บท 456: 456. The Thief and the Engineer ~And So, It Begins~...
Two men run away from a strange figure walking toward them. They look exactly alike.
"SHIT!!! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!!" yelled the first man.
"OH, BLAST DAMN IT!!!" yelled the second man, wearing what looks like an Engineer suit. "HE'S COMING!!!"
The first man grabs the second man. He wore a costume of a thief. "SHUT IT!!! WE GOTTA ACTIVATE THAT WARP DEVICE TO GET INTO THE UNIVERSE WE NEED TO GET TO!!! NOW!?!?"
"WHAT UNIVERSE!? WE'VE BEEN IN EVERY UNIVERSE, THIEF!!! WHERE ELSE CAN WE GO!? THE DAMNED INFINITY TRAIN!?!?" yelled the second person.
A very tall man follows after them. He has black armor and a black cape. He sounds like he's breathing in scuba gear.
"WHAT!?!? NO!!! WE HAVE TO GET TO A PLACE THAT HAS ENOUGH DEFENSES TO KEEP THAT GUY OUT!!!" He takes out a hologram picture of the Maharlican flag. "He's wanted there. Let's sign up for a passport..." yelled the Thief. "Let's do it, Engineer."
Later...
Three women giggle while drinking alcohol at the side of a restaurant.
"WHOA!!!"
Two variants fall on their table.
"You told me that you were gonna use a passport!!!" yelled the Engineer.
"Yeah! It's called lying!" yelled the Thief.
The women are shocked by this.
The two variants stare at the women.
"WHOA!!!" smiled one beautiful woman with narrow eyes and black hair. "ARE YOU TWO FROM AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION!?!?"
"Huh..." said one woman who also has narrow eyes but darker skin and brown hair with a ponytail, with eyes sparkling while she smiles with hope.
"UGH!!!" said the last woman, who was fair-skinned and has blonde hair. "Not again!"
The women slam the door shut while the two variants happily eat chicken and dumplings from Cracker BarrelThe women slam the door shut while the two variants happily eat chicken and dumplings from Cracker Barrel.
The first woman, the dark-skinned woman, checks the blinders.
"What the hell!?" asked the blonde woman. "You still live with your parents!?"
"Uh... Yeah!? It's called being Asian, Sasha. Culture shock! Obvi!" yelled the first woman. "Marcy! Status report!"
"I don't think we're being hunted by the Maharlican government... so... Yeah! We're cool!" smiled Marcy, watching the news channels.
"Good..." said the first woman.
"And who are you who safely kept us safe!" smiled the Engineer.
The Thief punches the Engineer's shoulder. "No personal attachments! Just a place where we can lay low!"
"No, no..." said the first woman. "My name's Anne." She smiled. "Anne Boonchoy." She points to the blonde woman. "Sasha Waybright!" She points to the other one. "Marcy Wu!Sawadee ka! (Hello!)" She put both her palms together and lightly bowed respectfully. "I didn't have to do that... Are you guys even Thai twins?"
"No... We're... both half-Korean. Also, we're not twins. We're variants of each other," said the Engineer. "Mark Fischbach. He is also Mark Fischbach, but he calls himself 'Mark Iplier...'"
"The fact that you thought we were Thai is oddly racist," said the Thief. "Or... Is it...?"
"Well... she's an Asian... And we have to count the fact... Is it racist to insult your own race...?" asked the Engineer.
"Is it an insult...?" asked Marcy.
"Marcy, you didn't have to join their conversation..." said Sasha. "Sorry! Sorry! Therapist talking here. Not trying to control anyone!" She breathes in and out. "Bad, old habits! Bad!"
"Domino III! Get down from there!" yelled Anne, chasing after her cat, who is on a bunch of frog tanks trying to eat some frogs.
Marcy smiles. "You guys wanna play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons!?"
"Wait... Did you say you're Anne Boonchoy?" asked the Engineer.
"What...? Yeah!" smiled Anne.
"You're the Guardian of the Omniverse!?"
"No... I will be the Guardian of the Multiverse..." smiled Anne.
"The what!?" asked Sasha. "Anne! I thought we were over this!"
"What are you two talking about?" asked Marcy.
"Anne's been trying to get back to Amphibia," said Sasha.
"What!? THAT'S AMAZING!!!"
"I'm sorry. What's happening here, exactly?" asked the Thief.
"That is Anne Boonchoy! Greatest Heroine of Amphibia, Land of Humanoid Amphibians. I woke up as a frog person in that dimension once."
"Whaaat...!?" asked Sasha. "We did a pretty good job, too!"
"Yeah!" yelled Marcy. "But, to be fair, she sacrificed her life to save Amphibia."
"Yeah... I guess...!" she rolled her eyes. "Anyway! Mario Bros! Who were you running away from again?"
"He's an interdimensional fascist space samurai wizard called Darth Vader," said the Engineer. "We were tasked by the U.S.A. to contain an unauthorized Warp Crystal that Vader used for his dimensional travels. But he found us out with our disguises!"
"We were wearing suits in a fucking Autocratic Alien Spaceship. What did you think, Space Boy!?" asked The Thief.
"Some of us wear those kinds of things!"
"Darth Vader? Sounds like an alternate version of Galaxy Battle."
"He's from my Universe!" smiled the Engineer. "And I can't believe that your universe still harvests chickens! In my universe, Earth was destroyed and these things went extinct! Except for Pigs, Goats, Sheep, and Cows, of course." He bites into the dumpling.
"So... why are you guys here?" asked Sasha.
"Maharlica is well adapted for interdimensional trespassers."
"Like you two?" asked Anne.
"Yeah! But with this thing, we can traverse anywhere without them detecting us!" smiled the Engineer.
"Is that a Calamity Gem...?"
"No..." said Marcy. "I found these in the Amphibian Libraries once! It's a Warp Crystal! It allows people to traverse worlds without being detected by the U.S.A., T.V.A., or even any of the Time Masters!"
"So... it's like a Calamity Gem... but... better!"
"Doesn't give you cool Super Saiyan powers, though."
"Damn..."
"What the hell is that?" asked the Thief.
"Three powerful Gems that can control Calamity itself," said Marcy. "We can help you."
"Yeah! That thing! Vader wanted it!" yelled the Engineer. "I've heard him mention that before! When he was speaking with those stormtroopers!" The Engineer draws an object. "With that, he can use it to rule pretty much everything... or cause a ripple in space-time... He must be trying to open a universe with it.. or... give that to someone who wants to destroy everything. Every form of what makes sense and turn it into nonsense."
"That's terrifying!" smiled Marcy. "So! What are we waiting for!? LET'S GO FIND THE CALAMITY BOX AND STOP VADER FROM TAKING IT!!!"
Meanwhile...
The group is in the CoolDudeBus.
Yurielle pinches her nose when Gabrielle walks in. "Ugh!"
"What?"
"You reek!"
Gabrielle raises her arm and smells her armpit. "I smell fine!"
"No. You smell like a dead rat with a bouquet of cheese in his arms. Take a bath."
"But stinky is the new sexy! Right, Narcos?"
Narcos speaks up. "Yeah... But my nose isn't anatomically -..."
"See!?"
"No! You smell like a Filipino who hadn't taken a bath for two weeks!" yelled Yurielle. "Take it! I hate it when people are... ungodly...Haha! Get it! Because... Because uncleanliness is next to ungodliness?"
"No one gets it, Yuri," said Gumball.
"JUST TAKE A BATH!!!"
"We're here!" yelled Josuke.
The CoolDudeBus stops by in front of Tina Tiger's Pizzaverse, a restaurant in Earth-Prince. But, there are three other vehicles stopped by: Two sling rings and a country flying car.
"What the hell?" asked Gabrielle. "Looks like other people need their help."
They all walk out of the bus.
"Something's wrong," said Yurielle.
"NO!!! NO!!! NO, NO, NO, NO!!!"
They all hear a worried woman inside and they all nod to each other.
They slam the glass doors open.
*DING, DING, DING!!!*
The chime rang, and they all see...
Anne, Sasha, Marcy, Felix, Sean, Luz, and Amity are all watching Miguel and Rick finished a large box of Super Spicy Carolina Reaper Nachos, and it seems that Miguel had won since Rick lays his head on the table still with a box of nachos before him whereas Miguel's is empty.
"TIME!!!" yelled Sean.
"WOO!!!" yelled Miguel. "WOOHOO!!! OH!!! OH!!! GOD: ONE!!! AGNOSTICS: ZERO!!! BOOM, BABY!!! FUCK YOU!!! AND YOUR VAT... RIIIICK!!! WUBBA LUBBA SUCK IT!!!" Miguel puts his head inside the neck of his shirt and spins on the ground. "REEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! REEEEEEEEEEE!!! HOO WEEEEEEEE!!! AHM PICKLE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
*burp...* "Stop... fucking mocking me..."
"NO!!!" yelled Sasha, Felix, the Engineer, and Amity, who seemed to have rooted for Rick.
Anne, Marcy, the Thief, and Luz all cheer happily.
Sasha, Felix, the Engineer, and Amity all pay the other four, but they all turn to the door.
"Hey... The door's open," said Luz, but Anne, Sasha, and Marcy are in awe. "Hey! Do you guys know the Marks we've been-?"
"GUYS!!!" sobbed Anne, running toward the Plantar family.
"ANNE!!!" the Plantar family runs toward Anne, sobbing.
"I MISSED YOU SO MUUUUUUHUHUHUUUUUCH!!!" she sobbed, hysterically while hugging the trio of frog people. "OH!!! I MISSED YOUR GROSS, GROSS, GROSS SLIME!!!"
"And we missed your disgusting sweaty primate skin, too, Anne..." sobbed Hopediah.
Sprig and Polly hugged the tightest out of the four.
The four heroes sobbed, hugging each other.
"HOW... HOW-!?!?" asked Sasha.
"No... fricking... way..." said Marcy.
"Who the hell are these people!?" asked Darwin.
"That must be Anne Boonchoy..." said Josuke.
"Hey..." said Finn. "Uh... Which one of these Markipliers is the one we're looking for?"
"Neither!" yelled The Engineer. "We're variants! :D"
"Great! We're compromised!" yelled the Thief.
"You two are just as annoying as our Mark," said Sean.
"We need to find Mark, too... We couldn't find him all day, and he has work to do. Also, these dudes are trying to find him," Felix said, eating a piece of Minecraft bread.
"Fuck shit..." said Gabrielle. "I do smell."
"That was her?" asked the Engineer, as the Thief immediately punches his shoulder.
"Alright..." said Josuke. "Then where are they!?"
"Where indeed...?" asked a shadowy figure wearing a trench coat with a cap that has a pine cone on it. "Seriously, though. I have no idea. BUT!!! There's a reason why you... ALL OF YOU!!! ... are here right now."
"Was this orchestrated by you...?" asked Josuke. "...Dipper?"
*DUN DUN DUN!!!*
Everyone stares at Dipper.
"Who?" asked Sprig.
"Pines. Mason Pines. You can call me Dipper. Or... DIP-DIP, YO!!!" He gave whackity whack peace signs, but everyone just awkwardly stared at the Detective. "*Ahem!* That was an aneurysm. Welcome! Dear friends! To destiny!"
"Destiny...?" asked Polly.
"RICK!!! Please, explain!" smiled Dipper.
*snore... cough!* "Filipinos eat too much *burp* (fish)."
"NICK!!! Please, explain!" smiled Dipper.
Nick Burkhardt walks out of the darkness. "Well... Let me keep this short and simple. We're going to kill Bill."
*GASP!!!*
Patrick gasped. "Bill of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad!?"
"He means Bill Cipher," said Spongebob. "What the barnacle scum is wrong with you, Patrick?"
"He's a Space Demon," said Nick. "And we have to kill him. Before Bizarrmaggeddon comes. And his Granddaughter. And pretty much everyone who had attacked us so far. We've arranged for Noceda and Blight to be here by offering them those Multiversal Sling Rings in secret. And, we've arranged for Boonchoy, Waybright, and Wu to be here by transporting the two Markipliers to your universe."
"Why us?" asked Sasha.
"Yeah?" asked Amity.
"I heard that you defeated The Core and you defeated the Collector," said Nick. "The Core, you see, was a creation by the most intelligent minds of Amphibia invented through a deal with Bill Cipher, for them to have access to the Calamity Stones for power. And the Collector... is Bill's... well... Son..."
"We destroyed him five years ago," said Luz. "Well... more like King destroyed him. And it was pretty much an accident that was caused... by... me! :D"
"Yeah... no... I just straight-up murdered The Core, dude with the help of these dudes. Right on," said Anne, crossing her arms.
"Let's just say that he's... unhappy about you two..." said Dipper. "So... we need your help..."
"What!? So, what!? Are we just not relevant anymore?" asked Josuke.
"You still are. You still are..." said Miguel. "I can tell."
"So... What!?" asked Anne. "We have jobs, you know!"
"We arranged that you can still come back to your zoo to take care of your animals," said Nick. "But, you'd have to drop everything when we call you."
"WHAT!?" asked Sasha. "You can't just-!"
"We can, actually," said Dipper. "We're federal agents."
"We don't have much of a choice... do we...?" asked Amity.
"No," said Nick. "No, you do not. Now... Let's go investigate Mark and Gabby's disappearance."
"GABBY'S GONE!?" asked Miguel.
Everyone stares at Miguel.
"I'm a... I'm a bad father..." he bows his head in shame.
Meanwhile...
From the Death Star, Superior Darth Vader looks down on Planet Earth.
"Sir. How do we get in?" asked a Stormtrooper. "They have denied us entry."
"I believe we have a chance..." said Vader.
They turn to see Stefan on the ship holding a beaten Bruce.
"Fuck you..." said Bruce, squinting his eyes.
Vader sneers. "It seems that we have the perfect key for our little deadlock... It is the time for invasion..."
A bizarre image is shown. Instead of Stormtroopers behind Vader, there are several men and women dressed in golden bunny costumes with ray guns.
"This...?" asked Bruce. "This is weird..."
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