บท 6: Chapter 5
Alright, folks, strap in because we're diving into the grim and gritty world of Albus Dumbledore's big ol' regret fest. Picture Dumbledore, the ultimate grandpa wizard with a penchant for candy, now looking like someone just told him his favorite lollipops are toxic. His usually twinkling eyes? More like clouded with enough concern and regret to make a soap opera star look like they're on vacation. His office, filled with magical gizmos ticking away, might as well be a soundtrack to his inner turmoil.
So, Dumbledore, the master puppeteer of the wizarding world, had wanted Harry Potter to live with the Dursleys. Why? To make him humble and prepared for life's upcoming train wreck. Yeah, because nothing says "I love you" like putting a kid with the emotional range of a pancake through an emotional meat grinder. And just when he thought he had everything perfectly planned out, Sirius Black, the drama king himself, decided to rewrite the script. Sirius, driven by what Dumbledore presumed was a temporary lapse in sanity, decided Harry's happiness and well-being were more important than playing along with the master plan.
Dumbledore's brooding took him straight to his darkest secret: Harry's forehead is basically Voldemort's deluxe souvenir shop. Harry's a Horcrux, a living vessel for a piece of Voldemort's soul. Oh, and Dumbledore's plan included Harry eventually biting the dust to get rid of the Dark Lord. Fun times, right?
Staring out of his office window as the sun set like the final scene of a tragic drama, Dumbledore mulled over his colossal miscalculations. Sirius going rogue? Check. Tony Stark swooping in with his high-tech gadgets? Check. Harry thriving in a world where he's actually treated like a human being? Double check.
Just when Dumbledore was about to drown in his own self-pity, Minerva McGonagall, looking like she's just walked into a circus tent, knocked on his door. She's got that concerned look that says, "I'm here to save you from your own stupidity."
"Albus, are you alright?" she asked, her usual no-nonsense demeanor softened by concern.
Dumbledore let out a sigh that could have powered a small airship. "Minerva, it appears that events have taken a turn I did not foresee. Harry is now in America, under the guardianship of Tony Stark."
McGonagall's eyes widened. "Tony Stark? The Muggle billionaire? How in Merlin's name did that happen?"
Dumbledore, now sounding like someone who's just spilled his magical beans, explained, "Sirius and Remus went to America to check on Harry's welfare. I didn't expect Sirius to let go of his godfatherly duties so easily. It seems he's okay with Tony Stark taking over, as long as Harry is happy and well."
McGonagall's frown deepened. "And is he? Happy and well, I mean?"
Dumbledore nodded, looking like he's just come to terms with the fact that he's not the smartest wizard in the room. "Yes, from what we've gathered, Harry is thriving in ways I didn't anticipate. He's getting care, education, and a family life he's never had."
"Isn't that what we wanted for him, Albus?" McGonagall asked, her tone gently poking at the obvious. "For Harry to be happy?"
Dumbledore, torn between his grand designs and his newfound reality check, replied, "Yes, Minerva, but there are larger considerations at play. Harry is destined for great things, but he needs to be prepared for the challenges ahead. I fear that without proper guidance, he may not be ready."
McGonagall, stepping in with the wisdom of a thousand lectures, said, "Perhaps it's time to rethink our strategy. Harry deserves to be happy. Maybe Tony Stark can offer him something we cannot."
Dumbledore sighed again, his weariness evident. "Perhaps you're right, Minerva. For now, we must watch and wait. Harry is beyond our immediate reach, but we must remain vigilant. The dark times are not over, and Voldemort will rise again. When that time comes, we must be ready to support Harry in whatever way we can."
As Minerva left, Dumbledore stared out the window once more, his thoughts a tempest of regret and resolve. He had lost control, but he still clung to the hope that he could steer Harry when the time came. For now, he'd rely on fate and the wisdom of others, hoping that Harry's happiness would ultimately lead to his destiny—no matter how tragic and soul-crushing it might be.
And there you have it, folks. The wizard's got his work cut out for him, and Harry's living the dream while the old man's stuck in a reality show of his own making. Tune in next time for more magical drama, cosmic miscalculations, and maybe a few plot twists that'll make your head spin.
—
Alright, strap in, folks! It's party time at the Stark mansion, and let me tell you, it's about to get as wild as a magical fireworks display with a side of Muggle confusion. Tony Stark, our resident genius with a flair for the dramatic, is pulling out all the stops for Harry Potter's birthday bash. That's right—Harry, the boy who's lived through more plot twists than a soap opera.
Tony's taken the reins of party planning like it's an Iron Man suit, with Pepper, Sirius, and Remus all in on the action. Pepper's handling logistics like a pro, while Emma's adding a touch of magic (literally) to the day. Remus? He's baking a cake that's less "store-bought" and more "magical masterpiece," with enough layers and symbols to make even Hermione jealous.
The day before the big event, Rhodey, Obadiah, and Happy roll up to the mansion. They're here to meet Tony's new friends from England—Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Now, these guys haven't been clued in on the whole magic thing yet, so Tony's spinning a tale to keep things on the up and up.
Tony, with that trademark grin of his, introduces them. "Hey, guys, meet Sirius and Remus. They're family friends from England. They're here for some special projects and to celebrate Harry's birthday."
Sirius, all charm and charisma, extends a hand. "Sirius Black. Great to meet you."
Remus, looking friendly and approachable, follows suit. "Remus Lupin. It's nice to finally meet Tony's friends."
Rhodey, ever the skeptical one, gives a nod. "Nice to meet you both. Tony's been talking about you guys."
Obadiah's got that "I'm not entirely sure what's going on" look, but he shakes hands with a firm grip. "Nice to meet you."
Happy's in full bodyguard mode, scanning the room with a mix of curiosity and caution. He just nods, still trying to piece together the new arrivals.
As the evening rolls on, the group shares stories and laughs, and Sirius and Remus manage to blend in smoothly, avoiding any magical slip-ups. Emma joins in, helping to bridge the gap between the magical and non-magical worlds with her charm and grace.
Now, fast forward to the big day. Harry wakes up with a sense of excitement that he can't quite place. As he heads downstairs, he's greeted by a living room that looks like it's been hit by a party-themed tornado. There are balloons, streamers, and a banner that says "Happy Birthday, Harry!" Tony's practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.
Tony, with his usual flair, announces, "Surprise, kiddo! Happy birthday!"
Harry's eyes light up like a Christmas tree. "Is this all for me?"
Sirius, standing proudly with Emma, grins. "Yep, it's all for you. Today's your real birthday, and we wanted to make it special."
Pepper kneels down to Harry's level, her smile as warm as a summer day. "You deserve the best, Harry. We're so happy to celebrate with you."
The day is a whirlwind of fun and joy. Remus's cake, decorated with magical symbols that nobody but Harry and his magical friends truly understand, is a hit. Gifts are opened, and they're impressive: Sirius gives Harry a miniature model of his enchanted motorbike, promising to take him for a real ride someday; Emma hands over a set of runic stones for magical studies; Tony's gift is a sleek, kid-sized set of tools for tinkering and building.
Rhodey, Obadiah, and Happy watch all this with a mix of awe and confusion, still in the dark about the magical elements. They're just happy to see Harry so overjoyed.
As night falls, the party moves outside for a fireworks display. Sirius and Emma have arranged a magical show that lights up the sky with colors that could make a rainbow look drab. Rhodey, Obadiah, and Happy are amazed, their eyes wide as they watch the spectacular display.
Harry, surrounded by his new family—Tony, Pepper, Sirius, Remus, Emma, Rhodey, Obadiah, and Happy—feels a warmth and joy that he's never known before. For the first time, he's truly celebrated and loved.
As the party winds down, Harry turns to Tony and whispers, "Thank you for everything. This has been the best birthday ever."
Tony gives him a heartfelt hug. "You're welcome, kiddo. You deserve all the happiness. And this is just the beginning. We've got many more birthdays to celebrate."
And there you have it. Harry's living the dream, with a family that's making every moment magical—without even realizing the half of it. Until next time, keep your wands and gadgets ready. This is Deadpool signing off, reminding you that even in the craziest worlds, sometimes the best magic is just a really awesome birthday party.
—
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and those who just stumbled in here by accident—buckle up! The Stark gang is hitting the zoo, and it's about to get weirder than a raccoon with a laser pointer.
Tony Stark, in all his genius glory, decided to extend Harry's birthday party by taking him to the zoo. Because nothing screams "I'm an awesome dad" like an outing with a side of wild animals. Pepper and Emma are along for the ride because, hey, who doesn't want to see Tony Stark get upstaged by a penguin?
As they roll up to the zoo, Harry's eyes are as wide as saucers. This place is a sensory overload for the kid who's used to the charm of dusty old orphanages. Animals of all shapes and sizes, people everywhere, and vibrant colors—it's like stepping into a live-action Disney movie.
Now, let's cut to the reptile house—where things take a turn for the downright bizarre. Harry's nose is practically glued to the glass as he watches a snake slither around. Out of nowhere, this snake does something that'll make you question reality: it makes eye contact with Harry and starts hissing back at him. That's right—snake chat.
Harry goes full Dr. Dolittle, having a heartfelt conversation with the snake. And everyone else? They're frozen, like they've just seen a giraffe doing the Macarena. Tony, Sirius, Pepper, and Emma are standing there, slack-jawed and speechless, watching Harry chat with the serpent like it's an everyday occurrence.
"What? What's wrong?" Harry finally asks, turning to see their stunned faces.
Sirius, who looks like he's just been told he's the father of a dragon, steps forward. "Harry, do you realize what you just did?"
Harry, with all the innocence of a kid who's just had the best day ever, replies, "I was just talking to the snake."
Sirius takes a deep breath, like he's about to deliver the worst news since that time he accidentally got a tattoo of a potato. "Harry, you're a Parseltongue. It means you can speak to snakes."
Tony, never one to miss an opportunity for a snarky comment, chimes in, "Whoa, whoa. Hold the phone. What's a Parseltongue?"
Emma, ever the fountain of wizarding knowledge, explains, "It's a rare ability in the magical world. Very few wizards and witches have it. It's often linked to Dark magic and, notably, it was a power possessed by Voldemort."
Tony's face does that classic "I'm about to have a panic attack" thing. "So, what's this mean for Harry?"
Sirius exchanges a look with Emma that's somewhere between 'we're in deep trouble' and 'I hope you've got a good plan.' Then he turns back to Tony, looking grim. "Given who Harry is and what we know about Voldemort, we need to consider all possibilities. It's possible Harry might be connected to something called a Horcrux."
Tony's brain goes full-on "I need an adult" mode. "A Horcrux? What the hell is that?"
Emma's face is serious as she explains, "A Horcrux is a dark object where a dark wizard or witch hides a fragment of their soul to achieve immortality. If Harry's got a connection to Voldemort through Parseltongue, it could mean there's a piece of Voldemort's soul inside him."
Tony's complexion goes from tan to ghostly white. "And how do we get that out?"
Sirius, with his dramatic flair, answers, "There are ways, but they're dangerous. The best curse-breakers in the world are the Goblins at Gringotts. They have the expertise to help us."
Tony, never one to shy away from a challenge, responds with his typical bravado, "Alright then, let's book a trip to the Goblin vaults tomorrow. We'll sort this out."
And there you have it, folks—an average zoo trip turned into a magical mystery tour. Tony Stark's world of tech and sass is about to collide with the world of dark magic and ancient curses. Buckle up, because things are about to get a lot more complicated, and trust me, this ride's only getting started. This is Deadpool, signing off, reminding you to stay sharp and always expect the unexpected.
—
Alright, folks, grab your popcorn and get comfy because we're about to dive into some top-tier wizard-bashing and tech-savvy problem-solving with a side of booze. Tony Stark, the man, the myth, the genius, has just been hit with the mother of all revelations: Harry Potter has a piece of Voldemort's soul stuck inside him. It's like finding out your new house has a secret basement full of rabid squirrels.
Tony, never one to let a crisis get in the way of his drinking, pours himself a hefty glass of whiskey. He swirls it around, glaring into the amber depths as if it's going to offer him some answers. "A fragment of Voldemort's soul inside Harry," he mutters, shaking his head. "What kind of lunatic leaves that unchecked?"
Sirius, who's had more than his fair share of run-ins with magical lunacy, nods in agreement. "Dumbledore. The man's obsession with the 'greater good' makes him blind to the immediate good."
Tony smirks, his wit sharper than his most advanced gadgets. "You mean that doddering old goat who thinks he's some sort of wizarding superhero but acts more like a chessmaster with delusions of grandeur?"
Sirius chuckles, his own dark humor surfacing. "That senile relic who's so far up his own arse he can't see the mess he's left behind."
Tony raises his glass in agreement, ready for some good ol' fashioned Dumbledore roasting. "Or that wrinkled marionette who wouldn't know a good plan if it hit him with a hammer."
Sirius laughs outright, clearly enjoying the banter. "Or that overgrown vulture who keeps squawking about the 'greater good' while he perches on his high horse."
Tony takes a sip of his drink, shaking his head with a grin. "He probably has his head so far up his own robes he thinks he's still the brightest star in the wizarding sky."
Sirius snorts, "More like the biggest black hole, sucking all sense of rationality and decency into oblivion."
Emma, who's been coordinating with JARVIS to get their visit to Gringotts organized, overhears the conversation and can't help but smile. "Don't forget he's the almighty overseer who thinks manipulating children's lives is just a game of Wizard's Chess."
Pepper, always the voice of dry humor, adds, "The man's a walking advertisement for what happens when you get too many As and not enough common sense."
Tony, despite the gravity of the situation, leans back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips. "Alright, let's focus on the solution. We'll head to Gringotts tomorrow, get this Horcrux out of Harry, and then maybe send Dumbledore a thank-you note with a Howler attached."
Sirius grins, clearly warming up to the idea. "I'll even compose the message. 'Dear Albus, thanks for nothing, you batty old bat. Sincerely, Sirius and Tony.'"
Tony chuckles, already imagining the chaos. "I like it. But let's add a little more flair. Maybe something like, 'Dear Albus, your plan to make Harry a living Horcrux: brilliant in its stupidity. Thanks for making our lives a magical nightmare.'"
Sirius laughs heartily. "Perfect. Now, let's focus on getting Harry fixed up."
With the tension easing through their shared humor, the team gets to work. Emma and Pepper finalize the travel logistics, coordinating with JARVIS to ensure their visit to Gringotts goes off without a hitch. Meanwhile, Tony is in full inventor mode, sketching out potential MagiTech solutions to stabilize magical interference with technology, all inspired by Harry's doodles and their recent experiments.
As the night goes on, the atmosphere in the mansion is a mix of determination and guarded optimism. Tony tinkers with a prototype device, the kind of thing that might make Hermione Granger green with envy, while Sirius and Tony continue their creative insult contest.
"How about this," Tony says, "Dumbledore: the only man who could turn a superhero movie into a soap opera."
Sirius laughs. "Or Dumbledore: proof that even with a magical wand, you can't fix a broken moral compass."
Tony lifts his glass. "To sorting this mess out and giving Harry the life he deserves."
Sirius clinks his glass against Tony's. "And to keeping that meddling old fool out of our way."
With their spirits lifted and resolve renewed, they prepare for the next steps in their journey. The road ahead might be uncertain, but with their combined ingenuity and determination, they're ready to face whatever comes their way to protect Harry and ensure his happiness.
And that, dear readers, is how Tony Stark and Sirius Black turned a magical disaster into a plan for epic revenge and a quest for a brighter future. Stay tuned, because this story's just getting started.
—
Alright, folks, buckle up because things are about to get real. Tony Stark, master of sarcasm and questionable life choices, is about to drop some wizarding knowledge bombs. And guess what? Remus Lupin, our favorite furry friend, just found out that Dumbledore's been playing a wicked game with everyone's lives. Let's dive into this magical mess with a side of commentary, shall we?
The day after the big reveal, Remus—who'd been having his monthly werewolf "me-time" during the full moon—finally gets the lowdown on Harry's Horcrux issue. Tony, Pepper, and Emma had been aware of Remus's lycanthropy for a while. Emma and Pepper were initially freaked out—mostly because, you know, werewolf and all that—but they warmed up to the idea. Tony, ever the charmer, took to calling Remus all sorts of dog-related nicknames, probably to make him feel less like a potential threat and more like part of the family. Classic Tony.
So, Tony, being the straight shooter he is, drops the bombshell. "Remus, how many other werewolves did Dumbledore give a chance to learn at Hogwarts?"
Remus, still groggy, gives him a confused look. "None... It was just me."
Boom. Tony's words hit him harder than a silver bullet to the gut. It's like watching a man realize his whole life has been one big cosmic joke. And Dumbledore? Turns out, he's the twisted prankster pulling the strings.
And then it happens. The dam bursts. The calm, collected professor we all knew is gone. What's left? A raging, pissed-off, firestorm that could make even the most hardened Death Eater blush.
"That manipulative, sanctimonious, son of a two-timing harpy!" Remus growls, his voice rising with every word. "That cocked-up, holier-than-thou bastard has been playing us like a bunch of goddamn marionettes! All this time, I thought he cared about us—about Harry—but it's all been some sick fucking game to him!"
Sirius, loving every second of this, leans in with a grin. "Didn't know you had it in you, Moony."
But Remus isn't done. Oh no, he's just getting started. "He's been jerking us around like we're his personal fucking puppets! And Harry—Harry's been nothing but a pawn to that conniving, backstabbing, motherfucking piece of dragon shit! He's a fucking kid, for Merlin's sake, and Dumbledore's been using him like a disposable fucking pawn in his fucked-up endgame!"
Tony, ever the opportunist, raises his glass with a smirk. "Welcome to the club, Old Yeller. Here, we drink to assholes we wish we could've seen coming."
Remus is on a roll now, completely unfiltered. "That fucking goat-fondling, spell-slinging dickwad! The self-righteous, manipulative, cock-sucking prick! I can't believe I was so fucking blind! I actually thought he gave a shit about any of us, but he's just been using us to polish his own fucking halo!"
By now, Emma and Pepper are scrambling to cover Harry's ears—too little, too late—because Remus's tirade has gone full NSFW. "That cock-gobbling, broomstick-humping, asswipe has been playing us all for fools! That lying, deceitful, shit-eating motherfucker!"
Sirius is laughing so hard, he's practically choking. "Merlin's balls, Moony! I didn't think you had it in you!"
Tony's grinning ear to ear. "You've got a real talent, Lassie. Who knew you were such a potty mouth?"
Remus, still fuming but slightly out of breath, shakes his head. "He's been using us—using Harry—as pawns in his twisted fucking game. I swear, if I ever see that sanctimonious, hypocritical, dickless bastard again, I'll shove my wand so far up his ass he'll be casting spells out of his fucking nose!"
Pepper, desperately trying to shield Harry from the verbal onslaught, nods in agreement. "You're right, Remus. Harry deserves better—so much better."
Emma, barely holding back her laughter, chimes in. "And we're going to make sure he gets it. Dumbledore won't know what hit him."
Remus, still simmering but determined, takes a deep breath. "We're getting that piece of Voldemort's soul out of Harry, and then we're getting him the hell away from that manipulative fucker."
Sirius claps Remus on the back. "That's the spirit, Moony. Let's show that old bastard what real loyalty and family look like."
As they head out, Tony can't resist one last quip. "Hey, Balto, next time you decide to go on an R-rated rant, maybe give us a heads up so we can grab the popcorn and prepare the earmuffs."
Remus manages a wry smile. "I'll keep that in mind, Tony. Now let's go get this shit done."
And with that, they're off—ready to take on whatever the magical world throws at them, all while making sure Harry's future is a whole lot brighter than the mess Dumbledore left behind. Because when it comes to family, nothing's too foul-mouthed—or too dangerous.
—
Alright, buckle up, folks, because we're diving into the magical mayhem of Gringotts America, and you know Deadpool's here to narrate with his signature brand of snark. So, let's get this show on the road!
Our squad—Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Emma Collins, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and young Harry Potter—are ready to tackle the Horcrux situation. They hop aboard the Stark Jet, which is basically a flying tech fortress, because why travel like a pleb when you can soar in style? Fasten your seatbelts, because Tony's about to drop more quips than you can shake a wand at.
Touchdown in New York City, where Liberty Lane hides behind a bookshop that's just begging to be a front for magical shenanigans. Emma leads the charge, tapping out a code that makes the stone wall shimmer and transform into a magical gateway. Tony's reaction? Classic: "Well, I'll be damned. It's like stepping into a scene from *The Sorcerer's Almanac*." Because who doesn't love a good movie reference to kick off an adventure?
Liberty Lane is a treasure trove of magical goodness—potions, enchanted trinkets, and spellbooks galore. Vendors are hawking everything from broomstick repairs to magical creature care. Emma gives the grand tour, casually dropping names like "Stan Lee's Wand Shop."
Hold up, did she just say Stan Lee? That's right, folks. It's like the comic book legend and wizarding world had a crossover episode. Seriously, though, Stan Lee in a wand shop? That's one mashup I didn't see coming. Imagine Stan Lee with a wand—"Excelsior!"
As the crew makes their way through this magical wonderland, they finally reach the grand Gringotts America, an imposing marble edifice that screams "wealthy wizards only." The goblins at the entrance look like they're ready to ask for a VIP pass. Tony, ever the cheeky genius, quips, "This place looks like it was designed by someone with a serious marble obsession." Oh, Tony, you and your love for snarky remarks.
Inside, the bank is as grand as it is intimidating, filled with goblins hustling and bustling. Sirius steps up to the main desk and asks to see a curse-breaker. Enter Ragnok, the goblin with an expression that says, "I've dealt with more crap than you can imagine."
Tony, channeling his inner curious cat, asks, "What's the process?" Because who doesn't want to dive into the gritty details of magical procedures?
Ragnok lays it out: "We'll perform a ritual to extract the Horcrux. It'll be dangerous, require powerful magic, and be quite painful for the boy." Translation: Harry's about to experience some top-tier magical agony.
Harry, the brave little trooper, bravely says, "I can handle it." Gotta love that spirit, kid. Or maybe he's just too stubborn to back down.
Pepper's there with her reassuring hand squeeze. "We're right here with you, Harry." Because nothing says "we care" like a little support before the inevitable magical torture.
Ragnok begins prepping the ritual—magical instruments, arcane symbols, and a whole lot of tense anticipation. Harry lies in the center, looking like he's about to win a really terrible contest. Pain kicks in, and Harry's gritting his teeth like a champ. The room is thick with anxiety, and everyone's just waiting for the magic to happen.
Then, bam! A blinding flash of light, Harry screams, and then—just like that—it's over. The scar is gone, and Harry's free from Voldemort's nasty little souvenir.
Ragnok gives the all-clear. "The Horcrux is gone. The boy is free." Cue the collective sigh of relief from our heroes.
Tony, ever the supportive figure, ruffles Harry's hair. "You did great, kid." Because nothing says "congratulations" like a friendly hair ruffle after surviving a magical exorcism.
Sirius and Remus are visibly relieved. "Thank you," Sirius says to Ragnok. "We can't thank you enough." Because showing appreciation to a goblin curse-breaker is just the right thing to do.
As they leave Gringotts, the group feels lighter and more hopeful. Harry looks up at his new family with gratitude. "Thank you all. For everything."
Tony's grin is practically infectious. "We're just getting started, kid. Now, how about we get some ice cream to celebrate?"
Harry's face lights up. "Sounds perfect."
And that's a wrap, folks. With the Horcrux gone and a sweet treat on the horizon, our intrepid team heads off, ready to face whatever challenges come next. Because when it comes to family, magic, and adventure, there's nothing they can't handle—except maybe more of Deadpool's incessant commentary. But hey, you're welcome!
—
Ah, Hogwarts—a castle of magical mysteries and endless corridors, where even the Great Hall isn't immune to a good old-fashioned public humiliation. Grab your popcorn, because Deadpool's about to take you on a ride through the most shocking breakfast Hogwarts has ever seen.
Our scene opens with Albus Dumbledore, the so-called benevolent grandmaster of wizarding wisdom, enjoying what should have been a peaceful breakfast. Imagine a serene, almost saccharine scene of tea and toast, interrupted only by the occasional magical creature crossing the hall. All of that peace is about to be obliterated by one very pissed-off billionaire and his crew.
Suddenly, the Howler arrives. It's a red envelope, floating with the elegance of a ticking time bomb. It lands with a theatrical puff of smoke in front of Dumbledore, who's probably thinking, "Oh, what now?" because let's be honest, nothing good ever comes from a Howler.
The Howler starts to sizzle, and Tony Stark's voice booms through the hall like he's trying to break the sound barrier. "Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore!" Tony's voice is a mix of righteous indignation and trademark sarcasm. "You manipulative, sanctimonious, beard-twirling puppet master! What kind of twisted old coot uses a kid as bait? Your 'greater good' philosophy is about as appealing as a soggy, moldy biscuit. You sit there in your ivory tower, playing chess with real lives. Well, guess what? We're taking our pawn off the board!"
Dumbledore's usual serene expression shifts into something more akin to "Oh crap." The other professors? They look like they've just seen the giant squid do a backflip—shocked and deeply disturbed.
Sirius Black's voice comes next, dripping with venom. "You self-righteous, condescending goat! All these years, you've been parading around as some kind of benevolent savior while pulling everyone's strings. Harry's not your sacrificial lamb, you manipulative bastard. You're nothing more than a polished turd in fancy robes!"
Professor McGonagall's face is turning a delightful shade of green, her usually impeccable composure shattered. Professor Flitwick's eyes are as wide as saucers, and Professor Sprout looks like she might faint. And then, lo and behold, Severus Snape enters the scene with all the subtlety of a thunderstorm.
Snape, looking like he's just been dragged out of his dark, bat-infested lair, scowls and sneers, "Is this a daily occurrence now? Have we reached the point where public shaming is the new breakfast entertainment?"
Dumbledore's jaw tightens. He's clearly processing the stinging rebukes and the very visible rage from his colleagues. "I must admit, this is… unexpected."
Sirius's voice, through the Howler, is still sharp. "And don't even think we didn't notice that little Horcrux business you thought was impossible to remove. You might be the greatest puppet master of the wizarding world, but you're also the most arrogant fool. We got rid of it without breaking a sweat. We went to Gringotts America, performed a ritual, and poof! No more Horcrux. You knew Harry was a Horcrux and kept us in the dark, left him vulnerable. That's the real mark of a cowardly, scheming old fool!"
The staff are reeling from the news. Professor Flitwick's expression morphs from shock to disbelief. "A Horcrux? And Dumbledore knew? How could he keep such a thing from us?"
Professor Sprout's voice quivers with fury. "If Harry was a Horcrux, that means Dumbledore allowed him to live in danger all these years. This is beyond unacceptable."
Snape, always one for dramatic entrances, scoffs. "I knew there was a reason I never trusted that old fool. But even I didn't expect him to be this grossly incompetent."
Dumbledore takes a deep breath, trying to muster some semblance of dignity. "It appears that my previous assumptions were incorrect. I must reassess our situation and consider the consequences of these new developments."
He turns to his colleagues, his voice weary. "I understand your shock and anger. Please know that my intentions, while perhaps misguided, were aimed at achieving the greater good. I will do what I can to address the concerns raised and seek a path forward that does not involve such manipulations."
Professor McGonagall's gaze softens slightly, though disappointment lingers. "Albus, if there's any chance to restore trust, it must start with transparency and genuine remorse."
Dumbledore nods solemnly. "I will do my best. Thank you for your understanding."
As the staff continue their discussion, Dumbledore sits in contemplation. The public denouncement has shaken his confidence and presented a critical turning point in his long-standing strategies. Now, he must confront the reality of his actions and find a new way to guide the wizarding world—one that might involve repairing relationships and rethinking his entire approach.
So, dear readers, there you have it: Dumbledore's carefully constructed world of manipulation and grand plans comes crashing down, courtesy of some very annoyed Avengers and their friends. And as for the staff at Hogwarts? Well, they've just been given a crash course in scandal, betrayal, and the true cost of keeping secrets. Stay tuned for the next chapter in this magical soap opera!
—-
Welcome to the S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters, where the walls are lined with maps, surveillance screens, and the occasional motivational poster that says "Fail Forward." Today, we're in for a treat as we join Phil Coulson and Nick Fury for a little chat about everyone's favorite billionaire playboy and his new magical buddies. Buckle up, because Deadpool's here to narrate with all the irreverence you can handle.
So, there's Coulson, looking like he just walked out of a 007 audition, and Fury, ever the intense ball of fury (pun absolutely intended), sitting in his dimly lit office. Fury's leaning back in his chair like he's waiting for a punchline, while Coulson's about to drop some serious intel.
"Alright, Coulson," Fury says, clearly in the mood for some juicy gossip. "Give me the rundown. What's been happening with Stark and his merry band of magical misfits?"
Coulson clears his throat, probably wishing he had a coffee IV drip. "So, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Emma Collins, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and the one and only Harry Potter recently made a trip from sunny Los Angeles to the magical wonderland known as Liberty Lane in New York."
Fury's eyebrow arches like he's seen a unicorn in his coffee. "Liberty Lane? Sounds like something out of a bad fantasy novel. What's their deal there?"
"They went to Gringotts America," Coulson continues, trying to sound as serious as one can about magical bank heists. "They were dealing with a Horcrux—something Harry Potter had been carrying around without even knowing it."
Fury's eyes narrow, the wheels in his head turning like a well-oiled machine. "A Horcrux? We're talking some seriously dark mojo here. How'd they pull it off?"
Coulson gives a nod that says, "Yes, I'm about to blow your mind." "They performed a ritual at Gringotts America. It was both dangerous and painful, but they got it done. Harry's now free of the Horcrux. They even celebrated with ice cream afterward. Apparently, saving the world earns you a trip to the ice cream parlor."
Fury's face softens into a rare smirk. "Ice cream, huh? So Potter's doing okay now?"
"Yep, Harry's all smiles and sprinkles," Coulson confirms. "The mission was a success, and their bond as a team has only grown stronger."
Fury's all business now. "What about the fallout? Any juicy drama that's worth my time?"
Coulson takes a breath like he's about to reveal the twist ending to a blockbuster. "Oh, absolutely. Dumbledore received a Howler from Tony Stark, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. It was a public smackdown, loaded with some of the most creatively scathing insults we've seen in a while."
Fury's eyes narrow to slits. "Dumbledore knew Potter was a Horcrux and did nothing? That's a massive breach of trust."
Coulson nods with the weight of a thousand bad decisions. "Exactly. The Hogwarts staff was blindsided. The Howler has caused a significant uproar, and Dumbledore's reputation is in tatters."
Fury taps his desk, contemplating the implications. "This could stir up some serious trouble in the wizarding world. If things escalate, we might need to intervene. Keep an eye on it, Coulson. We don't want to be caught flat-footed."
Coulson salutes with a nod. "Got it. I'll keep you updated."
Fury waves him off with that signature dismissive gesture that says, "You're done here. Now go save the world or something."
As Coulson exits, Fury's left brooding over the new magical mess. He knows the magical and mundane worlds are about to collide in ways that could shake up their entire operation. And in true Fury fashion, he's ready to adapt and stay ahead of whatever storm is brewing.
So, there you have it, folks. The world's most secretive spy agency is now tangled up in magical drama, and you're on the front lines of the chaos. Stay tuned as this cross-dimensional train wreck continues to unfold!
---
Hey there, my fellow fanfic fanatics!
Deadpool here, breaking the fourth wall like it's my full-time job (which it kinda is)! So, how are you enjoying this crazy ride so far? Love it, hate it, or somewhere in between? I want to hear all the juicy details and spicy critiques. Drop a comment or shoot me a message; I promise I won't bite—unless you're into that sort of thing.
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Thanks for being part of this wild journey! Can't wait to see you on the other side of the screen.
Deadpool out! ✌️
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