บท 14: A Warmth Spread Through His Heart
"I was thinking," Dominik explained quietly, "that I should update my portfolio, but as you may have noticed, I have trouble trusting people and I wouldn't be able to be natural in front of a photographer I don't know. You saw everything and ... " his face turned scarlet.
"But you've only seen one picture I took. How do you know they're gonna be good?"
"Three."
"What?"
"I saw three: the one you sent me, the one that appeared on the Internet today, and the one for which you won an award in college. I'd like to see more, but I already know now that you are good."
Andrzej felt a bit confused.
"On the Internet today?"
"The article is a bit infantile, but the picture is pretty cool."
The actor took out his phone, where he found the website of the magazine where Andrzej worked and showed him a photo he had taken, in which Śliwiński was dusting off the dust.
"I'm sorry," Nowicki was ashamed. "They wanted to have anything, otherwise they would not let go and I thought that such a photo was better than an alternative."
"Everything is fine" Śliwiński assured. "I don't know what outrageous intentions your magazine had, but the readers' comments are very favorable."
"You pay a lot of attention to what is said and written about you," the photographer noted.
"I suppose so," he admitted shyly. "I come from a small town near a not very big city in the east of the country. My first film role received a lot of coverage in the local media, but it was my family that had to embrace both positive and negative contributions. During one of the films, I had to explain that it was not reality, and it happened that someone wanted to make an appointment for a doctor I was playing. I try to avoid the media in the hope that they will get bored with me, but they just won't let go."
"It's because fans like you so much. Now it gets even louder. International production ..."
Dominik lowered his head as if the thought of this film was sad for him.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"No, just ... It was Marek who strongly insisted on this casting. He was very anxious for me to go beyond Polish cinema and to be taken into account at all. He made me learn French so that I could pass the audition more easily and understand the director's instructions better. He cared about this movie."
Andrzej could hear the pain and longing in Dominik's voice. He had never had a tough break-up because he had never really been in any kind of relationship, but he guessed it couldn't be anything nice.
"He spoke to you?"
"He asked in a text message when I would be able to meet with the second director."
So it wasn't an apology or a voice of concern for his health and well-being. It wasn't even a phone call to hear if he was okay in his voice. Marczak sent him an ordinary, business, text message without any emotion or concern.
It is true that Dominik demanded such professional relations from him, but that was before Marczak attacked him. Treating the assault as if it had not happened was another attack on the actor. This time, Śliwiński suffered mostly spiritually, because even the slightest 'I'm sorry' was not said, which would allow him to forgive and move on with these events. Ignoring the whole incident, Marczak ignored Dominik.
"You wanna play in this movie?"
Śliwiński shook his head firmly.
"I don't like the script, I don't like my character, I don't like this director's films, but this is a great chance to enter the international market. A chance not only for me, but also for other Polish actors."
"But you don't want to play there. Do you have to?"
The actor looked up at him without understanding.
"If you don't star in this movie, will your career as an actor be over?"
"I do not think so…"
"Are you on the verge of bankruptcy to have to take on every role offered to you?"
"No…"
"Is your dream to go out to international markets and be recognized all over the world?"
"No, definitely not. I want to play in movies that will bring me fun."
"Then quit."
Andrzej had the impression that he saw a whole range of emotions and feelings on the face of the young actor. Looking at her, he couldn't help but think that Dominik was very lonely and that there was absolutely no one, except Marczak, whom he could ask for advice.
There was something sad about it, something that tugged at the photographer's heart again.
"And you will make me a new portfolio?" asked Śliwiński after a moment's reflection.
"I'll make it for you anyway. Dominik Śliwiński's photo session is a chance for every photographer."
The actor smiled radiantly and Andrzej felt a warmth spread through his heart.
'What does it mean?' he thought.
It was fun to spend time with Dominik. Somehow, he liked his company. He liked him with all his delicacy and a certain amount of naivety. He liked that beautiful smile and the eyes that shone so fantastically when joy and elation appeared in Dominik's heart. That smile could steal the heart of any woman, and she would love to give him body and soul. So why, instead of a normal, healthy heterosexual relationship, Śliwiński got involved in an affair with his agent?
"You wanna ask me something?" Dominik smiled, tilting his head slightly."
"Sorry, this is too personal a question ..."
"If it's too personal, I won't answer it. Do you agree?"
Nowicki felt uncomfortable, but his curiosity was stronger in him.
"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"
"No. Actually no" he blushed.
"Why? Are you not attracted to?"
"Women scare me. When I'm with them, it feels like they only want my money and fame. They're all so bold and go-getting and they still want to be given all the attention."
"Was that even before you became an actor?"
"I was just a teenager then, but the boys were only for show. Girls could be possessive and cruel to weaker friends. It was so barbaric."
"I think I have to agree with you but only a bit" Andrzej smiled at the memories. "I don't know how I was able to date some of them. But they're not all that bad. They gain a lot when they are older. You don't have any woman as a friend?"
"No."
"You don't have many friends at all, do you?"
"I don't like people," he admitted.
"Really?" This confession surprised Nowicki. Dominik made such a nice and warm impression that his declaration was almost unbelievable. Besides, since they met, he was very social with him. "Why?"
"People are terribly superficial. They only live by rumors and scandals. They don't care what damage their tongues cause. They only think about pleasing themselves. Find entertainment."
"But probably not all of them" Andrzej felt touched by the opinion that Dominik had about people.
"Of course not. But the crowd is only hungry for sensation. He is not interested in what others feel."
"Would you like everyone to know your feelings?"
"I wish ... I wish I didn't have to hide them ..."
Andrzej felt a pressure in the dimple. It was supposed to be the twenty-first century, but there were still forbidden feelings, prejudices and intolerance. Dominik didn't like people because he was afraid of them. He was afraid that when he showed his true self, he would be rejected and even socially lynched. For someone with such deep sensitivity, the very thought of such an eventuality must have been very painful.
"I know what you mean" he smiled at Śliwiński warmly, with understanding and support. "But you cannot close yourself from everyone, because in the end you will be left alone."
"I'm not alone! I have…"
Did he mean, 'I have Marek?' Was there really no other name that came to his mind? Śliwiński really had no one else? How is it even possible for someone so pretty and popular to be so lonely?
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