Hikigaya’s Route to Senior High Is Not Normal, As I Expected
นักเขียน: 12thirtypain03© WebNovel
บท 1: Everyone’s a Hypocrite
Hikigaya's Route to Senior High Is Not Normal, As I Expected
"The truth is, the hypocrisy of humans is everywhere." – Jeremy Griffith.
…
Hikigaya's POV
…
Youth is nothing but a lie. A complete sin. A façade.
One that often is used to allow and justify the so-called freedom some may receive. Those who are lucky, those who are privileged.
Youth is not universal.
The benefits of being taken care of, having to worry nothing about the world, are not equal. It is a gift, a privilege, something you either receive, or don't.
Youth is reckless.
The time for you to be able to do stuff, and the consequences of your actions wouldn't, and shouldn't hurt others.
If Hachiman Hikigaya were to explain anything about youth, it would be, that…
Youth is nothing but hypocrisy. A lie. A sin.
The symbols of failures kids may suffer are almost seen as something reminiscing, something proud, something that is not worth a consequence.
But alas, that isn't something everyone else can have.
Behind the acronym of youth, it can hide anything they want. Any semblance of gang ties, violent nature, past crimes, failures, anything that can impact an adult, is distorted by those younger.
And don't give me that explanation that a kid's brain is less developed than an adult. It doesn't justify anything a kid does. The worst of the worst a kid can do can equal what an adult can do.
Hachiman has heard it all. He has heard of the justification for letting children get away with anything they want, even if it was at the expense of others. Hachiman would know it.
The figures of two girls immediately went to Hachiman's mind, which only resulted in the normally frowning Hachiman's face turning more into one of disgust and anger. His eyes said it all.
Usually looking like a dead fish, Hachiman's eyes were often the point of contention for everything. Even those behind the scenes called him Fish 8. Because of his strong affinity to the number 8, and the fish-like eyes he had.
Hachiman hated it. He hated the fact that youth was justified in allowing them to push him around.
Especially the girls. Hachiman hated it. He hated how the Youth were exempt from all sorts of responsibilities, just because they were young.
He didn't have that privilege, and he came out mostly fine. He had to work his way up to where he was now. Was it because he was a man?
Hachiman wasn't sure. But what he did know was that all the stuff he did was to help girls. And for the most part, they either left him or insulted him.
"Damnit, now I am thinking back to those moments…" Hachiman sighed.
But to explain it all, those who do not sing the praises of youth are where true justice lies. The world is not all sunshine and rainbows, and some people must work themselves to the brink, only to be screwed over numerous times.
He should know this both from personal experience and overall observations. Seeing the saddened look on some of the happiest people he knew, despite the fact they worked hard to live up to expectations, only for them to be thrown away.
The world was too unfair and too dark for honest people. While Hachiman could go on a whole rant about how cruel the world was.
And while apart of Hachiman wanted to rant specifically on the selfishness of girls he had encountered, he decided to hold back on that. He knew the trouble he would be in if he said that.
However, Hachiman knew that especially at this time, he would stay away from women. All his struggles had been caused by women, and he certainly wasn't going to try his luck ever again.
Therefore, based on all of that, in Hachiman's mind, those who enjoy "Youth," should just go and freaking die.
He hated the privileged. He hated those who took everything for granted. He hated women because all his suffering and hard struggles were caused by them. All they did was play with his feelings, and then destroy and leave you. He hated society for how it tried to portray itself as a perfect world, and that people who don't conform are seen as mentally ill and in need of help.
But most of all, he hated himself. Hated himself for the failure of responsibilities he had.
He didn't deserve the place he was now. He didn't even think he deserved to be alive.
But alas, he lived. But he didn't know why, or for who?
He used to have people he cared for and tried to work hard for, but now he had to work for himself. For his wellbeing.
He used to work for the people he cared for, but now he works to spite those who have wronged him. Especially all those in Junior High.
Just thinking of the experiences and everything made Hachiman angry. Even when he was free from that prison, he just came out to a larger prison. A place where he couldn't escape, and only violence came as the guard telling Hachiman to stay put.
He hated it. But alas, while he did have someone who helped him escape, Hachiman doesn't feel worthy of going back to him.
He had already failed him, so why should he go back to someone whom he's failed?
It wasn't supposed to go like this. Hachiman wasn't supposed to be here, nor even be seen as a son in the eyes of him.
"I don't deserve to have any connection with you…" Hachiman looked down, as he stood outside, in the city of Chiba, looking at a smaller, calmer side of the city.
It was almost as if Hachiman was staying just outside the place he was referring to. The place he felt was not a home for him, even if the other person insisted.
He didn't deserve it.
"I don't deserve it…" Hachiman said, and with a large bout of internal struggling, he chose to walk back in the direction he came from, away from where he wanted to go.
It was currently March, nearing the end, and Hachiman didn't know what to do.
He had completed Junior high, was fifteen, almost sixteen, and he didn't know what to do with his life. He had no aspirations of going further in education.
His educational life was nothing but misery. His primary school days were just of him being completely average. Considering the circumstances, Hachiman was completely unsure how he was able to be in the middle of the class in terms of grades. Either the kids in Chiba were stupid, or he was highly adaptable.
Going into Junior High was a lot more complicated. During the first year, numerous accidents occurred which caused him to barely pass his exams and classes for the first year. However, external circumstances also allowed him to massively improve during the second year.
He had gone from barely passing to being above average and smart. He was able to show his educational capabilities. It was clear that Hachiman had immense intellect and social knowledge, surprisingly considering his absence of social contact to those in school.
Of course, this changed somewhat in the second year, but by the third year, an incident had caused Hachiman to really focus instead on his studies.
It was what Hachiman was told to do after everything. And so, he did.
While he always struggled in Mathematics and was okay in the Sciences, he clearly had a gift in learning English and Civics. It was clear from his marks that he was gifted, but academically couldn't show it to the best of his abilities.
Those who knew Hachiman knew he was incredibly smart, but incredibly closed off to others, showing nothing but hatred, especially to girls. However, those closer to Hachiman could see that he had external circumstances regarding to how it impacted how he could perform.
However, and only known to Hachiman himself, he was suffering.
Perhaps everyone suffers to an extent. But for Hachiman, he couldn't deny that however he thought was the result of what he'd been through. He had hatred for everyone who had impacted him.
His parents, the people in his school, and even the people who ruined his parents' life.
But even through then, he couldn't ask the people he cared or respected for pity or help. He was already too lost and not worthy of other's attention of care.
He had accepted that. And he was fine with it.
Considering everything he had to do, he just wanted to work for himself. Work to secure.
Before, he would always talk about how working was to lose, but now, Hachiman saw it differently.
If you ever want to see some kind of change, then you better do it yourself.
…
As the climate of Japan slowly began to warm up and feel nicer, Hachiman felt conflicted. On the one hand, the outside always gave him a sense of peace.
However, he also had to worry about being vulnerable. He hated the feeling of something not being right. Perhaps he was used to things falling apart in front of him.
Even then, he somewhat hated how he always returned to doing the same things repeatedly.
Another thing he hates about himself.
As his dead, fisheyes stared outside at the ocean, as he was on the coastline, he was approached by someone he didn't think would find him again.
Hachiman's eyes widened as he clearly wasn't expecting to see this.
"T-Teruo…?" Hachiman asked slowly, as if confirming if the man he was seeing was indeed, here.
Aoki gave a small, sad smile as he nodded. "Yes, Hachiman, and please, call me Aoki…"
Hachiman looked to the side, avoiding the face as all it did was produce guilt in Hachiman's mind.
Aoki Teruo was a man in his early 30s, almost being around 31 years of age. Still, he looked like a man who had lost everything.
Because he did.
And it was all because of Hachiman.
Hachiman didn't know why the man right here was still searching for him. After what Hachiman did, he couldn't accept nor deserve what Teruo would give him.
"Hachiman…" Aoki tried once again, and this time his voice filled him with even more guilt.
Hachiman couldn't ignore this person. He was one of the few people he held a deep sense of respect for due to his resilience and fair personality.
He didn't hold anything against Hachiman, even when the younger boy felt he deserved.
"Yes… Aoki…?" Hachiman responded at last. Right now, he had chosen to sit down just watching the waves of the water slowly creep up as high tide was slowly setting in.
Aoki slowly walked over, sitting down next to Hachiman but at a safe distance. "How have you been?"
"That's what he's been wanting to ask me after all of this?!" Hachiman asked himself with a small, surprised expression in his head. "Shouldn't I be the one asking if he's been alright?"
Hachiman sighed, looking down, a hint of shame, "I've… been living…"
Aoki sighed, "I know. You left two weeks without any message. You just abruptly left…"
"How did you find me?" Hachiman asked Aoki, the main question coming to his mind.
Aoki chuckled slightly, "You know that I've learned a lot about you, Hachiman… From the moment I found you as a trapped soul amongst a bad group of crowds, to taking you in and your overall behaviour and moving patterns, I'd known you would be hanging out around the coastline away from the major areas of Chiba."
Hachiman silently cursed both himself, for being so predictable, and Aoki, for knowing him so well, and still trying to find him.
"I see…" That was all Hachiman could say. What else could he say? He really didn't know.
Whenever he tried to speak to Aoki, he just had this sense of overwhelming guilt. He wanted to say the elephant in the room, but he felt he knew what would happen.
"So… why did you go all this way to try and find me?" Hachiman asked at last.
Aoki smiled at the question. "Straight to the point as always, Hachiman… It reminds me of the times I spent with you at the dojo…"
Hachiman's heart felt a bit stricken by that memory as his head looked down, shame evident that he was hiding. "There's nothing left for me there anymore… Nothing but shame by my inability to fulfil my responsibilities…"
Aoki's usually easy face turned to one of a saddened frown, as if he had disagreed with everything Hachiman had said. "That's not true, boy, and you know it…"
Hachiman shook his head, "I refuse to believe it… How can I believe you hold no resentment for me when I could have changed what happened…?"
Aoki then placed a hand on Hachiman's shoulder. "Because I watched you grow from that troubled child with an unsure future to one with more confidence in what he was capable of… When I saw the grades of both your second and third year, they had massively improved from your first year…" He smiled at Hachiman.
It was true. Whereas in first year, Hachiman had barely passed most his courses, the highest being his English and Japanese courses with a 72, his sciences with a 66, and his math at a barely acceptable 52, by second year, he had gotten 90s on his English and Japanese, a direct 80 on his sciences, and a low 70 for math.
By third year, he had scored a perfect 100 on both English and Japanese, and even did well in sciences. Sure, his math grade was always a problem, but he still scored an 80, which was still good.
Regardless, Hachiman's grades had improved immensely, showcasing both his adaptability and intellect.
In the end, Aoki then pulled out something from his pocket. "This… is the final thing I want you to take from me."
Immediately, Hachiman shook his head, "No… I refuse to take it… You've already given me enough of a support, I cannot accept this when I couldn't help you…"
But Aoki insisted. "That doesn't matter. You've helped me more than enough, and you've even managed to assist and help me reach heights due to your hardwork and dedication. You've done so much for me that I pretty much see you as my son."
That seemed to have surprised Hachiman, as he steeled himself from crying. He didn't deserve to be considered a son. He was too much of a liability to be considered one.
But alas, he listened to Aoki.
"I see you as my son, and I've watched you over for over three years… How could I hate you and neglect you the right to be cared for?"
"Aoki is too much of a nice person for this world… No wonder he's left like this… All alone with nobody…" Hachiman sighed in apprehension as Aoki placed a forum and letter on Hachiman's lap.
"Take this as another token of appreciation from me. A continuation of what you must do." Aoki explained as Hachiman slowly opened the letter.
"What the…" Hachiman stared at the letter with surprise.
Aoki smiled. "That is an invitation to Advanced Nurturing High School." He explained, which confused Hachiman.
"What."
Aoki chuckled seeing Hachiman's confused face. "It's a senior high school created by the Japanese government, for the young graduate students that will eventually lead the country forward."
Hachiman looked a bit skeptical, "How come I've never heard of it?"
"It's in downtown Tokyo, but from what I know, it's a closed off senior high school with a very high employment and college entry rate." This immediately made Hachiman very skeptical of that.
"How…?" Hachiman asked curiously, his face now turning to see Aoki's directly.
Aoki's face turned to nervousness before he admitted, "I don't know."
Hachiman looked on, eyeing the details. "I didn't have a plan to go to Senior High…" Hachiman explained, because he didn't think he would have the capabilities or support to do so. However, Aoki had managed to do such a thing, behind Hachiman's back, even when the younger boy insisted that he wasn't worth the extra help.
Alas, here he was. Hachiman didn't want to accept another gift from Aoki. After all, he had already done so much for him, and Hachiman had failed to do anything and help him back in return.
Therefore, he only decided to do this, not because he felt grateful, but rather because his guily told him that this could be his final chance to actually do what Aoki wanted him to do.
…
Please let me know what you think about this so far in the reviews. Chapters will be a lot shorter, around 2.5k to 3k to reflect the recommended amount for webnovels. But at the very least uploads should be a lot more frequent.
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