บท 1: Prologue
Greetings (whoever you are), my name is Sergei. I am an ordinary Russian, if you can call me an ordinary murderer who took the lives of over 1000 people.
What can I say about me? Thirty-year-old brunette with red eyes and pale skin.
With a scar through my left eye. I lived in an orphanage from the age of 11 to 13, until I was taken away by a man called Lovro Brovsky, the leader of a killing organisation called the 'Black Phoenix'. As he told me later that day, he saw potential in me, and he was right.
14 years later, I became one of the most dangerous assassins in the world, known as "The Undertaker".
I'm also a fan of Japanese otaku anime, especially the erotic ones, but when Lovro found out, I thought I was going to die.
But to my surprise, Lovro is also a member of our cultural community of Japanese animation lovers (otaku), he then said "let's mix business with pleasure" and since then I have only watched the Japanese voice-over (if you told anyone that the great and terrible killer nicknamed "Coffin Man" was an anime scholar, they would laugh and throw you in the madhouse).
But I'm getting sidetracked, so let me tell you an interesting story about myself.
Flashback
As the saying goes, "There's no such thing as a good morning". That simple thought comes to me every time I hear that fucking alarm clock! I picked it up and threw it at the wall.
After another five minutes I finally got up.
Tell me, have you ever had the feeling that something shitty is gonna happen today?
Well, that's exactly the feeling I had this morning. And then the phone rang, I looked to see who it was and immediately realised I had a shitty feeling. It was Tolik, the killer and my rival for the title of Russia's best killer.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What's going on?
- Yeah, Lauvro told us to meet at the usual place in three hours. - Oh cool, so there's a case and the mouse is already in the fridge. I'm about to find out why the money from the last job hasn't been paid.
- Got it, got it, got it.
- All right, let's go.
- Bye - I hung up.
By the usual meeting place he meant our base. It was a long walk, so I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, ate, got dressed and ran.
Two hours later
I was standing in front of the six-storey hotel, which is also our basement.
I entered the building where I was met by a young, beautiful girl with long, shoulder-length golden hair. You wouldn't know it at first glance, but she's also an assassin.
I approached her and she nodded and gave me the key to the basement, where I went.
I'd also like to point out that the building we're in is quite luxurious
(by the standards of our city, posh at all). A red carpet at the entrance, expensive chandeliers, beautiful wallpaper. But here, the basement lacks these qualities: grey walls, dead mice and a bunch of insects of varying degrees of ugliness. After 3 minutes of wandering, I arrive at the usual meeting place, where I am already waiting for Lovro and Tolik.
- You're late - Lovro said in a slightly gruff voice.
- Maybe we should start with hello?
- Shut up.
- There's good old Lovro - I smiled.
- Okay, now that you're here, let's get started - Tolik said.
- By the way, why are we here?
- You should learn some respect, but we'll leave that for later. Right now we have a serious case to deal with.
- So who's our victim? And by the way, where's our money from the last job? I asked the most important questions.
- I was wondering the same thing. It was a very complicated job and the money has been gone for a month.
- This is actually our mission today. As you know, a month ago we received a request to kill a mafia boss nicknamed 'Skull'. The request came from an oligarch whose bank was run by the late Skull. We did the job, but the oligarch won't give us the money. So he wants to hand us over to the police. The challenge: to come back in 5 days and "politely" ask for our money, and then again "politely" and "culturally" shoot him in the head. Any questions?
- Do you have a plan of the building?
- Yes.
With these words, Lovro pulled out the plan of the Major's mansion. The map showed not only the layout of the building, but also the location of the guards and the alarms with cameras.
We spent the next few hours making a plan and then split up.
5 days later
And here's our gang standing in front of the gate to the house... But what's a house? It's a fucking mansion! With a garage, a bathhouse and all the trappings of a rich house. Yeah, couldn't this guy just pay the money, he's got money up his ass. Well, as they say, greed beats greed.
That's it! No time for bullshit. We climbed over the fence, I went round the back and Lovro had to turn off the electricity. I went to the door and waited for the lights to go out so I could pick the lock (if I tried now, the siren would go off). As soon as the power was off, Tolik climbed in through the open window and knocked out the guard. Meanwhile, I started to open the lock on the back door, cut it open, went in and knocked out the guard, who, by the way, was not as strong as he should have been, but I did not pay attention to that. In a minute we were all three on the third floor, though on the plan should be on the second, this was strange guards was small as hell, though should be a hell of a lot. Yes, by the way, most of the expensive paraphernalia is missing too. It bothers me and everyone else.
So we're standing at the door to the big man's office. I wanted to look through a keyhole, but there was no light. So we went in for lack of an alternative.
The big man wasn't there - I forgot to tell you, a long time ago there was a bounty on our heads; I don't know exactly how much, but it seems to be a bit more than the cost of this mansion. Otherwise, I can't explain the "Love Jack Boom:)" explosives.
We wanted to run away, but there was no time left, so...
3.2.1.Boom
I'm... Dead? I don't feel anything... just cold... ha-ha, so that's what death is...?
Well, considering how much I've killed, I'll probably be a celebrity in hell. A lot of people went there because of me...
I hung in the void... for a long time... very long... I got bored just hanging there... very bored... very long... very cold...
Then I saw a light, a light coming towards me. And when it was close enough, I could see the outline of... a person?
- Well, hello Sergei, I've been waiting for you for a long time - he said.
- Who are you?
- Oh yes, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, you can just call me God.
- God? And what does a big shot like you want from me?
- You see, I've been alive for tens of thousands of years and I get awfully bored just watching mortals, so I decided to play a little game.
- Play?
- That's right, I've chosen you for my entertainment. You're going to be one of my personalised reincarnations of the anime, manga and anthology you love so much.
- Yes, I'm going to be your... Whoa!
- Oh, I thought at least you wouldn't scream... But come on, your duties will include rebirth in different worlds and occasionally performing my tasks, of course you'll have your own system, you'll have a harem in general, it's a chic life.
- And why do such honours go to me?
- You have a strong soul. An ordinary person with a weak soul can only go to another world once, but you can go an unlimited number of times. Each time you gain experience and knowledge, and in ten thousand years you might become a god. So you agree?
- Yes, of course I do! I couldn't have dreamed of anything more! But I have one question. What happened to my friends?
- Do you care about your friends? Rare for an assassin of your kind. Their souls were sent to be reborn.
- Thank you for your answer. Well, I'm ready!
- All right then! So your first world will be...
End of flashback
It's been like this for about 500 years. I've been to many worlds in that time. An experienced hitchhiker, so to speak. Now God is calling me to talk to him. Oh, here he comes. Hmm, he's a bit sad today.
- Come here and talk to me. He said in a sad voice.
- Is something wrong?
- Nothing is wrong. Anyway, a few thousand years ago, I went to this world. And there I decided to play a little creator, in this world I created humans and angels. I ended up with almost all my children rebelling against me and trying to kill me.
- You're a shitty father.
- I know I am! But that's not the point. There was this monster that was going to destroy the world. I fought it, and since I couldn't use all my powers (due to the limitations of the world), I realised I couldn't win, so I put a thousand forbidden seals on the monster. I was very weak and easily killed in the war, and since I died, I could not be reborn in this world. I relied on my children, thinking they could prepare for his release... But they're not ready at all!
In short, your task is to go to this world and kill the monster, in exchange for which you can take this world and become a divine being in it. Got it?
- Everything is very clear. I'm ready to start. I'm going to get down on one knee.
- [Laughs] All right! [God has activated the portal circle.
- What's this world called?
- DHD.
- Aha. Wait... the World of the Dragon Nipple?!
And then I knew.
The nightmare begins.
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