I Became a System

LV 2

DraconicBoi

|| This review will only be limited to volume 1 as I will wait for volume 2 to continue reading. || Writing Quality [ 4 stars ]: It's good, but there are still a decent amount of grammar errors. || Stability of Updates [ 4 stars ]: The release rate is from 2 chapters/day to 1 chapter/2 days. It's quite unstable to be honest. || Story Development [ 5 stars ]: The story is interesting as of volume 1, the author did a great job at building the foundation for the main plot. Ellena's development is still too fast in my opinion as personality isn't something easy to fix, considering her past. Overall, the character development is not the best, but I've seen way worse. || Character Design [ 5 stars ]: It is good, but you can add a little extra detail ( like the point that is unique to that character ) to improve both the word count and sense of immersion in the story. || World Background [ 5 stars ]: Since I've just read volume 1, the world building only centered around 2 towns but it will improve later as this is still the early stages of the story. The world was built brilliantly by the author and the power of 'Ellena' actually went well along with the story || Extra opinion: You should absolutely try this story out. I'm sure it will not disappoint you. As for me, I have weak resistance against cliffhangers so I will read after every volume is completed. Total score: 4.6

LV 3

yohananmikhael

Hi... I'm kind of frustrated at the moment from reading all the comments. Even though they are not rude, it still hit me since I didn't meet the readers' expectations. And as for that, please forgive me. I will still produce the best quality I could offer. This review isn't about me showing or wanting some pity. I want to the readers know that even I can't be the best writer, I'll be the most understanding writer. I'm taking all of the suggestions and reading plenty of light novels if I have time to widen my horizon, thus, I just want people to understand my concerns. This novel isn't usually a type of fantasy novel that is common or a trope that is repetitively used in the platform. I took a risk to implement such a trope so hope you appreciate it even it's not in the best of you could expect. These all I felt is something I understand. Normally, you won't receive praises every time and criticism will try to hit your shortcomings. It's helpful, I know it, however, I still can't help but feel anxious every time I see a number in my inbox (you know what I'm saying). So, instead of blabbering about my sentiments, I want to let people know that I am still an amateur. I didn't have any training or so, that's why I am still in the process of improving my work. I do mistakes. It's pretty common to me since I'm not a native English speaker (even those who are native speakers still make mistakes as 'no one is perfect'). What are my mistakes in this novel? Misused adjectives and adverbs. It's not common and at least you could stumble upon those funny mistakes like 2 out of 10 chapters and 3 in a thousand. But here's a reminder, pronouns are my weakness and sometimes I can't notice such mistakes. My language doesn't have pronouns for genders so hope you understand. Warning, incorrect spelling (but rare than legendary swords). I must let you know that my language doesn't have hard spellings as our words are spelled by how we speak them. Anyway, thank you for visiting and reading this review of mine. Last warning... Awkward structure but not all are grammatically incorrect.

LV 3

yohananmikhael

[Use this review to survive the first volume. You'll miss the fun if you cry over the decisions. Take your time reading this; there will be some spoilers, but not enough to be a mega spoiler. Volume one was about creating a character for Ellena, basically.] I don't know if my review reflects my current ability or the quality I can produce, but I felt like it had been good since I often check my drafts. Every time I will upload a new chapter, I edit it two times (basically the time I can use to edit these), and if while I read it again, I don't see any spelling errors, or what I can just see. Sometimes, I unintentionally overlook things, so I will apologize again for that. How to survive the first volume? Read all the contents since I don't really do much filler. Filler, in pretext for explaining things over and over again. Maybe I did it, but it was for the purpose of marking it in the minds of the readers.  Please tolerate some of the errors. There are errors that make reading awkward. But some phrases will just surface, if for that subject, but not all of the paragraph will be. Note that I am still working, honing my skills, and that will basically take a short time. If I continue on working, perhaps I can reach a majestic way of writing. Some said that my grammar was bad. But to be honest, it wasn't actually that bad for me. I admit that there were some misused and really grammatically incorrect, but for some of those, it wasn't bad. I just wrote some uncommon structuring. I think that it would sound comfortable for others, but not everyone will like it. I read some compliments about it and some comments that it was bad, but I don't care anymore. I can't correct my past mistakes anyway, so I could just improve them while doing the same action in the future. If I focus on thinking about it, how will I grow? There were some problems with the transitioning... I admit that it would bring some confusion, but I am an avid fan of light novels, and mostly what I read doesn't have any indication that the perspective has changed. They just used marks and, for example, "***", to indicate that there was a transition of perspective, time, and location. The next way to survive the first volume is to admit that mistakes are foundations for improvement. There was a part in the novel where Ellena joined the main family of Lumbert, which was the parent family of Ellena's previous family. Why did they make that decision? Of course, Aaron was having second thoughts, and also suspicion about it. And since then, they heard from the headmaster of the orphanage that the head of the Lumbert Comital Family was corrupt. The next few days, they were approached by a member of the family to ask for her help to overthrow and kill the head, since he was ruling the country in the shadows, they were less tense about deciding. What just went into Ellena's mind was the privilege and for the sake of her justly personality. It wasn't bad for joining them. They can have funds and also a possible better future. But of course, every decision will have to take a risk. There was no pure safety for Ellena at that time. Even if she had Fear System because of Aaron, she wouldn't be safe. Does that mean she had to continue doing vigilante work? What if some people would go after her, and basically she's still weak who had only lightning manipulation as her card, they had to fight plenty of high-ranking rune owners? Of course, she'll have no chance of winning. Basically, their problem with education is that Aaron can't reach her completely, and the privileges that they couldn't get just because they had money that they stole, will be limited since Ellena's personality was blocking it. That's why they donated it because of some conscience Ellena had, which is unreasonable but will be explained why all that happened. Sighs... It's too hard to explain. To survive the first volume, always remember that there will be a reason why things happen. Even though it won't be explained in the same chapter, it will be tackled in the later chapters. Some illogical phenomena will also be explained in the future. So I beg you, to see the hidden value of this book, be patient. It's the same with the anime we watch. There would be no perfect decision since Aaron was making some way for Ellena to learn it on her own. He basically doesn't like injecting or pushing his views on Ellena; he's just there to guide her. Even if he wanted all of them to die, he couldn't say it since his purpose of helping Ellena was because of her destiny. He couldn't change that and make Ellena an apathetic person. Her personality was still connected to the previous timeline in some aspects.

LV 4

ATiredReader

I don't usually write reviews, but I just wanna say, this was a great story. you can tell the author doesn't a lot of time working on the plot. also his writing quality is good compared to many starting out authors.

LV 11

kw1n

Bad Grammar, not to the point of shty Chinese translators (which I would rather read), but nevertheless, bad in a way that doesn't make you choke, but endlessly annoy. The plot seems cool, great even - nice, but the fact that Aaron (The system itself is so... idk) The trope is good, but I think it has bad execution, especially the overly annoying dialogues involved. It makes it feel like, things that are tragic become comedic. The timelines at the start are a bit messed up too. Well, not really, but going back to the forth from past to present just strikes a nerve. I usually stick to, and bear to read even the trashiest of trash plots, but as of the moment, I can't bear this novel. (I can also smell our fellow ph genes)

LV 2

DraconicBoi

|| This review will only be limited to volume 2 as I will wait for volume 3 to continue reading. || Writing Quality [ 3 stars ]: Somehow, the amount of errors got worse in volume 2. It did improve around the middle of the volume but just enough to be on par with volume 1's quality. I hope the author could improve his writing because it is the only reason preventing me from calling it one of the best original story I have ever read. || Stability of Updates [ 4 stars ]: At the start of the volume, the release rate is a very consistent 2 chap/day. But in the later stages of the volume, it became highly unstable [ 1 chap/2 day -- 4 chap/day ]. It's fine with me since I pretty much binge read the entire volume anyways :) || Story Development [ 4 stars ]: I thought that the story by volume 1 is interesting but the author never ceases to amaze me as volume 2 brings the story to a whole new level. The few flaws in my opinion are: Ellena is finally getting her much needed time to stabilize her emotions, but she still acts nearly the same as she did before though. The few middle chapters when the time skips happened are especially boring to read. I felt this part could've been better. || Character Design [ 4 stars ]: The low rating is due to the poor description of the members of the 3rd generation group ( the author did state a reason for this ). In my opinion, introduced characters should always be related to the main story and therefore needed to be described better in order to increase the sense of immersion in the story. Because this lack of description, the scenes they are in became hard to imagine, making the chapter feel bland. The design for the other characters in the story is great though, I can't wait to see more. || World Background [ 4 stars ]: We're finally introduced to more of the world, though I feel the description for some of the places are a little bit lacking. || Extra opinion: I might've judged wrongly at some point as I'm very tired at the moment of writing this review due to online school. Anyways, the 'main' plot about demons have finally start to unfold. You should definitely try this story out. Again, I shall wait for volume 3 to complete before reading to avoid cliffhangers :v. || Total score: 3.8 stars

LV 11

BotBrain

I don’t know why there’s so many complaints about errors. Web Novels are meant to be more or less rough drafts to begin with so there will be mistakes. That being said, I dropped this in Chapter 6 since I found the System-MC to be insufferably stupid and unnecessarily edgy. The most annoying part is the novel constantly calls the MC a mega-genius only for him to show no capability of complex thought moments later. Just saying a character is smart doesn’t make them smart…

LV 5

Thee_AngryBird

In such a case, the employee or trade union may file a complaint, referred to as a grievance, with their employer.Implementation of Agreement: Once an agreement is ratified and approved, what next remains left is its implementation. The way it will be implemented is indicated in the agreement itself .The agreement must be implemented with full magnanimity in terms of its letter and spirit by both the parties from the date of its operation as mentioned in the agreement. This is the duty of the Human Resource Department to ensure the proper and full implementation of all provisions given in the agreement.

LV 1

DaoistwMyHV8

the world was slowly introduced so there's no problem with it. the concept was unique, however, it was cliche at first but when I read it it was something uncommon and well planned. the author really keep up and I liked it how he decided to make the chapter longer

LV 1

ehekaguyaehe

Characters were well developed and introduced so 5 star. I like how things seems unique but I know that it has at least an inspiration. I read the first few chapters and noticed that world background is slowly introduced and explained since it has an uncommon power standard world which most common fantasies makes so identical when it comes to world background. At least mostly, not all. I think I would recommend this to others since it has a new concept of becoming a system. It is more like he was reincarnated into a system and his life depends on his host which he nurtured and surprisingly, the host is not stupid and lovable. She actually learn things. That's all! Kudos my friend!

LV 13

Neninho

One of those few hidden gems in Webnovel, in my opinion it is not getting the attention it deserves. There are some typos, but nothing that can't be ignored. (If you consider that it is on Webnovel, then it's hard to complain) I like how the characters develop over time.

LV 3

AD_Gaming3418

This is one of the best novel I have read so fair with 80+ free chapters ( including fast pass ) and if you are wondering to read this novel or not then I recommend reading it. But to understand what is going on you have to continue read it tilled chapter 10 or so ( if I remember correctly ) so I am not Gonna spoil anything so you have read it 🤭🤭

LV 1

SecludingDaoist

I can tell that you made an effort making an uncommon world background! It was fun and little unique. Hope you continues to produce this with the same quality. Good job!

LV 14

Animatic

I've binge read it and all in all it's fun to read. The overall it just fits my personal tastes when it comes to stories. Early chapters tends to be confusing cause it's still early but over time the writing improved. It's very fun to read. I've read the other works and I can see a lot of improvements. Keep up the good work.

LV 13

Foxner

Hello 👋. So this is meant more for the author, so there will be spoilers after the second paragraph. But if your a potential reader trying to get a feel for the novel, READ THE NOVEL. This novel is one of my favorites and is very well written and designed. Characters actually have some depth to them (unlike a lot of novels on this platform), and just the ideas of the novel are unique and very interesting. | SPOILERS | Anyways, before I start, I'll give you some information to help with insights. - Current chapter: 221 - Review criteria: WQ=4 | SD=4 | CD=5 | US=5 (N/A) | WB=5 - DISCLAIMER: I'm not a professional writer, this is written from the perspective of a reader Alright, let's start with the critique. (1) Character growth. You try to add some form of character growth for Elena and Aaron and I love that. But I don't know why, but for some reason, something feels off with it for Elena. I can't quite put my finger on what. Perhaps for Elena, it just kinda happens super quick and not much time is spent on the new character development? That's just my working theory. But for Aaron, I definitely feel like it should have been explored a little bit more. I mean he want from a person who only cares about pursuing knowledge to only caring for Elena. Then as he goes through evolutions, he seems to experience slightly more character development but again it feel like you are just telling us that this is the new him. Then with other characters like Elena's party members, there isn't really a large amount of character development and some of the characters changed way to much. Like Selena, she was super competitive in the beginning but then completely dropped that for the rest of the story. I think, overall, the readers needed to be introduced to the changes more subtlety while also spending slightly more time with the characters. (2) Future events/flashbacks. I don't really know what to call this but what I'm talking about is events such as chapter like 148 and 186 (I know there's one or two similar chapters, but I don't remember them so I'll talk about these two). So chapter 148 was just confusing. It felt completely out of context and it felt like it was supposed to be a future chapter. So in the previous chapter, Elena was out running errands while Thalia and the party were in the middle of an adventure and hadn't gotten back to the inn. Then suddenly, the guild master goes to the inn and kidnaps Thalia despite here not being there a chapter prior. And both are the real Thalia, it's just an event that happens like 10 chapters later. Additionally, even if it was supposed to be a future chapter, it still doesn't make sense since the event happens in the middle of a chapter that's like 10 chapters away. It just left me so confused and kinda ruined the big reveal of the guild master. Then in chapter 186, when you wrote the chapter about day 3 of Aaron cleaning up the city and then went back in time to the prior days, it just ruined that part of the story. It's like someone spoiled the ending and there was no point in figuring out how the character got to the end. I think overall, the use of time jumps (where you write a chapter about the future and then go back to the present) is very poor and has hurt the quality of the story. Additionally, it's been used to frequent. I suggest either not using this story telling device or finding good examples to follow that fit with the story. (3) Let's talk about story development. Now, what I've seen in most webnovels is there is just too much 'screen time' of characters talking with one another and developing relationships. However, for this novel, it's the opposite. I really want to see more from Elena's personality. The majority of the time it's just Elena using Aaron for help/ Aaron offering help. We rarely get to see Elena's affection towards Aaron and how good their relationship is. Perhaps including some chapters from Elena's perspective as she interacts with Aaron, or include more banter and 'screen time' of Aaron and Elena bonding. I just don't feel too much emotions coming from the novel, for example, Elena has only ever said I love you once to Aaron and that was at the very beginning of the novel. I mean we all know that they both care for each other very much, but those emotions aren't expressed in the chapters. For other characters, the conversations are alright. They might be lacking for some of the bigger characters like Verxal (especially since I feel like that maybe he is a future love interest), there's also Diana (we didn't see enough of the sisters bonding, it just feels like shes Elena's friend), and in later chapters, Selena. Pretty much there is now relational distinction between Elena and all the characters. Everyone just feel like her friend, which is strange since people act differently around those they consider family compared to friends. An example of what I'm talking about here is Aaron's mischievous side. You kinda just briefly skim over Aaron's quirk of just reading what ever he wants despite the fact that some of the places are restricted/require him to buy books. In fact, there's only been two times where Elena addressed the fact that Aaron is a serial book thief and booth times it was literally 'haha, you stole books' (this is an exaggeration, but it's only like two sentences of them talking about it). You could really showcase how the characters interact with each other and spend more time on joking about Aaron stealing knowledge. Or another example is when Elena introduced Aaron to her party. That really could have been a comedic moment but you skipped over it by saying 'Elena introduced Aaron to the gang. He gave them a scare. Anyways...' (This is another exaggeration, but it gets the idea across: barely anytime was spent on this big moments for the story). (4) Perspectives. Sometimes, the perspective changes are really confusing and make the story hard to follow. This can especially be seen in chapters around the 100 mark (I think... It's hard to remember). The perspective just switches way too fast and without any notice. This isn’t all the time, it just applies to a few chapters, but just be careful with how you switch perspectives. Additionally, I think you are not making full use of perspective shifts. They should help the reader gain a better understanding of a character, but when the perspective changes, we don't really gain much insight into how the character thinks and the character's personality. This can be seen with Elena. Elena can sense how Aaron feels (as stated in the first volume), but yet we don't get anything about how that affects her. We also don't really get any insight into really anything else other than facts about the story. (5) Pace. The pace of the story feels slightly strange. It's fast yet slow at the same time. Like, I've been waiting so long for Elena to go to school. She talked about it in the first volume, yet 150+ chapters later, were still waiting for that story arc. Yet at the same time, large time jumps keep happening in the story that make the pacing feel faster, only for it to slow down on some part of the story for a while. However, despite it slowing down sometimes, a lot of big moments of the story are glossed over. It's almost like you got a list of bullet points of the story and you are just trying to quickly connect them without focusing on the important bits in-between. CONCLUSION: Overall, I think the biggest problem with the story is the relationship between characters. Most problems stem from not enough 'screen time' for the characters to display their personality, relationship, and overall emotions towards what's happening in the story. This disconnects a lot of parts of the story for the reader and lessens the quality of the story. But please don't go overboard into conversations between characters, it's a very fine line between too much and too little. P.S. I don't please go into more detail about the creation of technology, I think it is a very interesting concept for a story. After Aaron created a glock for Elena, nothing else was really said about it. And even in a later chapter, it was mentioned that Elena had other guns, that's why she destroyed the grip. I was really confused by that since on Aaron's system, it just says glock 19. Anyways, the implementation and impact of technology is severely lacking despite it being a big moment. Now time for what I like about the story. First off, I would like to congratulate the author for producing 200+ chapters! What you have done is very difficult, especially since the novel as been pretty good thus far. So 👏👏👏. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read more of your story. Anyways, onto the positives: (1) Pace. There are some negatives about the pacing, however, I quite enjoy the fast pace. You limit the 'fluff' of the story to the bare minimum and focus on what's important to the story. What I mean is that mostly everything in the chapters are important to the story and are just filled up with useless bits. You utilize the principle of chekhov's gun very well (sometimes too well, but I talked about that in the critique) in the story which is where a lot of stories mess up. (2) Story development. Firstly, the story is very unique in that we don't follow the 'main character' (Elena). We follow her system and experience the story from an outside perspective. This is highly unique and I can't wait to see where what else you introduce to the story. I know that the story is beginning to branch off into Aaron being a 'main character' with the whole thing of him gaining independence and becoming a god. But I'm not sure how I feel about that; I'm just interested in where things are going. Secondly, I love the complexity of the story. It's not just good vs evil (it's close but not quite), it's written that some characters are only doing bad because their circumstances. Elena learns that some characters, such as the orphan caretaker, isn't purely bad, they are just put into a situation where they are forced to do bad things. I think that's also where they story is going with the demons, so I hope you use concepts from peace studies and transitional justice in the story. These things really make the story more realistic and enjoyable to read. (3) Character development. Despite a lot of issues with character development in the novel, I believe it was a great addition into the story. Characters feel more real in that they aren't just stagnant in the development of their personalities and overall character. It feels like characters learn from mistakes and also improve combat wise. On the topic of characters feeling more real. I love how even the protagonist characters have conflict with each other. In a lot of stories, characters don't think much and just accept what's happening. But not in this story. They consider their own moral philosophy. They have some disagreements, and they even debate and discuss about what's happening in the story. This is what really makes the story so great. Characters actually have depth and aren't just a group of 'yes men.' It doesn't even matter that sometimes Elena does something stupid or something Aaron doesn't agree with, what matters was that the character had logic and reasoning. And sometimes, after reflection, they figured out what went wrong. (4) World building. I don't have much to say about this, but I think the world that you built is great and fascinating. (5) Technology. This kinda goes into world building, but I decided to separate it. I love the idea of Aaron introducing technology to Elena. It's great and I wish you wrote more about it. I really hope you lean into something kind like Release That Witch. I'm not expecting anything on that level, but just utilize the fact that Aaron is from a different world in the story. Otherwise, it would be pointless for him to have all that knowledge from his past life. I'm sure there are more positives, but I can't think of anything else at the moment. I would say update stability is good, but I honestly don't know. I'm just assuming it's decent. Anyways, if I think of anything else, I'll add a comment. Finally, I study political science, international affairs, and economics (I mainly focus more towards peace studies/transitional justice and human rights). If you would like to ask me any questions about those topics for the story, feel free to reach out. I want to see this story become #1. Keep up the good work author, sincerely, A loyal reader.

LV 2

Crockodilee

I dont think I have ever seen a book writen in this fashion before, and it honestly works! Loving the overall building of the world, even though the first few pages were a little confusing. I cannot wait to see what else this book has to offer!

LV 2

Nah_U_Stupid

Wow... [img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]

LV 3

Tekatokikata

The story is amazing, this power system is different and unique, makes me like it a lot, almost makes me want to write something similar, but credit is where credit is due, and nice job, I will be waiting for the next upcoming chapters keep up the good work!

LV 14

Gabriel_Rodrigues_4008

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