you were trying to do with that dislocated jaw of yours ." she said her face in a grimace , " I suggest you fix that ... before doing anything else . Otherwise you'll have children crying, women screaming and men chasing you with pitchforks ."
I looked at her confused . What was wrong with my jaw ?
The shiny woman tisked her tongue and then lifted her hands placing them on her chin .
" Hold your jaw and put it in place . " she said demonstrating and I lifted my hands and held my chin .
It felt shaky as if on loose screws or hinges .
I held it tightly and pushed it back until I heard a crunch sound .
I looked up at the woman and she was nodding her head .
I did it right !
" Oh my void , your a mess and can barely coordinate yourself . " She said shaking her head ," How you are going to achieve anything is going to be a miracle . But then again that's why I'm here ."
" Wh...What ?" I asked my voice raspy .
I could talk now ! Good , I wasn't hopeless .
" Oh right , it's time for orientation ." the woman said and moved next to me , and then she placed a hand on my shoulder . I looked at her face , she was smiling at me with compassion .
She seemed nice .
I worked my still muscles and tried to smile back .
She held my face close and put her hand above my head . Like she was about to pat my head .
" This ...is gonna hurt ." She said softly and I frowned confused . Then she smiled and lowered her hand as if to pet me like a cat .
That's when she tore my brain apart.
I quivered in pain as she reached into my skull and jiggled my mind like a piggy bank with few coins . I felt my body stiffen and shudder as a wave of flashes came into my vision .
I saw myself in a stair case , I saw the shiny woman , I saw a big box . I saw myself going into the box and being shut inside .
I saw before that , people racing into a bright light above the stairs .
I saw myself struggling with remembering something .
I felt pain as it came over me , the memory so story it drove me crazy !
I remembered my choice now ...I had wanted to come back .
Now I was back .
The woman let go of me and I slumped to the ground my brain rendered temporarily numb .
" I couldn't bring back your memories here , as I told you would happen , but atleast you know why your here ." She said getting up and dusting herself off .
I slowly got up and sat up on my knees .
I looked around me and realized where I was .
This was a graveyard .
I turned to the slab I had been leaning on and knee what it was .
It was my grave .
I was dead , but I was back .
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