บท 405: 405. Working Together ~No Man's Land Part V~
Bruce, Peter, Rick, Morty, Nick, Monroe, and F.F. all walk down into the basement, a bit injured.
"Are you guys okay?" asked Bubblegum.
"We almost died, Candy Witch," said Rick.
"Yeah... Maybe you should"
F.F. pulls The Joker and Goblin down into the basement with them.
"Whoa..." said Mercuria, standing up.
"It's alright!" smiled F.F. "They're tied up! See?"
"How do you think does that one look if she was skewered in a stick?" asked Goblin.
"Maybe head first then legs last," said The Joker.
The others stare at The Joker and Goblin.
"Yeah..." said Peter. "They kept talking like this for ten minutes now."
MJ walks down as well.
"Mrs. Parker-Watson," said Princess Bubblegum.
"Hey," said MJ.
"Jesus..." said Victoria. "Well, the gang's all here."
"Not really... The other group is on the other side of the city," said Yurielle, listening closely. "I can't pick up a conversation but I think something bad happened over there."
"So...?" asked Victoria. "Now, what?"
"We keep the Gun safe..." said Princess Bubblegum.
"How about the Candy Princess?" asked The Joker.
"Probably skewered like a pig then use her hair as a sauce..." said Goblin.
Marceline tries to attack the two, but Princess Bubblegum stops her.
"What's your plan?" asked Bubblegum.
"Originally, it was to spread anarchy... But we recently received a message that our allies have betrayed us," said Goblin. "So... instead of fighting you. I have an idea... We could work together... We could be a team! The... Dark Avengers..."
"That doesn't sound promising," said Peter.
"How about the Injustice League?" sneered The Joker.
"Less promising," said Peter. "Also, why would I join forces with you? You killed my Aunt and you just tried to kill my wife."
"Yes... But right after, we received a message through our armors that tapped our arms in morse code, both stating that Toffee had betrayed us and our current leader has been captured," said Goblin, showing his armor's morse code device through a hologram, which is like a tiny hammer on the sleeve of his armor. "In fact... even the creature that was meant to bring anarchy had also gained sentience... and is a failure... It seems Toffee manipulated her genetics and added someone else's blood and genes into her... causing her to feel emotions unlike us... It would be a cup of tea if we would join forces, for now, Spider-Man. How about you, Batman? Princess...? Dr. Sanchez...? Dr. Smith...?"
"They're not lying," said Yurielle. "They're telling the truth... Then again... They're damned good liars.But think about it... That's almost twice the geniuses..."
"No," said Peter.
"I'm in," said Rick and Bubblegum.
"What!?" asked Peter.
"Think about it," said Rick. "We don't have anything right now. We're practically stuck inside a building and are in dire need to move because right now some psychotic lizard is plotting something and has currently taken over the city to the point where no one is allowed to go inside anymore to help and none of us are allowed to go outside since we aren't evacuees. With their technology and skills..."
"No..." said Peter. "I can't... It'd be like betraying-... WE CAN'T TRUST THEM!!!"
"At this desperate times? I'm in," said Mercuria. "But I'll duplicate and fuse your heads if you try anything."
"Alright," said Victoria. "But I can sense if something goes wrong."
"We'll go with it," said Nick. "Never tried decapitating two Metas before."
"Yeah... If you've got nothing left to lose," said Monroe. "Just know it's 13 against two. Including a Grimm."
"ALRIGHT!!!" cheered F.F. "Sorry, Petey."
"W-Well... If they got betrayed... they're all we've got," said Morty.
"Can do," said Irene. "As long you don't fucking betray us... Or I'll fry your insides."
"Yep," said Marceline. "I'll have my eyes on you. *HISS!!!*"
Peter turns to Bruce.
"Kid..." said Bruce. "Their weapons will be quite useful to our assets."
"Bruce, he killed your-..." Peter stops. "S-... Sorry..."
"I know..." said Bruce. "But... Kid... I can tell if Arthur is helpless... and this is it... Same with Goblin..."
Peter turns to MJ.
"I'm sorry... But... Right now... Bruce and Rick are all we've got... But with these two... They probably know these guys' weaknesses..."
"Look..." said Peter. "I can't... I-..."
"Oh... Peter..." said The Joker. "Your naive self can't possibly comprehend the fact that we're the only two League of Anarchy members in this city... The others are new recruits... And they've just betrayed us along with our fellow member, 'Kira.' So, I propose an agreement. A TRUCE-SUH!!!"
"You're garbage who kill people for fun," said Peter. "Both of you..."
"Hahahahaha... There you go again, pointing out the obvious... You Aunt's death..." said Goblin. "Just know that Osborn... I can still feel him trying to tear out of his chains... But do realize that he's sorry... truly sorry... And he hates me for what I've done... Even though I enjoyed it, Osborn wants nothing but your forgiveness."
Peter looks down out of frustration between the two choices.
"Struggling... are you? We are who we choose to be..." said Goblin.
"Fine..." said Peter.
"FANTASTIC!!!" yelled Goblin. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry... That was the disorder... Force of habit."
"And... Batman..." said The Joker.
"Don't fucking try me," said Bruce.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed The Joker. "That wasn't a force of habit. I genuinely found that funny."
*step... step... step...*
"They're here..." sighed Goblin. "Well... They've betrayed us as well... Sadly, they have no idea of what we're capable of."
The group hides behind the corner of the wall as Goblin puts his finger over his lips and tells them to keep quiet. He takes out a Pumpkin Bomb, presses it, and rolls it right in front of the Vampire.
*beep, beep, beep, beep... BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-!!!*
*BOOM!!!*
Because of the explosion, the Vampires turn into skeletons that turn into dust.
The Joker then cranks a box with wheels and places it on the ground. He then remotely control it with a crank wheel on his arm toward the next few Vampires.
The Pumpkin-Mouth-Joker-in-the-Box begins cranking itself in front of a pair of confused Vampires as it plays, "Pop Goes the Weasel!"
A Joker Face pops out of it attached to a string. Inside its mouth is a white pumpkin bomb.
They both shriek in fear.
*click!!!*
*BANG!!!*
They turn into confetti and dust into pieces.
They move to the next corridor.
Goblin then takes out Spider Pumpkins, places them on the ground, remotely controls them with the crank wheel on his arm, and blows each up killing several Vampires. They use their webs to stick to the Vampires' faces.
"Got the idea from you, Parker..." said Goblin.
"Hey! Hey Goblin!" whispered The Joker. "What did the cop say to the other cop?"
"What?" whispered Goblin.
"Sorry for shooting your daughter after getting her pregnant," said The Joker. "Gee... Should've worn the safety on."
Goblin chuckles silently, trying to hold his laughter.
"What the fuck is wrong with the both of you?" asked Peter.
"I found it a little funny," said MJ.
"What!?" asked Peter.
They move to the next corridor.
The Joker takes out several jumping jacks called Joker-Jacks near their feet. He then throws a white pumpkin bomb. It explodes as the jacks cause a chain reaction that blows up the whole corridor by infusing the explosion into metal objects.
"What did the barber say to the butcher?" asked Goblin.
"What?" asked The Joker.
"I killed my wife. And I want a sandwich... So, could you make my wife useful again?" asked Goblin.
The Joker tries to hold his laughter.
"That's less funny," said MJ. "Because that's a bit sexist."
"Thank you!" yelled Peter.
"That's... wow..." said Monroe. "What the fuck?"
"Jesus Christ..." said Rick. "Your values are wrong."
"You need to fucking die for that," said Irene.
"I know!" giggled the pair.
Bruce takes out two Glowbats from his utility belt. He lets them fly out of his pocket like bats and stick to the Vampires. They flash Ultraviolet Rays in every area and destroy around fifteen Vampires.
"So... Parker..." said The Joker. "I saw your kid."
"What...? Did you-!?" asked Peter.
"No. No, he didn't. Mayday is with Ned right now," said MJ.
"Oh... Good," said Peter.
"I just wanted to say that I'm surprised that you didn't bite MJ's head off," said The Joker.
Peter pauses. "What!?"
"He's not a fucking mantis, you dipshit," said Goblin.
"And usually females are the ones that eat the males. Not the other way around," said Bruce.
"I know Nick would do that," said Monroe.
Nick nudges Monroe's arm.
"Ow!" yelled Monroe.
"Good Glob," said PB. "Learn."
"Even I think that was embarrassing. H-Haha!" laughed Morty.
"I'm sorry for not being a fucking Rocket Scientist," said The Joker.
"You don't have to be one to know that," said Rick.
"Stop dumb-shaming guys," said F.F. "I'll cheer you up, Joker! Uh... Society, am I right? Haha!"
The Joker and Goblin stay silent.
Goblin shakes his head.
"That's not funny," said The Joker. "Are you making fun of me!?"
"What!? No! No!" yelled F.F. "I swear. I ain't!"
"I could shoot you right now but you're lucky you're a big-tittied anime girl," said The Joker. "And a dead body."
"I am...?" asked F.F.
"For the love of God, F.F.," said Mercuria. "Just be glad he didn't attack you."
"I could totally eat him, y'know?" asked F.F.
"Most of us could actually kill them both..." said Irene.
"Can we?" asked Victoria.
Bruce and Peter laugh. Bruce is laughing robotically. Peter is actually laughing.
The group moves on to the next area.
"Well...? Anyone with UV wanna do something now?" asked Marceline.
"Why don't you do it?" asked F.F.
"Uh... I'm also a Vampire?"
"Wait... Are you not joking?"
"No."
"You're up," said Bruce.
Peter walks in front of the Vampires. "Hey, guys! Want a selfie with your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man?"
The Vampires attack at once but Peter shoots at all five of them with his Glow-Webs, dusting all of them.
"Pchoo! Pchoo! Pchoo! Pchoo!" yelled Peter.
Peter points to the front and they all hustle forward.
"Why were you saying, 'pchoo?'" asked Irene.
"Was I?" asked Peter.
"Yeah. It's kinda cute," said Irene.
"She's mine. Take a cold towel, you... Japanese Idol," said MJ.
"Thank you! You look like a model yourself!"
"Really? Thank you!"
"Save the compliments for later. You both look like barbies," said Victoria.
"Huh. I thought you would say something like that, Rick," said Morty.
"No... Morty. That's called pedophilia," said Rick.
Rick takes out Little Pickle Ricks who all begin running around in circles around the Vampires.
*BZZT!!!*
They each blast orbiting rays of UV light as the Vampires scream in pain and dust the Vampires as they slowly melt away.
They then all take in tiny pills and all of the Little Pickle Rick die.
"HAHAHAHA!!! LITTLE PICKLE RICK!!! WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!!!"
"Hold on..." said Morty. "That Vamp is still alive, Rick!"
The Vampire looks around. "Guys?"
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA-!!!" yelled Morty.
Morty kicks him in the balls and takes out a UV Flashlight, burning him into pieces.
The headless body then grabs his balls but feels that they're metallic.
"Cyborg Balls, GOTH BITCH!!!" Morty beats the body and mutilated the body, tearing out its intestines and gallbladder.
"Jesus..." said Peter.
"Y-... Yeah..." said Rick. "He's taking therapy now... It's kind of my fault... he's... yeah..."
They reach the door and escape the building.
"Is everyone okay?" asked Bubblegum.
Everyone nods and reassures her.
"Yeah?" asked Princess Bubblegum. "Alright. Let's go find a way to kill Toffee and his Agents. I have an idea what he's planning to do... Based on what you've said, I think... I think Project Damsel-Fly was a diversion and was purposefully turned into a failure... and I have a feeling Toffee wants something that has nothing to do with anarchy at all."
"What do they want?" asked Marceline.
"Whoa... guys..." said Yurielle.
Victoria's eyes widen.
Nick prepares his ax. Peter turns to where Yurielle, Victoria, and Nick are facing.
"They want Mewnian Monster Supremacy in Maharlica..." Joseph Joestar appears before the group.
"Wait... Your face... You look like... Ojii-San...!?" asked Irene.
"You know this person?" asked Yurielle.
"He's my Grandpa..." said Irene. "You're alive!?"
"Why does he look like me?" asked Rick. "Christ... He looks like me back in the early 60s."
"Ojii-San... You look... young...! How are you-!?"
"I faked my death... Irene... I'm so sorry... But... That has to wait... Toffee wants to rule Maharlica..." said Joseph. "And right now, bad things have happened... To one of your allies, especially."
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