บท 417: 417. Madness ~Is Like Gravity~
Rasputin drinks fine beer while in a Zoom Meeting. "There is a saying that states that without effort, you cannot pull even a fish from 'pond... Only a divine and powerful being could do so... But at the time, they only existed in Biblical times... And here you are... Miguel Ibarra... Insulting me with your presence. I watched my allies starve in the streets because of your lack of understanding of what true equality is."
"Yeah. You sure like the left, huh? Name all the people who left you!" smiled Miguel, leaving the Zoom Meeting.
"What a fucking asshole," said Governor-General Xing Wu.
"Tell me about it," said Kim John Moon.
"Why did you just do that!?" asked Anne, following after Miguel who left the library.
"Because that son of a bitch isn't going to stop the war any time soon. The war's gonna happen."
"What if we can stop it!?"
"Anne, that man is too insane. Some men just want to see the world burn. And women...And children...And lizard people..."
"So are you! You left a worldwide meeting that hopefully stopped the coming war."
"The coming war is exactly that. It's a coming war. I'll have to throw in the big guns and let it continue into World War IV."
"I see..."
I don't want to write this Chapter.
You have to.
What!? Why!?
So, we could understand.
Miguel blasts his fists into the punching bag over and over again. The speed and the impact of each of his punches give off a sharp sound each punch and kick.
Suddenly, the sharp sounds remind him of...
*THWIP!!! THWIP THWIP!!!*
"You're gonna learn etiquette you stupid fucking queer."
*THWIP!!!*
His mother rocks his sister in her arms while Miguel is brutally beaten and battered.
*THWAP!!! THWAP!!! THWAP!!!*
Miguel beats the punching bag over and over again, getting angrier. "YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT TO ME ANYMORE!!!YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!! I'LL RESURRECT YOU SO I CAN CONTINUE BEATING THE FUCKING USELESS USELESS USELESS PIECE OF SHIT OUTTA YOU!!! I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!! I'LL BEAT THE PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT OUTTA YOU!!! YOU DON'T GET TO DO THIS TO ME!!! NOT ANY FUCKING MORE YOU WEAK, PATHETIC SCUMBAG!!!AUGH!!! AUGH!!! AUGH!!!" Miguel imagines beating and crushing his Uncle's head. "FUCKING DIE!!! MOTHERFUCKING DIE!!! YOU DON'T GET TO BEAT ME ANYMORE YOU HORRIBLE PIECE OF MISERABLE SHIT!!! FUCKING DIE!!! DIE!!! YOU DON'T GET TO LIVE ANYMORE!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!"
Miguel sees his reflection and sees that he looks exactly like his uncle about to beat him. "No... No, no, no, no, no... You don't get to do this. YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING DO THIS!!!"
Miguel sits in a fetal position and sobs in the corner. "Noooo! Noohooo!" his voice broke. "You don't get to do this! Stay away from me! Stay away-!!!" Miguel slaps his face over and over again until blood splatters from his lips. He drools blood and cries in the corner. "Stay away! Stay away! I don't wanna! I don't wanna a belt! NO BELT!!! NO!!! NO BELT!!! STOP IT!!! STOP HURTING ME!!! Please... Please... Stay the hell away from me... Mama... I'm your kid, too... Please... I'm your kid, too... Oh, God!!! Stay away!!! I promise I'll be good! I promise I'll be good! I promise I'll be good! I'm a good person! I am! Tyrone! Please stop calling me that! Please! PLEASE!!! Aaaaahhhhhugh... Waaaaaughhhh... Why does it hurt!? Why does it fucking hurt!? What's this red stuff coming from my nose? Oh... Oh... It hurts... My hands are purple... My hands are purple... Don't touch me... Please, don't touch me... Please... Aaaaaaaah!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! MY WRISTS HURT!!! MY FUCKING!!!" Miguel slaps his face over and over again and even scratches his skin until he bled, but he kept regenerating. "WRISTS HURT!!! PLEASE, GOD!!! PLEASE!!! I MEAN SOMETHING!!! I MEAN SOMETHING!!! I AM NOT A NOBODY!!! I AM NOT A NOBODY!!!" Miguel beats his face into the concrete floor over and over. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!"
Meanwhile...
Josuke begins panting loud as Erina reached down for his crotch. He pushes her away.
"If you aren't ready yet, it's alright... We'll try again when you're ready."
"Yeah... Last time I was under the influence... Sorry..."
*beep beep...*
"Hey, Anne?" smiled Josuke, listening to his earpiece. "Uh-huh? He did what...?"
"What's wrong?" sighed Erina.
"Our client... Ibarra... He threatened Rasputin."
Erina's eyes widen. "What!? Why would he...!?"
Later...
"If you don't stop the fucking war, I will spit on your penis," said the recording of Miguel's voice. "Call off this stupid fucking war. I mean, if you don't, I will spit on your penis and give you head."
"You have dishonored me, you son of a bitch."
"Honor you? HONOR YOU!? You killed innocent people, fucker. I'll honor you my way and hotdog that tiny penis of yours.Well, bye. Happy Head."
Note: "Happy Head!"
-My friend,
Anne facepalms in front of the television.
"I swear to God, I know I did that, but I quite literally don't remember anything. Except probably I dreamed about sucking his tiny dick, which made me laugh."
"You just endangered everyone in New Israel and probably Maharlica!" yelled Anne. "What do you have to say for yourself!?"
"I'm sorry."
"What if Gabby will inherit your life's work? What now!?"
"I'm sorry..." he began to cry.
"Whoa, hey..." said Anne. "You don't have to -..."
"I AM SORRY!!! UNCLE, I AM SORRY!!! UNCLE!!! SORRY SORRY SORRY!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Josuke, Finn, Jake, Spongebob, Patrick, Gumball, and Darwin all walk in from a portal.
"I think I could issue a statement for what happened," said Anne. "But first, I need the seven of you to call Ghost Jedan."
Later...
"Hi, Miguel! How you doin', baby?" smiled Ghost Jedan, proceeding to kiss the air.
Miguel sighs. "Uh... If you saw the news..."
"I saw... But... what happened...?"
"I don't remember... But I apparently threatened to suck his penis."
"Ah..." said Ghost Jedan. "Why would you say that?"
"I don't remember."
"So, you don't remember..."
"Yeah..."
"Why...?"
Miguel sits back and puts his hands on his belly. "Well... I am crazy, right...? I'm crazy. It all started when I was a... baby boy..."
"Back then..."
Miguel is brought out from the wound.
"Mama always wanted a girl. So, Mama... *sigh...* Didn't like me."
Miguel is placed in the crib. Hungry, he began crying as his parents just danced to the music. His Uncle is annoyed by this.
"Uncle thought I was annoying and loud. Cheap shot, Uncle..."
"SHUT THAT STUPID BABY UP!!!" yelled his Uncle.
"Grandpa... My other grandpa... Didn't like him very much... So he hurt him.I reminded Uncle Romeo of Grandpa. Uncle didn't like that."
*THWIP!!! THWIP!!*
"Oh, God!!! Stay away!!! I promise I'll be good! I promise I'll be good! I promise I'll be good! I'm a good person! I am!"
Uncle Romero, with his belt, brutally whacks a young Miguel, who cries in a fetal position in the corner.
"I am a good boy!" he sobbed. "I'm good! I'm very good! Please! Please! Please, please, please! Stay away! STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!"
"DON'T YOU FUCKING SWEAR...!!!"
"So, basically I grew up... I grew, right? And then there were totally these losers who weren't very pog. They started to beat the shit outta me, dude! God! They really liked it! Aw, Geez... All I said was that I liked anime and everyone laughed at me. They said I was also ugly and the only way I'd ever have sex is if I rape someone... That's how fuckin' ugly I was... Oh, Geez... It's totally like Chicken Little all over again... My teen years...When I came back home, my paternal Grandparents and my mom ignored the fact that Uncle would beat me. Dad would stay off-country or in other places in the Philippines to work. So... I was all alone... even my friends would bully me... My... friends... you... did..."
Ghost Jedan gulped slightly.
"Sorry... I... Your face... Your variant did me... dirty a few years back... Doing the one I loved... *sigh...* Yeah... Yeah... *sniff...* Sorry...Soon, I entered law. Became a lawyer and worked under Tyrone..."
Tyrone splashes a sandwich into his face and Miguel ignores him.
"And then I'd go home and he keeps hurting me and hurting me and beating the FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME!!!"
"Uh... Miguel..."
"AND I'LL TAKE A PEN AND-!!!"
"Miguel!"
Miguel takes a pen and stabs his leg, twisting it in his flesh as it bleeds.
"TWIST IT AND I'LL THINK ABOUT KILLING ROMEO!!!"
"MIGUEL!!!"
Now...
Miguel has warped out his stick and stabbed his leg, twisting it in his flesh.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I'm so, so sorry... That I'm crazy... That I'm a broken machine..."
"Miguel, you're not a machine and you're not broken. You're not crazy. You're a person. You mean a lot to so many people."
"Do I, now...?" he began to sob. "Then why do they hurt me? I was a scapegoat. I was the sacrificial Goddamned lamb that they skewered on a wooden cross. The sad part is that I found happiness in that... And I'd remember them whispering while I was smiling and dying... They said... 'What's wrong with him?' 'He deserves this.' 'He belongs here.'"
"Are you aware that he used Star-Spangled Judgment to control the whole world?"
"What...?"
"MABUS has a Stand USB, allowing him to control all Stands he copied with it. The Stand Star-Spangled Justice, a hat Stand once used by deceased American President Doughnut Trumpet to control Americans, was worn by him as seen in footage of recording drones we sent to your Earth ten years ago right after Miguel JoJo was killed to find a possible heir for his throne. It was a contingency plan in case Gabrielle were to get killed. And here you are, alive again after you died..."
"So... he was controlling... everyone in the world...?"
"More like swaying their decisions to the point where everyone hated you."
"Since I was a kid?"
"No... when you were a kid... That's a whole different story. But all that stuff in the past... It shouldn't matter anymore, because you're such a good person now... A good, loving, and heroic person that we are proud to call our Chosen One."
"Then why don't I believe it?"
Ghost Jedan sighs. He takes out a water pitcher from his fridge and a glass. "Pour water into the glass."
Miguel does so.
"Drink."
Miguel does so again.
"Do you feel better?"
Miguel's eyes dart left and right. "I'm... less thirsty..."
"My God!" yelled Ghost Jedan. "IMPOSSIBLE!!! NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN IMMUNE TO MY GLASSES OF WATER!!! IT HEALS ANY BROKEN MIND!!!" Ghost Jedan stood up and looked at Miguel with fear.
"What...? I thought you said I wasn't broken..."
"This is gonna be harder than I thought...!" said Ghost Jedan while Miguel uses the glass as a telescope to look around. "I must resort to..." The camera zooms into his eyes. "Actual psychotherapy..."
"AH!!! THAT FUCKING ANT LOOKS WAY MORE TERRIFYING IN HIGH DEFINITION!!!AH!!! GLASS IN MY FUCKING EYES!!!"
Later...
"Here..." said Ghost Jedan, offering Miguel pills.
"What the hell!? Why the hell do I have seven different pills!?"
"One for each disorder. Especially for your DID," said Ghost Jedan.
"My what now?"
"Dissociative Identity Disorder."
Miguel laughs loudly. But, he sees that Ghost Jedan isn't laughing. "You're... not joking...?"
"Wait, you didn't know?"
"No!?"
"Uh... You don't... Heheh..."
"I have an alter!? Who!?"
"I don't know."
"Did I lapse out during the session!? Did I... Was he the one who prank-called the Socialist Dictator!? Are you even real!?"
"No, yes, and no," sighed Ghost Jedan. "Miguel, your past that you described to me sounds like you have an alter in there or two."
"Or two!?"
"Miguel, calm down... Just take these meds and they won't be a hassle. They're mostly anti-depressants to avoid any intrusive and negative thoughts."
"Thanks, Jed."
"And also, just in case, you could call these guys..."
Miguel is given a card for "SF Inc."
"Uh... huh... Thanks...?"
"You're welcome, man..." smiled Ghost Jedan.
Miguel smiles.
*cling!*
"Wanna make out?" smiled Ghost Jedan.
"Yeah... Haha! Wait, what the fuck?"
"What?"
"What!?"
"Welp, see ya! Just call the number on that card of yours. Their headquarters is in Earth-TAWOG-5311."
Miguel squints at the number as he walks out of the office from a portal with Ghost Jedan waving behind him. "SF Inc.?"
Later...
*knock knock...*
Gabby opens the door.
"Hello!" smiled a little purple man who stood next to a yellow strange man who looks like an animated Oney. "We're here to make your Daddy do an ahegao!"
"Pim, that's not what fuckin'... Ahegao m-... Y'know what, never mind, man."
"Why? What does it mean?"
"It's an orgasmic facial expression."
"What!?"
"It's an orgasmic facial expression."
"No, I mean... Why the F would anyone draw pictures of that?"
"What websites do you fuckin' look up, dude?"
"I don't know! I just internet stuff!"
"You're an idiot and you need glasses, man."
Gabby blinks twice. "Father!" she yelled inside. "Either two men are here for your therapy or I'm hallucinating from nutmeg!"
"STOP EATING THE FUCKING NUTMEG!!!"
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