บท 47: May-December | Chapter Seventeen
Kyle and Chaska didn't leave the living room until the early hours of the morning. They cleaned up after themselves and joined Otis in bed before the toddler could wake up.
The next day had an atmosphere about it—almost suffocating with tension. Chaska made breakfast while Kyle gave his toddler a shower. The two adults listened to the boy babble as Chaska fed him pancakes from his plate. Everything was the same, but something had also changed. The emotional evening between the two men lingered, and Kyle felt his face grow warm anytime he made eye contact with Chaska.
They had opened up to each other so much and navigating and shifting their dynamics with all the new information they had on each other was going to take time.
They cleaned up after themselves after breakfast, and they left Chaska's apartment to start their day.
The day went by with no trouble, and so did the next, and the day after that. Two weeks passed with the two adults coming to terms with each other, and a few things changed.
Kyle was enjoying the changes. For one thing, Chaska held his hand in public now. It had really hurt him when he realized it wasn't something a Chaska was willing to do in public before, but now, going shopping together and having the taller man casually reach out for his hand or squeeze his shoulders in affection made his heart race and his face feel warm.
It was also nice picking up both Otis and Chaska from the daycare. Somewhere along the line, it had become their routine. Kyle would come in a bit later when all the other kids were gone, and he would then help Chaska close for the day before the trio left for either Chaska's apartment or the older man's mother's place.
Today was one of those school days, only that Kyle and Chaska had planned to spend some time together, so they dropped Otis off before heading out by themselves.
The car ride was silent for the most part. Kyle tried to end the awkward silence by turning on the stereo. A song from a C.D. Chaska has put in the other day rang through. The drag queen's voice was deep, but they sang in a feminine coded way that was intrigued, Kyle.
"You asked me if I wanted to go and see a drag show with you," Kyle said, remembering Chaska's proposal from all those weeks ago. "What happened? You never followed up on that," he added when Chaska said nothing in response. Kyle watched the tan-skinned man shrug from the side of his eyes.
"I guess I just forgot," Chaska muttered, looking away from the window to stare at Kyle. The blond man's hands tightened on the steering wheel when his eyes caught Chaska's.
"Do you still want to go sometime?" Chaska asked.
Kyle nodded. "Yes. I would like to."
"Alright," Chaska said with a smile that Kyle mirrored.
The glasses of the car's windows were rolled down due to the heat. Summer had come in at full swing, but although schools were out of session, and more teens and elementary school kids were out and about, the daycare was still up and running. In fact, Chaska had more work on his hands now since his colleague had started taking in kindergarten kids for summer school.
"You look tired," Kyle said, looking away from the man as he took a turn.
Chaska shrugged. "I guess." They were on their way to stream that was further out of town—the farming edge. It served as a water source for large scale farmers, but it was also a neat spot for people who wanted to just take a walk and talk.
"Work?" Kyle asked, and Chaska hummed in confirmation. The passing scenery around them was already mostly open land filled with cattle or horses.
"It'll get better, I'm sure," Kyle said, and Chaska let out a little laugh.
"How's work going on your end?" the younger man asked, and Kyle narrowed his eyes at the road as he thought about it. He had been getting steady work repairing farm machinery, but it had taken a bit of learning from him to get used to it. Back in the city, he worked with people's personal cars, and back in the city people didn't let their vehicles get so out of shape that it was more like resurrecting the dead than performing a recommended check-up or fixing something that had gone wrong.
"It's eventful..." Kyle settled on saying, making Chaska laugh. He felt his chest tighten at the sound of the man's voice, because of Chaska's partial deafness the man couldn't really gauge when he was being too loud and often spoke at a volume that he could hear himself. It made his laugher ring with such clarity that made Kyle's heart skip a bit.
The blond man nibbled on his bottom lip as the outline of the stream came into view. He slowed down, beginning to look for a place to park his car. He found a nice clearing that didn't have wet mud or short grass. When he turned off the engine Chaska got out of the car, and he followed suit.
The two walked under the glazing sun, squinting as they approached the stream hand in hand and in dragged footsteps.
"It's a bit bright outside today," Chaska muttered as a wind from the stream blew past them. "But the air happens to be cool, so we'll survive," he said, squeezing Kyle's hand as the two looked out into the brown water that reflected the sun's harsh rays.
Kyle remembered coming to fish with his father here. They would use fishing strings with bait tied at the end since they couldn't afford fancy poles. A smile touched his face at the memory before he turned to look at Chaska who had a blank look on his face. The man was a lot younger than him, so Kyle had no memories of him from the time when he lived in Newfront as a teenager. He wondered what sort of things Chaska did—what sort of friends he had and what sort of boys he loved. Sure, he had a bit of an idea after Chaska poured his heart out to him. He was frustrated with himself and felt a bit selfish regarding that urge to know more.
"Kyle?"
The blond blinked when Chaska called his name.
"Is everything alright?" the dark-haired man asked as the summer wind blew his longish hair about. Kyle couldn't help but feel that Chaska looked immaculate under the orange light the sun drowned the riverside with. His full lips were pursed, and his thick brows framed his deep-set eyes that were staring intently at Kyle. The sheen of sweat on his forehead even looked beautiful. Kyle nodded, rubbing the back of his neck before looking out into the brown waters.
"I was just thinking..." he trailed, turning to look at Chaska again. They were both wearing black jeans, simple cotton tops, and muddy sneakers that should have been cleaned weeks ago. The summers here were dry and dusty. The occasional rain would mean deep mud, and murky puddles one couldn't avoid. Everyone gave up on cleaning their cars and shoes. Fashion hadn't always been a big deal to Kyle, but once upon a time, he used to try. As of now? He just threw on the nearest thing. "Hey, what did you do for fun when you were little?" Kyle asked, making Chaska blink before opening his mouth.
Kyle looked away. "You don't have to answer, I was just wondering..."
"I'm not really sure. I've blocked out most of my childhood," Chaska admitted, making Kyle look over to the man again. He was smiling, but it was a sad smile when you paired it with the lost look in his eyes. "I guess not remembering is for the best. My parents were into drugs, and I hung out with men I shouldn't have because I needed to be taken care of," Chaska said in a voice just high enough for Kyle to pick up.
"I'm sorry." It was awkward to say, but Kyle wasn't sure what else to do.
Chaska shrugged his shoulders. "I don't remember most of it, so there's nothing to be sorry for," he said, giving Kyle a smile. "Can you tell me about your ex-wife? I've been wondering about her a lot."
The corner of Kyle's lips tugged into a smile. Someone should give Chaska a prize for changing conversation topics.
"She's a great person. She helped me through the early days of my business," Kyle said, and Chaska hummed.
"Why did you split up?"
"I wasn't being good to her." Kyle's face fell as he remembered how much his business had sucked up his attention. He hadn't been there for his wife, he hadn't been there for his parents, and he hadn't been there for his son.
"Anastasia's a good woman. She said she'd like to have Otis come over for the holidays from time to time, but aside from that she's not interested in having him anymore," Kyle said, listening to the birds in the distance caw. "She made a good point when she told me that I needed to raise Otis myself for a bit. At first, I thought she was exaggerating, but being with him this past year has been hard for me, and I feel terrible for thinking raising my own son is hard..." he trailed, looking over at Chaska.
"I guess a bit part of why I started liking you was because I was in so much awe at how good you are with children," Kyle said, and Chaska rose a brow at him. "I don't mean it in a demeaning way. I mean—" the man paused, laughing as he shook his head. "I mean, it looked like you had a superpower I would never get, you know?" Kyle muttered, Chaska nodded his head.
Things remained quiet for a bit until Chaska spoke up. "Did you love her?"
Kyle squinted, nibbling on his lower lip as he thought hard about that. "Before I would say yes, but—" he paused, letting out a sigh before running a hand through his hair.
"But what?" Chaska asked, becoming impatient.
"I guess, it feels like I'm lying if I say that now. Anything I've felt for her doesn't compare to what I feel for you now..." he trailed, looking at Chaska before reaching out a hand to touch the man's face. "With you, everything is a lot more... intense," the man offered as an explanation.
Chaska leaned into Kyle's hand, humming before swallowing spit that built up at the back of his mouth. "Do you love me?" he asked, making a shiver run through Kyle as the older man's heartbeat quickened.
"You see, my mother asked me when I was going to have you move in with me," Kyle said, ignoring the question. He wasn't sure if he wanted to answer that now. He didn't want to scare Chaska off with the intensity of his emotions. "And when she said that I found myself thinking that I wouldn't mind at all. I would love to live with you. I would love to raise Otis with you. I would love to wake up next to you each morning..." Kyle trailed.
"But do you love me?" Chaska asked, reaching up to hold Kyle's hand. That was the question that Kyle was dodging. He wanted the man to answer it.
Kyle stared at Chaska blankly for a bit before nodding his head. "If everything I've said sounds like love, I guess I do..." he muttered, watching as Chaska smiled before leaning in to kiss him. Their lips touched, and their warm breaths heated the air as their tongues met and mouths opened to accommodate the other.
The two broke apart soon after, letting their foreheads touch as they held onto each other.
"I love you." Chaska's voice was quiet, but Kyle picked it up. His heart skipped a beat as his hands tightened their hold on the taller man's waist. This was what he had been hoping to hear ever since he started pursuing Chaska, but why was a part of him worried that things were happening too fast?
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