บท 411: 411. Mr. M Part I ~Haha!~
Miguel presses a button on his walkman.
(Sandy Marton's Camel by Camel)
Miguel begins dancing in the house as the News on the TV shows several people dying in the war.
First, Miguel exercises as he does jump ropes.
He keeps jump roping as he looks down to his feet.
Second, Miguel does Zumba and shakes his hips left and right while having crossed arms.
Third, Miguel then does pilates as he pushes his legs, stretching up and down.
Fourth, Miguel does biceps training while he shakes his shoulders.
Fifth, Miguel pants as he does pull-ups.
Sixth, Miguel then squeezes his thighs with a large robotic spring.
Miguel even puts his butt upon the wall while doing so.
Seventh, Miguel slaps Gumball in the face over and over again.
Miguel then hugs Gumball and rubs his cheek on his face, while Gumball is weirded out.
"What the hell is happening?" asked Gumball.
Eighth, Miguel then plays with his pecks, playing with a bottle.
Miguel then sucks water from the bottle with a straw, bopping his head up and down.
Miguel kept on repeating the process around twice.
Ninth, Miguel sits down and rests, hopping up and down. He then ends up crossing his legs.
Tenth, Miguel goes on to lift his legs up and down alternatively in front of a confused Anne. He shakes his hips and spreads his arms like a cat, confusing Anne even more.
Eleventh, Miguel, in front of Anne, then lifts his left and right shoulders repeatedly, still confusing Anne. He shakes his but and looks at it.
Twelfth, Miguel puts his hands up like a cat and drools over his doughnut, with hypnotic eyes.
(ends at 1:45)
"And... DONE WITH THE EXERCISE!!!" yelled Miguel.
"What did you... What were you doing just now?" asked Anne.
"My new exercise regime!" smiled Miguel.
"Do you realize what song you were using while-... Yeah...?" asked Josuke.
"IT'S A PORN SONG!!!" yelled Gumball.
"I will slap you again-!" Miguel turns to Gumball, angrily, as Finn grabs his shoulder, stopping him. "It's a song from my childhood"
Long ago...
Rasputin puts his fingers over his mouth over and over, alternating his hand.
*SLAP!!!*
A stick is used to strike his hand.
"What did I do wrong this time...?" whispered the young Rasputin, weeping.
"NO MOVING LIKE AN IDIOT!!!" yelled the teacher.
"I'm..." Rasputin began to cry again. "I'm not an idiot."
"QUIET!!!" yelled the teacher. "You fucking coward... If you were a real man, you'd talk BACK!!! You horridly weak piece of scum. CLEAN THE DESKS TONIGHT!!!"
"But it's scary if it's a night..."
"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! That's not how you talk like a normal man..." The teacher walks away. "Scum."
Now...
Rasputin looks outside in the window, putting his fingers over his mouth, but proceeding to slap them after.
Before...
"NO!!!" sobbed Rasputin, as MABUS cackles.
"RAUGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" roared MABUS, as he prepared to use Star Platinum to kill Rasputin's family.
"ORA!!!"
*SPLAT!!!*
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Now...
Rasputin hammers the table over and over again.
Meanwhile...
"Goddamn... I had to not kill those cultists and have them arrested instead..." sighed Miguel.
"Yeah! I'm glad they survived! But now, they're legless! And... armless... What makes you think having the soldiers aim for the kneecaps work!?" asked Josuke.
"I dunno... Blood loss?"
"The devastating war on the Vietnamese border had caused tremendous amounts of deaths in just three days..."
"So... how do we stop the war...?" asked Josuke.
"We get all the Generals and leaders in one room and have them arrested! Or... killed..." Miguel drinks coffee. "Goddamn demons and stupid humans with broken minds. But then again, humans with broken hearts are much more dangerous than humans with broken minds."
Josuke looks at Miguel, smiling.
"What...?" asked Miguel.
"Nothing," laughed Josuke. "I just... remember Mr. Reaper not liking coffee. He liked tea, though. And in ways, you're still so much like him."
"I don't like tea," said Miguel, sipping more coffee.
"Now... what do we do, sir!?" Josuke salutes Miguel.
"Nothing."
"Wait... What!?"
"Sorry, Josuke... But... You're not exactly... the killing type..."
"Pfft! You don't have to kill to be in a war...!"
"Yes, you do... And if you don't, you could let your teammates kill people... in the war..."
"Wait, WHAT!?"
Later... The Jazz Fusion drank Triple Gooberberry Sunrises in the Krusty Krab.
*GLUG GLUG GLUG*
Josuke gobbles up a whole glass of that ice cream. "I can't believe that we have to kill in order to win a war!"
"Better believe it, dude," said Finn. "That's just a way to win the game brother. Croak some people an' stuff."
"But what about their wives, husbands, and children!?"
"Eh..." shrugged Finn.
"But-!"
"Listen to Finn, dude," said Jake. "He's seen some shit...SIX MORE FOR THIS ROUND, RICHARD!!!" he yelled, raving his finger in the air.
Richard smiles as he prepares more Triple Gooberberry Sunrises.
Spongebob sighs as he walks out from a portal.
"What's wrong, Spongebob?" asked Patrick.
"He's about to buy off the Krusty Krab-Chum Bucket Industries..." said Spongebob.
"Why does your company keep changing names...?" asked Gumball.
"Because Plankton's an ass," said Spongebob.
"Who's buying the company now?" asked Darwin.
"Me. Haha!"
An anthropomorphic mouse wearing a business suit walks inside the restaurant.
"Hello, Mickey..." Spongebob squints his eyes.
"Haha! Hello, Spongebob! You fucking square cheese! Sooner or later, I'll own this place! AND I'LL OWN YOU, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF MOZZARELLA!!!" Mickey does a little dance. "Who's this?"
"I'm Josuke..." said Josuke.
"Where are you from? Warner Bros.? Nintendo? Nickelodeon?" asked Mickey.
"JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Fanfictions," said Josuke.
"What's that? Do I own that?" Mickey asked his employee.
"One day, sir... One day..."
"He stole that joke from South Park!" yelled Spongebob.
"I'M DISNEY!!! I STEAL EVERYTHING!!! Haha! Alright, cheese person... You listen, here..." said Mickey. "I just recently bought off four kids in Colorado, SO I OWN THAT JOKE!!! Next, I'll own your studio, Squarepants! What's your last name anyway?"
"It's... Squarepants..."
"Oh... That wasn't an insult, then. I'll still BUY YOU, YOU PINOCCHIO-NOSED RECTANGULAR ROCK-DWELLING REEF ANEMONE!!!There's a war in Earth-777 right now, and right now, people want more Streaming Services to ease their horrific pain, haha! I'll offer 'em everything, haha! And once I get the Krusty Krab and solve world hunger, I will be the most powerful being in all of Maharlica! HAHA!!!Your restaurant is in desperate need of something big for your restaurant. Without it, your restaurant will be given to me! Haha! How's that for an exposition!? Take that, Up! Haha!"
Mickey walks out of the restaurant, giggling and laughing like a little psycho.
Spongebob facepalms. "Barnacles..."
"It's alright, Spongebob..." said Josuke. "'You have to kill to win a war...' Right?"
"We can't kill Mickey for that, dude!" yelled Finn.
"Yeah! But we can kill him in a different way!"
Everyone else is confused.
"With a pillow?" asked Patrick.
"Y'know! Like... psychologically!"
Everyone is still confused.
"I'm lost if it isn't with a saw..." said Patrick.
"You mean... we could give him therapy... or...?" asked Richard.
"We could totally destroy him!" yelled Josuke. "'How,' you may ask? Something big, right? Something big that will blow up everyone's minds!"
Everyone listens closely. Josuke pauses for dramatic effect.
"Modernization," said Josuke.
"Wait... What!?" asked the others.
"C'mon! We need to get into the times, guys! Look at this dusty old menu!" Josuke points to the Gallery Grub. "This was made twenty friggin' years ago! Or longer! We need to strategize to win, so how about first, we change the menu and add newer things!"
"Like what...?" asked Spongebob.
Richard gasps. "A Krabby Patty Pizza with what's inside the Krabby Patty as TOPPINGS!"
"Yes!" yelled Josuke. "Ooh! Ooh! Krabby Burritos!"
"Krabby Tacos!" yelled Patrick.
"Krabby Quesadillas!" yelled Richard.
"Krusty Lasagna!" yelled Gumball.
"Krusty Chimichangas!" yelled Darwin.
"Krusty Mozzarella Sticks!" yelled Finn.
"Krusty Ratatouille!" yelled Jake.
"Krusty Palabok!" yelled Josuke.
Everyone turns to Josuke, confused.
"Whatever! Just...! Let's do this thing!" yelled Josuke. "And... We make AN EVENT!!!"
*GASP!!!*
Everyone gasped.
"Not even Disney could properly do one..." said Patrick.
"Yeah!" yelled Gumball. "'May the 4th be with you?' C'mon, Disney! You're better than that!"
"Alright, guys..." smiled Josuke. "Let's do this!"
Meanwhile...
Miguel sat silently in front of a tied-up Other Miguel.
"I learned that your full name is Miguel Barachiel Ibarra. Can I call you Barach?"
Barach nods.
Miguel removes the tape from his mouth. "Now... You're gonna help me kill Rasputin."
"But I don't kill..." said Barach.
"Look, Barach..." said Miguel. "You don't have connections with God anymore, right?"
"No... No, I still do..."
"Wait, what...?"
Yeah...
"You... You just heard him right now...?"
"Yes..." sighed Barach.
"FUCKING... SHIT!!!" yelled Miguel, slamming his fist into the wall. "But... But you have the USB, right? The other guy, I mean!"
"I don't have the USB..." said Barach. "It's like a DISC. It's not a Stand... It's a collection of Stands. Whoever has it wields ultimate power."
"Who gave it to you?"
"Bill did."
Miguel facepalms. "Alright... Alright! Fine! FINE!!! Now, what...?" Miguel sits down next to him.
"Miguel..." said Barach. "You can't just make people do things just because you can't do them. Maybe there's a reason why you can't do things like killing people, Miguel... Killing people... That just isn't you."
"But the world needs me to do it..."
"I know what that feels like..."
The pair looks down, depressedly.
"If only you had soldiers who could do what you could do..." said Barach.
Miguel begins to smile. "Yeah... If only..."
"What are you thinking right now... exactly...?"
"You always gotta teach soldiers how to aim and pull the trigger..." sneered Miguel.
Meanwhile...
Mickey drives around in the limousine. "Alright, bitches!" he yelled to the Cosplaying Disney Princesses all wearing Bikinis. "Let's get some cheese all over you!"
"Go, Mickey! Go, Mickey! Go-!*GASP!!!*"
"What...?" asked Mickey. "Why'd you stop cheering for me like slaves?Holy fucking shit!"
A lot of people are entering the restaurant of the Krusty Krab in Burnham.
"Fucking SHIT!!! Minnie's gonna give me an earful..."
Later...
"Step right up!" yelled Gumball. "Step right up and eat here in the new and improved Burnham Krusty Krab! The first Krusty Krab grand reopening after one whole day of being closed!Welcome to Krusty Day, the day that is very important but no one knows why that's done only purely for your entertainment (and your money...)!"
Several people order the new food in the menu.
"What the fuck!? Haha!" asked Mickey. "Why the fuck did they make a whole day purely to satisfy their customers!? Haha! I DO THAT EVERY DAY!!!"
"Well-..." said one woman dressed as Cinderella.
"I mean-..." said another dressed as Snow White.
"You have issues..." said another dressed as Pocahontas. "So does Disney..."
"Your 'fanservice' is more of a child-friendly service..." said another dressed as Princess Leia.
"You do a lot of Tokenism..." said another dressed as Raya.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOU AIN'T GETTING ANY HOTDOGS FOR TODAY!!! Haha!" Mickey walks outside and slams the car door shut, stomping toward the new and improved Krusty Krab in Burnham.
"What the fucking shit...!?" asked Mickey. "NO!!! NOOOO!!! HOW CAN I BUY NICKELODEON IF SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS IS STILL FUCKING SUCCESSFUL!!! RAAAAAAAUGH!!!"
"Hey, can I get a picture with you?" asked a man who has a family.
Mickey then angrily bites his finger and tears it out.
"FUCK!!! OH, GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH-!!!" shrieked the man.
"WHAT THE FUCK!!!" sobbed the woman, as he brought him to the car.
The child is crying as the woman brought her child in the flying car as well. They then drive away to a hospital.
"Haha!" laughed Mickey, with blood in his mouth.
Later...
"Thank you for coming! Come again next time!" smiled Darwin. "Why, hello, there!"
"Boy, shut the fuck up, you filthy Ithyostega!" yelled Mickey. "I'm Mick Mick MICKEY MOUSE!!! HOTDOG!!!" Mickey does a little dance. "I WILL DESTROY YOUR LIVES!!! I'D LIKE TO... Haha! SPEAK TO YOUR... MANAGUUUH!!!"
Later...
Mickey stood before Spongebob, who sat behind a desk that is way larger than himself.
"Well, well... Haha! If it isn't the world's most popular cleaning equipment."
"Hello, Mr. Mouse."
"Y'know, I tried kidnapping Superman to get him to sign a contract in joining me to rule my empire. He escaped. This? This reminds me of that moment..."
"Oh, please... Fuck you, you little barnacle-headed bipedal rodent. Let me tell you something... all this is done purely to piss you off. Why? Because I'm ready...I'm ready for anything you'll throw at me...I'm ready... I'm ready... IIII'M READYYY!!!"
"I'll give you 20 billion units for the restaurant," said Mickey.
"Wh-What...?" asked Spongebob.
Mickey angrily fumes. "Yeah... Haha! I want to fucking buy your restaurant... Last offer... Haha!"
"But... I would never do something like that for money..." said Spongebob.
"Yeah... But your boss would... Right? Haha!"
"Now you shut up!" Spongebob slams the table. "Look, shrimp-head! Do realize that you can't just buy off Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs is a noble and strong-hearted individual, who would do things not out of greed! NO!!! Out of respect... honor... dignity..."
Later...
"Take it," said Mr. Krabs, who is being skyped.
"WHAT!?" asked Spongebob. "MR. KRABS, YOU CAN'T JUST BUY THIS RESTAURANT OFF!!!"
"I agree with the simple lifeform, Krabs," said Plankton. "We can't just sell off the franchise to a bipedal land rodent."
"You're right. No deal, Mr. Mouse. If I say no, I'd have to pay for another Partner's Therapy."
"Sweet Neptune, Mr. Krabs. You are in desperate need of a wife," said Spongebob.
"FUCK!!!" shrieked Mickey. "FINE!!! FUCKING FINE!!! IF YOU WON'T LET ME HAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB!!!"
Mickey begins growing several times taller, destroying the restaurant's roof.
"HEY!!!" yelled one man. "You just destroyed the Krusty Krab, you asshole!"
"YEAH!!!" yelled another. "WE'RE EATING HERE!!!"
"Is that Mickey Mouse!?"
"He smells like a dead mouse!"
Mickey growls, takes out a giant red lightsaber, and begins dismantling the restaurant as the people run away.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" roared Mickey. "Haha! If I can't have it... Haha! THEN NO ONE CAN!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! Haha!"
Meanwhile...
"And then that's how I got rich!" smiled Gumball.
"Gee, Watterson," said Finn. "You don't have to flex that hard."
"Well, you know... with all that we've... experienced... We could lose all our assets with absolute ease..." said Gumball.
"Fuck, Gumball," said Darwin. "We didn't mean 'Depress us.'"
"You have to fix your way of fixing things," said Jake. "Instead of depressing us, try to say sorry instead."
"Apologizing is for the weak, though!" yelled Gumball.
"You have serious issues, Gumwad," said Josuke.
"Have you tried sex with your partner? Or do you even get any bitches?" asked Patrick.
"Fuck you, Patrick," said Josuke.
*CRASH!!!*
The roof is torn apart by a giant Mickey.
"Oh, dear God!" yelled Josuke. "Guys... What do we do!?"
Spongebob hops on Josuke's shoulder. "SOMEBODY THINK OF SOMETHING AND THINK OF IT FAST!!!"
"We could blow 'im up!" smiled Finn.
"AW, YEAH!!!" yelled Jake.
"MATHEMATICAL!!!" laughed Finn.
"No!" yelled Josuke. "There's always a way to incapacitate your enemies without killing them!The Diaries!" Josuke calls up Gabrielle.
Meanwhile...
"No..." said Gabrielle, trying to feed Mikaella. "No, Mika... You have to eat your meal."
"Nah!" yelled Mika.
*beep beep beep-!!!*
"Yo?" asked Gabrielle, pressing the button.
"Hi! Is there a way to incapacitate Mickey!?" asked Josuke.
"Why would you wanna assault the Multiverse's richest man?"
"Just... HOW DO WE STOP HIM!?"
"Uh... Narcos!?"
"I'm here..." said Mercuria. "Narcos is picking up groceries."
"Uh..."
"Oh! Mickey's weakness? Someone didn't do her-..."
"I know! I know! Just...! What is it!?"
"Just say his real name."
"What's his real name!?" asked Josuke.
"Uh... I don't know. Didn't say in the Diaries."
"Ha! Somebody didn't do their homework!" laughed Gabrielle.
"No..." said Mercuria. "No, I did, actually."
"Goddamnit..."
"Thanks!" yelled Josuke, as he hangs up. "Okay!" yelled Josuke to his allies. "Okay, okay! Alright!What I'm about to say is going to be really iffy, like trying to listen to either of your parents when they have different parties in Philippine Politics!Yeah... I know... That's how big this is. It could very well destroy our relationship.Brainwashing and shit...Now, we could either scour the universes to find his name and weaken Mickey..." Josuke sighs and looks up. "Or kill him."
"Wait... Wait! I found his name!" said Finn. "I looked it up in Google."
Everyone smiles and looks at Finn, except Josuke.
"I'm sorry, what?" asked Josuke, turning to Finn.
Finn shows the google search. "It's right here... Right over here!"
Josuke is dumbfounded as Finn points at the google search. "Well, frick."
"HEY MICKEY!!!" yelled Spongebob. "WERE YOU EVER BAPTIZED!?"
"WHAT!?" asked Mickey. "Of course, I was. I hate Jews."
"Christ..." said Darwin. "Dude... That is... That is not okay..."
"Aside from that horrific revelation...BECAUSE I KNOW YOUR NAME WHEN YOU WERE BAPTIZED THE FIRST TIME...!!!Mortimer..." whispered Spongebob.
Mickey shrinks back to Spongebob's size.
"What the fuck!?" asked Gumball. He laughs. "You're small!"
"Fuck you, pussy! Haha!" yelled Mickey."Alright, bitch! Haha!"Mickey holds up his fists."C'mon ya plug-ugly bloke! Haha!I'll tear ya the fuck apart ya talking piece of rectangular Gouda!"
"Bahahahaha... You wanna go...? I'm ready..."
Mickey then tricks Spongebob and takes out his red lightsaber. Spongebob activates electric mode for his spatula and starts attacking Mickey, slashing at him over and over again. The pair swing and spin their weapons at each other.
Spongebob hops onto Josuke's head. "It's over, Mouse! I have the high ground."
"YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER, SPONGE-BOY!!! Haha!"
"No, Mortimer... Don't try it," said Spongebob.
Mickey does a flip and prepares to cut Spongebob's (and possibly Josuke's) head in half, but...
Spongebob uses his Stand to blow up Mickey as he is shot into the sky and away forever.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Haha!"
"SWEET VICTORY FOR SPONGEBOB!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" growled Spongebob, holding up his spatula. "I... HAVE... THE ECONOMIC POWEEEEEEEEEER!!!"
"We need to uh..." said Josuke, looking around the debris. "We need to have this place fixed..."
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