บท 395: 395. Hard Work ~Filler~
Miguel eats some egg on rice.
Gabby is sleeping next to Anne on the couch, who has her arm wrapped around her.
*beep! beep!*
"What?" asked Miguel.
"Someone's in our mansion..." said Josuke. "Could you... come by...?"
"Why?"
"It's a Septarian. It's the guy we told you about...?"
Miguel's eyebrow raises. "Okay...?Hm...Something feels... off..."
In the Mansion...
A portal opens and he meets Toffee.
Toffee is drinking coffee before the group, who all stay in the corner, acting very confused.
A portal opens and Miguel walks out of the portal, appearing before Toffee. Acting very carefully, he slowly approaches Toffee.
"Oh... You're... not exactly a Septarian... What... What the hell are you...?" asked Miguel.
Toffee sneers. "Why don't you look into my head... Miguel...?"
"I feel like... I shouldn't..."
"Go on, Ibarra... Go on and sense my mind... Use that little empathy of yours... Would you?"
Miguel hesitantly touches Toffee's forehead. "My God... Guys?"
"Yeah?" asked the Jazz Fusion.
"Run," said Miguel.
The seven of them run away and prepare their portal guns.
"What's wrong, Miguel...?" sneered Toffee. "You look like a Wesen seeing a Grimm for the very first time... Or a cat about to be struck by a fucking steamroller."
"I thought your kind was dead..." said Miguel.
"Oh, Miguel, Miguel, Miguel, Miguel..." said Toffee, shaking his head and laughing. "Heheheheh..."
"You're not gonna win... I don't know how you fucking reincarnated into this Mewnian Monster... But I'll-..."
"Silence."
Miguel drops his sticks and is forced to grab his mouth, preventing himself to speak. He struggles to try and talk.
"You're afraid to change your power levels, correct? Because if you do, it'd randomize... I saw how you rewound times over and over after accidentally killing all your allies several times when you fought against the Agents of Chaos that night... Especially when you fought Cheapshot. I saw the regret in your eyes. Seeping... tears..."
Miguel struggles to try and speak. "MMPH!!! MMPH!!!" He began to cry. "MMPH!!!"
"They say you're a good king," said Toffee. "What kind of King fails to save his people...?"
Toffee approaches Miguel.
Miguel slips on the ground and crawls backward out of fear, doing muffled screaming.
"Why are you so..." Toffee picks up Miguel's sticks. "Afraid... Miguel? Why? Is it the first time you've met a creature capable of wiping your existence from the Omniverse clean off... Y'know, unlike Perpetua, I wouldn't be punished if I do so..."
Miguel backs away. He begins praying in his head.
"The Nicene Creed? Really? Honestly, Miguel. How can you grow to be so pathetic?"
Miguel began to back away.
Toffee points the stick on Miguel's neck. "Oh, I know why..." he sneers. "Is it because I'm the one who made you stuck in that room for 3,000 years?"
Miguel headbutts Toffee. He then runs away.
"Fall."
Miguel drops to the ground.
"Before there was 'time'... before there was anything... There was nothing. And before there was nothing, there were monsters."
The fathers of the Old Gods, known only as 'the Titans,' flashes before Miguel's eyes. Cronus. The Lich. Uranus. Mnemosyne. Mixcoatl. Perpetua. All these beings flash before his eyes as Miguel's eyes cry blood. He shrieks in agony.
"And before there were monsters... There was me." Toffee sneers obnoxiously. "SURPRISE!!!" He returns to his calm and collected demeanor. "Not even you, the so-called God of the Israelites can defeat me... Because to me, you're just half-baked... A nobody... Always will be... I don't care how many people you help. The bodies will be crushed beneath my wheel of Calamity... Soon, Golb, the last of the Titans, shall return.Speak."
Miguel gasps for breath as his hands finally let go of his mouth. "How!?"
"Through her..." Toffee warps out the large caterpillar.
"JESUS CHRIST!!!" yelled Miguel, being scared of the overly large insect. "What the fuck did you bring upon us, asshole!? SHIT!!! SHIT, FUCK!!! GAH!!!" Miguel still can't stand up. "HELP!!! HELP!!! GOD!!! FATHER!!! HELP ME!!!"
"You're afraid of this?"
"Because that thing is the Titan of fucking Calamity!" yelled Miguel. "Get that fucking thing away from me! Oh, God!" Miguel begins praying Latin prayers.
"Are you afraid of this creature?"
The caterpillar has an adorable face similar to an adorable cartoon cat with sparkly eyes. "Mew!"
"Jesus Christ!" Miguel crawls away out of horror.
"How does it feel to fear, Miguel? To be beneath fate?"
"GET THAT FUCKING THING AWAY FROM ME!!!" yelled Miguel.
"Fine..." sighed Toffee. "I will... But be wary for now, Ibarra... Great things are about to come." Toffee takes out his dagger and opens a portal. He then leaves it with the caterpillar creature.
"Christ..." whispered Miguel.
Meanwhile...
"Hello! I am Anne Zepelli, and let me teach you about manspreading!We've recently learned (sadly just recently) that men do in fact have a larger overall width of the pelvis, which is relatively greater in females, and the angle of the femoral neck is more acute. Also, males perhaps unconsciously do this for attraction.Also, likely, these men have big balls. Or penises.So! In order to fix this problem, we have invented the new and improved Jeepney! Complete with portals that have pocket dimensions that allow for manspreading!"
Anne demonstrates this. She sits on a chair and presses a button. She the man spreads and lets her knees enter the portals. "Tada!"
"Whoa!" smiled the men and women of different species at this, all taking pictures of Anne manspreading. They then shake her hands.
"Now... Let's talk about the Twitter alternative... Facebook! Or the second Facebook, Facebook Plus! Here, you could tweet, but the tweets are moderated by an AI we call Monika! We found the AI in the storage of a cursed video game and recreated her system to match a Mod!"
"Ooh!" smiled the men and women, who all take pictures of the mysterious AI.
"So, now, we're going to show you how to prevent Zoophiles-!!!"
"Could you man spread again!?" asked a woman, smiling. "D-... Demonstrate it, please!"
Anne boasts. "Haha! Well...! Sure!"
Anne opens the portals and man spreads as they all take double the pictures.
A portal opens and the Jazz Fusion and Miguel walk out of it.
"Anne... What are you doing?" asked Miguel.
"Doing the demonstration for Rick's new invention!" smiled Anne.
Miguel squints his eyes upon looking at the journalists. "Y'all either straight male, lesbian, or bisexual female. Hm..."
Miguel senses Anne.
"Wut?" asked Anne, turning softly red, as she turns to Miguel, still man spreading before him. "Is there something on here?" she points to her face.
"No. Bute there's nothing under there," Miguel points to her crotch. "Wear something. Jesus Christ, Anne..."
Anne turns very red covers herself from Miguel.
"Don't flatter yourself. I've seen what's under there," said Miguel.
Anne turns even redder. "N-... None of you better post those images!"
"Yeah..." Miguel's eyes glow as he T-Poses.
"Yes, my Lord," said the journalists.
"Gee," said Finn. "You're pretty scary."
The group walks away from the journalist's area and enters Miguel's throneroom.
"Yeah... It's called T-Posing."
"That actually works?"
"No. It just reminds them how they killed me and brought ten years of suffering on their land."
"Who's Toffee?" asked Darwin.
"That thing... is something you can't comprehend. Toffee is the reincarnation of a powerful Titan Monster from pre-Big Bang. He is only known as the First Monster. A creature that not even I could fathom. He is known as the Titan of Titans. If God is the God of gods, this being is the Titan of Titans."
"So, he's stronger than God?" asked Gumball.
"No," said Miguel. "It's kinda like how Lucifer is the Demon of Demons or how Barney's Burgers are the burgers of burgers."
"And how Jollibee Chicken is the fried chicken of fried chickens!" smiled Josuke.
"You mean McDonald's?" asked Gumball.
"KFC, anyone?" asked Finn. "Hello?"
"Hello, Ding Dongs," said Rick.
"H-H-Hey!" smiled Morty.
"Why'd you bring us here?" asked Finn.
"We think that you people are really, badly, in trouble," said Miguel. "The Dark Quartzes? They're not done with us... Bill... Bill's out there... planning... And this is his next plan. And it's about him."
Miguel points at Josuke.
"Wait, wut?" asked Josuke.
Meanwhile...
Toffee listens to Scarborough Shoal.
"Josuke Higashikata..." said Toffee. "You're going to die... For everything that you've done... Miguel Josuke Higashikata... Reincarnation of Fortuna...I want you to find him... and I need you to collect his blood... Let... Empress here, grow... Go on... I just need his blood..."
Later...
"Fortuna is the elder twin sister of Golb. Fortuna, before her death, was the Goddess of Chance, Fortune, and Good Luck. Meanwhile, Golb is the God of Chaos, Calamity, and Misfortune. During a battle in the Darkseid Wars eons ago, the twins killed each other and were born during this era. Fortuna became you, Josuke, and Golb became the Monster Emperor. The creature you killed. That caterpillar is that creature, which has returned to the living world," said Rick.
"I-I-If M-M-Monster Em-m-mperor returns... We're all fucking t-t-toast!" yelled Morty.
"Yeah... And that's why we should be aware. Call us again in case shit goes down. What you did earlier was the right move," said Miguel. "Go home. Get some rest."
Later...
By the way, this is a culinary episode...
"Bonding, again?" asked Gumball. "Why?"
"After our racist statements toward each other that apparently, some asshole clipped about us calling each other names in the cafe," said Josuke.
Last episode...
"FILTHY CAT!!!"
"FILTHY ASWANG!!!"
"DISGUSTING SHORT-TAILED FREAK!!!"
"WINGED DEMON!!!"
"TELE-TABBY-TUBBY-DUMBASS!!!"
"ASS-WANG!!!"
Now...
"So, what do we do? We can't try living in each other's cultures! That's appropriation!" yelled Finn.
"Our family did it before. We nearly wanted to kill each other for it," said Gumball.
"'Try out each other's cultures...'" he quotes Finn. "Finn, you just gave me an idea. Jedan! BMO!!!" yelled Josuke.
Jedan and BMO walk toward them.
"We're gonna cook!" Josuke smiles, hammering a fist on his palm.
"Master Josuke, you do know that you got thin and that you told me to warn you about overeating again-..."
"No, no, no!" yelled Josuke. "I want us to eat in a giant feast for all of us! And by all of us, I mean the seven of us! Plus, you two!"
"Why are we plus two's?" asked Butler Jedan.
"C'mon, BJ!" smiled Josuke.
"Don't call me that."
"We just need your food.Three meals each culture!"
"Culture?"
"Y'know! Culture! Embracing each other's culture is a way of bonding with your friends!Filipinos!" Josuke points to himself and BJ."Oooish!" Josuke points to Finn, Jake, and BMO. BMO giggles."Bikini Bottomite!" Josuke points to Spongebob and Patrick."And Elmorean!" Josuke points to Gumball and Darwin."We are going to have an awesome eat-off and share each other's recipes!!!"
"Why don't you guys just do it yourself?" smiled BMO.
"Because... Uh..." said Josuke.
"I don't wanna-..." said Finn.
"I'm old... so..." said Jake.
"I haven't cooked in a while," said Spongebob.
"No," said Patrick.
"Cooking? Men don't cook!" laughed Gumball.
"Gumball, BJ's a man," said Darwin.
"Pfft. His name is BJ. No, he isn't."
"Okay! That's enough!" yelled BJ. "You've been making me do so much shit this past week!"
Flashback cutaway shit...:
"Hey, BJ! Could you get me the remote?" asked Josuke.
Later...
Finn sighs. "Hey, Jed? Could you get me that grilled cheese in Big Belly Burger?"
Later...
"You didn't give me enough units for a ride home..." said BJ, looking dirty and full of mud.
He offers it to Finn.
"Gee, sorry, Jed," said Finn. He looks into the paper bag. "This is a burger..."
BJ grumbles and grabs it, walking back outside.
Later...
Spongebob fell asleep on the table doing paperwork and BJ sighed upon seeing Spongebob when he was about to mop the library. He picks him up and enters the tank with scuba gear. He then opens the drawer and sees Patrick sleeping beside Spongebob's bed. He then places Spongebob in his bed and puts his blanket on.
Later...
Patrick walks up to BJ. "Hey, BJ? The kitchen's a mess!"
BJ sighs and walks into the kitchen. There is so much brown stuff all over the walls, ceiling, and floor. "What were you cooking?"
"No... I went to the bathroom on the sink and accidentally turned on the garbage incinerator."
"Fucking ew..." said BJ, facepalming.
Later...
"Hey, BJ!" smiled Gumball, playing a video game on the couch. "Could you pick this up and throw it away?"
"Pick what up?" asked BJ.
"Oh, right!" Gumball drops a candy wrapper on the ground. While the candy wrapper drops, he whistles like an atomic bomb. Once it touched the ground, Gumball says, "Pksh!"
BJ grumbles.
"Don't hate the player, hate the game, Blowjob," said Gumball.
Later...
BJ washes a very sweaty fishbowl of Darwin's. He trains the yellow-brown water into the sinkhole. He then washes the sand. "Oh, God... Please be a brown worm... Please be a brown worm... Please be a brown worm... Please let it be that Darwin has tapeworm..."
Now...
Everyone bows their heads.
"And don't forget how BMO cooks everything for you every friggin' day! AND WE'RE UNDERPAID!!!"
"Yeah... Let's just order!" smiled Josuke.
"Ugh!" BJ facepalms. "Y'know what? Sure! But here's the deal! When this is over, YOU CLEAN THE DINING AREA!!!"
"We could totally do that!" laughed Gumball.
"Also, you have to finish... ALL OF IT!!!"
"Wait, WHAT!?" asked the group.
"Yeah...!" yelled BJ. "All of it! And you have to order yourselves!"
Everyone stares at BJ.
"You really are a 'Blowjob,'" said Josuke.
"Why-?" asked BJ.
"Why?" Josuke asked at the same time BJ asked that question. "Because you suck."
Ad Break!
"Hello! I'm Spider-Man. As you can see, we're superheroes," said Peter, in his costume. "And superheroes our there have been really annoyed by losing their parents and guardians. For those on our relative Earths, you may not know, but a lot of us are orphans!"
It flashes to Bruce in his Batsuit in the Batcave...
"Yeah. I'm an orphan," said Bruce. "Wait, what the f*ck is this for -?"
It flashes to Deadpool and Harley who both are at the dinner table with Gwen...
"When I was born, my parents didn't even come," said Wade.
"When I was born, my parents were non-existent," said Harley.
"When I was born, I was born in Canada's border," said Wade.
"I'm Jewish and we don't celebrate Christmas," said Harley.
"Shit, you win."
It flashes to Billy who is on a bench as SHAZAM!...
"Yeah. I don't wanna comment in this," said Billy.
It flashes to Goku, Lord, Clark, and Vegeta playing a video game...
"My planet blew up! I'm a Saya Genie!" smiled Goku.
"He means Saiyan," said Vegeta.
"What about you?" asked Peter, who's holding the camera.
"Excuse me?"
"Did you lose your parents, too?"
"F*ck off, Spider-Boy."
"It's Spider-Man."
"Pfft! No, it isn't."
"My planet also blew up," said Lord.
"My planet also blew up," said Clark.
It flashes to Gabrielle who is patrolling the night...
"Yep... They both died because of different instances... both... trying to save me..." Gabrielle bows her head. "B-Because... It's all my fault... and... I caused so many damages... and now... I'm broke... and broken... internally... and-..."
It flashes to Thor... Who just cries the whole video...
"My planet blew up, too... I lost everyone I've ever loved..."
It flashes to Sam Wilson, AKA Captain America III...
"Sure? Does that really matter, though?" asked Sam. "Being a hero doesn't mean you lost your parents."
"I beg to differ," said Peter.
"My parents are dead," said Bucky.
"Yours died a hundred years ago," said Sam. "You were frozen in f*ckin' ice. Wait, bleep that out. No, cut it out. I'll cause another friggin controversy-..."
It flashes to Barry, in his Flash suit...
"Yep..." said Barry. "It's all that bastard Reverse-Flash's fault... Glad he's currently erased from existence, though!"
It flashes to Diana...
"Yes," said Diana. "My aunt was killed in World War I."
"I see," said Peter. "You were frozen in ice, too?"
"I'm 5,000 years old."
"Oh! I see. Sorry, Ma'am!"
"Don't call me that. I'm biologically 21."
"Oh! Uh! Sorry, Miss..."
It flashes to the other two Peters and Strange...
"Spider-Man 1... Yes. We went through some stuff," said Peter 2 (Tobey).
"Yeah," said Peter 3 (Andrew). "I still haven't fought an alien."
"You'll fight one, one day!" smiled Peter 1.
"I swear to God if there's another spin-off..." said Peter 3.
"I just don't talk to my parents," said Strange.
"Dude..." said Peter 3.
Peter 2 pats Strange's back.
"Get off of me," whispered Stephen.
Now...
"So, now... INTRODUCING THE NEW-AND-IMPROVED SUPERHERO SCHOOL, JEAN GREY'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED CHILDREN!!!" smiled Peter. "It's bigger, better, and badder! Complete with all grade levels from Kindergarten all the way up to University! We also have every known employment school in the whole world! So, if you became an orphan because of a bad guy or a freak accident, go on here to train in Jean Grey's School for Gifted Children."
"Wait... I thought this ad was to prevent orphans from becoming orphans-...." said Ned, who's holding the camera.
"Call 555XXX-555XXX-5555XXX-JEAN-GREY!"
"That sounds dirty."
Back to the story...
"So...!" yelled Josuke, taking out a phone. "How do we do uh... this...?"
"I think we order...?" asked Darwin. "Like... food?"
"Yeah!" smiled Josuke.
"Gimme that," said Gumball. "Lemme show you guys how a professional does this-!"
Suddenly, a giant menu is shown with a few categories.
The first thing to buy is Bikini Bottomite food. The phone says, "Galley Grub."
"Burgers, Side Dishes, and Meals. Also, sodas? What!? How does that work!? You're all under the s-! Ooh! There's a Clam Bucket in this bundle! Double Krabby Patties w/ cheese, seven orders of friendly Double Chili Kelp Fries, Nacho Oyster Skins, Krusty Krab Pizza, Krusty Dogs, and Krusty Pasta. Drinks of Kelp Soda and Kelp Sea Pineapple Juice."
"That sounds like a lot..." said Spongebob.
"LET'S BUY IT!!!" Patrick presses the button.
"Alright! Alright!" smiled Josuke. "Yeah! Yeah! We're doing it! My turn!Let's see here... Ooh! This is a nice bundle!Kare-Kare, Adobo, Adobo Fried Rice, Sinigang, Pakbet, Balut, Kwek-Kwek, Kikyam, Fishball, and Siomai."
"Guys... this is-..." said Spongebob.
"It's fine!" Patrick presses the button.
"Our turn, Boi!" smiled Jake. "Finn?"
"This bundle from Starchy's Meals of Ooo.Apple Pie, Pizza, Clambulance Clams, Korean Foods, some random other... foods..." said Finn.
As Finn went on, he and Jake began to frown.
Josuke pats Finn's back.
"Oh my God, we have no culture..." said Finn.
"It's okay... Man... We based our foods on other nations, too," said Josuke, patting his back to a depressed Finn and Jake.
"Our turn!" smiled Gumball and Darwin, taking Josuke's phone. "Joyful Burger Chicken Bucket with Extra Triple-Patty Cheeseburger Deluxes, French Fries, Onion Rings, and Extra Gravy!"
"Okay! Let's do this!" yelled Josuke.
"YEAH!!!" yelled the seven.
Later...
The seven are all full with bigger bellies and all sit back and relax on their seats.
"Ah..." smiled everyone.
"Wow!" smiled Gumball. "Balut wasn't that bad! The duckling was actually... alright!"
"Big surprise," said Josuke. "The mammal likes eating small birds."
"Big surprise. The Filipino enjoyed eating American Cheeseburgers for once instead of Jollibee's Cheeseburgers," said Gumball.
"Touche, Cat," smiled Josuke.
Gumball smiles back.
"Gee!" smiled Patrick. "That was good pie!"
"Bahahaha! We should start a partnership!" smiled Spongebob. "With your entire nation!"
"Nah... We think yours is better," said Finn. "Those Krabby Patties were amazing!"
"You said it!" smiled Jake.
"What a great day!" smiled Darwin. "I hope it just ends with this..."
"We're... bankrupt..." said Josuke. "For this week's allowance."
"WHAT!?" asked the others.
"So... the dishwasher's broken..." said Gumball.
"Yes," said Josuke.
"So... we're gonna have to wash our own dishes..." said Gumball.
"Yes..." said Josuke.
Later...
*knock, knock, knock...*
"Go away!" yelled BJ.
"Jed?" asked Josuke. "Could you please wash the dishes?"
"You have to learn to clean yourselves!"
"But... we're kinda... lazy...?"
Later...
Josuke, Finn, Jake, Spongebob, Patrick, Gumball, and Darwin all wash the dishes.
*shatter!*
Everyone looks at Patrick.
They turn back to their work.
*shatter!*
They turn to Patrick again.
"Sorry!" said Patrick.
They turn back to their work again.
*shatter!*
They turn to Patrick again.
"Sorry!" said Patrick.
They turn back to their work again.
*shatter!*
"PATRICK!!!" yelled the other six.
"Sorry..." said Patrick.
"We... fucked up..." said Josuke.
"Yeah!" said the rest.
"Maybe we should be nicer... to BJ next time..." said Gumball.
"Yeah..." said the rest.
"How do we pay for our taxes this week?" asked the other six.
"Shit..." said the others.
Meanwhile... a man with a white mask stares at them from outside...
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