บท 338: 338. Bad Romance Part II
"Stand up for... yourself... and pull them down... where these people belong... Ruin them..." said Funny.
Funny summons one of his old bullies, Ryan Calub.
Lmao. You put the wrong OP in one of your books.
SHUT UP!!!
"What the fuck!?" asked Ryan. "Oy! Oy oy oy oy! It's the-!"
Miguel grabs Ryan's face and beats it over and over again.
His skull begins to fracture as Miguel grunts and beats his face over and over again.
"You put pubes in my mouth... Took a picture... and showed it to everyone... The whole school laughed at me... piled up jokes over my body... I kept rolling in the punches.Guess what, bitch? I'm God now..."
What? Miguel didn't say that.
Well... He didn't... Because he couldn't...
He just kept on beating his face angrily.
"Daddy?" asked a child, seeing Miguel beat her father.
Miguel sees this in horror.
He drops Ryan on the floor of the unknown as Funny snickers.
Miguel spits blood.
He limps slowly backward. "Shit... You're good..." he began chuckling. "Funny Valentine... You made me feel bad... You're... playing with them... how I feel...*GASP!!!*I feel awful... I will always feel awful... because society decided that I should die...So this young girl... watching me beat her father senseless...This is just a walk in the park..."
"You... after I hid the Saint's Corpse... You... you were born..." said Funny. "I didn't expect you to be this violent... Filled... with hatred...Crab Mentality... This... is what you Filipinos feel... when someone before you is living the fucking life... What you Filipinos want... is vengeance... out of envy..."
Note: Crab Mentality! It is a common Filipino negative trait where a less successful person drags down the more successful person to his own level. What's horrible about this is Funny Valentine is revealing that Filipinos aren't as perfect as they are told to be.
"Not all Filipinos are like me..." said Miguel.
Funny grunts. "EVERY... Filipino... is like you. EVERY country other than AMERICA... is like you...Yurielle... who wants the world to be blind like her...Gabrielle... who wants the United States to be like the Philippines... just like her father did...Everyone...You people... you people need to be better... so I can at least respect you.And you... you want people to suffer as you did... 3,600 years stuck in the Hyperbolic Time Room... the people who loved you moved on... The woman you loved is with your school bully... How pathetic...So... You inflict pain and violence... and yet you are the incarnation of Christ... and here you are... sneering in front of a father... while you beat him in front of his daughter...Kill him."
Miguel stares at the father... The man who once humiliated him in school.
"KILL... HIM...!!! In front of his daughter... and join Bill Cipher... and the League of Anarchy!"
Miguel growls and breathes heavily.
"KILL HIM!!!"
The man sobs. "Please! Not in front of her! Please... Please... Look, man... Don't... I'll pay you anything..."
"Daddy!" the girl is frozen in fear.
Miguel yells. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Miguel takes out his magical stick, tosses the stick toward Funny's face, and strikes Funny Valentine in the face, knocking him out.
"HA!!! BITCH!!! YOU THOUGHT THAT I TURNED ON MY FRIENDS, ASSHOLE!!! IDIOT!!!NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA!!! I AM STILL A GOOD GUY!!!" laughed Miguel. "I didn't turn into a bad guy!"
Miguel summons a bubble from his Joestar Birthmark. "GET BACK!!!"
The bubble pops on the man's face, healing him.
"Get back to your family..." said Miguel, helping him up. "Here's a portal gun." He warps out Rick's portal gun from his bubble. "The coordinates for your house are already in. Lockdown your neighborhood and make sure you call the Maharlican authorities."
The daughter hugs her father out of fear.
The man is also frozen in fear.
Miguel howls. "NOW!!!"
The father immediately opens a portal out of fear and they both hop in, safely ending up in their backyard as the mother hugs them, sobbing.
Miguel wipes his tears and yells. He drops and kneels down, knowing that he almost killed a man in front of his daughter.He sobs."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH haha...!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
"Hello?" asked Miguel, using his psychic powers. "Gabrielle?"
No response.
Miguel tries to kill himself, but he realizes he is next to Funny Valentine.
Miguel sighs.
Miguel realizes that he can't open a portal either.
Miguel decides to walk away, but Funny slowly wakes up and crawls toward him.
Funny is currently crippled.
Funny also realizes that he can't use D4C because if he does so, he might not be able to see where Miguel teleports.
So, Miguel begins to limp away very quickly while Funny crawls quickly.
The pair are in a cat-and-mouse chase in the Purple Dimension.
Meanwhile...
Yurielle tosses another dagger, but No. 1 drops it right before Fiona's face.
Everyone is moaning and sticking their tongues out, making ahegao faces.
"Yesus Christ..." said Stroheim. Suddenly, she begins to feel hot down there. "FIONA!!!"
"Sorry, boss," said Fiona.
Stroheim sighs. "Vell... Yurielle Mista! A pleasure to meet you after so many years!"
"You... killed my parents..." she drooled and is unable to stand up.
"Yes... Vell... Everybody is a bitch sometimes, Yoyo..." said Stroheim.
"Why...?" asked Yurielle.
"For German science..." said Stroheim. "Because German Science is the greatest in ze vorld."
"Okay..." Yurielle struggles to stand up. "Well... Did you know that Jack can summon Mobs?"
Suddenly, a Magma Cube from Minecraft burns up the paper Fiona was drawing on and the Rangers slowly stand up.
Fiona hides under the table as Stroheim brings out missile launchers from behind her.
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" yelled Stroheim.
Meanwhile...
Miguel kept on limping away while Funny kept on crawling toward him.
"You bound me into one body!" yelled Funny. "Clever! But... sooner or later, you will trip... and I will capture you..."
"Well... I can sense... that 8 meters from now... God will provide..." said Miguel. "Or shall I say... 6 meters? 5 meters? 4... 3... 2... 1...?"
Narcos immediately drops before Miguel.
"COLDPLAY!!!"
Narcos freezes Funny Valentine's face.
Suddenly, Nick drops before Funny and electrocutes Funny's face, killing his current body.
Meanwhile...
Ghost Rider strangles Von Stroheim in the neck with his chain and pulled backward.
"Guilty..." whispered Ghost Rider.
Stroheim then clamps himself on the ground and shoots a laser into Ghost Rider's face.
*PEW PEW PEW!!!*
F.F. shoots at Stroheim from the distance.
Yurielle tosses knives at Stroheim.
Jill tosses boxes of TNT at Stroheim.
Dark appears from behind Stroheim and decapitated her arm.
Meanwhile, Kariel and Sam are battling against Kenneth on top of the roof of the building. Kariel shoots at Kenneth while Sam beats Kenneth over and over with his shield. Kenneth, however, blocks their attacks with a Gravity Forcefield.
Kenneth then lifts them up and crushes both of their necks with gravity as they struggle to undo Kenneth's attack.
Stroheim roars as she shoots F.F. and Yurielle in their shoulders. Jill is also shot in both legs.
Stroheim then prepares a powerful Destroyer Cannon Beam with her hands, turning both into a large weapon.
Meanwhile...
Miguel warps out a car for Nick and Narcos.
"You could've done that the entire time?" asked Nick.
"Yes... But if I did, you would've been killed. I had to have faith in what I was already doing.Gabrielle is still being attacked by Bad Romance, but I can tell that she wants to enjoy herself for a while and is pretending to be suffering. I could sense that which is disgusting. Meanwhile, I'm gonna have to free the other Crusaders from that dimension."
"Where?" asked Narcos. "Is there yet another dimension we don't know about?"
"Yes..." sighed Miguel. "Mine...Get in... We'll speed up the car to 88 miles per hour and space travel from there."
"Wait... We're going to do a Back to the Future!?" asked Nick.
"Yes," said Miguel. "That is an alternate Universe. Get in."
Later...
*VROOM!!!*
The car speeds around the Purple Dimension. Because the car is imperfectly warped, it would take time for it to reach 88 miles per hour. It is currently at 28 mph.
"How'd you get us into the Purple Dimension?" smiled Narcos.
"I bound him long enough for only the two of you to get here. We have to get the others manually," said Miguel.
Narcos smiles. "How'd you know?"
"I have this... uh... weird tingling I get when I feel that something wrong or right is going to happen. If you were a Wall-Crawler like Peter, you'd get it."
Narcos frowns. He smiles. "Just saying... You're 3,000 years old. My body is 7,000! 1,000 not counting the times I was dormant!"
Miguel stays silent.
"So!" Narcos clapped his hands. "Is it weird that I'm dating your daughter? Also because I basically switched sexes during Equivalent Exchange?"
Miguel stays silent.
Narcos gulps. "All I could do is create an ice armor that resets any attack to zero... but I kinda know that you are immune to that form of defense! Haha! What scares me is that you... Mr. Ibarra... You could totally kill me right now, right? But you won't because you're bound with... Kindness...?"
Nick facepalms.
"Look..." said Miguel. "First of all, yes. I am immune to reset to zero because I automatically reset things to one. Second of all, you shouldn't be scared. Don't call me 'Mr. Ibarra.' Gabrielle isn't technically my daughter. Even though I kinda see her as the closest thing I have to have a daughter and Mikaela is the closest thing I have to have a Granddaughter. Also, I respect you enough and have faith in you that you are capable of having a healthy relationship with her. Third. No, I am not bound by kindness. I am bound by eternal suffering and I am forced to do the right thing no matter how much I want to do the wrong thing."
"At least if Miguel JoJo was here-..."
"Here's the thing... 3,000 years in there, I ended up witnessing his entire life in an interval of those years. So... I know how he feels right now as a spirit witnessing you date our daughter. And I gotta say, we both think you're a good kid."
Narcos smiles. "Thanks, Mr. Ibarra."
"Call me 'Miguel,'" smiled Miguel.
"Thanks, Miguel."
They both stay silent.
"Just don't think about her the way you are right now when I'm in the room."
Narcos blushes. "How'd you-?"
"I'm Miguel Ibarra. Duh... Also, cross your legs or freeze them. I could see your dick from here."
Narcos crosses his legs, bowing his head in embarrassment.
Meanwhile...
As everyone prepares to charge toward Stroheim, Kenneth strangles all of them at once with his gravity control.
Kenneth steps forward and sneers. "Stardust Rangers! You have been captured!"
Meanwhile...
Gabrielle is now struggling to stop herself from touching herself. "NO!!! I CAN'T STOP MYSELF!!! KYA!!! I HAVE TO DO IT!!! I HAVE TO ACTUALLY-!!!"
"The picture's been burnt," said Prismo.
"Huh?" asked Gabrielle.
"The picture's been burnt 16 minutes ago," said Prismo.
Gabrielle blushes and stands right back up. She fixes her hair and her clothes. "Why did you just let me go on...?"
"Enjoying the view," said Prismo.
Jake sighs. "I'm a dog, so I didn't get it."
Gabrielle sighs. She looks around. "Where the hell is my other Dad?"
"The Rangers have been captured by Kenneth by the way," said Prismo.
"WHAT!?" asked Gabrielle.
Meanwhile...
The car teleports away and appears in his old neighborhood.
Miguel walks outside to see that the neighborhood is filled with sad people that bow their heads. They scoff at seeing Miguel, thinking that he's just MABUS again.
Miguel ignores them and enters their house.
"Isn't this your house?" asked Narcos. "You showed us a picture of it on your phone."
"Yep," said Miguel. "But I believe that Funny put the others here. He has the Crusaders here, and he knows that if I go here, I'll have a mental breakdown."
"When did you meet Funny?" asked Nick.
"A couple of hundred years back," said Miguel. "He wanted to make America great again by ruining the lives of infinite variants of 7 billion people. I didn't agree with that, so I tried to kill him. Of course, I'm not allowed to kill. So I couldn't do anything. I have to find a way to trap him forever or whatever."
"I mean... I'm an American cop," said Nick. "But I kinda get why that's wrong. You can't just destroy everyone else's lives so that Americans could have a better life."
"Well..." said Miguel. "He already did that when he stole my previous body. So... I'm all the world has left. And this world killed me."
He finally finds the keys in his pockets and opens the gate. They enter and walk up the very small stone hill.
Miguel, Nick, and Narcos all climbed the stairs and appeared at the front door. He opens the door with his keys.
"Maria!?" asked a female voice. "We're out of hotdogs. Could you go back and-?"
It's Anne of this Universe. She faces Miguel for the first time in ten years. But he meets her for the first time in 3,600 years.
Miguel stares at her. "What are you doing here?"
Anne is left dumbfounded and baffled.
"What...?" asked Miguel. "Go on. Scream. Say... that I'm a coward for not... returning here. For letting you live a life of sorrow. Go on. Scream. Shame me. Crucify me, for all I care." Miguel began to weep. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Anne looks like she's about to cry.
"Stop that..." wept Miguel. "Stop that..."
"Mama?" asked a little ten-year-old girl with green hair and green eyes.
Nick's and Narcos' eyes widen out of shock.
Miguel snapped back into "reality." "Right..." said Miguel. "I've been replaced. Is this one his kid?I already have a daughter in another reality, and her dad is this Grimm." He points to Nick.
Anne hugs Miguel and sobs.
"Get the fuck off of me," said Miguel. Miguel softly pushes her away. "Please... Just... don't touch me... It's confusing..."
"Miguel, please..." said Anne, trying to hug him again.
Miguel backs away.
Anne sighs as she wipes her tears. "Gabrielle? I want you to meet someone..."
This other Gabrielle hides behind a chair.
"Uh... Miguel?" asked Narcos. "I think that's your daughter..."
"No, she isn't," chuckled Miguel. "I've seen her running around with Tyrone."
"No... Miguel..." said Narcos. "Here's the thing... What's weird is that she looks exactly like Gabrielle from her old pictures and she shares the same name with her!"
Miguel kept staying indifferent from the little girl. "I'm just here for Funny's prisoners."
"Please, Miguel!" yelled Anne. "Stay for dinner-..."
"No... No... Psh! This is another one of your bullshit... You're going to hand me over to MABUS. No, no, no, no, no... None of that. That one is not mine," said Miguel.
Suddenly, Miguel and Gabrielle sense each other.
Miguel is about to cry, and Gabrielle is scared.
"No..." Miguel began to cry. "No...! No..."
"Miguel, listen..." said Nick. "You don't have to -..."
"Shut up... Please... just shut the fuck up... No offense, Nick..." said Miguel.
He sits down on the chair.
Miguel kept on looking away from Gabrielle.
Gabrielle approaches him. She touches his tattoos. She then grabs Miguel's face. "Are you my real Daddy?"
Miguel gulps and shakes his leg, bouncing it. He looks away and is about to cry.
"You're hurting..." said Gabrielle. "Do you not want me...?"
"No, no... I don't-..." said Miguel. "I just didn't expect to have a child with your mother..."
"Why? You don't want me to exist?"
"I don't know..."
Nick whispers to Miguel and lets the tiny clouds he manifests carry his voice to Miguel's ear. "Miguel... She's yours. Whether you like it or not, that'll never change. You act like the world is responsible for everything. But the world only did this to you because of who you are supposed to be. She's strong... like you... I could tell. I know what this feels like. When I found out Adalind was pregnant with Kelly... I didn't know what to feel... I felt betrayed... probably mostly by myself... and I blamed God... but you can't change anything... And if you do... You'd be sorry."
Miguel doesn't know what to feel. He just kept looking away and averting eye contact with his own daughter, which he senses to be true.
Gabrielle sits down next to Miguel. "Why do you have all those tattoos?"
Miguel stays quiet.
Gabrielle sighs and stands up.
"I'll... uh..." said Anne. "You want some coffee?"
"Sure," said Narcos. "Yeah."
Nick nods.
The others are about to leave the room.
"They're spells," replied Miguel. "They're... uh..."
Gabrielle turns to Miguel, approaches him, and sits next to him. The others did so, too.
The others smile and leave.
"The tattoos are my Stand. They activate when I conjure spells..." he gulped.
Gabrielle gives a cheery smile. "I know one!"
Gabrielle shows Miguel the words, "LAKHASH LHIKHISHOT" written in Hebrew on her arm.
"Ah..." smiled Miguel. "The Magic Nullifier Spell. 'The Whispering Spell.' That's the first spell I learned, too. Who taught you?"
"A voice did!" smiled Gabrielle. "Mama says that he is God."
"That's nice," said Miguel. "Did it hurt?"
"Very... But you get used to it!" smiled Gabrielle.
Miguel smiled. "Me, too...Look... I'm..." he gulped. "I'm sorry for... not being there..."
"Don't worry! You were watching over us! I could tell!"
"But... I didn't know-... Because I couldn't bring myself to find out -..."
Gabrielle hugs Miguel's back. "I didn't know, too... But I knew that you were special..."
"You think I'm special?" Miguel begins to cry.
"Yeah! You're really cool!" smiled Gabrielle. "Did... no one say you're special before?"
Miguel, crying, shakes his head.
"Well... I think you are!" smiled Gabrielle.
"And I, you..." he smiled and cried. "And I, you..."
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