บท 442: 442. A Visit From An Old Enemy ~Jazzy Oddities Part...
"Hm..." smiled Bill, hovering over the city. "Y'know what would be nice?"
"What is it, Bill...?" asked Superior Iron Man.
"It'd be nice if we... make Gabrielle scared... If she knew what we were capable of...And I have an idea!"
"What...? Why?" he asked. "Like what I do with my guards?"
"Yeah...! Yeah...I have an idea!We bring this guy back!"
Bill shows a hologram of Stefan.
Superior Spider-Man, who is in the room while drinking beer, spits out his drink.
"Bill... Are you sure you'd be able to -?"
"I made a deal with him. Relax. Also, I can easily destroy him and take away his other Stand counting the deal we had...Also, he is way weaker now since Ryle Kishibe wrote that he cannot see when he's using his Heat Vision.Perfect, huh? AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I have full control of him!"
"So... You'll turn that murderous psychopath into your pawn?"
"We're murderous psychopaths!?" asked Bill. "Uh... HELLO!?!? I should've let Reed Richards live in this timeline... Too bad that Scarlet Bitch got to her before I did...Soon, Gabrielle would be wetting her bed when I'm done with her! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Hey, Daddy, it is me! Can I please demand a small favor from thee?" smiled a little boy with a crescent on his face in pajamas.
Bill rolls his eye. "What is it, boy!?"
"Can I play with that particular dimension?" asked the little boy. "The one with the man who needs an alcohol intervention?"
"No."
"Why not, Father? If not, you'll make me MADDER!!! I'll rip this dimension limb from limb as my tantrum falters the Multiverse in a WHIM!!!"
"SILENCE, YOU LITTLE-!!!" Bill sighs. "I had a deal, boy! And we have to respect the deal! So, play with the 2nd Dimension or whatever!!! AND IF YOU EVEN DARE SET FOOT IN THAT PLACE I'LL WIPE YOUR LITTLE SMUG FACE OUT OF THE GODDAMNED OMNIVERSE!!!AND STOP RHYMING, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!"
The young boy bows his head and walks away. "Okay..."
"You didn't have to be that harsh, Grandfather," said Nocturna. "He's just a kid!"
"HE'S OLDER THAN YOU, TWERP!!!" yelled Bill. "NOW GET ME A GODDAMNED MEGA SEED COFFEE, NOW!!!" He yelled as the world they were in shook. "NOW, A-X-O-L-O-T-L, GOD OF THE AMPHIBIANS!!! RULER OF THE CONTINENT KNOWN AS AMPHIBIA!!! I ASK OF YOU TO TEMPORARILY SUMMON THE FORTISITE THAT STILL FLOATS ADRIFT ON THE EDGE OF EVERYTHING TO BRING FORTH FEAR TO THE ONES WHO HAD WRONGED ME!!!"
"Why...?" whispered the voice in the cosmos.
"Because it's FUN!!! AND I FEEL ABSOLUTELY HIGH, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! RESPECT THE DEAL, OLDER BROTHER!!!"
"Fine..."
Meanwhile...
Stefan blankly stares at the abyss on the Edge of Everything. Suddenly, his eyes quiver for a second...
"What the hell is this place anyway...?" sighed Gumball.
Gabrielle, Shizuka, Irene, Yurielle, and the Jazz Fusion, with backpacks on their backs, walk around the marketplace in Burnham. And, obviously, it smells like meat and fish, has a lot of people quietly buying, filled with flies everywhere that people cartoonishly try to swat and kill, filled with priceless seemingly fake magical artifacts, and several animals in cages. Also, smoke could be smelled while the locals marinade and barbecue meats and body parts like intestines, liver, hardened blood, ears, skin, chicken feet, and pork knuckles.
"This is the Filipino classic market, fam!" smiled Gabrielle. "It's the most amazing place in the world!Also, put your backpacks on your belly instead of your back. That kid over there smells sus."
"Wow!" smiled Josuke. "The Filipino markets in Earth-Grimm are exactly like the Filipino markets back at home!It feels like I'm gonna get stabbed any second, now!"
Finn bumps into a guy, who woges into a Hippo. He's a Taweret.
He growls at Finn, who backs away.
"TINGNAN MO ANG DINADAANAN MO, PUTING HAYOP KA!!! (WATCH IT, FOREIGNER!!!)"
"My translator said that he was calling me a foreigner," said Finn. "Do they have a problem-... Or...? Ugh! So itchy!"
"No... He called you something else. We just turned on the Filter Function in your translators..." said Gabrielle. "Filipinos may be nice in the nicer parts around here... But here...?"
"Yeah..." said Josuke. "I feel like I'll get stabbed if we go there. Let's go over here!"
The group heads to the left.
"This place is so cool!" smiled Spongebob. "Everything's cooked all nice!"
"Yeah!" smiled Patrick. "But it smells bad!"
"Patrick! That's what we think! Not say out loud!" yelled Spongebob. "Sorry, Josuke... Gabrielle..."
"No! It's fine! We have enough inferiority complexes to be practically immune to your insults!" smiled Josuke.
"Not really..." said Gabrielle. "HEY!!!"
"People are looking at me weird..." said Mark. "Especially the women."
"Yeah... They think you're a K-Pop Idol," said Gabrielle.
"Wait... Why? That's pretty racist," said Mark.
"Yeah... But you're a handsome Korean guy. If anything, you're marinaded meat around these parts," said Gabrielle.
"Ugh!" yelled Shizuka, putting her hood on. "Some guys keep looking at me, too! Do I look like a J-Pop Star or something...?"
"Ha! No! Those are just perverts!" laughed Gabrielle.
"Oy!" yelled Irene to the men.
The men approach the group.
"Just wait...PSST!!!" She called out, as the men look away.
"Thanks..." said Shizuka, hiding her face in her hood.
"Yeah..." said Irene. "We could've gotten in trouble..."
"I've got you, girls!" smiled Gabrielle, patting Shizuka's head.
Yurielle points at Darwin's knees. "There's something on your shirt!"
Darwin looks down.
"HA!!! How could I have known!? I'm blind!" she laughed.
"Also, you can't wear shirts," said Gumball. "Holy shit, that was embarrassing!"
Yurielle and Gumball high-five.
"So, why are we here?" asked Shizuka, flickering to become invisible.
"We're here to find Rat King," said Gabrielle. "He's selling something REALLY IMPORTANT!!!"
"Is it borderline illegal?" asked Darwin.
"Yeah! But I'm with the Hellsing Organization! It's cool!" smiled Gabrielle.
"Are you sure about this...?" asked Mark. "Hey! PSST!!! PSST!!!"
"PSST!!! HOY!!!" yelled Gabrielle, as they look away. "It only works if you're Filipino! Haha!When you do it, people get weirded out for some reason..."
"Do all markets have racists like these guys...?" asked Mark.
"It just depends on which market you go to...Also, it doesn't help that a person from a parent species of the Viltrumites once slaughtered people in this place when he fought my Dad..." said Gabrielle.
"They know I'm-!?"
"Shush! Chillax, dude! Yeah! You're a comic book character around here! But unauthorized peeps have their minds wiped when going to other universes, so chill!"
"Alright..."
"Yeah..." said Josuke. "Just... Don't do anything out of the ordinary..."
Jake struggles to walk while a leash is around his neck. "How long do I keep doing this...!? And this leash is itchy!"
"Gabrielle said that these parts have a culture of kidnapping and eating dogs," said Finn. "We have to keep you safe, dude!"
"Oh... Right... Which reminds me... That one butcher guy is eyeing on me..." said Jake, as he waves to a butcher who is cutting up dog meat.
He was hairy, tall, fat, and muscular. His eyes were also smoldering. The butcher waves back with a creepy smile.
"Haha! What a fun guy!" smiled Jake.
"PSST! HOY!!!" yelled Gabrielle. "NOT FOR SALE!!! WALANG HIYA KA!!! (YOU ARE SHAMELESS!!!)"
Note: "Psst Hoy! Walang Hiya Ka!" Yeah... In this context, this is non-fictional... ish... It DOES work if people are staring at you... in most parts of the Philippines. But usually, just minding your own business could easily work for people to ignore you. It's the "Walang Hiya" principle of the Philippines. You should have enough shame to mind your own business but you are shameless, or "Walang Hiya," if you bother other people. So, in the Philippines? Be disciplined, conserved, and have shame. I'm serious, this is actually a thing here. If you do something dumb like running up the escalator that goes down, you'll get shamed with the words, "Walang Hiya..." But, I do warn you, like in this story, foreigners do get some stares out there. Also, it doesn't always work. And foreigners who say "Walang Hiya" are often... considered oddities... Lol... But I do say that there are open-minded people out there. You just have to be big-brain with your observation and social skills.
"Does that always work?" asked Mark.
"Nope!" smiled Gabrielle. "You gotta be intimidating and stuff!"
"Hey!" smiled Josuke. "Isn't that Rat King's stand over there!?"
The group reaches a very dirty stand with molds and moss everywhere.
"Ugh!" yelled Yurielle, grabbing her nose. "It stinks here! Worse than everything else around here!"
"'Off-world!?'" asked Gabrielle, seeing the sign. "UGH!!! GREAT!!! How are we going to study the rift now!? Fine! We can buy random stuff!"
"I wanna buy dog meat!" smiled Jake, as everyone looks at Jake with concern. "Hey! Finn ate human meat before!"
"No! I ate Soy People!" yelled Finn.
"Which tastes exactly like a human," said Josuke. "And I don't blame him. They're really good."
"I'm a Weider Aswang... So... Meat is a huge no-no..." said Gabrielle.
"Suit yourself!" laughed Jake. "WE'RE GETTIN' SOME OF THAT DELISH DOGGO!!!"
The group walks away.
Later...
The group loads the CoolDudeBus with their different foods, including Filipino Barbecue, BBQ Baboy (Skewered Pork Barbecue), BBQ Manok (Skewered Chicken Meat Barbecue), Isaw ng Manok (Skewered Chicken Intestines), Magwheels/Isaw ng Baboy (Skewered Pork Intestines), One-Day-Old Manok (Skewered One-Day-Old Chick), Adidas (Skewered Chicken Feet), Atay (Skewered Chicken Liver), Baga (Pork and Beef Liver), Balunbalunan (Skewered Chicken Gizzard), Botsi (Skewered Chicken Esophagus), Goyo (Skewered Beef Tripe), Wakiman (Skewered Pork Ears), Betamax (Skewered Dried and Smoked Blood), Helmet (Skewered Chicken Head), and finally, Hotdogs. Yep. Just skewered and smoked hotdogs.
They also bought Fishballs (Fish Paste Meatball), Squidballs (Squid Paste Meatballs), Kikiam (Known as Ngo Hiang in other countries, which is just elongated Fishballs in the Philippines), Kwek Kwek (Quail Eggs in Pancake Batter), Balut (You know what this is... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! For those who don't, it's a duck fetus egg. Yep... AND I EAT IT!!! NGYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And yes, I do get the chills when I do...), Bananacue (OH!!! THIS ONE IS A DESSERT!!! It's caramelized Banana), Turon Saging (It's Bananacue in an eggroll. It's pretty sweet.), Turon Langka (It's Jackfruit in an eggroll), Turon Gulay (Vegetables in an eggroll), Lumpia (Literally just an eggroll), Mais (Just skewered buttered and salted corn cob), and Dinamita (From the word "Dynamite", It's a Chilli Pepper wrapped in an eggroll with delectable melted cheese inside of it).
They also bought meats, fruits, and vegetables enough for both the JoJo Residence and the Jazz Mansion combined. They also bought lots and lots of rice.
"Wow!" smiled Finn. "It's horrifying how you completely mutilate chickens and pigs like this!" smiled Finn, biting into his Isaw. "Pretty good, though!"
"Yeah... I was wrong," said Gumball. "This is pretty good."
Darwin kept eating the fishballs. Gumball is concerned about this.
"What!?" asked Darwin. "It isn't cannibalism if it's not goldfish! AND TECHNICALLY, I'M AN AMPHIBIAN!!!"
"Whatever, dude," said Gumball. "You're weird... Also, have any of your Ghost Guppies grown legs yet?"
"Nope..." said Darwin. "I'd like to keep it that way..." he said, ominously.
Gumball bites into the fishballs and squid balls, dipping each in the special sauce. "Weird that Filipinos pretty much use almost every body part for eating except reproductive organs."
"Ha!" laughed Josuke. "Ever tried Soup # 5?"
"No..." said Gumball.
"Yeah! Don't!" smiled Josuke.
"I thought it was pretty good," said Yurielle.
"Can I try it?" asked Shizuka.
"Depends," said Yurielle. "Have you ever sucked dick before?"
"Ew! No!"
"Then, no. You can't."
"Is there any ramen around here?"
"We have pancit canton and palabok," said Gabrielle.
"And Mami and Lomi," said Josuke.
"And La Paz Batchoy!"
"And Misua! And Pancit Pusit!"
"And Pinoy Spaghetti!"
"What's that?" asked Shizuka. "What's so 'Pinoy' about Pinoy Spaghetti?"
"We use Banana Ketchup Sauce instead of Tomato Ketchup."
"Ooh! Is it yellow?" smiled Shizuka.
"No. It's just sweet ketchup," said Gabrielle.
"I'll have some of that Lapaz Batchoy!" smiled Irene.
Later...
Shizuka and Irene now each have bowls of noodles.
Josuke, however, feels that something is wrong. So does Gumball. Yurielle senses danger as well.
"Jesus Christ, we bought a lot of stuff," said Gabrielle, loading up the CoolDudeBus. "Welp! Better get a-!!!"
Gabrielle shrinks the CoolDudeBus.
"What's wrong!?" asked Shizuka.
Josuke speaks, "Everyone! Hide behind those barrels!"
The group hides as an entity floats down before them.
It's Stefan Rivers in the flesh.
He looks left and right, silently looking around.
The Jazz Fusion, scared for their lives, cover their mouths.
Gumball shivers in fear, remembering the time Stefan broke his arms.
Josuke is terrified as well, as Miguel JoJo's body flickers in his head.
Mark's pheromones act up and he begins to shake in fear upon sensing the Fortisite nearby.
Gabrielle is the most terrified, seeing her father's dead face on the News.
Gabrielle begins hyperventilating, as Josuke grabs her hand. She calms down.
Stefan smiles and looks at the barrels they're hiding in.
Stefan walks around like the people in the marketplace hide from him.
"Rock Bottom," he spoke, as his Stand grabs a man's neck and chokes him.
"STOP!!!" yelled his daughter, kicking Stefan in the leg.
Stefan kills the father by squeezing Rock Bottom's hand and Rock Bottom grabs the little girl on the neck, snapping it. She falls to the ground, dead.
The mother sobs for her family, trying to wake them up, only for Stefan's Omega Beam to zigzag in the air and blast her face. Her face splatters all over the ground as the people sob in horror.
Stefan squints his eyes. "Did you miss me...? Did anybody miss me...? HELLO!?!?"
His voice echoes in the mountains.
Yurielle's senses are acting out, and her heart beats like crazy. She shakes in fear, like a small animal sensing a larger creature.
"(Why is he killing those people!? They didn't do anything!)" whispered Mark, who is also afraid, remembering Omni-Man.
"(He's just an evil piece of shit...)" said Gumball.
"(He's putting on a show...)" said Gabrielle, shaking in fear. "(He knows where we are. He's just making us feel scared as w-we are right now...)"
Stefan stomps around and leans down to see a small child. He sneers.
*BZZT!!!*
The child drops to the ground, dead, with his brain splattered all over the ground.
"(I'm calling Bruce!)" whispered Gabrielle.
"(You aren't gonna fight him!?)" asked Shizuka.
"(Are you shitting me!?)" Gabrielle is about to cry.
Shizuka sees how dire the situation is. Their most powerful member is currently shaking in her legs just by the sight of Stefan.
"Don't worry, daughter of Miguel JoJo. I won't kill you... I just want you to suffer the exact same fate I suffered. I want you to be in pain. I want you to suffocate there for 3,652 years as I did. Yes. I counted... All of you... Especially you, Gabrielle JoJo..."
Stefan is revealed to still have scars from Miguel's, Lord's, Bruce's, and Dark's attacks. He has scars from Miguel and Lord's punches. He has a broken nose from Bruce's kicks. And, he has a stab wound scar from Dark's katana on his chest.
"I also know that you're here, Josuke... You shaped reality to destroy me... And I was told that you don't have your Stand anymore... Delightful..." he sneered. He then sniffed the wind. "I can also smell the blood of a Viltrumite mutt... Ngahahahahahaha..."
"(Gabrielle... Your move...!)" whispered Shizuka.
Gabrielle stared blankly at Stefan.
"(Gabrielle! Gabrielle!)"
Gabrielle snaps back to reality. "(Evacuate the market.I'll distract him.)"
"(Me, too,)" said Josuke.
*beep! beep!*
"(Shit! Bruce is off-world!)" Gabrielle presses her watch in Morse Code.
"..--- / .--. .- .. .-. ... / --- ..-. /-.- .-. -.-- .--. - --- -. .. - . / -... .-. .- ... ... / -.- -. ..- -.-. -.- .-.. . ... (2 pairs of Kryptonite Brass Knuckles)."
Rick's hand appears from a portal and it places two pairs of Kryptonite Brass Knuckles in her hand.
She gives the other pair to Josuke.
The group nods to each other and they all get to work.
"HEY!!!" yelled Gabrielle, facing off Stefan.
Stefan laughs. "NGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You dare challenge my Avatar?"
"I'm-!!! I'm not scared of you!" she yelled, about to cry.
"I don't believe you."
"Believe it!" Gabrielle takes out Stone Free: Go Beyond, at full power.
"ORA!!!"
Rock Bottom immediately punches Stone Free with such great speed. The speed was absolutely immeasurable. It was so fast that the wind that blasted from Stone Free was immediately stopped to a halt by a massive shockwave.
Gabrielle, still with Golden Spin around her body while strings orbit and slither around her body like a snake, genuflects and shivers in pain. The orbs hang on her hand and flicker.
Stefan sighs. "Ultra Spin..." he spoke. "They appear in the form of the orbs in your clackers. Amazing..."
"You won't scare me like you scared my Dad!" Gabrielle's voice broke.
"HEY!!!" yelled Josuke.
Stefan slowly turns to the left as his eyes look behind him, seeing Josuke in his Ultra Judgment Sign form.
"I'm warning you! Don't attack Gabrielle or any more people! Or I'll activate Autonomous Ultra Judgment AND KICK YOUR BUTT!!!"
Stefan stares at Josuke, ominously.
Josuke breathes in and out, activating Autonomous Ultra Judgment, gaining white eyes, white hair, and white energies swaying like flames around his body. His Stand equips his Kryptonite Brass Knuckles. "KILLER QUEEN ULT-!!"
*BZZT!!!*
Stefan's Omega Beam zigzags in the air.
*SPLAT!!!*
The blasts struck Josuke's neck as two holes formed in Josuke's neck.
Josuke spits blood as he dropped to the ground, beginning to die.
"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!WRYYYYYYYYYYYYY-!!!"
Stefan is completely unaffected by Stone Free's kicks, as Stefan grabs Stone Free's leg and stomps its hip, snapping Gabrielle's hip and permanently placing her leg forward, at least until it regenerates.
Stone Free equips the Kryptonite Brass Knuckles and ORA Rushes Stefan. "ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-!!!"
Stefan dodges all of her attacks and snaps one arm backward as Gabrielle screams on the ground.
*BZZT!!!*
*SPLAT!!!*
A hole is blasted in her head as she tries to regenerate her injuries.
Gabrielle drops to the ground and shivers, trying to crawl away and regenerate, but Stefan uses Rock Bottom to choke Gabrielle, as Stone Free retracts.
"You like that...?" asked Stefan. "Yeah... That's right... Feel it... Feel my pain... My darkness..."
Josuke tries to crawl toward Stefan.
*BANG!!!*
Mark punched Stefan square in the face.
Stefan slowly turned to Mark.
"Hey... I'm Invincible..." smiled Mark.
"I wouldn't try that... I'm Unbreakable," sneered Stefan, as he proceeds to discombobulate Mark by hammering both of his ears. "DISCOMBOBULATE!!!"
Mark drops to the ground, now temporarily deaf.
*RING!!!*
Mark screams on the ground as his ears heavily bleed.
"NGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Stefan immediately stops laughing.
Stefan sighs subtly.
Gabrielle, now healed (but still dizzy) blasts several punches at Stefan, who easily dodged her punches. He then proceeds to punch her with his bare fists. She drops to the ground and tries to stand up, but Stefan freezes her legs by using the Freezing Breath.
Stefan's eyes glow red.
Gabrielle tries to back away in fear. She tries to turn herself into strings, but it doesn't work because of the cold temperature.
She shakes in the cold, desperately trying to activate Stone Free.
Stefan sighs. "I wish I could kill you... I really do... But I had a deal..."
Gabrielle's eyes widen.
"You made a deal with him, too, didn't you? I guess we're both fools."
"What did he give you anyway...?" asked Gabrielle.
"This..." said Stefan, as he activates his Omega Beam. It zigzags in the air and punches a hole into her neck.
She drops to the ground, shivering in pain.
"I'll see you in Bizarrmaggeddon, Gabrielle JoJo." Stefan flies up at normal speed. Suddenly, a sonic boom could be heard and a shockwave is seen while Stefan flew up to the sky and into space.
The Jazz Fusion return, having seen the whole thing. "Holy fucking shit..." said Yurielle.
"So... that was Stefan... You didn't kill him, did you?" said Shizuka. "It's okay guys... We can... We can still-!"
"Did I mention that he killed Heaven Ascension DIO?" asked Irene.
"Holy fuck..." said Shizuka.
Extra:
See? That meme I wrote came back around!
What meme?
Chapter 368? I mentioned that Stefan is still alive currently suffocating at the Edge of Everything by the time I wrote it...?
Seriously...!? That came around!? THIS IS BAD!!!
But fun! Fun to write, right...?
You're evil.
Yay!
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