บท 33: Suisei wanted to reach her dream

"Suisei, being an idol was never an easy task. It's normal to be rejected especially when you are still new to this. So don't be discouraged." Anemachi looked at the Suisei who was clearly in a bad mood tried to comfort her, "You will have more chances in the future-"'

"Yeah yeah, I know this." Suisei however glossed over Anemachi's words, "I can handle myself."

Suisei, still in the clothes she wore for interviews, lied inappropriately over the sofa. Her leg was spreading widely while her clothes were all crumpled up. Her eyes were like a dead fish who had just been swept onto the shore by the tide, clear of any hope and dream, empty. It's not something that a freshly graduated high schooler should be acting like.

Four agencies and four interviews that she had gone through. Yet, she failed all of them. She doesn't even meet the qualifications to be accepted as an intern in their studio. This wasn't very encouraging, to say the least. Some said that she lacked talent, some said that Suisei lacked the charisma and aura as an idol. To be short, they don't think Suisei would stand up among the crowd.

Anemachi sighed at the sight of her little sister's state as she glanced over the 'body' of her. Work was already hard on Anemachi, but yet, she still had to worry about Suisei's career. Within the suitcase were pages of documents that she still had to go through. But Suisei was still her little sister, her one and only little sister.

She stared at the back of the blue-haired girl. Was it frustration or was it anger that was inside that tiny body? But whatever it was, she clearly wasn't in the right mood.

"Upset with the fact that most of them ignore your presence?"

"..."

Anemachi sighed, "Come on. I'm sure you know that the path of an entertainer is full of challenges like these. Especially if you don't have much experience in singing or dancing, of course, it will be harder for you. "

"...Even though I try so hard?" Suisei with her face hugging the sofa replied with a muffled voice.

"Even though you try so hard."

Hours and hours of training and preparation for her showcases, yet she was denied her chances as even a mere intern. That's what bothered Suisei the most. It felt like she was acting like a clown these whole times for wanting to become an idol.

And with Suisei yet again falling into silence, Anemachi began spinning her brain in an attempt to bring her out of desolation.

"I will treat you to something good. You wanted barbeque right?" Anemachi tried the dull method she had always used to cheer up the girl, "Let's go. My stomach is grumbling already."

"..."

"...Which restaurant?"

And the comet always succumbed to it in the end.

Anemachi now looked upon Suisei before her who were violently tearing through meat after meat on the table as if she was exerting revenge on those who deny her. Anemachi carefully chose her words before pressing on the topic further.

"So, what is your plan after this?"

"Plan? Plan." Suisei continued to cook another piece of beef as she muttered the word in her mouth, "Plan. Of course, I have one. Of course, why won't I?"

"Telling me off, ignoring my email. Saying words like: 'Oh, our agency only accepts people who have special talents.' or 'Sorry, I don't think your quality reaches the standard we are striving for.'. God damn it, who do you even think you are!? I already checked your agency background beforehand, and I know that you all are already on the brink of bankruptcy. I only chose you because I wanted to accumulate my experience. And this is what I get!?" And as Suisei's voice got louder and louder, so was her anger against the whole industry.

"Oih oih oih, calm down." Anemachi, not expecting Suisei's frustration to be this deep, tried to calm things down, "It's not that big of a deal."

"F*ck them!"

The can of beer besides Suisei was then lifted up by her in the raise of fury, "F*ck, f*ck, f*ck the absolute f*cker out of them! I swear one day I will make you all regret your decision and you better fall on your knee and tell me how sorry you are for ignoring me on those damn days and blind yourself for those useless eyes that you have-"

"Ok, enough! Stop! Stop!"

Anemachi, realizing the commotion they are creating, tried to silence the berzerk Suisei from ruining her image by covering her mouth, "Calm down, please."

"Calm down!? How am I supposed to calm down after being treated like air these whole times!?" Suisei meanwhile struggled out of Anemachi's grasp.

Suisei had always been talented in many different aspects. But all these ended up making her a jack of all trade but master of nothing. The fear, the fear of her getting further and further away from her dream was growing the anxiety inside of her.

'You are just a nobody in the end.', 'You aren't anyone special, why would anyone even want to look at you in the first place.'. These doubts are sinking into her. And with doubts come anxiety, and eventually, the urge to give it all up.

"I have a friend. She was scouted as soon as she graduated from school due to her father's connection with an agency, and now she was well on her path to becoming an idol. Meanwhile, I'm still here, struggling to even get a chance."

"Life is so unfair!"

Suisei, full of frustration, ranted out her thought, "Some people get to have their way already laid out for them while others have to scrap by any leftover to even have the chances. I'm just upset by it."

Sometimes, people are upset not because they have to use hard work to exchange for the results they wanted to see, but because they witness that some people can simply bypass that barrier without leaving a sweat.

But this isn't what Anemachi wanted her sister to be acting like.

"So you feel like you have the right to be angry simply because of this?"

Anemachi looked upon the reflection from the lemon tea she had ordered. From it, she saw a face that she had been using for two decades. She was well familiar with it. Yet, deep down inside, a little voice still told her that this wasn't the body that she was supposed to use.

How much time has she spent trying to cope with this new body? More importantly, how much did she need to convince herself that she now belonged to this new world and that she needed to let go of everything she had or had known in the past.

So for Anemachi, the family that she had was the only thing that was keeping the connection between her and this world. Or else, who knows what will become of her in the end. So, she cared a great deal about Suisei, her only sister.

She understood Suisei's feelings. But, she wanted Suisei to be able to truly reach her full potential. This meant using some slightly more 'radical' method. Or else, Suisei really would be better off if she pursued another path. The idol industry wasn't for everyone.

"Well then, I don't think you should continue chasing after your dream."

"Life is already unfair at the start, and no doubt on this path that you aimed to pursue, you will encounter many more frustrating situations. If you can't handle it, then I would rather you choose and focus on other things instead. Cause I can be sure, you won't succeed in the end."

Strong words were spoken, and Anemachi was aware of what she was doing. She looked in towards Suisei who was clearly stunned by her words. Would Suisei hate her for this? Probably not. But no doubt this will leave her thinking about it for a while.

"...What do you mean by this?"

"I don't think you should continue on what you are doing if this is all you are capable of."

"..."

And with that, Anemachi watched as Suisei silently stood and left the restaurant without her, taking one last glance at Anemachi before leaving. Anemachi would forever remembered the pair of teary eyes she have.

"You don't understand." Is the last word Anemachi could hear.

"This girl. Where did she get her stubbornness from anyway…"

Anemachi too, losing her appetite soon left the restaurant not long after. These few weeks aren't kind to her, to say the least. And Suisei's reaction left a bigger stench on herself than she thought it would.

Questioning others' dreams isn't a nice thing to do. But, if it means Suisei would grow from it, Anemachi wouldn't mind being the 'bad guy'.

But still, she won't want to make Suisei her enemy.

Maybe she should buy some dessert home for Suisei.

…

Perhaps she should scout for a potential agency for Suisei instead.