บท 61: 61. The Jazz Prince Chapter I: The Aswang Prince, O...
We all know the story of the original Universe! The first three Parts of bizarre... well... the first two were just really more of a comic bookie type... and the third Part was really dramatic... Probably it was inspiring... And people had character development... I think? Whatever. Well!
What if Simoun JoJo and Maria Clara's son... never inherited the Grimm genes? And instead.. he became... the sole Heir to Padre Damaso?
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!
Yeah... haha... I need... friends... *cries*... I only have one reader...
OPENING GO!!!
She cooked it with grounded pork and brains frying them in onions, chili pepper, garlic, lots of pepper, salt, fried garlic, and calmansi juice.
She sets it on the table.
"She" is a dismembered hand.
"Da da da da da da da!!!" sang a boy wearing a black hoodie, a uniform underneath, black high school pants, black leather shoes, and holding a suitcase. He walked to school alone. He sang an unfamiliar tune. He is kinda fat and has an average-looking face. He has thick eyebrows. He is 167 cm tall.
"Hi! I'm Miguel Josuke Higashikata! My friends call me 'JoJo' because 'Suke' in Japanese is pronounced as 'Jo'. I'm not really Japanese. My mother's father was just adopted by a Japanese man at a young age who betrayed the Japanese during the war!
I am just a normal and everyday high school student living here in Burnham! I am 14-years-old and I am in 7th Grade! I have the girl I love-!!!"
Josuke meets the love of his life, a beautiful, stoic, and tall Jessica Polnareff. She sees Miguel and scoffs. She wore a white hoodie and she looked down on Miguel. She was 168 cm tall.
"I have my best friend... Jedan!"
Beside him is Jedan Ligera who wore a green hoodie instead. He wore basically the same uniform underneath and also had a suitcase. He is 156 cm tall. He had a rather plain face.
"AND LOTS OF FRIENDS!!!"
A kid throws his pubic hair into Josuke's mouth as Josuke gags.
"Good one, Gio!" smiled Josuke, pointing to Gio.
"Don't touch my girl, man!" shouted Gio Brando, walking away.
"Gio..." said his butler. "Your father, Bernardo Brando... is looking for you."
"Yeah, yeah!" shouted Gio. "Damned Prince of the Aswangs..."
"Celine wants me to meet up with her at her home later at dismissal," said Jedan. "Can't watch Star Wars with you... Sorry, Josuke."
"Sure thing, Jed!" smiled Josuke. "That is A-Okay!"
"My father died when I was really young. He belonged to the Aswang Royal Family Dynasty! That's right! I'm the Prince of Aswangs in this world and the Cryptids have successfully and secretly... dominated the human world!" smiled Josuke.
A human boy in the background steals a man's wallet.
"I smell his blood!" shouted the man. "He is a man! Take him away!"
The cops chase after the boy.
"Go get 'im, Larry!" shouted Josuke. "Ha, ha!"
"Ever since my entire family died... The humans have been asking me to have mercy on their souls and that I, as the Aswang King, should free them from being lower-class citizens. You see, in The New World, Humans are forced to have things called 'Passes'. These Passes prove that you are a valuable citizen in the New World. And Metro San Diego is the Capital of this and it's really strict there when it comes to Passes. Us Cryptids don't need a Pass, however!But..."
Josuke looks at a human woman being growled at by some Phantom Tigers as she covered her baby away.
"Part of me thinks that... this... is wrong...Should I become a good King and liberate the Humans? I... I don't know... I feel like... I wish my dad was here... These people had no King for 14 years... And... it's time they need one...I wish I had someone who'd act like my dad..."
*BUMP*
"Ow!"
"You okay, Miguel?" asked Jedan, walking toward Miguel. "Oh... You..."
Miguel looks at the person he bumped into. Books are lying all over the ground. He looks at her. She's a beautiful white-skinned girl with an emo haircut. She has a black manicure and has piercings, black lipstick, black earrings, and a black leather coat. She is wearing a school uniform, too, however.
"Hey, Anne Zeppeli!" smiled Miguel.
"Ugh... I touched trash!" shouted Anne. "Get away from me!"
"This 'trash' you call is your future King. Respect him," said Jedan.
"Yeah..." said Anne. "His family killed mine."
Anne used her Stand, a small plane, to bring all of her books back into her hands.
"That's Anne! She plays pranks on me all the time! Sometimes she teases me a lot and calls me names like birdie head and little girl-dog. She also messes with me by pushing me into the dumpster and punching me right in the belly! But it's okay...I... I deserve it...*sigh*...But! Things are looking up! Why? Because I'm a regular high school boy!"
Josuke and Jedan pass by a very tall building called "Kars Industries."
"This is Kars Industries!" smiled Josuke. "It's been built by a mysterious guy named Kars way back in 1976 who was all scrappy-lookin' and came from the base of the volcano! He started working on Multiverse Postulate and discovered about Alternate Dimensions. He proved that Alternate Dimensions do in fact exist. Ever since then, he had been experimenting on alternate dimensions."
Josuke's Stand, Prince, appears. The Stand looks like Spider-Man, but with an all-blue body with red angry eyes. Its body is muscular, tall, and slender, with red diagonal-patterned lines on its head, neck, and limbs. It also has a mouth.
"This is Prince! It can help me fix things. He's been my friend for the longest time!"
"Josuke, you should stop talking to yourself while walking to school," said Jedan. "It's weird. Stop being weird. People are looking at us so I suggest you stop being weird."
"Right!" smiled Josuke.
*ring ring*
Josuke picks up his cellphone. "Hello?"
"Meet me at 6 PM in the abandoned warehouse nearest to your school," said a deep voice. "The fate of our worlds depends on it."
"Sure!" smiled Josuke.
"Okay... no... wait a minute. What do you mean by, 'Sure?'" asked the voice. "Aren't you worried that this could be kidnapping?"
"Is this a kidnapping?" asked Josuke.
"Technically... No," said the voice.
"Sure, sure!" smiled Josuke.
"Don't tell anyone," said the voice. The voice hangs up.
"Who was that?" asked Jedan.
"Can't tell you," smiled Josuke.
"I swear to God, Josuke," said Jedan. "It's been years and I've been your bodyguard... and every time this happens, you get kidnapped."
At school, Josuke stayed at the back corner of the classroom and watched outside the window... for... some reason...
"There's a crow outside... eating a smaller bird," sighed Josuke.
That night, Josuke walked to the abandoned warehouse. There... the warehouse was nearly empty. It was quiet. The warehouse was barren. The place smelled like urine and feces. Crows could be heard cawing in the distance. The warehouse was all-black and inside of it was all-black as well.
"PRINCE!!!" shouted Josuke.
Josuke entered and brought out his Stand, a blue humanoid mannequin-like Stand with white circles for eyes. The Stand has pole-like horns coming from the side of its head acting like ears.
The Stand scanned the area for enemies.
Josuke sensed six organisms emitting Stand Energies.
"Something's breathing... nearby... someone... has Stand Energy..." he whispered.
"MUDA!!!"
Josuke backflipped and attacked with his Stand.
"ORA!!!" shouted Prince.
Josuke sees the young man's face.
"Mr. Brando?" asked Josuke.
"No," said the man. The man wears a polar bear head's skin for a hat with a blue shirt, dark blue pants, white socks, black rubber shoes, a green backpack, and a Stand behind him.
"You must be the guy, huh?" asked Finn. "You asked us to meet in this warehouse."
A yellow anthropomorphic bulldog then appeared behind him along with an anthropomorphic sponge, starfish, cat, and goldfish with legs. The sponge and starfish are on his shoulders.
"No," said Josuke. "I'm like you! I was called here! Why are you guys dressed as my favorite cartoon characters?"
"Oh, right," said the man. "I'm Finn Mertens, and these guys are Jake, Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick C. Star, Gumball Watterson, and Darwin Watterson. On your dimension, we're cartoon characters. In ours, we're real.Yeah... We're real, Josuke... And we woke up and met on the same spot in the city..."
Josuke gasps with eyes sparkling.
Finn remembered...
The six woke up in the middle of the road as the cars crashed at each other trying to avoid each other.
"My leg!" shouted a man.
"We woke up and started arguing at each other... then these magical spirits and powers emerged from our bodies!"
Finn gained a Stand that resembled THE WORLD. Jake turned to mist and back to solid-state. Spongebob had bubbles all around him. Patrick had a Stand resembling a large stone starfish with its face on its tentacle and an eye on the center. Gumball has a Stand that resembles a blue version of Killer Queen who is noseless, male, and wears underwear instead of a skirt. Darwin transforms into a frog, then a capybara, then an eagle, then back to his normal self.
"So we did what was rational... Try to kill each other."
"MUDA MUDA MUDA-!!!" punched Finn's Stand.
Finn and Jake attacked Spongebob and Patrick who attacked Gumball and Darwin.
"We realized that freaked out some people, so we decided to stop fighting, make a truce and go to the phone booth that was randomly close to us. Suddenly, a guy called from the phone booth and told us to go here."
Now...
"So now we should work together and make sure that we don't get killed by this obvious trap!" smiled Finn.
"You had me at 'I'm Finn Mertens'," smiled Josuke. "Wait... Why'd you come here if you knew this would be a trap?"
"This was Patrick's idea," said Finn. "We need answers, so we listened to him. He looks reasonable."
Patrick picks his booger and eats it. "Tastes like fries."
The seven walk into the warehouse.
"Doo doo doo doo doo! Singing a soundless song that is written in words in a book made for terrible fanfiction! Doo doo doo doo doo! Whoa!" Josuke then tripped on the ground. "OW!" he shouted. "Flip!" he shouted. He touches his leg. "UGH!!! FLIPPIN' FLIP!!! FLIPPIN' WHO HA!!! FLIPPIN' DRIPPIN' PLOPPIN' FLIP!!! HOLY FLIPPIN' FLIPPITY FLIP!!!"
"Bahahahahaha!" laughed Spongebob, who is on Finn's shoulder, pointing to a wiggling worm on the ground. "There's a worm on the ground! Back home, a worm is big enough to eat me!"
Josuke eyes the words, "You're here, Miguel Josuke Higashikata," written in spray paint all over the world.
"Holy flip, guys! It's the warehouse the mysterious caller told us to enter!" he shouted. "I was right the entire time! Thought I was lost!"
"Yes..." said Patrick, who is also on Finn's shoulder. "But this is obviously a trap! We should go now!"
"Patrick, you were the one who told us to go here," said Darwin.
"Aw, yeah! We're gonna kick some mysterious guys' butts!" shouted Finn, punching his palm.
"Yeah..." shouted Jake, drinking a cup of mayonnaise. His hand is in the shape of a cup. "We're gonna beat the living *bleep* out of that guy."
"Maybe he's just a good guy!" shouted Darwin.
"Nah... obviously probably not," said Gumball. "Probably a rapist."
"Your cynicism is quite Jewish," said Josuke.
"Never say that again because you don't know what that means," said Gumball.
*step step step*
"Hay Naku..." said a mysterious man wearing a black shirt, a white baseball hat with a black star on its front, a white trench coat, a white pair of pants, and white high heel shoes. "So... this is the seven Jessica told me ab-..."
"OH MY GOD... IT'S A RAPIST!!!" shouted Darwin. "KICK HIS ASS!!!"
The shadow reveals his face.
It's The Reaper himself, Miguel JoJo.
Patrick kicks Miguel in the balls who is caught off-guard as the six cartoon characters beat the shit outta him.
Josuke watches all of this.
"Whoa..." said Josuke. "Flippin' flip!"
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