บท 8: Chapter Eight.
I stare up at the large building, feeling myself grow smaller and smaller as time passes. By now the sky is beginning to darken as the start of nightfall arrives. Street lamps spark to life, illuminating the area around me. Cars zoom past behind me, drivers desperate to get into the comfort of their own home.
"Come on Bella," I urge myself, taking a few steps towards the doors. My hands and legs begin to shake and the voice in the back of my head keeps screaming for me to turn back around. . . Seclude myself in the safety of my bedroom. I breathe deeply, wiping my hands down my workout leggings to get rid of the sweat building on my palm.
"You can do this, your comfort zone will kill you." I whisper, giving myself a pep talk.
How bad can it be? The glass doors of the building opens suddenly and I come face to face with a woman in her early twenties. A gym bag is slung over her shoulder and her face is red and blotchy signalling she's had a good workout. She holds the door open, giving me a small smile —
"Are you going in?" She asks me, slightly out of breath. Her chest rises heavily up and down as she waits for my reply. I automatically nod, running forward to grab hold of the door.
"Thank you," I whisper, watching her walk off towards a parked car.
Hot air greets me from the inside of the gym lobby and I swallow the lump in my throat, entering the room. The door swings shut behind me and I jump, feeling startled. I glance around at the walls that are painted a bright blue, pictures of fitness models covering the walls with motivational quotes underneath. The lobby is empty and I walk further inside, looking around for the directions to the gym room.
A large arrow pointing down a corridor with the word 'GYM' in red block letters catches my eye and I head towards the direction, ignoring the wobble in my legs.
I hold my head up high, faking confidence even though on the inside I'm absolutely terrified. I warily head straight for the glazed double doors on the end of the corridor making out shadowy figures behind it. My heart is racing wildly against my chest and I can hear the thump, thump, thump of it in my ears.
Just ignore everyone and head straight for the machines. . . You can do this Bella!
I mentally prep myself and grip onto the door handle, pulling it back in one swift movement. I'm instantly delved into a busy atmosphere, loud music booming from the speakers in the corner. The area to my right has four or five treadmills lined up against the wall. Three of the treadmills are occupied, people running in unison together almost as if they belong in a gym advert.
Opposite that are exercise bikes along with yoga mats. A bunch of posters showing the correct stretching positions cover the walls. I turn my head, feeling my throat dry up as I inspected the left side.
Rows of shelves with different sized steel weights covered the walls along with machines that I've never seen before. A dozen of bulky males are huffing as they struggle to lift the bars and conquer the leg machines. All I can see is a vision of muscular arms, gym vests and plenty of male body hair.
Their faces are staring straight ahead, a look of determination written all over them. Eyes glazed over as they carried out each rep, pausing before continuing as they strived for perfection and success. This side of the gym is extremely intimidating to someone like me who'd never set foot in a gym before. The stench of testosterone in the gym is overwhelming and if it wasn't for a female running on the treadmill, I would have guessed it was a males only gym. I ignore the few burning looks I'm getting and head straight for the treadmills which is one of the only machines I know vaguely how to work.
I stand onto the treadmill that is the furthest away from everyone else and stare at the screen in front of me, feeling my body already heat up with sweat. My hands are clammy as I position them onto the handlebars causing them to slip. I close my eyes for a brief second, composing myself.
I can do this, I've ran before. Easy.
I turned the speed up, watching as the countdown on the screen begins.
Three, two, one . . .
The machine springs to life underneath me and I quickly walk forward in panic that I'd go too slow and fall off the edge. I keep the speed the same as I scroll through my phone, searching for a good song that can get me pumped up and motivated.
I pop my ear buds in and turn the volume right up, blocking out the noise from the people around me. Taking a deep breath, I begin to speed up the settings, focusing on keeping my legs moving forward. They don't feel very strong and I'm afraid if I stop, they'd turn to jelly causing me to tumble to the ground.
I begin to relax as I stare ahead, feeling my body and mind getting lost into my own world. My thoughts are whirling around in my head as my legs kept going, faster and faster. Beatrice and her friends are the main problem on my mind and I turn the speed higher, forcing my legs to speed up.
They think I'm ugly and fat, a freak.
I'm desperate to show them that I can change. I can become someone like them, beautiful and popular. My chest is beginning to burn as I struggle to keep going. I can feel my legs shaking underneath me and I wheeze, gripping onto the handles of the treadmill tightly. An image of my stomach flashes through my mind and I grit my teeth tightly, blocking out the voice that's telling me to stop.
Keep going. Don't stop.
I run faster and faster, my face straining in pain as I feel every muscle in my body burn and scream in protest for me to stop. Suddenly I feel my foot miss the belt of the treadmill as my knees buckle, giving in underneath me. My body smacks hard onto the belt and comes to a sudden halt due to the emergency stop feature. My phone falls to the ground alongside me and I squeeze my eyes shut as pain flares up my body. My legs sting, my back muscles burn but my pride is equally as hurt.
"Hey, are you okay?" I hear a voice right beside me. I open my eyes and find a gym coach leaning down beside me, his eyes full of concern. He holds out his hand for me to take and I take hold of it, feeling tears prick my eyes. My body is immediately pulled up and I struggle to stand on my own two feet from the uneasiness in my legs.
"You overdid it, have you only just started running?" He asks, picking up my phone from the floor and handing it to me. I take it from him as I nod, answering his question. On quick inspection, my phone doesn't look to be damaged and I release a breath of relief. My body is still burning and I'm struggling to breathe properly due to the tight feeling in my lungs.
"Sorry," I mumble, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. The gym coach gives me a small sympathy smile, placing his hand on my shoulder.
"Next time you come in here, ask for a guide on how to use the machines. We're always happy to help."
I nod numbly, feeling my embarrassment rise. I did know how to use the machine properly, I just went too fast for a beginner.
"Thanks, I w-will do." I mumble, watching him walk away and sit behind a desk in the corner. I notice the intense stares from two or three people around me. I immediately head towards the exit, frightened that the tears in my eyes are threatening to spill in public.
I'm such a failure at everything.
As I'm leaving, I catch someone staring at me from the corner of my eye. I quickly glance in their direction and become rooted to the spot as my eyes connect with Brody's piercing stare. He holds a weight in either hand, his emotion expressionless.
Beside him, a tall guy with dirty blonde hair is also staring in my direction, his lips curled up in a smirk. The guy notices me looking and burst out laughing, nudging Brody and shaking his head in amusement. I immediately drop my head down towards the floor, feeling my body heat up red raw from embarrassment. I don't wait to see Brody's reaction.
They both watched me fall.
I quickly run towards the door, pushing it back and heading out of the lobby into the fresh cold night air. My lungs tighten considerably and I gasp for air like a fish out of water. The cold winter air whips around me and a drop of rain falls from the sky onto my face. It's followed by another and another until I'm drenched from head to toe.
It's almost as if the sky is crying for me to spare me from doing so. My legs don't stop running until I'm safely back at home, tucked up in bed with my blankets surrounding me.
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