บท 23: Max Million’s Unresolved Conviction
I lost heart after the day he died. He promised that now would be different. He... wouldn't die like this.
And yet, his body was found nailed to a tree.
A knife going straight through his neck.
There was still this lingering craze in his eyes, and his life was fading away too quick for us to react.
They did some 'surgery' on him earlier than they'd expected. Turning him into a girl in mind and body.
And also deleting the existence Miliv once was.
He was gone now. All that was left was... 'her'.
"Do you have a stomachache? Your face is looking pale." Millie asked while carelessly touching my face.
I grabbed her hand. So soft... So weak... Different from the boy who used to play pretend with me.
They were just like Miliv's hands in the past.
He used to be similarly caring like this, but... I didn't give him enough attention. I took him for granted.
Now it felt so lonely...
"Are you feeling sick? Do you need medicine! I-"
"Don't worry." I put her at ease. Making a fake smile while saying flatly: "I'm just things about stuff."
"Oh~? Are you hiding secrets? Tell me, I won't tell anyone else. Promise!" She giggled and whispered.
Millie's gestures were different, but she acted a lot like now Miliv used to act. It made me feel weird...
"Millie..." I held onto her hand with my own. They trembled, and couldn't hide what they were feeling.
My body covered in cold sweat from the thought.
"Do you remember what you said to me?" I asked with uncertain eyes, but he... 'she' put me at ease.
"...You're forgiven." Millie repeated the same words Miliv spoke to me. Her tone exactly the same.
The only difference was something I couldn't grasp.
They said the same thing, in the same way, with the exact same feelings, but... she just 'felt' different.
Like they had different souls.
Regardless, I was never going to harm her anymore.
"Aren't you going to let go of my hand?" She pointed it out, and I quickly let go after realising what I did.
"Sorry..." I lowered my eyes.
"Don't be. We're friends! Didn't we used to share the same bed when I slept over at your house?" It was at this point I started to realise something. Cold sweat started to drip down my back again at the thought.
Steve's parents had managed to convince the other villagers a blind eye. There's no way they didn't notice. A regular blonde young boy suddenly sprouted pointy eyes, red eyes, and became a girl.
Moreover, most of them knew who that kid was.
Our village wasn't a city. A few years was enough for Miliv to be at least barely acquainted with them.
Which made convincing the villagers a bit difficult.
But who were Steve's parents?
A knight who protected their village, and a rare healer that would usually reside in a bigger city.
Moreover, Miliv's father also had a good reputation.
This much was enough for them to jointly desire to protect what was left. Understanding it all clearly.
It was a perfect environment...
One that could hide her real condition.
The only problem was that Millie's own memories weren't 'normal' for a girl. We're WAY TOO CLOSE.
"I have to go train with Steve now. Bye." I quickly got myself out of there before she said anything else.
Millie looked a bit downcast.
There was so much I wanted to say, but didn't.
Choosing to protect my current sanity instead.
Because it was difficult...
How hard it was for me to pretend we were the same. That nothing changed between us.
"So you came to get beat up again?" Steve seemed to have been waiting for me. He knew I'd run away.
At first, he stopped training with me altogether... but gradually returned when he watched us a little.
"You have a cute girlfriend." Steve snickered. He threw a strike that was mechanically blocked by me.
Our sparring routine continued with our back and forth. I was getting a hang of my Gift in the process.
Practicing it with more awareness.
Experiencing what you'd only realise through the Gift usage itself, then experimenting on that base.
Smack. A fist struck my face and rattled me to the core, but I didn't fall over. I was resolved to fight.
Our spars continued with my injuries growing.
I couldn't touch even the corner of his clothes.
"Let's stop. You have nothing else to learn from me anymore." When I arrived there the next day, he left.
Leaving me alone in the flourishing garden.
But not even the birds and the bees kept me company. Flying away as soon as they saw me.
I felt it deep in my bones... The isolation.
This pressure thar rocked me to my core. Those of the village said nothing to me, but I could feel it.
All these eyes on me are now stone cold...
They must have figured out that I was the one solely responsible for Miliv's death. He who killed him.
The culprit...
If I hadn't lost control, he'd still be himself. Alive and well while... being the same as he always was.
The only one who didn't blame me was my mom.
She cooked, cleaned, and waved me goodbye in the morning like always. Making my straw bed when I came back and giving me a blanket. My arms hanging off the wooden corners to touch the ground.
There was these feelings boiling within me, but I didn't dare cry... I don't know what to do with this.
It really scared me.
That I was the type to lose control when my heart was aching. Like back when I'd suspected Miliv.
I felt so scared of this hatred I couldn't control.
If I could choose to hate Demons less, I would...
...but how could I forgive after what happened to Dad? That corpse that was seared into my head.
The reason why my mom looked so lonely...
"Are you avoiding me?" Millie sensed my feelings again. She was a lot more sensitive than Miliv.
Ah... Maybe I should stop myself from comparing.
So difficult...
"Is it because of my face? The aftereffects..." Millie held onto her ears. I knew what she was thinking.
"Do I look ugly now?" She spoke while being aware that her demonic eyes and ears were bad omens.
Her knowledge about Demons was still intact.
A surge of emotions drove me to raise my hands to cover those hands grasping angrily at those ears.
"They're cute... I promise." I didn't care about truth or lies anymore. Whether she was real or an illusion.
All I wanted was... for her to be happy.
Happier than anyone else.
"...Really?" She blushed. I brought her closer to take a deeper look in her eyes. Keeping a close eye.
"W-what are you doing?" Millie felt suddenly looked a ton embarrassed. Her long ears were twitching.
"Millie, what do you think of me now?" I asked her instead of pointing out that she was acting weird.
She seemed to become panicked.
Looking around strangely like I said something weird to her. I wondered... what was she thinking?
"Max, you... are my best friend." Millie said this statement strongly. Throwing away her hesitation.
It brightened up my dark day in an instant.
Something was born into my pained heart.
An existence that brought me out of pain and into a new world. This feeling... I thanked her for it.
"Thank you...!" I hugged her while feeling emotional all of a sudden. My arms wrapped her shoulders.
"You're okay with that?" She lifted a brow.
"We will always be best friends. I promise." I tried to put her at ease, but she made a complicated look.
I wondered why she made that face.
"That's... good..." Millie mechanically nodded her head: "But why do you hang out with Steve more?"
It was a good question.
"I just want to feel... like I'm strong enough to reach the peak." The reason I spoke was quite vague.
It wasn't that I wanted to reach the absolute top of the world, but I didn't want to feel like I couldn't.
It gave me courage to live another day. Fight on.
Millie carefully listened as I spoke my heart:
"It's just... this mountain only gets more steep. It's already so hard to breathe these days outside."
"Thinking about the time I've wasted on my pride."
"Thinking that I'm too complacent these days."
"Everything's so complicated now, I can't take it anymore. I feel faded... I'm trying to find my path in life. Before I leave this place and go to pursue my dreams in the future. That's just my thoughts."
When she heard my concerns, Millie patted my head. Speaking words only the past Miliv would:
"Doesn't our Boss work hard? Don't worry. You always find your way. I've never seen you fail."
Only she was part of my crew of pretend Demon Hunters now. I was the leader of one person.
But one was enough.
I slicked my hair back. Life was so complicated, and I wasn't resolved to make harsh decisions anymore.
That already backfired on me.
Now... It'll just be me.
I said my goodbyes and went to approach 'him' again. There was a different light in my eyes.
Or should I call it the darkness of a craze?
"What do you want?" Steve spoke while turning to see me from afar. He was working in the fields again.
Trying to make the old farmers more loose-lipped.
A fury threatened to overcome my heart. I wanted to protect what me and Millie had... by hook or crook.
"A fight." I didn't explain myself further.
He sighed. My arm transformed into a rifle in his direction, but he vanished as soon as I blinked.
The next thing I knew, I found him running into my blindspot. Forcing me to turn around to face him.
"Are you too stupid to understand our difference?" A callous and cold voice followed a calm expression.
He beat me up just as usual.
Redirecting my arms whenever I turned them into hot weapons, and beating me down with fists alone.
But this time was different.
I fought back relentlessly...
My heart delved into thoughts of Millie.
Wondering if I'll be more than a memory to her.
All those who hunted Demons knew there would be no future at times. Those monsters brought death.
What would happen if I was to die...?
Maybe Millie would still be protected by her father and Steve's parents, if not this fickle guy himself.
It made me wonder...
If I went down in flames and fell from grace. Is that all my friends would see when remembering me?
Both Miliv and Millie...
I want to believe that I can find my light. That there is hope that no tragedies would befall us anymore.
Sadly, I don't think I'd be able to get it right.
People couldn't change how much of a fuck-up they were by nature. I'd likely continue to make mistakes.
Ruining their life with my own hands in the future.
It was a thought that depressed me, but the sadness in my heart didn't make my desires any less.
I finally faced Steve's resolved eyes. Looking into those silver eyes with the darkness in my own.
My tactics hadn't changed, but I was managing to predict and react to his movement better over time.
He wasn't as 'tactical' as he believed himself to be.
Though Steve's movements were unpredictable, his attack patterns didn't really change much with time.
I was completely different.
It was a subtle change, but I used my Gift in a different way. Going beyond the earlier limits.
...Only to almost get knocked out by a hit to the chin.
I staggered. Trying to get ahold of my balance.
My thoughts returned to Millie. Thinking if when I reached the gates of paradise, would I be ashamed?
Is this my legacy?
Being remembered as that fuck-up who fucked up his best friend's life. Who couldn't protect anyone?
Who only knew loss?
Mu imagination went wild. Thinking up a future.
I'd be working and surviving until the day that I died, Penniless and working night shifts.
The most dangerous time to fight Demons.
Will 'they' be standing by my side by then?
'I hate that thought.' My body seemed to drive itself out of disgust. Returning a blow to counter my rival.
Bang. He looked surprised at my sudden growth.
Holding onto a reddened cheek.
I had no hesitation. Trusting the path I was taking to the future... Maybe I was being way too impatient.
But I couldn't sit here waiting anymore.
Several arms grew out of my back. I controlled each of them separately since their was no 'auto' feature.
It made my accuracy go down a little.
However, it also broadened my attack range.
"You think this is enough?" My rival, the bastard who was dead-set on ruining everything, easily stepped out of my range. Using his feet fluidly to knock me away. His attack power increased.
Was it because he started using his legs...?
This girl-faced bastard didn't know I expected that though. I pointed my original two arm towards him.
Kaboom. My arms launched at him like spears.
Forcing him to dodge.
I had four arms left while running in his direction, but he managed to completely overwhelm me.
Simply striking me back in a head-on collision.
"You thought you could do a takedown on me?" He seemed to find my plan pathetic. Too simple.
Trying to make this a grappling contest.
I admitted that my strategy was crude. I lost two chunks of my body and couldn't make infinite arms.
His silver eyes were unmoved.
Like always, he'd it all figured out. What he wanted to do and who he wanted to be in the future.
Regardless if he won or lost this fight.
Comparatively, I was just clashing with him to protect what I had left. Desperate for me to survive.
I was still trying to find my way before leaving this village. However... I couldn't keep worrying my life away anymore, doubting every step I take, worrying and worrying until my hairs turned white with age.
Now... I must be brave.
Even if it was illusionary and unclear like a muddy puddle, I needed to have conviction to match him.
There was no way I'd be able to win, otherwise.
No more holding back. I had to gotta learn to let go of the pain. Focus on the basics of my fighting style.
Shave off the excess moves. Refine them.
Wring out the last of my stamina. Temper myself.
Polish. Shave. Wring. Temper. Then...
...elevate myself to a whole new level.
I match his silver eyes despite having no special 'eyes' of my own. Only the dark depths of my pupils.
A memory resurfaced on a time Steve had struggled against an opponent. I chose to use that as a base.
Shaving off and discarding my humanoid figure.
Wheels appeared on my lower body as I charged at him. Replacing the legs that had become obsolete.
His face dramatically changed.
"W-what?" I smacked him back, causing him to stagger while retrieving the arms I'd shot at him.
Maybe I didn't know my path in life right now, but I was going find my way... No matter what it took!
Nothing's stopping me today!
THIS IS MY DESTINY.
I may go down in flames in the future. Die like many Demon Hunters I admired... but I'm not afraid.
I'll make sure 'they' see the best of me in their memory. Remember a version they can be proud of.
I know one day I'm going find my light. Maybe even gain those same 'eyes' as Steve in the far future.
It won't be easy, but it's worth the fight!
So when I reach the gates of paradise, I won't be ashamed of what I am. Unashamed of who I was.
This... will be my legacy.
I swiped the ground and grabbed Steve by the leg in that moment. Throwing him over arm onto the floor.
BOOM!
His body bounced off it. The sound of flesh hitting the ground and organs shaking signalled his loss.
Regardless of how much resolve and determination existed in his eyes, Steve was still a human.
I looked down to see that he had been knocked unconscious by my last move. I'd finally won once.
"YEEEAAAARGH!" I raised my arms and roared like a champion, but became rational when the adrenaline wore off. He wasn't an invincible figure towards anyone. That feeling was an illusion.
I was sure of this by now.
And so, I took him home so his mom could heal him up. One win... Maybe that was the best I could do.
But I wouldn't give up.
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