บท 478: 477. The Lockers ~Aolf'yl wshuupun zvtlaopun~
"It's Caesar's Cipher!" yelled Dipper. "Dpsspht means William!"
"Wow... Soooo great..." Polly said out of boredom. "Why don't we just find and kill a Wesen already...?"
"Business is slow, today..." said Nick. "Ever since everyone realized that we existed, crime's gone low lately. They said that an Aswang community spread the word/"
Everyone turns to Mabel.
"Well, I'm sorry if I wanted to show off some authority!"
*knock, knock...*
The door was knocked on twice.
A portal opens and Miguel walks in.
"Hello, everybody! I have a case for you to-!"
"*AHEM!!!*" Monroe cleared his throat.
"Okay, okay! Sheesh! Wonderful weather we're having...!"
"What's the weather, Miguel!?" smiled Luz.
"Stay away from me, Mitch!" smiled Miguel.
"Harassment...? Who's harassing you...?" asked Amity.
"Ah! Yes...! Well...! Remember telepathy being a thing...?"
"Yeah," said Luz.
"Well! Someone's in my head for some reason! Could you get her out, please...?"
"What...? Why the heck would anyone be in your head...?" asked Sasha.
"I don't know, Neil Bi, but obviously she's in there for a reason. Could you guys enter my head for me to get in...?"
Later, they turn off the lights and put a circle of candles surrounding themselves as the seven Weather Reporters, Dipper, Mabel, Luz, Anne, Sprig, King, and Amity all prepare to enter his head. Morty puts a chip in Miguel's head and shows his memories on a projector.
"Videntus omnium. Magister mentium. Magnesium ad hominem. Magnum opus. Marvelous overratus! DC-eus underratus! Wingdarius Leivosus... Pickulus Rickus-..."
"What a majestic fuckin' language..." said Rick.
"Magister mentium! Magister mentium! MAGISTER MENTIUM!"
"WHOA!!!" yelled the seven.
"So..." said Sasha, seeing Miguel kissing Anne Zeppeli. "Uh... Can someone please change the channel...?"
"We have to see what's going on in his head..." said Rick.
Miguel wakes up and stands. He walks into the kitchen.
"Wait... Miguel! You have to stay asleep for the proce-..." Monroe stops. "Why aren't they waking up...?"
"Oh... Messiah crap! You understand, don't you, Rick...?" asked Miguel.
Rick rolls his eyes and walks away.
In Miguel's head...
"Huh..." said Luz, looking around and seeing that Miguel's mind mostly resembles a massive locker warehouse that stretches to the horizon, where memories shoot out of each locker while a few strange shadowy beings seem to do their rounds and lock each down. "This place seems... oddly off-putting."
*step, step, step-...*
*step, step, step-...*
*step, step, step-...*
*step, step, step-...*
*step, step, step-...*
*step, step, step-...*
*step, step, step-...*
The group hears voices throughout the lockers...
"What a loser...! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"HA!!! SORE EYES!!! HE'S GOT SORE EYES!!! NOBODY LOOK AT HIM!!!"
"If you like her, too, I'll put you in a coffin."
"Ha! He has a tiny birdie! He has a tiny birdie!"
"Poor, Poor, Miguel...! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Ew! He's probably a 1. Or a 2, at least."
"No way! He's fat and ugly!"
"No, I will not dance with you! Ugh! You smell and you sweat!"
"You're trans, right...?"
"Fuck off, bakla..."
"Wow..." said Luz. "Haha! This is..."
"Don't try to say anything positive, Luz. This place is absolutely depressing and horrifying," said Anne. "Look, Luz! There's even a cat poster that says, 'Don't hang in there, anymore...' And he's on the ground, wallowing in mud!"
She points to a cat poster that says, "Don't hang in there, anymore..." And the cat is on the ground, wallowing in mud.
"Should we start looking...?" asked Amity. "But what are we looking for...?"
"Sweet Potato's right. What are we looking for...?" asked Luz.
"Probably a ghooost...?" asked Sprig.
"Is that a thing, even...?" asked Anne. "Ever since they colonized us, I'm pretty sure everything supernatural is confirmed by now. Even Bikini Bottom's legendary Sea Bears!"
Sprig is surprised.
"What! I'm a Herpetologist first and a Marine Biologist second!" yelled Anne.
"I'm proud of you, Anne," smiled Sprig.
"Huh...! Wow! That was nice to hear-! OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT...!?!?" yelled Anne, opening a door.
Miguel is crying while eating soup at the dining table in the Time Room.
"He's just crying-! OH, MY AXOLOTL!!!" yelled Sprig.
It is revealed that he is watching The Jazz Fusion in their Jazz Mansion... along with their love interests... ****ing in an or**.
I bleeped it out because any more words would describe what is happening right now, AND I DON'T WRITE PO-!!!
Anne, horrified by what the Jazz Fusion is doing (along with Princess Bubblegum for some reason and Marceline), closes the door.
Sprig vomits in disgust. "Oh, Frog, you mammals are weird..."
"Guys... Let's just find something that's off about this place, take it out of his brain, and go," said Dipper. "Huh... Those shadows have no footsteps..."
"Yep. Listen to Dipper, guys!" yelled Mabel.
Dipper and Mabel open a locker.
"Oh, Maria...! Don't worry! I'll allow one of your children to live... Miguel or Kariel-!?" sneered the Supervillain Stand-User.
"KARIEL!!!" she sobbed. "I mean... Uh... Fine! Kariel! I MEAN!!! Just... Just let Kariel go..."
Miguel is speechless and begins to cry softly while tied to a chaur...
The Disciples then appear and beat the shit out of the bad guy.
"Yeah!" yelled Anne Zeppeli. "Don't worry, Mrs. Ibarra! You're safe-! What'd we miss...?"
Dipper and Mabel cringe in sadness and close the Memory Door.
"That was like that one story Morty told us..." said Mabel.
Luz and King open another locker.
"-OOOOOOOOOO!!!" Miguel mourned the bucket.
That was an annoying five minutes...
"Well, that's sad..." said King.
The pair looks at each other in sadness and closes the locker.
Amity opens another locker and sees Miguel crying near the lake while Shizuka approaches him.
She closes the locker. "Miguel cries a lot, doesn't he...?"
"Nothing wrong with emotion among men!" smiled King, opening a locker and seeing Miguel speaking with someone that looks like him at the Edge of Everything, sitting on a throne. "Huh... That guy looks weird... So is that other guy..." He turns to Prometheus. He closes the locker. "Weird! Haha!"
Sprig opens a locker and sees Miguel riding a herd of dragon-unicorn-motorbikes wearing a wizard's cloak holding a lightsaber and a demon spine while shooting lightning and energy blasts from his fingers. Sprig closes the locker. "Beginning to question Humans."
Anne opens a door and sees Miguel playing Flipwart with the Core from Amphibia. Out of horror, Anne just closes the door and backs away from that locker.
"HAHA!!!" yelled Miguel. "YES!!! NOW, JESUS WILL GET TO REINCARNATE AS A FROG IN YOUR WORLD!!! I'll name them... Frog Jesus! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
*shut...*
Luz opens a locker and sees Miguel making out with what looks like Hercules, oddly enough.
Miguel pulls away. "Hey, this isn't technically incest, is it...?"
Luz blushes and closes the locker, embarrassed.
Amity opens another locker and sees Miguel making out with Princess Bubblegum.
"Ow!" yelled Bonnie.
"Sorry! Sheesh! You taste really good!" smiled Miguel.
Marceline then slams the door open and takes out her ax, charging as Miguel warps out his sticks to attack Marceline, screaming as well.
"FOR PHILIPPINES!!!" yelled Miguel.
Amity closes the door.
"Is Miguel a Home-Wrecker...?" asked Anne.
"He traveled around through space and time to meet people. What do I know...?" asked Amity.
"He is your teacher, right...?" asked Dipper. "Makes you question if you can really trust him."
"There it is again with your trust issues!" sighed Mabel.
"Yeah! It's called being careful, Mabel! You can't control all life!"
"Hey..." said Luz. "That guy doesn't look like one of those Memory Guys..."
*step, step, step, step...*
DIO walks out of the darkness.
Dipper backs away out of fear.
"Is that a memory...?" asked Mabel.
"He has footsteps... He's the real deal..." said Dipper.
"Uh... Hey...? Hello!" yelled Luz. "Hey! Uh... Who are you...?"
King senses danger and hides behind Amity's leg. Amity also looks very worried.
"Luz... Just back away..." said Dipper.
"What...? Why...?" asked Luz.
"That's a Vampire..." said Amity.
"WHAT!?!?" asked the others.
"Crap..." said Dipper.
DIO activates The World.
Dipper's eyes widen. "He has his Stand!"
"Where!?" asked Anne.
"Crap! Right...! You can't see Stands...!" yelled Dipper. "Uh...! Just stay away from him! Fifteen meters!"
"Wrry..." said DIO. "And who are the seven of you supposed to be...?"
"We're the Weather Reporters...!" yelled Mabel. "We're here to stop you!"
DIO lowers his eyelids. "Many of you are rather beautiful women..." He licks his lips.
Anne, Luz, Amity, and Mabel are pretty creeped out but are somewhat attracted to him. Why? Because he's DIO. Also, hypnosis.
"Stay away from my sister..." said Dipper.
"Yeah!" yelled King.
"Is it weird if I call Anne my sister...?" asked Sprig.
His eyes glow pink.
"EVERYONE GET DOWN!!!" yelled Dipper.
They all do as he blasts Liquid Heat Vision at the group.
"Stay away from me..." said DIO, proceeding to walk away.
"Ugh...!" yelled Sprig.
Sprig has a hole in his chest.
"SPRIG!!!" yelled Anne, flickering with blue light.
"It's okay. You can't get injured in the dream dimension unless your whole soul is destroyed," said Dipper.
Anne calms down. "Oh..."
"So... Just stay away from DIO's Stand," said Dipper. "Injury from him brings injury to your real body. Because Stands are soul energies. Try imagining yourself healed."
Sprig thinks about regenerating, and he does so.
The group sighed in relief.
"After him," said Dipper.
The group runs around the lockers to search for DIO.
"What does he want in Miguel's mind!?" asked Luz.
"I don't know! But he's a very dangerous Beta Vampire from Earth-Star. He has the ability to stop time."
"And he can shoot laser beams out of his eyes!?" asked Sprig, hopping.
"Yeah... Our Earths' Vampires could do that."
They encounter DIO in one of the hallways.
"Hey!" yelled Dipper. "Why are you here!?"
"Oh, please! Like he'll answer that!?" asked Amity.
"Chill, dude. Who knows!? He might be an idiot!" yelled Anne.
"Anne!" yelled Luz.
"As a matter of fact, I'm trying to retrieve one of Miguel's memories for Bill. One that's in this locker," said DIO.
"See...?" asked Anne.
Amity facepalms.
"Why'd you tell us, dingus!?" asked Mabel.
"Because if you try anything, you will die."
Mabel laughs. "Oh, please! We have the power... OF IMAGINATION!!! KITTY CANNONS, ACTIVATE!!!"
DIO sneers as nothing happens.
"Ngyeh! Ngyeh!" yelled Mabel, punching her fists in the air.
"Oh, you fools... My imagination is far more superior than any of yours." DIO approaches them as they all back away. "Useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, USELESS, USELESS, USELESS, USELESS!!! WRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" He charged.
Meanwhile...
"I can't believe you ate Blutbaden!" yelled Monroe.
"So...? So did you. You ate Rekstein," said Nick.
"Oh, right..." said Monroe. "Can't believe Rosalee told you about that."
"So... You guys basically were all killed by Pedophilic Skeletor...?" asked Sasha. "And then you looped time and you were all okay...?"
"Yeah..." said Nick.
"So... Pedophilic Skeletor..." said Pacifica, reading a magazine. "He ruled a realm called the Mirror Dimension...? And there, Humans eat Wesen...? And Wesen eat Humans...?"
"Yeah... We used to think it was Hell... But we're thinking it's an entirely different realm," said Monroe.
"Haha! What...? Purgatory...?" asked Morty.
"Sounds like a buncha Poppy Cock to me!" yelled Hopadiah. "Another realm adjacent to your world...? Psh! Yeah, right! What...? Are there talking animals there, too?"
"Aren't you from Amphibia...?" asked Monroe.
"Well, yeah! But we're not animals, now, are we...?" asked Hopadiah.
"Hop Pop, this dimension is just a world where Monkeys became naked and grew hair on their heads," said Polly.
"SAY WHAAAAT!?" asked Hopadiah. "Humans are Monkeys!?"
"Apes, actually. You have Monkeys on your Earth...?" asked Nick.
"Well... Yes. They're very small along with these Apes you speak of. They taste really good with garlic!"
"You guys are sick," said Pacifica.
"I don't see any of us complainin' about you eating escargo," said Hopadiah.
"Escargo is snail, Hop Pop," said Polly.
"SAY WHAAAAAAAT!?!? NOT DEAR OL' BESSIE, YOU FIENDS!!!" yelled Hopadiah.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." said Morty, checking the computer. "Rick...?"
"What is it, nerd...?"
"Don't call me that. Also, they're having some trouble. It's DIO."
"What!?" asked Nick. "What the hell is a Stand-Using Beta Vampire doing there...?"
"Probably to retrieve his *BURP!!!* Memories..."
"Isn't he dead!?" asked Morty. "Didn't Shizuka... K-K-Kill him...?"
"Yeah... Probably explains why he didn't need a body to get in his head. This isn't telepathy. It's possession."
Miguel walks out of the kitchen. "Hey! Guys...? I just looked in your kitchen and there's a bunch of stolen light bulbs in there."
"Excuse me," said Stanley, standing up and walking into the kitchen.
"Haha! Shoplifting! If you were from my Earth, I'll beat you to submission! But if I were you on this Earth, I'd do it, too!"
Random Choir: Hypocrisy! It's the way... of the gods!
"Ibarra. DIO's in your head," said Nick.
"Oh. Probably had a deal with Bill. Ha! Rhymed!" smiled Miguel.
"Ibarra, listen to me. Could you get them out of your head?"
"Pfft! No! Because DIO might piggyback with them into one of their bodies."
"So, what...? They just die!?" asked Pacifica.
"Miguel...? If you may, I think it'd be better if you actually seem like you cared."
"Well, duh. That's because I'm not Miguel...!"
"Wait..." said Sasha.
Miguel's pupils turn into lines. "AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Random Choir: Never mind! It was Bill... the entire time!
"BILL!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU POSSESS IBARRA!?!?" asked Pacifica.
"Oh, Northwest! Be grateful that your family exists because of ME!!! Anyway..."
"Why'd you need DIO in there...?"
"Because DIO has a strong and powerful mind and, dare I say, imagination, unlike my very own two-dimensional mind! Now, bring me a soda, toots! This body is gonna need some refreshments!"
"Or what...!?" asked Sasha.
"Look, Slav Girl. As you can see, I'm in your precious savior's body. If he dies, I'll get out, but he'd be lost in another Multiverse! One where Rick can't navigate because of this little Finite Curve you have goin' on here. So...? What's it gonna be...? Oh, yeah! THE DRINK!!!"
"Why to possess Ibarra...?" asked Nick.
"Got a deal. Some client wants Miguel's memory of meeting him."
"Who is he...?"
"And why would I tell you...!?"
Nick grabs Bill Miguel on the collar and slams him on the wall. "Listen here, you little shit! I'll-!!!"
"You'll what...!? What will you do... Grimm...? Nothing! Because I have your friend, Burkhardt! And you're never getting anything out of me! I'm taking a break from chaos! Not trying to destroy reality for once! I just came for a job! And for some reason, it's always one of you guys that has a bitch of an itch in my clients' left fucking ass cheeks!"
Nick, annoyed, lets go of his collar.
"Great! We've settled something here! Now! Pop Soda, please! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA-!!! *COUGH!!!* Ugh! Why does he have phlegm!? I forgot how measly bodies are!"
Meanwhile...
"Alright..." said Sprig. "So! Evil Vampire dude is trying to kill us!"
DIO flies around and chases after the group. "WRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
"What the fucking shit biscuit!?" asked Dipper.
"Dipper!"
"Sorry but not sorry! How do we kill a Vampire!?" asked Dipper.
"I don't know!!!!"
Luz turns around and blasts several orbs at DIO, who slaps all of them away as they disappear into the void.
Amity shoots discs of Abomination Blades at DIO, who slaps it away.
"You really think you could defeat me, DIO...?"
Dipper has an idea. "I actually think... we... can!"
"How so...?"
"This way!!! HAMON!!!" Dipper shoots out Hamon from his fists.
DIO's eyes widen as he stops and backs away. "Clever young man."
Mabel whispers. "(Wait, aren't we souls...? Isn't that Hamon just not gonna-?)"
"Shush!" shushed the other women.
"So! I want you to stand down or I'll dust you to a crisp!" yelled Dipper. "I meant... Burn you to ashes! Yeah! That makes more sense, strangely enough!"
DIO frowns. "*sigh...* Very well."
"What!? Just like that...!?"
"Do you wish for me to fight you off?"
"No! But...! Why did you so easily-...?" asked Luz.
"Because there are other ways I could return. Better call Enyaba. Goodbye, Grimms."
"Hey! Don't you just-!"
"You know, I've encountered a Grimm once before," said DIO. "His name was Jonathan. But his descendants never inherited his abilities. Such a shame, really. But if their genes are ever triggered... They'd be worthy once more. Ah, well... Tell your Captain that I've left his mind. But, I shall return, worthless ones."
DIO disappears from Miguel's mind.
"Whoa! We did it!" smiled Luz. "Why aren't we... going away...?"
"Probably because Miguel is still asleep!" smiled Mabel. "Oh no... MORTY!!! GET US OUTTA HERE!!! DIO'S GONE!!!"
"I u-uh... C-Can't... Someone else is possessing Miguel... It's-..."
Meanwhile...
"AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" cackled Bill. "Ah..."
"DIO's gone," said Rick.
"Wait, WHAT!?!?" asked Bill.
"Yeah... He just left."
Bill Miguel's eyes glow. "NO!!! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!"
"RELINQUERE!!!" roared Adalind, entering the room and holding out her hand toward Bill Miguel.
"WHOA!!!" Bill spins out of Miguel's body.
"Whoa!" Miguel wakes up.
The others wake up.
"Huh...? Hey! Guys! We're awake!" smiled Mabel.
Adalind then grabs Bill by the "throat" and pulls him toward herself.
"Ah... Hexenbiest! Haven't seen any of you for the last 30 years! Maybe because the ones in the universes I visited are extinct! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Who did you have a deal with...!?" She crushes Bill, slowly.
"OKAY!!!" he hissed. "It was-... AH-!!!"
Bill teleports away randomly in a burst of blue fire.
"Whoa!" smiled Miguel. "I just had a dream where I had sex with an ostrich and a bunch of people was in my head seeing my most embarrassing and personal secrets!!!"
Everyone stares at Miguel.
"What...?" asked Miguel. "Somethin' on my face...? Holy shit..." Miguel sees the projector where he's ****ing an ostrich anime girl. "You guys are sick."
P, KPV!!! Dov'z klhs, dhz pa uvd...?
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