บท 1: God... Hates me???
Isekai; it is a subgenre of fantasy in which a character is suddenly transported from their world into a new or unfamiliar one, usually through the character's summoning, or Death.
YO!
Just your friendly neighborhood degenerate here!
The name's Jack, but you can just call me Jaxx!
So, 'what's the story? What's going on here?' That's probably what everyone reading this is thinking, and that's fair cause I haven't explained a damned thing yet!
Basically, if everyone reading this can be considered a degenerate, then I'm your god!
I've been on a journey for the past 5 years to finish reading "every isekai ever."
Isekai, reincarnation, rebirth, world jumping, memory swap, YOU NAME IT! I've completely dried the wells of the genre and it's subcategories over the years. First it started with a simple anime about people getting stuck in a video game, then to a manga about a slime that ate... everything...
Then everything after that was kinda copy paste with a bit of flare... and lolis... so many fucking lolis. WHY DO ISEKAI AUTHORS LIKE LOLIS SO MUCH ANYWAYS!?
*Ahem...*
Moving on...
Over the years I've come to learn all there is to these things. From every setting imaginable; medieval, fairy tail, elven woods, eastern imperial, videogames, British kingdom settings, king and queens, Yatta yatta, you get it.
Every start imaginable; crippled, with a broken system, with your whole school class, mana, monsters, even starting as a farmer or a god were all possible. although all the romance ones seemed to be the same... every time...
We get it, you're a dutchess and somehow are connected to a toxic sadistic bad boy, but plot twist, he's just a softie! Blegh, I think I'll vom...
Either way, from all of this I have leant very important (next)life tips! Being degenerates yourselves, I can imagine all of you are either bored already or super interested to hear my big research results!
So read up kids!
1. I want to be isekai'd
2. It'd be better if I was isekai'd
3. PLEASE GOD JUST ISEKAI ME
4. If you were sent to a new world in your current body you would most likely die instantly unless if you were a)blessed by god or b)have a system.
due to your immune system being compromised, your lack of common sense, under developed muscles/body, the lack of needed organs to live in that world (no dantian or ability to wield mana) aaannnd idk, probably you'd start a plague or something, not sure. Point is, you'd need a new body.
...
Pretty awesome right? No? Yea I thought so...
Now, about me, my whole life I've been seen as the annoying kid, I have a decent body I'd say, maybe just under average in looks with probably right on the line of average IQ. I hated these facts growing up, it infuriated me that I wouldn't be able to achieve anything meaningful in life like this.
I would either need to go to college and work as something simple that I have no interest for like being a mechanic or electrician, or work in an office if(IF) I managed to get a family one day...
BORRINNNNGGG~
However being completely average makes me a perfect candidate for being isekai'd!!
Seriously god, what kind of shitty world building is this?! Put me into one of those world building isekai and i'll prove that I could probably do better! Humph!
*Bading!*
"Next stop Young and ...."
Ah, it's my stop.
As Jaxx stood up to start leaving the bus. Bumping his shoulders a few times on the way out, he stumbled about like a drunkard... The truth of his appearance is actually because he was up all night reading isekai...
.....
...
Hey, God here!
Jack... or 'Jaxx' IS A COMPLETE LIAR!!
God he's annoying! So annoying I'm using my own name in vain!!
Day in day out, he sits at home reading web novels, light novels and manga.
"What's wrong about that?"
He's complaining about my beautiful and perfect world the whole time he's doing it!! I mean he seriously just does. not. stop!
"Man, our god couldn't even make mana"
"If only we had cat girls!"
"There aren't even dungeons in our world!"
THERE ARE LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF HIDDEN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN TEMPLES!!
sigh...
Sorry about that, where was I... Oh right, he's incredibly ungrateful!!
And so~ I've decided to set up a tea shop right here in his apartment and welcomed all of my esteemed guests! There are some seriously amazing people present today, such as~ (but not limited to)
Mother earth!
<Hello~>
The beast lord!
{Mm, Hello}
And of course the "wizard" of wisdom! Go on, say hello "wizard."
[It's mage! Call me mage!!]
Right right, sorry sorry~
[Besides, why explain this all when that seemingly respectable guy isn't even here yet!?]
OIOI, Did you just call that twerp respectable?! That lowlife?!
<Please don't fight you two~>
{I smell him.}
That's creepy
[That's totally weird]
<Even I think that's strange~>
.....
...
While walking back to my boring old apartment, I was trying to find more Isekai to indulge in. Scrolling through twelve different websites at once trying to find ones that followed my 'Great Isekai Adventure's' reading rules that were simple and easy to follow;
The manga must have more than 10 total chapters released, not be centered around food, not snuff or overly ecchi, avoid futuristic isekai but if you read the description then you must read it, and finally... If there were too many lolis, simply move on and give up on that series and author... FOREVER!!
SIMPLE!
While walking up the old rusted metallic steps I couldn't help but feel like something was watching me... It seriously freaked me out but I decided to ignore it, after all ignorance is bliss!
Or so I thought...
After jingling my keys and turning the door handle to enter my apartment it was as if everything around me had stopped, only the door still moved and colour had faded from all but my room and me.
When it finally fully opened I couldn't help but notice that it wasn't my house... It looked like a long ordinary café but with only one long white and green clothed table stretching across the whole hallway-like café. With white walls made of a mysterious material and an overall empty and blank feeling to the room, I could only have one idea as to what was going on...
"ISEKAI!!!!"
I ran through the door excitedly only for my whole body to freeze in place. The door behind me closed, and the room started shrinking and changing around me, forming a small circular table that I had to crouch onto my knees to sit at. The slightly designed café like room suddenly became a white void with several floating indistinguishable shapes in front of me.
It's happening! I can't believe it's finally happening!
I wonder what kind of isekai it'll be?? Maybe I'll have a system? What if it's a cultivation one? Maybe being a beast would be cool!
-Oi~-
A voice resounded through the whole room, shaking Jaxx' being to the core, snapping him out of his train of thought.
This must be God! Right?! It's God right?!
-Your starry eyes are as annoying as I thought...-
"Eh?"
-Listen twerp, I will be perfectly honest with you here, so listen up, well and good.-
"R- Right!"
Jaxx had no choice but to zip his mouth shut, sit up straight and listen to the majestic voice with ears full of anticipation.
-I hate you and want to anything but 'Isekai' you, got it?-
"ha-?"
As if his whole world crumbled around him, Jaxx simply slumped his thoughtless head to his shoulder with his jaw dropped to his chest, drooling in pure dumbfound stupidity.
-Listen twerp, day in day out, you complained to me and hated me for my beautiful work creating this universe! Honestly I'm sick of it! The worst part is that I can't even kill you because your soul would still be lingering around...-
Jaxx remained seated somehow looking more stupid than before, now with his arms hanging at his sides and leaning back as if he had just been killed.
But the god ignored his current condition and continued ranting.
-Honestly it would piss me off too much to have you actually reincarnate in my universe, so I'm gonna offer you a deal instead.-
"Ha?!"
As if he just jumped out of a coffin, Jaxx jumped forward onto the table with glowing eyes, this is it! God was offering him a deal! Just how great could it be-?
-I'm gonna send you to my brother's universe in the worst situation I can imagine. If you can make it out of that situation then I will give you a small reward and let you live on as you please so long as you complete the missions assigned to you.-
SYSTEM!
Jaxx ignored every word of warning the god gave him and simply jumped to a conclusion without confirming anything, nodding his head like a woodpecker accepting God's offer in an instant.
<I'll be your guide for the beginning then~>
A sleepy looking woman wearing green with a curvy body and motherly expression slowly sat down in front of him as she seductively(sadistically) grinned and leaned her slender chin onto her right palm.
"ha- A- *ahem* yes! hello!"
Will this sexy lady actually be my system?! No way this is happening, this is unreal!!
-Mother earth here deserves a vacation so I decided to let her use you for entertainment purposes-
Enter... tain...
Jaxx' brain malfunctioned from the mere thought of... well you know.
<Nothing like that will be happening, I'll simply use you as a vessel to look around, so make sure to keep me interested ok~?>
Jaxx woke up from his stunned state with a slightly disappointed look on his face but he threw his head back and forth nodding regardless.
-Alright, although I seriously hate your guts, I'll warn you one more time so you better listen up twerp-
As mother nature started to stretch out her slender arms Jaxx couldn't help but not be completely focused, but he tried his best regardless, only soaking up about 50% of what was actually said
-It's danger... no syst... she won't help but can still... the world looks ruthless... the nature there is unyielding! and lastly, if my brother finds out about your existence our connection will be cut and you will be there without being able to talk to or contact me-
Jaxx started paying attention about half way through but he felt that considering how important the last thing he said was, it probably held the most weight and should be the only thing he cares about...
He was very wrong and should have payed attention...
-If you think that connection is going to get cut, kill yourself immediately so that Mother nature can get out-
"Wait, kill myself?"
Jaxx was shocked at the sudden demand and posed the first question he had asked to this point. No way would he just kill himself just when he finally got the isekai he had been begging and waiting for all his life!
<Dont worry, I would just force myself out and return, it's fine~>
"That... sounds like it would kill me..."
-That's cause it would-
<Instantly, yes>
Oi...
-Anyways! I'm quite busy and bored of your face so I'll send you two off now. Ah, make sure to change his appearance AFTER you get there ok? Then it will hurt more. hehe he-
the voice slowly got quieter and quieter but Jaxx only got more and more concerned. His head quickly darting at the beauty to his left to start begging her not to listen to him, but she simply looked back at him with what he could now finally recognize what was a sadistic and sinister smile spread across her face instead of the sexy grin he first thought it was.
DAMN BEAUTY GETTING IN THE WAY AGAIN!
With that being his last thought he suddenly felt his vision turn black and his consciousness turn to mush as everything around him disappeared.
[Have fun, and don't get him killed until it's my turn you hear?]
{Rip him to pieces mercilessly if you think you got caught.}
<I'll be fine! It seems like I'll be having lots of fun~>
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