บท 228: 228. The Magician Part I
Dark finishes videoing his shoe, which he had been shaking for 30 minutes.
"Remind me again on what we'd get from this weird documentary of shaking a shoe?"
"Herc... Herc... Herc!" Dark shook his head as he turned off the camera. "You completely don't understand comedy. I'm tricking the audience by telling them that they'll wait for something amazing! But turns out they won't see anything at all and they'd watch this whole video for 30 minutes, waiting for something that they were hoping to see for so long, but dies out with a whole lot of nothing!"
"Dark, that wouldn't work in a documentary because it isn't "funny" for them, it's "funny" for you."
"Humor is having someone in pain, Hercules! Humor can't exist unless someone gets the shorter end of the stick!"
Hercules sighs. "You know... I'm not a very bright guy, but I know that you're a good guy, Dark... Somewhere in here..." Hercules points to Dark's chest. "There is goodness."
Dark stares at Hercules, seemingly with hope.
"Pfft! Hahahahaha!!! Okay. Okay... Yeah! Yeah..."
"What? I really think that you're a good person-..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Dark smacks his face. "Okay! Okay! Okay... Maybe... Maybe you're right..." Dark nods to Hercules. Dark warps his katana. "Now help me steal JoJo's car. He parked it downstairs."
"Hey, Dark!" smiled Fergus
"Hey, Fergus!" said Dark, as he entered the bar.
Fergus patted Dark on the back and spoke with him as he laid his arm around his shoulders.
Later... the pair sat down by the pool table where they played billiards...
"Show me something?" asked Fergus.
"Yep!" smiled Dark. "Outside!"
"Okay..." said Fergus, smiling sweetly. "Sure thing, John!"
Dark's eyes go dead as he stared deep into Fergus' eyes.
"You're... staring at me weird," smiled Fergus. "John?"
"I'll show you something..." said Dark.
"Sure thing, John!" smiled Fergus. The old man, Fergus bottoms up his whiskey and places it on the table.
John and Fergus walked outside of the bar.
"Why'd you bring me here, friend?" asked Fergus as he looked around.
*shing*
*SPLAT*
Dark slices off Fergus' arms as he yells in pain. Fergus sees Dark's katana.
"Oh... Oh my God..." sobbed Fergus.
"Salvi sends his regards..." Dark squinted his eyes.
"John... Why?" he couldn't scream, as the pain was so much that he couldn't even scream.
Dark releases his katana.
"John... Don't do this..." he wept. "I have a wife... kids... Grandchildren... What would they think of you after you do this to me?"
"I don't care what anyone thinks of me..." said Dark.
"Could you at least tell me why you're doing this?" sobbed Fergus.
Dark sighed. "Because you're a cop. You dug into something you're not supposed to dig into."
Fergus sobbed. "So... that's it for me, huh, John? So you're him... The Mafia's best murderer... Dark..."
"Fergus... I'm sorry!" yelled Dark.
"Could you at least tell my wife that I'm sorry... that I can't be coming home today?"
Dark's eyes quivered and went teary.
"I can't, Fergus... I'm sorry."
"Oh... Could you at least sing me my favorite song?"
Dark began to weep. "Leron... Leron Sinta...buko ng papaya..."
Fergus sang with him, sobbing as Dark prepared to strike his neck.
"Dala-dala'y buslo, sisidlan ng sinta... Pagdating sa dulo'y nabali ang sanga... Kapos kapalaran, humanap ng iba... Gumising ka, Neneng, tayo'y manampalok... Dalhin mo ang buslong sisidlan ng hinog... Pagdating sa dulo'y lalamba-lambayog... Kumapit ka, Neneng, baka ka mahulog..."
*SHING*
*SPLAT*
Fergus' head drops on the ground, rolling away.
"Ako'y ibigin mo, lalaking matapang... Ang baril ko'y pito, ang sundang ko'y siyam... Ang lalakarin ko'y parte ng dinulang... Isang pinggang pansit ang aking kalaban..." Dark sobbed as he tightened the grip on his sword.
Now...
"That was my last innocent kill... Ten years ago..." said Dark. "After that, I became the Superhero... or you could say... Anti-Hero... Dark..."
"But you still killed..." said Miguel.
"I don't kill innocent people nor do I kill children... not anymore..." laughed Dark. "I actually never had a sidekick since ten years ago... I realized that I kill innocent lives... and that I'm an awful person... I'll always be a terrible person, Miguel."
"The fact that you stopped working for Salvi is actually a start," said Miguel.
"Yeah, right..." Dark shook his head.
"So... You made this documentary because you hate yourself for what you did years ago?" asked Miguel. "You do realize that cameras don't instantly send videos to the internet, right?"
Dark stares at Miguel with a baffled expression.
"What the hell is an internet?" asked Dark.
Miguel facepalms.
Later...
Dark walks around in the streets as John Stefanio. He whistles quietly the song of Leron Leron Sinta. Dark turns to the right.
"Heya, Dark!" smiled Prometheus, popping up before him.
"Christ. What do you want this time?" asked Dark, walking away.
"How's the documentary going?" asked Prometheus.
"Documentary's over," said Dark.
Dark leaves Prometheus.
"What!?"
"My new boss said so."
"Who!?"
"Miguel JoJo."
"Oh... That guy. Now, lookie here, son... You do realize that you're destined for greatness, right?"
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are! So just do the documentary!" Prometheus clenched his jaw as he magically teleported before Dark. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"
"Look... I know that you're Herc's Dad, but I have a new boss now. So I don't care..." Dark squints his eyes at Prometheus'.
"Okay! Okay! Okay! Look! You're not supposed to -!" Prometheus calms down.
Dark flips him off as he walks away.
"GAH!!!"
Prometheus teleports back to his throne at the Edge of Everything...
"DAMN IT!!!"
Prometheus paces left to right.
"If the documentary doesn't happen, then there's no way that Lord Marvel watches it and finds out about Dark! Dark won't ever meet and join the Crusaders and convince Lord and Miguel that they should work together again-!"
Well! Well! Well! If it isn't the Rick Sanchez rip-off I made five years ago!
"Fuck off!"
Well? Did your plan work?!
"No! Just give me some time!"
Okay! Okay! Look! I am willing to help you only if you are able to make Dark do the documentary just like we agreed.
"Yeah!? Well for some reason that Angel of Death piece of shit self-insert of yours managed to sway him off the deal!"
Welp. Rip. Can't help you. Just gotta allow Stefan to erase your world.
"Wait! Wait! Just wait!" Prometheus gestured a halt to me. "Stop that." Prometheus pointed at me. "Stop that! Stop narrating what I'm doing!" Prometheus points at me once more. "STOP!!!"
Fine. Sheesh.
"Wait! Wait! Listen! What if after all this I'll just tell Jotaro Kujo where they need to teleport to?"
Okay...
"But I'll give you a good story! A story where Dark does something WAY more interesting than a stupid documentary series, hm?"
O-...kay?
"He saves America."
Oh... Oh! Okay? But I was planning that America would-...
"Wait! Just friggin' listen, okay!? Dark and Hercules save America!"
Are you sure that you know what you're doing, Pro?
"Yes! Yes! Just give me some time and I'll make up a story with a good ending, unlike the other books!"
Well... I do need a good ending for them for once! Okay!
"Good! Just... Just sit down and relax, okay!?"
Fine... You have a few eternities.
"YES!!! I WON'T LET YOU DOWN!!!"
Later...
Dark and Hercules happily game in the mansion's living room.
"Hey, Dark?" asked Hercules.
"Yeah?"
Hercules drinks some soda. "How do you pay for everything?"
Dark shrugs.
*beep beep beep*
Dark squints his eyes.
"What?" asked Hercules.
Dark stands up and checks his watch. "'Stand-User nearby?'" asked Dark. He looks left and right. "Yo, JoJo..." Dark spoke in his watch.
"Yeah?"
"Is there anyone alive in the mansion right now?"
Miguel scans the area with his computer.
"Nope," said Miguel.
"What the hell are you doing?" asked Yuki, walking out of the kitchen drinking from the carton.
"Don't drink from the box!" yelled Dark. "JoJo, I think your watch thing is busted. It keeps beeping that there's an unregistered Stand-User in the mansion."
"Who the hell are you talking to?" asked Yuki.
"He's probably talking to himself. He has a disorder or something," said Hercules.
"I'm talking to JoJo, dumbass!"
"Fuck off, bloody wanker." Yuki flips Dark off.
"Anyway... I'm gonna go back and game..." said Dark, as he sat back down with Hercules.
*beep beep beep*
Dark squints his eyes. "Fuckin'..." Dark takes off his watch and places it in a cabinet. He then sits back down with Hercules.
"Where the fuck's the newspaper?" asked Yuki.
"They still make those?" asked Hercules.
Dark sighs. "Damned Brits..."
"3rd World Wench."
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you."
Hercules, meanwhile, grabbed the newspaper and prepared to give it to Yuki. However, the pair are still arguing. Hercules reads the headline.
"MIGUEL JOJO: HERO OR MURDERER?"
Hercules sees a hand crawl out of the newspaper
"Uh... Dark? Yuki?"
"WHAT!?" asked the pair.
Their angered expressions wither away almost immediately, both seeing the strange hand coming out of the paper.
A man of Sub-Saharan descent crawled out of the newspaper.
Dark immediately warped his katana out as he slashes it at the newspaper.
*SHING*
*thwip*
The newspaper is cut in half, but the hand had already retreated.
Yuki warps out her mask.
Dark looks around as the trio go back to back.
"Oh geez!" yelled Hercules. "I didn't think we'd face against a Stand today!"
"Me neither, bud," said Dark.
The hand rose from a receipt on the ground behind Dark's leg, carrying a dagger.
*SHING*
*SPLAT*
Dark yells in agony, being stabbed in the leg.
"I think he can teleport around papers!" yelled Yuki.
"Time to use my Stand I guess..." smiled Hercules. Hercules poses as he puts his fists on his hips and lets out his butt. "GOLDEN SUN!!!"
Hercules releases a giant and muscular golden Stand resembling a Centurion.
The Centurion Stand, Golden Sun, prepared to attack.
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