บท 66: Part LXVI

It's been a week since I've been back but it really doesn't feel like it. Time goes by really slowly lately and I don't even look forward to the next, afraid of what another day might bring to the party. With Sean's help, I'm completely healed of every pain and my burnt and bruised skin now looks just like it was before the incident.

That's the only help he's rendered, keeping his distance from me like I'm a moving curse or something close. He seems to be terrified of me, or what I've become. I find most things funny but that shouldn't be a problem, should it? It's way better than self pity and crying, now even pain won't make me cry. I tried it myself, put a knife through my own thighs and the pain reminded of how that lady constantly brutalized me in a funny way.

He came in and found me laughing with a knife in my thigh, his facial expression was even funnier!.

I'm not insane. I'm completely normal, just in a really crazy way. Zara and Joe came to see me yesterday and they had sadness and pity in their eyes when they saw me but once they saw my legs, it was nothing but fear and surprise. After Sean's consistent effort, I felt no more pain there but the incisions remained glaring and that's his biggest fear.

Those words make him scared of me for some reason, he seems to recognise them. Either it's the words that scare him, or the writer, or me, I have no idea but I miss him.

"Play with me."

Three words boldly written on both my legs, words that are stuck with me for life just like the beautiful scars I gave myself. I've come to realise there really is nothing to be ashamed of, we all have scars either physically or not.

I'll carry mine like a badge of honor. I've been through a lot and I survived, I'm the strongest woman there is and these scars would suffice in proving my point.

"Hey." Sean's deep voice cuts me out of my string of thoughts and I smile looking at him sit on the cushion in a corner of the room close to the really large window.

"Hey!" I say cheerily, happy to see him, "you know, this reminds me of when I just got here and how you'd ghost up on me for days then appear on the couch."

"Yeah." he says with a weird look on his face and I reach to touch his arm. He doesn't flinch but tenses up and balls his fists, obviously uncomfortable by my closeness.

"Is everything okay?" I ask feeling concerned and confused at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah sure," he says nervously and subtly removes his arm from my hold, hurting me slightly.

I hate being rejected. "I should be asking you that, are you okay?"

"Well," I say frowning a little, "I was fine until you came and ruined my mood."

"I did?" He asks sounding really weird. It's not like Sean to be this nervous and scared.

"Do I frighten you?" I ask, folding my arms and his eyes widen a little.

"No!" He says a little too defensive then clears his throat and continues calmly, "no babe. I'm just really worked up with the casualties we got from the war and other kingdom matters."

"Nothing to do with me?" I ask still not completely convinced.

"Nothing at all." He assures me and I smile widely

"Then I should help."

"Huh?"

"I'm Queen, aren't I?" I ask and sit in his lap, putting my forehead on his, "then I should rule alongside the King, my husband."

"Y-yes you should," he looks really uneasy and I frown at that. "But you need rest to fully recover."

He's been this way since he saw my legs, why?.

Does it mean anything to him? What connection does he have with it?

"Do you know her?" I blurt out an unsettling question that's been bugging my mind for days. I have a strong intuition this mark means something to him.

"What?" He asks nervously and stands up, making me sit back on the couch but I get up immediately, facing him.

"Don't play dumb with me Sean, I'm smarter than that and you know it. What does these words mean to you?" I ask with all seriousness but he avoids my eyes, running his hand through his hair looking like a cat on a hot tin roof.

"How could I possibly know her Crys, you didn't even get to see her face." He denies it and sits on the bed.

"She made a statement," I say recalling what she said and his curious eyes find mine immediately, "I asked her what she wants from me and she said it's not me she wants something from."

His face goes pale immediately and he rubs his palms together, unable to hide his edginess.

"Talk to me Sean," I crouch in front of him and turn his face to look at mine, "who's she?"

"I don't know her, okay!" He yells and stands up abruptly, pushing me a little making me fall to my butt.

"Then why do these words scare the fuck out of you, huh?!" I yell back in response and he looks at me frustrated.

"They do not."

"Then I do?" I go close to him and he retreats a little, "I scare you? Why? Are my scars too much for you to handle or did I look that bad when you found me that I give you nightmares?"

"No babe -"

"No?!" I cut him off feeling really annoyed already, "you don't spend time with me. You don't touch me. You don't even come close to me and when I do, you get all nervous and jumpy. Tell me what the fuck else all that means except that you're freaking scared of me!!"

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"It's not about you, okay?! This world doesn't fucking revolve around you and not everything has something to do with you!!!". His earth trembling voice scares me but not as much as his words hurt me.

This isn't my Sean, he's changed. Just like Dylan changed. Would I have to kill this one too? That'd be amazing. By then, I can be called "the husband killer" or "the murdering wife". Such funny titles.

Tears form in my eyes as I look at him and he realises his words hit me, his face goes sad and he reaches out to touch me but I move away, giggling.

Funny how tables turn. It's my turn to reject his touch now.

"I'm sorry." He breathes out and I start to laugh.

What is he sorry for exactly? There's nothing to be sorry about! I'm perfectly fine.

"Stop it Crystal." He says and brings me to his chest while I keep laughing and tears keep flowing down my cheeks. Why is he asking me to stop laughing? Should I rather cry and be sad? No, I prefer happiness. It's simpler.

"Please stop, I beg you." He says and as I feel his tear drop on my neck, my laughter ceases. A tear from Sean is the last thing I ever thought I'd see.