บท 91: Don't give them the Satisfaction
It had been five days since all that kidnapping incident happened. I was glad that Twen was all well and he was not hurt. I moved into Robbie's mum's place as Robbie was scared to leave me alone. After coming here, mum and Robbie had treated me very well and have been taking care of me like their own family. But the problem was me.
I just couldn't seem to get over what surpassed. I had been getting nightmares and been waking up feeling short of breath. Robbie stayed with me at night but whenever he tried to console me after having a nightmare, I would flinch at his touch. I could see that it hurts him. I don't want to see him like that yet I couldn't help reacting this way. I had been losing appetite. This had made mum so anxious that she would force food down my throat, telling me that I will become weak if I don't eat. At times, I would end up throwing some food up, as if my stomach was refusing to take it. The biggest trouble was I just can't get that man's touch off of me. No matter how much I bathe or how much I scrub, it is like he had stained my soul.
I am extremely afraid to meet any of my friends, scared that I might detect disgust in their eyes, scared that they would leave me after knowing that I was no more any different from what people often accused us, 'omegas' of. I know I had been acting like a jerk to everyone but what do I do? If they too leave me, what will I be left with?
Twen would stick to me like a magnet and often threw tantrums on not being allowed to stay with me all the time. Seeing that makes me even more scared. Will he really love me as much as he does now when he knows that his mum is filthy? What would I do if Twen starts hating me? He is the reason I continued to fight to survive, if he can't stand the sight of me, then I might as well die!!
Knock! knock!
I looked at the door. Mum and Robbie don't knock, and I told them I don't wanna meet anyone. Then who could it be?
"Tony? It's me, Tanya! Can I come in?" I heard the familiar voice of Tanya.
My hands started shaking. I wanted to see her, talk to her but I was afraid of knowing what she will be thinking of me? Would she hate me? Would she be disgusted by an omega like me?
"Tony, I miss you!" I heard Tanya say, her voice was emotional. I was extremely surprised at this. She....misses me? "I miss talking to you, spending time with you, working with you! Please, I want to see you"
Tanya....Does Tanya want to see me? Does she still want to see me? I got down from bed, my legs trembling as I made my way to the door. With a shivering hand, I turned the handle and opened the door to come face to face with Tanya. I saw behind her, mum and Robbie were looking on, and they were pleasantly surprised on seeing me. I didn't have time to observe anything else as Tanya wrapped her arms around me, saying in a broken voice,
"You d*mn idiot! Do you know how worried I was? Do you know how much I wanted to see you? Who ghosts their friend like this??"
I was dumbstruck. Was Tanya really so upset about not seeing me? Didn't she know what happened? Does she not feel disgusted by me? I looked at Tanya's brown hair which, for a change, was in a ponytail. She held me so tightly that my ribs started hurting. I felt slight wetness near my shoulder, understanding that she had also shed some tears.
I heard mum say from behind, "You both friends have a talk, I'll get you some snacks"
For some reason, even her voice sounded heavy with emotion.
Tanya left me and her cute round face was shining with tears and a happy smile spread across her lips.
"Oh Tony, you look horribly weak. Have you been skipping meals again?" she asked scanning me from top to bottom
I felt so speechless that I didn't know what to say. I looked at her carefully. There was no trace of loathing or abhorrence. She was smiling with all her heart. She really didn't feel any disgust.
When I didn't make any move and stood like a statue, Tanya held my hand and pulled me into the room making me sit on the bed. She smiled at me said like a fussy mum,
"Look at the condition of your hair, don't you even comb it? And goodness me, how pale and thin you have gotten, you look like a skeleton"
She went to the dressing table and took the comb from there. She came back, sat behind me, and started combing my hair,
"Honestly, how can you stay in a messy state like this? Do you want to set a bad example to Twen??" she chirped, shaking her head
I finally regained a bit of composure after hearing 'Twen'. She was being way too gentle with her combing, making me almost drowsy. Once she was done, she came in front of me,
"Now you look like Tony," she said fondly.
"Why?" I asked looking at her glowing smile, "Why aren't you repulsed by me?"
I saw Tanya's smile fade as she heard the question and the happiness in her eyes got replaced with worry. She said quietly, "Why should I be repulsed by you?"
My lips trembled as I said, "I-I wa-"
I couldn't speak out. I hung my head, looking at my hands. A gloomy silence fell in the room. It didn't sustain as mum came in with two cups of tea, teacakes, and canapes. She placed it on the side table. Tanya turned to her, smiling,
"Mrs. Walker, I will do it. If you don't mind, can you leave us both alone for a while?" she said, politely.
Mum looked at me blinking and then at Tanya,
"Yes dear, of course!" she said and walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Tanya looked at me with a tensed serious face. "I can understand Tony what you are going through. I know you are sickened by the thought of that man holding you (I recoiled at the thought). I can understand it wa-"
"NO! No, you don't understand. You can't possibly-" I started shaking my head but got interrupted
"I CAN BECAUSE I KNOW!" Tanya cried interjecting me.
บท 92: Don't give them the satisfaction (2)
Tanya's words almost echoed in the room. I goggled at her totally taken aback. Did she just said she KNOWS? What does she mean? Tanya was looking at me fiercely but quickly it melted away. Her face got mellow and her eyes sad. She pulled the side table near the bedside and gestured me to have tea. I don't know why but I followed her instruction like a kid and picked up the cup but didn't drink. I looked at her fixedly, as she picked the tea cup, took a few sips and then sighed heavily.
"The tea is very tasty and fragrant. You should have it" she said taking a seat opposite to me on the bed.
I looked at the tea which had a yellowish green tinge. The fragrance released by it was very fresh. I brought it to my lips and took a small sip. It really was delicious. I took few more sips, when I heard Tanya speak
"Feeling better?"
I looked at her. She was smiling brightly at me. I remembered Mr. Jonas's words, that she put a facade of fake smile and false cheerfulness to be acquainted to people but still maintain a distance. I couldn't help wondering if it was her way of saying to not ask?
She noticed me staring at her and placed the tea cup down. She looked at me with an embarassed look before exhaling loudly and speaking slowly,
"In school, there was a bully group of five. The leader of it was Brian. An arrogant pampered Alpha, son of the famous actress Barbara Madison. I wouldn't say he was an Omega hater but rather he just loved bullying those younger to him or his own classmates. I was one of the two Omega of the class and just like any other Omega, I was either ignored or harassed by my classmates. Brian was two years older to me and took a fancy to me, however, I hated him. His arrogant pompous a*s was just not my taste!" she said giggling softly
Her eyes now moved away from me and she look down. I saw her hands coming together, her fingers interwining, like she was going to pray. She spoke, trying to keep her voice light,
"Brian was angry at my not liking him back and started bullying me. Vandalising my desk, throwing my books in the toilet, dropping muddy water on my outfit and what not. Once, he stole my cellphone while I was about to leave for home. I chased after him to the school backyard to take it back but he wouldn't return. He threatened me that if I don't accept his confession, he would break my phone. But I still didn't agree, so he got furious and pushed me down on the floor and as luck would have it, my heat started at the very same time" Tanya went silent after that narration
My eyes opened wide in horror. My grip on the tea cup became so tight that the cup almost broke. Sexual harassment and abuse was common among Omega but hearing such a case first hand from someone made the reality of it even more grim. I didn't need to know what happened next, I could already guess. Tanya spoke again, now looking at me with a sad smile,
"I was fifteen"
I kept my tea cup away as I don't think my stomach could take it after hearing such a horrifying tale.
"But you know what was worse? His mother said that it was my fault for not taking my suppressant and seducing his son by my pheromones on committing such a deed" she said. I could trace a faint tremble in her voice.
"I am so sorry" I said, unable to believe that Tanya had gone through such a horrid experience.
I suddenly felt ashamed to have thrown such a fit over what happened to me when I am a full fledged adult and in position to handle the pain but she was a minor. What must have she gone through? How did she even cope with it? I didn't need to think much as Tanya spoke again,
"I became a recluse....almost! I shut myself up and won't talk to anyone or go out. I went into severe depression. I hated my Omega identity, hated having this accursed body, hated being looked down upon, hated this biased society, hated seeing my culprits walk free without a single punishment, hated this unfair treatment of Omega.....basically I hated everything. I had suicidal thoughts almost everyday. Had it not been for mum and dad, you might not have seen me here. I stayed closed in my house for half a year"
I looked down. I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't realize it but I had actually held my breath. It was not until I got short of breath did I noticed I was not breathing. I quickly breathed, my heart beating in my mouth. I felt a touch on my hand and saw it was Tanya who had placed her hand over mine. Her face was a bit flushed,
"Do you know how I got over it?"
I shook my head, still feeling queasy in my stomach.
"It was because of dad. He came to me after four months of me being a shut in and sat with me. I didn't want to talk to him or anyone. I felt nobody would understand, nobody would get what I was feeling (I looked at her on hearing this) or how much pain I was in. But dad didn't say anything sympathetic but rather only asked me,
'How long are you gonna mop around?' "
That was really unexpected. I looked at her startled but she only chuckled and said,
"Shocked? Even I was. But dad then told me
'World is not fair, it never was and it never will be. It will always oppress the weak and worship the powerful but does that mean we should stop living? Or give up and mop around? Does being upset and beating yourself over it change anything?' "
She smiled at me as if asking me the question. I didn't know what to say and could only stare. Tanya laughed lightly and said,
" No, Tony, it wouldn't change anything. What happened was not your fault neither was it mine but the society would always put the blame on the weak because it is spineless, it cannot fight the powerful. So, we have to fight it. We can't let it defeat us. You can't let those moronic perverted jerks have the satisfaction of seeing you suffer!! That's what they want! You are not alone, there are many who had gone through such a terrible experience. It is painful, heart breaking and really tough to get over it, I know, trust me. But unlike many, you are blessed Tony. Chef Sam, Mr. D'Souza, CEO, Mrs. Walker, Twen, and me, we all love you a lot and will help you with it. We are all there for you"
The lump in my throat seemed to have doubled in size. I swallowed three times before speaking, as my voice broke,
"Would they-would they really? They wouldn't be repulsed by me? They would really not leave me even after I acted like such a jerk?"
Tanya came close to me, kept her tea cup aside and hugged me affectionately, speaking softly near my ears
"Yes! They all want to help you. They all care for you. No one is repulsed by you and no one will leave you. So, don't wallow in self disgust and pity anymore, Tony. I know it is hard....it is hard to forget such an ordeal but only by facing it can you overcome it. We are all there for you!"
I put my hands around her, tears rolling down my cheeks, "Thank you!"
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