บท 160: 160. Parents
Jake closes the portal as he walked into his wife's barn. His wife, an elongated rainbow-colored unicorn, called a rainicorn, kissed him on the head as he kissed her back.
"Uri adleun gwaenchanha? (Are our kids doing fine)?" she asked, but speaking in Korean.
"They're fine," smiled Jake, as he hugged her.
*step step step step step*
Jake's ears are raised.
"Stay here," said Jake.
"Zamikkan! (But Jake!)" yelled Lady.
"It'll be fine," Jake smiled.
Jake stretches outside as he morphs into a giant.
"Uh... hello? Anyone out there? Hello?"
*CRASH*
"WHOA!!!" yelled Jake.
Jake stretches down to see a yellow humanoid with white hair and blue appendages on her head that look like cat ears. She is rather short, about the same height as Jake's normal height when standing upright. She wears a tight crop top with tights and leggings. She has flat shoes connected to her tights. She also has a cat-like tail. She has a Gem on her chest.
She slowly stands up from the ground.
"Uh... Hey! I'm Jake the Dog!" he smiled.
"Ah!" she yelled as she shyly backed away. "Uh!"
"Hey! Don't worry, kid! I won't bite!" yelled Jake.
She speaks to a hologram.
"Uh... My Diamond!" she yelled. "I have found a being that calls himself Jake the Dog! It can shapeshift like us!"
"Dispose of him," said a shadowy figure. "It might find out that I am still active."
"Y-Yes, my Diamond..." she nervously takes out a golden katana. "I-I apologize, Jake the Dog!"
She jumps upward and swings her katana toward Jake, who backs away and dodges by shape-shifting his body in half, successfully dodging her katana.
She jumps on the wall of the barn as Jake throws his fists at her, but she dodges once more.
Jake freezes her stuck on the ground.
Jake then manifests hundreds of fists and blasts all of them toward her.
"RARARARARARARARA!!!" he yelled.
"Hiya!" she yelled, slicing Jake's arm off, but the arm punches her away as it reattaches itself back to Jake's shoulder.
Lady Rainicorn gasps. "Jake!"
She squints her eyes as she lept toward Lady and prepared to slice her in half.
But her katana just passes through Lady.
*smack*
Jake successfully punches her and knocks her out, as she poofs.
Jake grabs her gem, which is shaped like a cat's eye.
"Huh..." said Jake. "It's a cat's eye."
"Nanen ggerteul meokgo sipda. (I kind wanna eat it)," Lady smiled.
"And I found this weird thingy on her pocket," said Jake, bringing out a paper with the same rune.
"And I found this weird thingy on her pocket," said Jake, bringing out a paper with the same rune"Rune of David," said Rick, speaking with Weeb Town and the Crusaders. "It was used by the ancient Israelites to travel between worlds. It was derived from this rune..."
Rick presses a button. Everyone is watching a slideshow in Rick's garage/laboratory.
"David's Rune is a much more simplified version than this complex one"David's Rune is a much more simplified version than this complex one. The reason why David's Rune works better is-..." Morty stops for a second. He pulls up his sleeve and reads from his arm. "-... is because David's Rune uses Adonai El's Triumvirate name."
"I almost thought that you did research," sighed Rick. "Goddamnit. The rune's even poorly drawn. Whatever! This rune is called the Rune of the Diamonds. It was created by Bill Cipher the moment when Bill escaped-...I'm sorry, but this is bothering me."
Rick goes to Morty's laptop and scribbles some stuff in Paint.
Rick goes to Morty's laptop and scribbles some stuff in Paint"Fucking there... Mooorty..." said Rick. "...-escaped using the Diamonds he created. It allowed him to travel between dimensions anyway he liked. He started the second Multiversal War."
"I heard that the second Multiversal War was caused by three people," said Miguel. "Who were they?"
"Loki of Earth-Prime Version 616, Barry Allen of Prime-Earth Version 1, and Enrico Pucci of Earth-Magic," said Rick. "Earth-SBR was the root Universe where the Holy Corpse Parts stayed in. Even though that Universe is the root Universe, its previous Universes, Earth-Star and Earth-Magic were its previous loops."
"There are more universes other than Earth-Grimm and Earth-Prince?" asked Miguel.
"Precisely," Rick replied. "Your Universe is not the root universe. It's the Twin Universes. Earth Magic is already destroyed and looped into two versions of itself, Earth-Star and Earth-SBR. One is a root Universe, the other acts as its soil. Whatever the hell that means. In fact, Kars told me that you, Miguel JoJo, have variants of yourself there. One is..."
"Jotaro Kujo"Jotaro Kujo... The other is..."
"Josuke Higashikata"Josuke Higashikata..."
(From: https://ninjajojos-bizarre-adventure.fandom.com/wiki/Jotaro_Kujo;https://www.kindpng.com/imgv/TTobThR_josuke-part-8-png-transparent-png/)
"They look exactly like me," said Miguel.
"Just different... *burp...* Art styles," said Rick.
Everyone stares at Rick with a "What are you talkin' about?" face.
"Oh, come on! Does no one here realize that when we're in your Universe, you're in the form of some weird anime!?" asked Rick.
"Anime! I've been getting into some anime lately-!" smiled Jerry (Morty's father and Rick's son-in-law).
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, JERRY!!! (DAD!!! YOU DON'T JUST WATCH YOUR NAME AND SAY YOU WATCH ANIME!!! GET-!!!)" yelled Rick (and Morty). "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY GARAGE!!! (OUTTA HERE, DAD!!!)"
Jerry slams the door shut and weeps as he runs away.
Zed checks outside.
"Oh SHIT!!! You made him cry!" laughed Zed.
"So..." said Anne, who is texting. She keeps on texting. And texting...
Miguel pats her shoulder.
"Wha? Huh?" asked Anne.
"You were either asking a question, concluding something, or going to say something stupid," said Miguel.
"Stupid!? How is asking if they have the same dick size as yours stupid!?" asked Anne.
"My point exactly," said Miguel. "Also... Hey!" he put his arms on his hips.
"Do they?" asked Anne.
Miguel sighs. "Rick... These two are Twin Universes, right?" asked Miguel.
"They're both root universes, yes," said Rick.
"Which one is our root universe?" asked Miguel.
"Earth-Star. Josuke's is Earth-SBR," replied Rick.
"Do they also have an Ark of the Covenant?" asked Miguel.
"The Ark of the Covenant is actually used by the Ancient Israelites in every known Universe to travel between dimensions in secret. Specifically, their Judges. Also known as the Grimms," said Rick.
"There are Grimms in other worlds as well?" asked Kariel.
"Yes," said Rick. "But in other words, they aren't called Grimms. They just hold twelve different birthmarks from twelve different families. Five-pointed Star, heart-..."
"Ooh! Ooh!" smiled Anne. "That's us!"
"I can see that, Anne," said Miguel.
"-... ankh, moon, sun, diamond, spade, club, eye, spade, crown-..."
Miguel's eyes widen
"I'm sorry... What? A crown?" asked Miguel.
"A crown... Yes..." said Rick. "...and the Star of David."
"Wait... back to the crown..." said Miguel. "When I was fighting Salvi, I remember that he had a crown."
"So... he has the blood of a Grimm," said Rick. "Probably wasn't triggered because of his dominant Aswang gene."
"Hm..." said Miguel.
"Anyway... These Arks were used by the Judges to create an ancient Council of Judges where infinite versions of Judges managed to create a society in protecting the timelines," said Rick. "Not all Judges are Grimms... some are just humans... In your world, you were assigned as Grimms because you needed to police the creatures..."
"Do all Grimms have these symbols?" asked Miguel.
"No," said Rick. "The symbols were soon lost in time. Only three of these symbols exist in your world: The crown, the five-pointed star, and the heart."
"Interesting..." said Lord, brushing his head like a beard.
"What are you doing?" asked Lei.
"I don't have a beard... so..." said Lord.
"So yeah..."
"Why are Arks... Arks?" asked Miguel.
"Because like Stand Arrows, Wall-Eyes, Devil's Palm, and the Holy Corpse, they have high levels of an alien virus I call the Niburuan Standoids. They give the gods Beyonds while they give mortals Stands. They form out of Standium, the material Stand Arrows, the Tablets of the Commandments, Wall-Eyes, Devil-Palm, and Stand Stones are made of," said Rick.
"So... Stand-Users are all ill?" asked Zed.
"Standoids search for planets with strong souls," said Rick. "I used to think that souls aren't real. Turns out that they're real and I have to watch out of the Abrahamic God," Rick shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "The Standoids infected literally everyone in the 4th-World and reached the D4C Universes as it considers us as the most powerful beings in any Multiverse in terms of spiritual energy. They also have properties of equivalent exchange."
"Hey! Like what your mom did to you!" smiled Anne. "Why were you trying to avenge her anyway?"
"Because she's my mom. But I also kinda hate her because she was a bad person and experimented on me as a child without ever considering the psychological effects it would have on me when I'm older whereas she treated Kariel oppositely. Anyways!" yelled Miguel. "Rick. These Standoids. Where else are they found?"
"Ancient stuff that you Christians, Jews, and Muslims consider as Holy objects," said Rick. "Now... the Fortisites made the Cryptids as an army against the Gems, seeing that the Gems tried to colonize their-..."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asked Kariel.
Miguel shrugs. "I'm just saying while I was blamed for doing literally everything that's wrong, you were smothered by our mother. Do go on, Rick."
"...-"
"Oh, wow! At least you had a father!" yelled Lord.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asked both Miguel and Kariel.
"You guys complain all the time about how your parents treated you badly! Your family was never comprised of a single parent and you!" yelled Lord.
"Dude... My mother was an emotionally manipulative woman who experimented on babies along with her man-child of a husband!" yelled Miguel.
"Yeah! Isn't that awesome?" asked Lord. "Our dad cared about you two! Especially you, Miguel! He cared about you so much that he made you into his best weapon against evil!"
"Oh... wow," Miguel scoffed. "You think that I'm the favorite!? Kariel was the favorite, Lord!"
"I wasn't even on the table!" yelled Lord.
"Oh, please! Dad was all over you, Kuya!" yelled Kariel.
"And mom was all over you. Now. Rick. Continue the slideshow," said Miguel.
"No!" yelled Kariel. "We're going to sort this out right now."
"No," said Miguel, sternly.
Everyone stayed in awkward silence.
"I can't stop watching," whispered Zed.
"Kuya. Stop being a child," said Kariel. "Lord. Stop acting like you have no one! You have so many people now!"
"Yeah? Well Kuya Miguel has more!" yelled Lord. "'Miguel the President!' 'Miguel the Father!' 'Miguel the Leader!' 'Ooh! Corruption is gone!' 'Ooh! World hunger and poverty are gone!' 'Ooh! He's a Superhero!' You are always so loved because they think that you were the world's biggest victim! You always play the victim! You've manipulated everyone into your web of lies acting like the hero afterward just to impress other people! But actually, you were a bully, too! No different than the people who bullied you."
"I'm a hero because it's right. I never loved myself for what I had become back in 8th Grade... hurting people using my Stand to gain respect... Instead, I gained their fear, Lord," said Miguel. "What about you, Lord? Your abilities came from a syringe. Take that away and what are you?"
"The world's greatest YouTube Celebrity slash Superhero," said Lord.
"And I'm the one with the ego? I deserve an ego because I earned it," said Miguel. "You just got your powers and the first thing you do with them is for YouTube and stupid views."
"Both of your calm down," said Rick.
Lord floats upward.
"I AM LORD MARVEL!!!" Lord cried.
"And I am the Goddamned Reaper," said Miguel.
"Is this what you humans call 'awkward?'" asked Kapitan.
"Yes, Bumi," replied Lei.
"I'm not going to lie. This is quite enjoyable," commented Kapitan.
"Both of you calm down!" yelled Kariel.
"I changed your diapers so sit down!" yelled Miguel.
"Miggy, stop!" yelled Anne. "You're being a child."
"Me? I'm being a child? ME!?" asked Miguel.
"Lord. Calm down, too," said Lei.
Lord sighs and floats down.
"Look..." said Lord. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not," said Miguel.
"Miguel..." said Anne.
"I've worked the hardest for this world. I've worked THE GODDAMNED HARDEST for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING in these worlds," said Miguel. "And you called me 'playing the victim.' Me! You have no idea what I've gone through in my younger years!"
"I lost my mother and I had no father!"
"Good! Because that father was a psychopath! Not the... mother part though... That's pretty awful."
"Hey!" yelled Mariam. "Our dad loved all of us."
"You don't know that!" yelled Lord.
"Who do you think arranged for all of you into the same school?" asked Mariam. "He also frequently visited me when he was with you."
"That's why he would have 12-hour smoke breaks!" yelled Kariel.
Everyone looks at Kariel and shakes their heads.
"We all have overbearing parents! Just quit it! Shit happens, okay!?" asked Mariam. "None of you are playing the victim! We get it! You all had tragic backstories! Don't fight each other! You're all brothers! Now say sorry to each other!"
Miguel, Kariel, and Lord sigh.
"Sorry," the three muttered.
Lord shakes her hand. "Hi. I'm Lord Gawain Naga."
"I'm Mariam Lance Avdol," she smiled. "I'm your sister."
"Oh my God," said Lord, as he lets go of her hand.
"Ew," said Lei. "What were you think just now-?"
"Please be quiet," said Lord.
"Anyways-..." said Rick.
"Dad?" asked Beth, (his daughter and Morty's mother), "Why did you kick out Jerry and make him cry?"
"HAHAHA!!! HE'S STILL CRYING!!!" laughed Zed.
"Living room... Now!" yelled Beth.
"Aw man..." sighed Rick, as he walked into the living room. "Sorry, guys."
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