บท 107: Painful Reality.
In my dreams, I see a world with so much beauty that I know It can never be real.
My dreams will have my friends from the past, some who were killed and some who are still there to drink a glass of wine with me, dead or Alive, they are all present in my dreams.
But true beauty is something very different,
" Are you okay? "
I see a lady roaming around with her red hair l, enjoying seeing a rainbow, and waterfall and standing behind her back with the brightest smile.
But we never talk, she just says something from time to time but I just listen to her, and it brings peace to my mind.
A dream can truly be beautiful, just like a lie we tell to someone to make them happy.
" Run away! and don't get caught."
But just like those Lies, dreams are hollow and something lost from reality just like the person who makes me smile in them.
She shouts at me as she turns around, but...
"It's too dark."
I can only smile seeing that person back because as I try to look at her face, it always fades into darkness.
" I can't remember.... "
Within that darkness I never find my answer, I can't get through my darkness because I don't remember.
" I forgot how she looked?.. "
Those dreams are no less than nightmares but such nightmares are my reality. This is the truth I can never face, a truth that needs to be hidden behind the lies of my love because if accept it, I will lose myself.
" Take care of yourself and her. Don't die on anyone."
Those are the last words I ever hear, it from the night my nightmares began or is it something I made in my mind... I don't know...
All I know is that I killed someone and their family by falling in love with them. Something that I shouldn't have done.
"Did I even love her if I don't even remember my wife's face? ... "
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As I lose myself in the darkness of my nightmares, my eyes open in real life.
I am lying on the mattress of my motel bed. I feel the sweat on my body, my heart pounding so hard that it might come out.
" Calm down."
I hold a part of my hair with my right hand and take deep breaths, the ritual is something I have come to calm down after dreams like these over the years.
I looked at myself in the mirror, under the light of the lamp I left turned on, my eyes were a little watery.
The water in my eyes never turned into tears and it never will, I will see people cry and bring them hope.
To do that I will never cry, because I need to stand strong for everyone around me, for they will need someone when they are weak but not me, I will never need someone because,
" I will never cry at any cost."
I get up from the bed and drink a glass of water,
I have given up on asking myself," Why do these dreams come back? Why am I unable to let go?"
because I know full well why they do.
I didn't sleep the entire night and kept reading the book which was kept on the table.
The morning sun arrived after a while, I kept the book and went to the counter to register my exit.
In the hallway, the bulbs were keeping adequate light. I soon reach the counter of the motel.
" Good morning, Mrs Adams."
I greeted the lady at the counter,
" Good morning, Mr Edward. "
Wednesday Adams, a simple-looking woman with two ponytails. Her expressions were more dead than some of the corpses I have seen.
" I am leaving this place, what is the cost of staying the night? "
I paid for my stay and food, picked up my suitcase and was about to take my leave.
"Mr Edward, there seems to be a person who came looking for you last night. The name was...Thomas."
"Oh... I see."
I wasn't able to meet the escort Lucius had sent me, so I ended up here for the night instead but it looks like both of us were unable to find each other.
" Where is Thomas now? Did he give any addresses or messages for me?"
" He is taking a stay in his motel too. He came last night asking about you, I told him you were already asleep so he decided to stay instead of disturbing your sleep."
Looks like I caused a lot of trouble for the guy, looking for someone at night with so much crowd around is very hard even for me.
" I see, I will wait for him to complete his nap, please don't disturb his sleep."
Adams just nodded and returned to her seat counting the money in her drawer. I wonder if she is the owner of this motel or if it's her husband. Well doesn't matter, her relationship with me is nothing but of a random customer and a business.
But she does resemble someone I've seen.
"I need to get my work going."
I have ordered the fleet to go back on the hunt already, can't keep the load of feeding the crew on Britannia's people for my problems.
The work of pirates is getting difficult, sea security is rising, and army ships are getting far more powerful.
" The days of us being a point of fear going to be long gone soon. The coming 1850s are going to be truly difficult times for pirates. Not that I'll still be one by that time."
I left working as an Assassin thinking I would never come back, but here I was.
"Today's news seems quite awful"
I see Wednesday reading the newspaper on the table, the first headline shows the estimated amount of death in the current war.
" This is truly brutal. "
Her words don't match her expressions, not a single hint of pity on her face.
With the amount of battle I have fought, my end should have passed long ago but now I am here, at a place where I want to live as long as possible.
Just to know, what my daughter looks like...
The person I failed was going to be in front of me, how will I react, I don't know.
" I am just a stranger to her."
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