บท 491: 490. Rick and Morty In... ~Memories of Madness~
June 19, 2031...
The Weather Reporters all silently do paperwork while sitting at their desks.
"HEY, G-GUYS!!! L-Look at this!" smiled Morty, showing a picture from his phone.
(Adapted from https://www.kapwing.com/explore/they-dont-know-party-meme-template)
"Morty, what the hell is that?" asked Sasha.
"It's a meme that I'm selling!" smiled Morty.
"Does it cost over 10 units?" asked Sasha.
"No!" smiled Morty.
"Not an NFT then!" smiled Sasha.
"Morty, what the fuck is that...?" asked Rick.
"It's a meme I wanna sell!" smiled Morty. "For 9.98 Units!"
"Christ, you're really swimming in the coastline right there..."
"Yeah! But it's legal! L-Look, Rick! This guy is at a party and no one knows that he's an AO3 writer! Wh-What a loser, am I right, Rick...?"
Rick closes his eyes and sighs. He checks it out. "Heheheh... I guess it's a little funny."
"Weird that you guys are so much nicer to each other than on the show..." said Gabrielle, who is eating a cup of low-fat yogurt and a banana.
"Rick and I sorta h-h-had a deal around 15 years ago that we'd... respect each other as partners... and as family..." said Morty.
"I get the yogurt... What's with the banana...?" asked Rick.
"Oh...! Uh..." said Gabrielle. "Crave-... NO!!! Not...! Cravings! Uh... Flavor! YEAH!!! Flavor!"
"Uh... Huh... what else do you got...?" asked Rick.
"Morty... Is this a reference to 'Miscarriage...?'" asked Rick.
"What...? No! It's a reference to a silly comic where some guy enters in and a girl is crying for some reason! And people had been repeating its template with all these goofy... f-f-funny... FUNNY characters, Rick!"
"No... The original comic is about the main character's girlfriend or wife or some shit getting a miscarriage. Hence its name."
"Wait... WHAT!?!?" asked Morty. "O-O-O-OH GEEZ!!!"
"MORTY!!! YOU F-!!! UGH!!! DELETE THAT!!! THAT'D BE WORSE THAN THAT PINK SAUCE TIK TOK INCIDENT!!!"
"I-I-I-I-I CAN'T!!!"
"WHY NOT!?!?"
"I ALREADY PUT IT UP FOR SALES!!!"
"This just in!" yelled Lois Lane. "Morty Smith... Grandson of the Maharlican history's greatest scientist and world-renowned comic author... CANCELED!!! For bringing up a horrible meme in the past."
Gabrielle tilts her head and swallows the banana with the yogurt. "Y'know... It's pretty messed that when you're the daughter, son, or grandchild of this huge and legendary person, you'd only be remembered as their offspring. And that's your title. And that's pretty cringe...By the way... Sorry for your loss, Morty... Of your human dignity... Which is... Y'know... currently being stripped away from your soul because OF TWITTER, THE MEDIA, THE INTERNET, REDDIT, AAAAND HOLLYWOOD!!! HAHA!!! Humanity's fucked..." Gabrielle puts a whole spoonful of yogurt and banana in her mouth again, blushing and smiling. "MM!!!"
"Oh Geez! They're canceling me, RICK!!! THEY'RE CANCELING ME!!!" Morty stares at his phone.
Rick and Morty are sitting on the couch in the break room having coffee.
"It's okay, Morty. This'll come to pass," said Rick.
"Y-Y-You gotta help me, Rick! You gotta h-h-help me stop them from canceling me!They're calling me a Neo-Nazi and comparing me to PewDiePie!Don't th-they know that Felix is a Disciple and works with Israelites nowadays!!?"
"Yeah, but it's easier to just let this pass, Morty."
Morty smiles. "Yeah... But... Oh, Geez! M-Maybe I feel... a-a-a bit... oppressed... by you! Haha!"
Rick squints his eyes. "You're really gonna fucking go there... Mooorty...?"
"Yeah... I mean... We're partners now, right, Rick...? Wasn't that the deal...? That you look out for me and I look out for you? I mean...! Rick! I could just! I, dunno! Tell Mom that you've been pretty bitchy to me again like back then."
Rick squints his eyes. "Alright, fine..." said Rick. "Here..." Rick offers Morty a Blue Memory Gun.
"A Blue Memory Gun...?" asked Morty. "How do you expect me to erase the minds of all Earths...?"
"That's what that is designed for. To erase the minds of all Earths..." said Rick. "Or, more accurately, all Maharlican Earths. Just pick the nation or Earth whose mind you need to erase about the incident and boom! Everyone will forget about that little comic you made and all forms of record of it will cease to exist. It uses Eldritch energies similar in structure to The Runes of Kof-Kol. Just make sure you place the right name of the target and right memory to forget."
Morty places on the top line: "All Maharlican Earths" and "Morty Smith's Miscarriage Comic," in the second.
He clicks it.
*PEW!!!*
"I can bring back memories with this...?" asked Morty.
"Of course," said Rick.
Morty does the droopy Ren and Stimpy face with his lips. "Can I keep this...?"
"Uh... No...?" asked Rick.
*PEW!!!*
Morty wipes the device from Rick's memory.
"What the hell!?" asked Rick, grabbing his head. "Oh. Hey, Morty. What the hell!? Haha! You made your own little device! What does that do!?"
"(Holy shit... I can do anything I want...!)" whispered Morty.
"Uh... Well... Good luck with that, I guess..." Rick walks away from Morty.
"OH-!!! GEEZ!!!"
Later...
Morty accidentally farts in the office while eating yogurt. Everyone is disgusted and pinches their nose. He takes out the Memory Gun and wipes out that fart from everyone's memory. He smiles and continues eating it.
Later...
Sprig opens the closet and covers his eyes in disgust to see Morty doing the naughty.
Morty, in horror, uses the Memory Gun to wipe that memory from his mind.
Later...
Morty slips on a banana peel and Anne proceeds to laugh at him.
Morty wipes that memory from her mind.
Later...
Anne, Sasha, Marcy, Luz, Amity, and Gabrielle, who were all on a mission together, have dirty armored suits after killing a Koschei and are therefore only covered up by their towels. They enter the changing room.
Morty turns to Rick. "How old are Luz, Amity, and Gabrielle again?"
"19," said Nick. "Why?"
Morty charges into the changing room as all of them scream in horror, except for Gabrielle, who immediately proceeds to dislocate his jaw.
Morty shivers as he flops outside, twitching on the ground as Gabrielle, in a terrifying way, stomps toward Morty.
He, however, presses the Memory Gun again and everyone is confused about what just happened.
Everyone sees Gabrielle, who is outside of the changing room with only a bra and panties on. She blushes and rushes back into the room, locking it.
"What happened to you...?" asked Nick, looking down.
"UGH!!! UGH!!! I... TWIPPED..." said a terrified and twitching Morty, who knows that he will never do that again.
"Let me get that for you," said Nick, relocating his jaw.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO-!!!"
Later...
A Skalengeck they arrested laughs at Morty. Why? Because Morty choked on coffee he was drinking.
"Hey... You don't have to laugh..." said Morty.
"What are you gonna do?" he sneered, as he kicks Trubel away and proceeds to unbelt him and pull down his pants, as he laughs at him along with the other arrested Wesen.
Morty frowns, pulling up his pants and kicking him in the balls.
Morty then wipes that memory.
Morty kicks him in the balls again.
Morty then wipes that memory.
Morty kicks him in the balls again.
Morty then wipes that memory.
Morty kicks him in the balls again.
Morty then wipes that memory.
Morty kicks him in the balls again.
Morty then wipes that memory...
Later...
Morty is caught picking his nose by King, who gags.
Morty wipes that memory. But, he forgot to flick the booger away.
Morty flicks it away, but it lands on King's face, who screams and runs around in circles.
Morty wipes that memory again. "Oh... Uh... KING!!! You got something in your-..."
King blushes and tries to wipe it off, but he obviously can't reach it. He cries and runs away. "LUUUUUZ!!!"
Later...
"I'm gonna have to not give you a raise this week. Sorry, Morty," said Nick.
Morty sighs. "I understand." He then walks behind Nick's seat and farts on it.
*PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTT!!!*
"What the hell!?" asked Nick, who tries punching Morty.
However...
*PEW!!!*
"Uh... Hey, Nick?" asked Drew, entering the office. "I just wanted to tell you about this weird case-... WHOA!!!" He Erstewoges into a Blutbad.
"Whoa, whoa... Wu? What the hell is-?"
"UGH!!!" yelled Wu.
Nick sniffs the air. "Oh. Wu... I am so sorry... I don't even remember doing that..."
"UGH!!! What did you eat!? The bad yogurt in the fridge!?" asked Drew. "THAT WAS YOU IN THE OFFICE!!?"
"Oh, Geez, Captain... You better... Y-Y-You better get that checked..." said Morty, smiling and walking out of the office.
Later...
"So..." said Rick, sitting next to Morty. "I see that you've been... enjoying that device I gave you."
"What are you talking about...?" smiled Morty. "I m-m-made it..."
"Morty... Originally, I was trying to teach you a lesson, but now... Based on the things you've done, you really pissed me off."
"Wh-Wh-WHAT!?!?"
"Morty..." Rick knocks on his head as metal clanks could be heard. "My memory can't be wiped."
"WH-WH-WHAT!?!? TH-TH-THAT MEANS!?!?"
"Yeah... You're a pervert and a little asshole," said Rick.
"W-W-W-WAIT!!! OH, GEEZ!!! It's okay! It never happened! Haha! None of them remember!"
"Yeah... But you started ruining their day, so I decided to remotely deactivate its permanence after your little meme was erased forever."
"WH-WH-WHAT!?!?"
"Yeah... basically, it has a timer. Those people whose day you ruined will be pummeling you in just a second."
"WAIT!!! NO!!! OH, GEEZ!!!"
"Haven't you learned anything, Morty? R-*BELCH!!!*-EMEMBER THAT TIME TRAVELING EPISODE!?!? NOT THE ONE WITH THE SNAKES!!! THE ONE WITH THE SAVE FILES!!!"
"No...?"
"YEEEAAAH!!! This? This is God, Morty..."
"THEN I'LL KEEP WIPING YOUR MEMOOORIES!!!"
"Morty... You can't do that..."
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!?!?"
"My hands are clean, Morty... They're clean..."
"OH... NOOOOO!!!"
"YEAAH!!!"
"Well...! WELL!!! I HAVE ANOTHER THING UP MY SLEEVE!!!"
"What is it, Morty...?" sneered Rick.
Suddenly... Morty freezes. Everyone in the office freezes. This is as if time itself stopped.
"You really are a terrible Grandfather..."
*step, step, step, step...*
Rick frowns. "Oh... Right... I'm trapped here..."
*step, step, step...*
"-...ever since I let you in."
"Hello, Rickest Rick..." said Another Rick.
Rick frowns. "Hello, Weird Rick."
"When are you gonna let me have control again...? OUR DEAL WAS THAT WE SHARE THIS BODY!!! And lately...? I've been getting SCRAPS!!! All I remember is that Morty was being beaten... and I blacked out! If you harm them in any way-...!"
"Really? Why? Because you think you care about these people? You don't, Rick... You don't care about anyone. Because we have an affinity to not care at all... All you care about is your family. And I'll give you that. I promise... As long as we fuse all the Ricks in EVERY universe and become God. Like what we're supposed to be..."
"I never wanted that! All I wanted is to be with my family!"
"Really? The last time you were with Morty is that you did that... You gave him so much power and let your accomplices beat the shit out of him. You call him your partner? He's a lackey, Rick... Ever since you destroyed my body... I used Operation Phoenix to enter your body."
"Yeah! Because you think that you have a life! You think that we deserve so much more! We clearly deserve nothing based on everything we've done and in every way we've treated the people around us!"
"You're never gonna change... Rick...!" yelled Weird Rick. "You're never gonna change! Your only chance to hang out with your Grandson and you blew it by playing with him. Puppeteering his actions with the Memory Gun itself! And you still think that you can find meaning in all of this!"
"Don't you dare threaten me! I fought God!"
"Over a fucking vat of acid! I was the one who killed him infinite times over! Miguel Ibarra! *SPIT!!!* I had a hard time trying to escape that bastard since we're the only ones he can technically kill and permanently absorb and capture. I take pride that it took the God of this book himself to finally defeat us in the Messianic-Rick War."
"Oh, please! Is that all you want... Weird Rick...? To rule supreme while all other life forms kneel before us!?"
"Rick... You don't understand... We were gifted with this high intelligence for a reason! Only people as smart as we are can understand the humor that we do! The nihilistic things that only we can laugh at! Because everyone else is an idiot! Only people with absolute HIGH INTELLIGENCE can understand the comedy of the known Omniverse and possibly beyond! Pfft! And... What...? The one who fucking takes the job is some Filipino nobody!? We have more Jewish blood than he does! And what do we get for this!? Nothing! We should've been the chosen one! We should've been the ones born with greatness! BUT!?!? NO!!! Miguel Ibarra takes the cake! He's not even that good at it! He's half-assing his job! With us, we could be an infinite Rick where all life can be at peace!"
"No... You want to enslave humanity because you think you have the right to have it!"
"I do... Rick... Because nothing means anything until we make it mean something!"
"Not this way..."
"Psh... Sure...! Right! As if you know how the world really works. All I have to say is that Ibarra will die, Sanchez. If it's the last thing I do!"
Meanwhile...
"I'm sorry..." said Morty, bandaged all over. "I don't know what came over me."
"Well," said Nick, sighing. "As long as you won't do that again... Stealing a government Memory Gun isn't a very good idea."
"Hey, everybody!!!" yelled Miguel, entering the office. "Woo! Smells like despair around here!"
"Well, yeah... Morty here began wiping out people's memories."
Miguel frowns and drinks wine. "Something is very wrong with that statement. Like... it's as stupid as an atheist's argument that there aren't any penguins in the Bible or that people possessed by Lucy are just people with mental disorders. No offense."
"What do you mean!? HE RELEASED GAS AND FRAMED ME!!!" yelled Nick.
"HE PUT A BOOGER ON MY FACE!!!" yelled King.
"HE'S A PERVERT!!!" yelled Sasha.
"I saw things..." said Sprig, traumatized.
Everyone yells at Miguel.
"Everyone calm down!" yelled Miguel. "Obviously, he was being puppeteered by the device itself."
"What do you mean...?" asked Nick.
Everyone goes quiet and confused.
"That device uses the Runes of Kof-Kol. It travels the borders of the Multiverse. The Runes can also bring people into our universe... It can resurrect people... And it can also allow people to Dreamwalk... AND!!! Possibly even create a Whispering Thought."
"A Whispering Thought?" asked Nick.
"It's a spell that allows someone to do very horrible and bad decisions."
"THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!" yelled Gabrielle.
"No..." said Miguel. "You're just an idiot. But! The Runes can affect people... Like... Morty! Whose... memory's been altered... for some reason... Actually... All of your memories had been altered..."
"By who...?" asked Anne.
"You seriously can't be serious! BY RICK, YOU IDIOTS!!!"
"Rick would never do that..."
"Yes, he would."
"No, he won't! You're just saying that because you're jealous of him!"
"Oh, please, Morty! Wouldn't he!? After everything that he had done to you! What do you think? He's a survivor! Not someone who a young man like you should believe in!"
"Oh! Sure! A-A-AND WHAT!?!? We should believe in you!? Because you're the God of this world!?"
"I never asked for this!" yelled Miguel.
"Sure you didn't! You always wanted to get back to the people who wronged you! You said it yourself ten years ago when you first came out to your world! It just stroked your ego! You don't even deserve to be on top!"
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Miguel's eyes glow white.
"Fuck you! The only reason why you hated Rick is because you thought that he will always be better than you in every way!"
Miguel snarls. "So... pathetic... Defending the man who practically ruined your life? You could've stayed in school and lived a normal teenage life... But instead... You suffered by his hand... going on adventures you were forced to join in. Skipping school. Crashing grades. And here you are... A joke who hops between jobs every now and then... And you still defend him...?"
"You just said all that to hurt me."
In Nick's eyes, Miguel's eyes turn glowing white. He then gains a yellow orb around his head acting like a halo... or perhaps, crown. He gains holes in his hands and on the bottom of his legs.
"Yeah... And I bet it did... Counting the fact that you're so unbelievably angry right now..."
Morty punches Miguel.
Miguel points to Morty and cackles. "RAUGH!!!"
The others try to break up the fight. Anne, Luz, Amity, Nick, and Sasha grab Miguel while Sprig, King, and Marcy hold down Morty.
Dipper and Mabel walk in.
"Whoa, whoa! Guys!" yelled Mabel. "What are you all doing!?"
"Nothing..." sighed Miguel. "Just a little skirmish over something pointless."
"Well... Everyone calm down... Yehoshua has something to tell us..." said Dipper.
Yehoshua stomps down slowly. "You have traitors in your team."
"Yeah. We know," said Anne. "We have a traitor."
"I believe I spoke the plural form of the word in your language," said Yehoshua.
"Wait..." said Sasha, looking around, confused. "What...?"
"There's a total of five traitors who works for this precinct..." said Yehoshua.
Everyone's eyes widen.
"Sorry, what!?" asked Nick.
"Everyone in here is a suspect..." said Dipper. "We can't trust anybody."
"Wait... What!?" asked Miguel. "Sorry, but I didn't sense anything wrong in this precinct. Literally, no one is feeling guilty except Rick... And possibly... The Author... of the book...? But that's it."
"But you've been sensing that there are traitors... right...?" asked Dipper.
"There are no traitors! Well... I can sense that they exist... But none of you feel guilty! That just doesn't make any sense!" yelled Miguel. "I can't sense anything! Except for Rick! Who is obviously the real traitor!"
"What do you mean that there are five traitors...?" asked Mabel.
"I mean that the prophecy stated that you will face five crises. And in the first one, something will happen that will most likely destroy everyone's personal relationships because there are five traitors. The message I received was incomplete. Rey just managed to send it to me now."
"Who...?" asked Mabel, who is very confused.
"I don't know. I thought you guys knew," said Yehoshua.
"We don't!" yelled Sasha.
"Uh... Maybe we should just not think about this and enjoy Summerween...?" asked Marcy.
"Anyone could possibly be a traitor!" yelled Sprig. "It could be any of us and it could strike us at any moment."
"Sprig. Calm down," said Anne.
"He's right," said King. "We'll get killed if we just sleep it out."
"Yeah! But... I don't think any of us would betray anyone!" yelled Luz. "Right...?"
"Yeah!" yelled Amity.
"Everyone calm down!" yelled Nick, grabbing his holster. "Please."
"Nick's right. Everyone should just calm down," said Monroe. "If this tears us apart, that's just what the traitor wants."
"So, what!? Do we just enjoy Summerween!?" asked Anne.
"I have an idea!" yelled Morty, taking out the Memory Gun.
"Are you serious!?" asked Sasha.
"We all have plans for that day, but don't worry... I could activate the timer."
"But, we won't forget about Rick being a traitor," said Miguel.
Morty facepalms. "Fine! Here! We'll forget about the traitors for one whole day-..."
"What!?" asked Hopediah. "Oh, please! He's obviously the traitor!"
"Yep..." said Drew.
"Or... maybe... It's Sasha...?"
"This is stupid!" yelled Sasha. "Morty is obviously being controlled by Rick! We shouldn't use that thing any-!"
Everyone starts arguing with each other.
"Holy... shit..." Miguel grabs the device. "GIVE ME THAT!!!"
Miguel grabs the device. "THAT MAKES SENSE!!!"
"So, you're the traitor..." said Hopediah. "Welp, Polly, sweetie. Arrest him."
Polly takes out a taser and zaps it.
"No! I don't work here!" smiled Miguel. "But this device should explain why I can't sense any traitors! Because everyone's memory had been altered! No one knows if they were a traitor or not, so I can't sense the probability of anyone's guilt! Because being guilty of something you think you didn't do is impossible! If no one remembers that it's a thing, I could only sense that the traitors exist! But your guilt doesn't exist, so I can't pinpoint who it is...Except for Rick... Why Rick...? And the Author of Dipper's journal..."
Everyone looks at each other.
"So... No one's guilty... But the five traitors are... technically guilty...?" asked Anne, scratching her head.
"Even I'm stumped..." said Marcy.
Everyone just looks at each other, confused.
The Weather Reporters will return in...
สถานะพลังงานรายสัปดาห์
-- การจัดอันดับด้วยพลัง 
-- หินพลัง